It's safe to say that no matter where you were this weekend, you heard a top 100 of all-time countdown on a classic rock station, a pop station, or a disco/dance station. Every year for Memorial Weekend, 4th of July Weekend, and Labor Day Weekend the radio stations compile these "best of" or top 100 countdowns. I usually am in agreement with many of their choices, but there are always a few bands/artists that rank in good spots that I don't feel deserve it. Here is a list of bands/artists that I think are WAY overrated:
NIRVANA- I am so tired of hearing how they changed music! There were so many better bands during that time period. Enough already!
PINK FLOYD- These guys were talented, but I think they get a lot more credit than they deserved. Comfortably Numb, my ass.
AEROSMITH- Great band back in the 70's then it was all downhill. Once they did that "Armageddon" ballad, it was all over. But, they had to make it worse by performing with the Backstreet Boys a few years back during a Superbowl Halftime Show, sell-outs indeed!
REM- I was a fan of REM back in the very late 80's and very early 90's until I realized what whiney bastards these guys are. Overrated and overplayed!
THE GRATEFUL DEAD- I just don't get it........
KISS- With or without the make-up they sucked some serious ass!
STING- The Police were great. The first solo Sting album, good. Now, GIVE ME A BREAK! Enough already!
ELVIS PRESLEY- Yup, I said it. He was not the "King" of anything. He was a good looking guy who got handed songs that he did not write and was told to sing and dance. He was exactly what you are seeing today, good looking people who record companies can market with song and movies. The Beatles were the kings, those guys started it all.......
Who do you think is the most overrated! Let the debate/discussion begin!
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
"Back To Life, Back To Reality"
It was so difficult getting up this morning! Hope you all had a great holiday weekend. Mine was really really good. I had so much fun this weekend. Going out, spending a ton of time outdoors, getting a lot of running in, and bbq's every day, how could I not have had a good weekend? The weather was amazing here for a change!
Sunday Night was a blast. We went to a local outdoor restaurant on the water near the house to see a co-worker's band play. They played from 5:30-9:30 and were pretty good. We stayed for the entire show. So many funny things happened during those four hours.
We get there at 5:15 and we are waiting to be seated when we are approached by the cutest and funniest old couple I have ever met who were also waiting to be seated. They were both 85 and really came out to party. They wound up sitting at the table next to us. They met up with another older couple and were the rowdy bunch early on. They were drinking carafes of wine yelling, "You don't have to be teenagers to know how to have fun." They were singing along with the band and were just hilarious. When their check came, the two old men were wrestling each other for the bill and fighting over who was paying, it was just too funny. When they left they came over to us and said, "Good luck in everything you do in life, God bless you." How adorable are old people? It's good to see people still together after 50+ years of marriage, makes you have hope and really believe in love.
After the old people left, the table was occupied by four really hot girls with two flaming homosexuals. They stayed the rest of the night and were pretty fun. When a disco song was played the gay dudes got up and did these "Broadway" style dances and moves, it was pretty funny.
The highlight of the night was this heavy lady who was bustin' a move all night. About an hour or two into the show, the alcohol must have kicked in and she did a spin move and fell on the stage, it was quite comical. She got back up and danced a song or two then left. She must have been really humiliated.
I like to people watch when I go out. I swear I saw three people that were twins of celebrities all at one place. One woman looked like Star Jones, and the funny part was, she acted like her too. She bitched about the food, the service, the bill, EVERYTHING. She was just miserable. Then sitting next to me on the other side was a girl that could have passed for the actress who plays Meadow Soprano on the Sopranos. I swear she was her twin. Then later on Roseann Barr's twin comes walking in. It was the bizarro celebrity world there on Sunday Night.
The band is playing there again next Sunday Night and I just may have to go again since I laughed so hard all night. :) It was a really great weekend, I'm sad that it's over! Ok, I want weekend stories from all of you!
Sunday Night was a blast. We went to a local outdoor restaurant on the water near the house to see a co-worker's band play. They played from 5:30-9:30 and were pretty good. We stayed for the entire show. So many funny things happened during those four hours.
We get there at 5:15 and we are waiting to be seated when we are approached by the cutest and funniest old couple I have ever met who were also waiting to be seated. They were both 85 and really came out to party. They wound up sitting at the table next to us. They met up with another older couple and were the rowdy bunch early on. They were drinking carafes of wine yelling, "You don't have to be teenagers to know how to have fun." They were singing along with the band and were just hilarious. When their check came, the two old men were wrestling each other for the bill and fighting over who was paying, it was just too funny. When they left they came over to us and said, "Good luck in everything you do in life, God bless you." How adorable are old people? It's good to see people still together after 50+ years of marriage, makes you have hope and really believe in love.
After the old people left, the table was occupied by four really hot girls with two flaming homosexuals. They stayed the rest of the night and were pretty fun. When a disco song was played the gay dudes got up and did these "Broadway" style dances and moves, it was pretty funny.
