Maybe it was the warm temperatures on Sunday, maybe I just reached a certain point and decided to look ahead. This weekend I made some decisions that will affect me for some time.
Although certain feelings of hurt or pain can't be turned on and off like a light switch, I think we all reach a point where we have to let go of things and look ahead. You can still hurt a bit over someone or something but reach a point where you find the inner strength to move ahead. I know it's time to look ahead.
The winter was full of disappointments. Disappointments that did not have to be, but ones that have altered my thought process and the way I look at things and people. It's difficult when you put so much of yourself into a job, or a person, or whatever, and don't get the results you want. A result that would have been the same no matter what you tried to do. That's the part that sucks. It's better when you fuck something up yourself, then you can kick your own ass and fix things, but when you have NO control over a situation no matter how much you put into it, that's what scars you most. What's made it easier for me to get past it at this point, is the knowledge that I left it all out there and gave every ounce of my being to these couple of situations that did not pan out. Many of my friends have told me for a while now to "just forget it" but can you just forget something or someone you were really passionate about and gave part of yourself to? I don't think I can just forget these types of situations, I can however, move ahead with strength and more wisdom.
My question to pose is this...why do we find ourselves always trying to please love interests, bosses, or others that either don't deserve it or can't see beyond their own world to appreciate what you try to do? Can't these people see how much of yourself that you put into them? Yet, they let you give and give and give and you find out way too late that it was unrecognized or unappreciated. Is it the "challenge" that we are going to somehow change these people and make them better people, is it that we have pity for them, is it our inner philanthropist coming out, what is it? Why do we always seem to give so much to these people or situations? Why are these people and situations always the hardest to get over? Why do we still find ourselves caring about these people and situations even though we shouldn't?
I'm not a guy that does anything half-assed. I take my job, my running, my writing, my cooking, my friendships, my relationships, and everything else I venture into VERY seriously. I am passionate about being successful and giving everything my all. I guess I have to get beyond looking at my efforts with people as a "failure" if things don't work out. There are certain people you just can't get through to no matter what....I just have to accept that.
I realized Sunday that it is time to think of me for a change. No, I have not changed who I am, I'll always be me and give my all to those who deserve it, but you can bet I am going to be a great deal more cautious and a great deal more selective in the process. Peace, at last.
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6 comments:
I have to agree with you that letting go and moving on, aka "just forgetting" is a hard thing to do. I suck at it personally.
I'm glad that you are at a place where you can move on if that is what makes you happy!
Who knows why we always seem to please the impossible...and if you know who knows, please have them tell me.
I think to some extent for me trying to achieve the unattainable is why I go after it as perhaps I am scared of actually having everything that I want and being totally happy. Easier to just go after what I can't have and deal with that disappointment instead of the disappointments that evolve when you have what you wanted. That is my 2 cents of the day...
Two cents well spent Molly, thanks for the insight.
I personally, don't think I "seek out" the impossible, I just seem to find it. I am approached with situations where people or situations misrepresent themselves as attainable and I get sucked into it unknowingly. Once you are in and attached emotionally, it's difficult to get out of....and sometimes you don't want out, you just want to keep trying until you get the result you want. I hate quitting or "failing" at anything.
C-Mac, take comfort in knowing that even though you think these "people" or "situations" did not appreciate you just because the end result was not the ideal result, they did.
As long as I have known you, I've known a guy who's tried to be there for everyone and solve the world's problems. Guess what? You can't! You can still care and do for others, but put your feelings in the mix too. I know that everyone I've personally seen you impact still talks about you years later. You'd never be unappreciated or forgotten.
If there's someone or something out there that you have unresolved feelings or concern for, let them know. Speaking your peace is always best. If you have love in your heart for someone or something, don't hide it and "let go."
I have found myself in so many similar situations. What I have decided is this...I will continue to live my life fully and completely, and that means taking the chance that others will not reciprocate. When you come across those who are unable to return your effort or commitment, or who don't appreciate it, you just have to realize that that's the path they're on. So, yeah, try to recognize that sooner (we all are responsible for learning from our experiences).
I decided years ago to live my life by one premise - sounds simplistic, but harder in action than in theory - I refuse to let anyone else's actions affect my own. I will handle every situation with the same level of love, commitment and integrity regardless of other's actions or reactions because at the end of the day, I'm the only one I truly have to live with.
And think about this...love, commitment, integrity...there are no greater endeavors in life, so why would you ever settle for less?
Thanks Steph and Katie, two more smart women with great insight!
A tough nut to crack but definately worth cracking. It's so refreshing to move forward without letting others keep you down and feeling bad about it. Hell with them and their hangups. I can remember not too long ago I had the same feelings about THOSE same types of people. I'm glad when I can look back now and realize that I have so much more to offer and enough people around me that I care about that I need not torture myself over it.
I'm glad I've moved on and some of those people are still being the jerks that I remember. So here I am not worrying anymore about them and worrying about myself and the ones that matter.If we can get past that it's a great accomplishment and a feeling of inner peace. So to all you people I used to stress over "f@#%! you"
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