April 5th, C-Mac's Perspective

My daily posts here on “Bored At The Beach” are usually comical, observational, or downright silly. Today, April 5th is a significant date in my life and I’d like to share some memories and talk about the most influential person in my life who I lost on this day in 1987. When I was younger, I would hear people talking about how they lost someone close and they thought about them every day. I did not believe that you could think about someone EVERY day long after they passed. The truth is, it’s been 18 years and I have never gone a full day without having a thought or memory of him and how much he meant to me.

My Grandfather on my Mom’s side of the family was the person that most influenced my life. I am named after him (first and middle name) and we shared a special bond from the time I was born. I was fortunate enough to enjoy almost 16 wonderful years with him before he got cancer and passed away in 1987.

He was a painter and worked right up until the age of 76 (the year he passed away). He painted homes, businesses, and just about everything else. He was a master of his craft and taught me how valuable a good work ethic was and how important it was to educate myself. Although he loved his work, he’d always say, “Get an education, work with your mind, not with your hands.” He wanted to see me better myself through education. Either that or I really sucked at painting when I’d help him on jobs and he did not have the heart to tell me. Being Italian, he was from a long line of laborers and wanted his grandson to go to school and have an easier life than he had. I learned so much about having a good work ethic, about interacting with others, about being the best at what you do, and about being compassionate towards others just by going on those jobs with him. But, seeing him work was only part of it.

My Dad is and always was a quiet guy. My Dad did not get too involved in the day to day raising of my brother, my sister, and I. He worked a lot and pretty much let my Mom handle it all. My Grandfather was sort of like my 2nd Father. He’s the one that took me for my first baseball glove, went to my little league games, and spent the “male bonding” time with me growing up. We were always together, Every Saturday my parents would drop us off at my grandparent’s house early in the morning. They would head off to work and we’d spend the day there. After breakfast my brother and sister would always end up hanging out with my grandmother and I’d end up with my grandfather. We’d work outside, go to the stores, and just enjoy the entire day together. Those were some of the best memories and times in my life, those childhood Saturdays. He’d tell stories all day about his childhood, his family growing up, and all kinds of other stories. He’d repeat the same stories over and over, but I didn’t mind. I loved hearing them again.

Most of all, my grandfather was the glue that held the family together. He made sure everyone was there to celebrate the holidays (especially Christmas) the old Italian way. He had a way of bringing people together and he was a natural leader. After he passed there were so many people in the extended family that went their own way and nothing was ever the same.

Many of my values and my “life lessons” were taught to me by him. I hold these dear to my heart after all these years and they made me the person I am today. I learned to love people unconditionally. He taught me to accept people for their shortcomings and do whatever you can for the people you love. Although loving someone no matter what really hurts sometimes and the end result is not always what you want, I would not change that lesson for anything. I learned about being compassionate and respectful towards people, no matter their place in life. I learned that a person’s success is measured by the way they treat others not by their job or by their bank account. I learned how to earn people’s trust and respect through caring, listening, and understanding. He not only spoke of these things, he lived them and taught them by example.

In late 1986 my grandfather injured his foot while on a painting job. He went to the hospital to have it attended to and they ran all kinds of test on him. While there, they discovered and inoperable cancerous tumor in his colon that had spread. My mom and the older relatives knew what this meant. I, being 15, figured he was strong and tough and that he’d beat this with no problem. He deteriorated through the beginning of 1987 and even then I knew I was losing him. I remember the last time I saw him, it was on a Friday evening, April 3, 1987. He said goodbye to me in a very subtle way, as not to upset me. He passed away in the early Sunday morning hours of April 5th, 1987. My mom and her sister were there with him. Through the last two weeks of his life every time I’d go to see him, the same song would always come on the radio. It was a very popular song that Spring of ’87. The song was “Don’t Dream It’s Over” by Crowded House. It just always seemed to be on the radio and the words were kind of fitting. Years later I told my mom about how much that song reminded me of him and my mom freaked out and said it was on the radio in his room when he passed. Eighteen years later, the song still means so much to me.

I know so many people who never got an opportunity to know their grandparents. I was blessed. I am thankful I had the years I had with him. My childhood truly would not have been a happy one without him and his influence. He earned a respect that I’ve never felt for anyone else again. He led by deeds, not just words. If I can earn even half the respect he earned from me and from the people he came in contact with, someday from my children, I’ll be way ahead of the game. I still carry with me those life lessons and try my best everyday to make him proud.

For a long time I thought you had to be a famous musician, athlete, actor, or politician to leave your mark on so many around you. The truth is, you just have to be genuine and compassionate. Most of all, you have to lead by example and let your actions speak louder than your words. Most of the time, you have to put others first and sometimes sacrifice a bit of yourself to love someone unconditionally. No Yankee player or songwriter could ever teach me the real life lessons I learned from him. Eighteen years later, my respect and gratitude for him continue to grow. I hope he’s looking down and smiling, knowing I haven’t forgotten what he taught. Even when I was being a kid and you maybe thought I was not listening, I was, and I’m trying to pass on everything you taught me to the people in my life.

So today, this April 5th I thank him for all he did, for the sacrifices he made, and want to let him know that after all these years and for years to come, he’ll never be forgotten. I am doing my best to pass along what you taught me.