The highlight of the night was this heavy lady who was bustin' a move all night. About an hour or two into the show, the alcohol must have kicked in and she did a spin move and fell on the stage, it was quite comical. She got back up and danced a song or two then left. She must have been really humiliated.
I like to people watch when I go out. I swear I saw three people that were twins of celebrities all at one place. One woman looked like Star Jones, and the funny part was, she acted like her too. She bitched about the food, the service, the bill, EVERYTHING. She was just miserable. Then sitting next to me on the other side was a girl that could have passed for the actress who plays Meadow Soprano on the Sopranos. I swear she was her twin. Then later on Roseann Barr's twin comes walking in. It was the bizarro celebrity world there on Sunday Night.
The band is playing there again next Sunday Night and I just may have to go again since I laughed so hard all night. :) It was a really great weekend, I'm sad that it's over! Ok, I want weekend stories from all of you!
Sunday, May 29, 2005
The Neighborhood Melting Pot
As you all know, New York City is called the "melting pot." Just about every culture in the world is represented in New York City. There are restaurants and shops owned and operated by people of every ethnicity and culture around the world. All my life, I have found this fascinating. It's fun to learn about and observe the customs of people that are not of my ethnicity.
I live about 20 miles East of New York City, on Long Island. I live in a seaside community called Long Beach. Basically, it's a barrier island. We have the bay to our north and the Atlantic Ocean to our south. Long Island, as a whole, is pretty ethnically diverse, just as NYC is. The difference on Long Island is that there are pockets of different cultures living in different towns. Long Beach, for the most part, is caucasian with a fair amount of African Americans and a fair amount of Hispanics. It's accurate to say there is an African American part of town as well as a Hispanic part of town here in Long Beach. There are exceptions where people of different backgrounds live on the same block, that's my street.
This Should Be Flying High Above My Neighborhood.....
On my block, it's definitely as close to the United Nations as you can get. I find it fun. We have African Americans, Dominicans, Indians, Pakistanis, Jamaicans, Puerto Ricans, Asians, Caucasians, etc. on the block. For the most part, everyone gets along and there is no real trouble on the block. The only time there is a bit of "competition" is during the summer.
During the summer, everyone is outside doing stuff. For some reason, many of the people on this block enjoy bbq'ing on their front lawns rather than in their back yards or on their decks. Just about every home in Long Beach has a deck, and we all have back yards. The front lawn bbq's make things interesting. Not only do people feel the need to bbq on the front lawn, they also feel the need to use their car stereos for their party music. So on any given Sunday, there will be ethnic music stereo wars. Indian Techno competing with Salsa. Bachata music competing with Merengue. Rap competing with Reggae. It's quite comical. These people just open all the doors and windows of their cars, park them in front of the bbq and pop a cd in. Every Sunday afternoon looks like a block party. You have the Indian Cricket team on the front lawn next door cooking up a storm. The 100 Dominicans across the street cooking in the driveway and drinking. Just crowds of people and a car parked in front of just about every home on the street. It's pretty wild. I usually just drown out all the noise with my music on my deck.
It's a unique street in a unique town. We all live amongst each other and are tolerant and accepting of each other and each other's customs. If only the world and life were this simple.......
I live about 20 miles East of New York City, on Long Island. I live in a seaside community called Long Beach. Basically, it's a barrier island. We have the bay to our north and the Atlantic Ocean to our south. Long Island, as a whole, is pretty ethnically diverse, just as NYC is. The difference on Long Island is that there are pockets of different cultures living in different towns. Long Beach, for the most part, is caucasian with a fair amount of African Americans and a fair amount of Hispanics. It's accurate to say there is an African American part of town as well as a Hispanic part of town here in Long Beach. There are exceptions where people of different backgrounds live on the same block, that's my street.
This Should Be Flying High Above My Neighborhood.....
On my block, it's definitely as close to the United Nations as you can get. I find it fun. We have African Americans, Dominicans, Indians, Pakistanis, Jamaicans, Puerto Ricans, Asians, Caucasians, etc. on the block. For the most part, everyone gets along and there is no real trouble on the block. The only time there is a bit of "competition" is during the summer.
During the summer, everyone is outside doing stuff. For some reason, many of the people on this block enjoy bbq'ing on their front lawns rather than in their back yards or on their decks. Just about every home in Long Beach has a deck, and we all have back yards. The front lawn bbq's make things interesting. Not only do people feel the need to bbq on the front lawn, they also feel the need to use their car stereos for their party music. So on any given Sunday, there will be ethnic music stereo wars. Indian Techno competing with Salsa. Bachata music competing with Merengue. Rap competing with Reggae. It's quite comical. These people just open all the doors and windows of their cars, park them in front of the bbq and pop a cd in. Every Sunday afternoon looks like a block party. You have the Indian Cricket team on the front lawn next door cooking up a storm. The 100 Dominicans across the street cooking in the driveway and drinking. Just crowds of people and a car parked in front of just about every home on the street. It's pretty wild. I usually just drown out all the noise with my music on my deck.
