1) Trying to get someone to be with you/love you
2) Trying to maintain a relationship/keep someone interested
3) Finding the "right" person for you
4) Trying to "change" someone
5) Stressing out/hoping someone will leave someone else for you
Loves Me, Loves Me Not
THE FIVE MYTHS OF LOVE:
1. THE RIGHT PERSON WILL MEET ALL MY NEEDS.
Even if you have found your "soul mate," one person cannot be the sole source of your satisfaction. That's too big a burden, and impossible besides. Your partner is a human being, not an all-knowing, all-compassionate, love machine. You'll need multiple sources - God, friends, family, a strong sense of life purpose, healthy self esteem, and a willingness to take responsibility for your own happiness.
2. I CAN CHANGE MY PARTNER.
OK, out there, hands up if you've ever tried this one. Did it work? Both men and women fall prey to this delusional temptation. There is only one person you can change. Guess who it is? There's a famous quote, "Be not angry that you cannot make another as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."
3. LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL.
Though love is ultra-powerful in its pure and spiritual form, the feelings we call love can be ultra-fragile in the face of major differences in values, backgrounds, behavioral styles, and personal habits. Courageously face those differences and their practical implications before making a commitment. (I hear a resounding "Amen!" from those who did not!)
4. LOVE IS A FEELING.
I hinted at this one a moment ago. Yes, real love contains feelings, but those butterfly-in-the-stomach, heart-throbbing feelings ebb and flow. Love is a verb. It's about doing - even in those temporary times when you inconveniently don't have wonderful feelings to stimulate the positive action.
5. WE'LL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
There's an additional hidden assumption here: If it's real love, you won't have to work at it. Even the best relationships have potholes, tragedies, and disappointments. As Shakespeare said, "The true course of love will never run smooth." Truth is, a marriage certificate is really a work permit. Sometimes the most important thoughts we have are those that contradict our emotions. In every stage of a relationship, especially in the early stages, love can be blind.
Get real in your expectations, and you can save yourself from many unnecessary disappointments.
7 comments:
The greatest thing I've ever heard about love was a quote about marriage from a friend's wedding. The pastor said that marriage is about two people becoming one and that ONE is the other person. I think that's the key to love. To always put the other person first and to trust them to do the same. It couldn't be easy, but if you can do it, you can't go wrong.
thank you Dr. Phil! :)
There's a reason they say "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!"
That's the key " trying to change someone" Isn't the reason we fell for them to begin with is because of who and how they are?
When you said "Your partner is a human being, not an all-knowing, all-compassionate, love machine." I say speak for yourself sista, I put the Ma...in...chine.
Sugar V is funny. C-Mac I thought you were a looooove machine too! :)
All kidding aside, I know what you meant. Good post!
Here here !
The deal with relationships, 'specially as time goes one, is understanding and respecting that you both go through life seperately as well as together. Things won't always be rose petals and wine, fireworks and fine dining. There's an ebb and flow, give and take that you have to acknowledge.
And hell YEAH, with your list. People have some unfreakinrealistic ideas about what a relationship is and are so quick to throw in the towel over stupid stuff. I call it Microwave Mentality. We're so used to everything coming to us instantly, in every facet of life, that actually being patient and persistent in our relationships is seemingly not an option.
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