Feminine Hygiene Commercials

Back in January, I wrote about how much I despise those erectile dysfunction commercials. I sat through tons of those during the NFL Playoffs and now that baseball is back they are back in force. I Think I may despise the feminine hygiene commercial even more.

Yesterday I was flipping through the channels early. I was watching something on MTV and every other commercial was for a feminine hygiene product. I saw a Tampax tampon commercial yesterday that was quite stupid. This girl and this dude are on a canoe in the middle of a lake. Suddenly, the canoe springs a leak. She reaches for a FULL BOX of Tampax tampons, grabs a single tampon and plugs the hole in the boat. Ok, first of all, what the hell is she doing with a FULL box of tampons in a canoe? Did she think she was climbing aboard the SS Minnow and was going to be gone a long while? She brought enough for Ginger and Maryann as well! I mean what’s the longest you are going to be in a lame ass canoe before you say “This sucks!” and row back to shore, an hour? Secondly, are these tampons for an elephant that it can hold and block the one million gallons of lake water? If you need a tampon that absorbent, I think it’s time for a doctor’s appointment.

Then there’s the good old douche commercial. All of these are the same. You have the Mother and the daughter hanging out and the daughter always says, “Mom, I don’t feel so fresh.” They are usually at the breakfast table. The Mom just so happens to have a douche under the table and whips it out. MMMMM, nothing like French toast and a little Massengil. They then smile and hug and the commercial pans away and shows the product up close and it tells you what scents these come in. Have you heard the name of some of these scents. “Ocean Mist” is one that cracks me up. Have you smelled the ocean lately? I am not sure what girl wants their vagina smelling like the Atlantic. I also get a laugh from the “Mountain Breeze” scent. What exactly does a mountain breeze smell like, raccoon, skunk, pine cone, wood? Not sure you want your vagina smelling anything like those either.

Then there are the Maxi Pad commercials. These maxi pads have gotten pretty high tech huh? Wings, quilts, gas engines, you name it. Then they have to demonstrate how great these maxi pads are by pouring about a quart of this blue liquid on them to show all of us how absorbent these really are. Do we need to see it first hand? I’ll take their word for it.

Erectile dysfunction, herpes medication commercials, douches, maxi pads, tampax….what happened to the Kool-Aid pitcher, The Trix Rabbit, and the Keebler Elves?