Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Male Bashing?

We live in a great country where anyone can say what they want and express themselves freely. Recently, I’ve come across so many blog posts that bash men. I’m sure many of these men were probably douche bags and deserve the criticism. On a daily basis I read many blogs written by ladies and I respect all of you for your opinions and experiences. I find your insight on life very thought provoking and informative. But, for a minute here, I have to ask that you see the other side of things.

Have any of you ladies ever taken a step back and thought that maybe some of these guys are the way they are because they’ve gone through the torture and torment of a crazy ass bitch? Sure, many men are scumbags. They were born that way and they will die that way. They were raised to treat women like shit and they always will. I must say though, that there are many good guys out there. Good guys that deal with and go through the same stuff you describe, the only difference is that it’s dealt to us by women of the same caliber as these scumbag men you speak of.

We come across women with more baggage than American Airlines and more issues than the Sunday Times. We deal with women who claim they are single, but are attached and are players. We deal with women who say they are emotionally over their last man, only to find out months down the line that they never got over them. We deal with women who are liars, cheats, mentally unstable, stalkers, emotionally abusive, and a host of other poor qualities. The difference is that society thinks because we have a dick in our pants that we don’t have a heart.

Just like you, we hurt when we come across these people. We get jaded and a bit fucked up when we come across one of these women just as you do when you come across a scumbag. We hurt, we feel pain, we get sad, and it affects us. It takes us time to get over this just as it does for you. At times maybe we don’t vocalize the pain or the hurt like many women do, but trust me, it’s there and we feel it.

This post isn’t an attempt to defend men who don’t deserve to be defended. I hope, just as you all do, that they get what they deserve someday. I just hope that you ladies realize that we go through the same issues daily that you do, the only difference with us is that society frowns on us for showing emotion. Yes, women and men have many differences but we also share so much common ground. It’s getting together on that common ground to rid ourselves of these assholes (both men and women) together so we can all be happy and bullshit free. If you are a guy and your male friend treats women like shit, don’t encourage it, call him out on it and tell him to grow the fuck up. Same with the ladies, if one of your girls is fucked up and doing bad shit behind her guy’s back, don’t just laugh it off or encourage it, take a fuckin’ stand. Too many people don’t have the nerve or the courage to tell their friends they are acting in a fucked up way. We let it go and don’t challenge them to act better and the cycle never gets broken.

In closing, I think each person should be treated on a case by case basis. Making broad or sweeping statements about a gender, a race, a religion, or whatever is narrow minded and wrong. All men are not bad just as all women are not bad. We share so much in common, yet we always seem to focus on the differences. Yes, we have and will continue to come across assholes. It’s about learning the warning signs of these people and steering clear of them.

8 comments:

Unknown said...

I have a friend that has ecessive amounts of "sports periphenalia" that went through something you talked about. They are a great person who really didnt need to go through a tortous emotional rollercoaster brought upon them by another person. But I must say this person made it out alive and is better/more vibrant than ever.

Anonymous said...

I love the comment "more baggage than American Airlines and more issues than the Sunday Times"-that's great! No, really, I know someone who treats his/her gf/bf with no respect, cheats, lies and manipulates, and trust me the stories get old...very fast and he/she hears it from his friends and family all the time...you're right C-mac, let's all band together to make the dating scene a better place!

erl said...

Charlie - I totally agree that people should be looked at as individuals. I need that reminder sometimes because when you have a string of bad luck [which I have recently] it's easy to just write off the entire male species. And yes, girls can be extremely f'ed up as well. I'm definitely not denying that.

Anonymous said...

I think there are good and bad in both genders. Like you said, it's a matter of learning to avoid the messed up ones. I don't think people realize how bad they can mess someone up when they don't treat them right. I think you made a good point Mac, I think women think guys get over it much easier than we do, I don't think that's the case though. People are people and we all have emotions.

Jillian said...

You are so right. I see this all the time and its sad that it happens.

supplymadam said...

I used to be a male basher but I grew up!

Steph said...

I hear ya and I agree. I wonder about people's motivation for being with someone who treats them like shit. That's the part that scares me. I have a beautiful friend whose boyfriend treats her horribly, tells her she's "thick" and is just an all around asshole, meanwhile she's beautiful AND sweet and could have any guy she wants. I think her mentality is, "Wow, this guy's really picky, and he chose ME." So she keeps taking the abuse. She also doesn't value herself, obviously. I realize this happens to men, too.
I think it all comes down to people finding their value in other's opinion of them, not from within.

erl said...

Steph - I have to disagree. Your friend is being subjected to emotional abuse, and I highly doubt she's taking it because she doesn't value herself. I'm writing this from personal experience - when a person is beaten down enough times by someone who is supposed to "love" them that person loses all sense of normalicy. When this happened to me, my friends reacted in the same way - they couldnt understand.

Not because they didnt want to, but because they weren't IN it, and couldnt see what was really happening. This can happen even to the strongest willed person.

What your friend probably needs is support and love. Drop a hint once in a while that her boyfriend is a complete and total dickhead, but dont just give up on her b/c she probably needs you more now than ever.