It's a unique street in a unique town. We all live amongst each other and are tolerant and accepting of each other and each other's customs. If only the world and life were this simple.......
Saturday, May 28, 2005
The Horror Depot
So, I made the mistake of going to Home Depot last night around 5PM. HUGE error in judgment right before a holiday weekend. On any account, I went and had a few adventures during my shopping excursion with Tatiana.
House of Horrors
So as soon as we arrive we are greeted by the "candy kid." You all know who I am talking about. The kid who stands there with a box of M&M's and sells them for $2.00 a pack and claims the proceeds go to some charity or football camp. First of all, if I want M&M's, I'll buy them at a deli for 59 cents for that shitty fun-sized bag, not for $2.00. Secondly, show me a letter, a form, ANYTHING that proves you are selling these for a good cause and I MIGHT think about buying a bag, until then go peddle your fun-sized shit somewhere else.
So now we get into the store. I basically went there for ceramic briquettes for my gas grill, an outdoor broom, and a garden hose caddy that winds up your outdoor hose. So after about a half hour, my cart is OVERFLOWING with about 15 other things I really don't need. So I park the cart and we head to their outdoor center to look at plants and other outdoor decor for the deck. We are out there no more than 5 minutes and we come back in, to find my cart missing. So, I am looking up and down each aisle trying to locate the cart, can't find it. I ask an employee and she says "Oh, one of the girls that work here must have taken it thinking it was stuff somebody left behind." Basically she was telling me, TOO BAD FUCKER, START YOUR SHOPPING ALL OVER!!!! Which I had no choice but to do at that point. So I run through the aisles, looking like a contestant on that lame game show "Supermarket Sweep" trying to remember everything I had before and refilling the cart.
So, now that we are pushing an overflowing cart and carrying shit too because we can't say no to any sale item, Tatiana decides she wants to look at bird feeders. I am thinking, bird feeder, we both live on a barrier island on a beach where there are basically just seagulls, what the fuck is she thinking? She puts a bird feeder and bird seed on top of everything in the cart. So, stupidly I ask, "What are you going to do with that?" She replies, "Feed the birds." I say, "What birds?" She replies, "The birds I hear chirping." Rather than get into a whole nature discussion about barrier islands in the tool aisle, I just say...."ok." Granted, there are a few species of birds here in Long Beach, but mainly seagulls which are ravenous vulchers. So basically this is an open invitation for every seagull to hang out on my deck this summer and shit up the furniture and the cars. This is a fuckin' Alfred Hitchcock movie waiting to happen. If I disappear and don't blog for a few days, someone call the police to my house, where they will find a pecked to death skeleton wearing a Yankees cap.
So, that was the kickoff to my weekend. I am off to work outside and duck divebombing seagulls. Hope everyone is enjoying their day!!!!
House of Horrors
So as soon as we arrive we are greeted by the "candy kid." You all know who I am talking about. The kid who stands there with a box of M&M's and sells them for $2.00 a pack and claims the proceeds go to some charity or football camp. First of all, if I want M&M's, I'll buy them at a deli for 59 cents for that shitty fun-sized bag, not for $2.00. Secondly, show me a letter, a form, ANYTHING that proves you are selling these for a good cause and I MIGHT think about buying a bag, until then go peddle your fun-sized shit somewhere else.
So now we get into the store. I basically went there for ceramic briquettes for my gas grill, an outdoor broom, and a garden hose caddy that winds up your outdoor hose. So after about a half hour, my cart is OVERFLOWING with about 15 other things I really don't need. So I park the cart and we head to their outdoor center to look at plants and other outdoor decor for the deck. We are out there no more than 5 minutes and we come back in, to find my cart missing. So, I am looking up and down each aisle trying to locate the cart, can't find it. I ask an employee and she says "Oh, one of the girls that work here must have taken it thinking it was stuff somebody left behind." Basically she was telling me, TOO BAD FUCKER, START YOUR SHOPPING ALL OVER!!!! Which I had no choice but to do at that point. So I run through the aisles, looking like a contestant on that lame game show "Supermarket Sweep" trying to remember everything I had before and refilling the cart.
So, now that we are pushing an overflowing cart and carrying shit too because we can't say no to any sale item, Tatiana decides she wants to look at bird feeders. I am thinking, bird feeder, we both live on a barrier island on a beach where there are basically just seagulls, what the fuck is she thinking? She puts a bird feeder and bird seed on top of everything in the cart. So, stupidly I ask, "What are you going to do with that?" She replies, "Feed the birds." I say, "What birds?" She replies, "The birds I hear chirping." Rather than get into a whole nature discussion about barrier islands in the tool aisle, I just say...."ok." Granted, there are a few species of birds here in Long Beach, but mainly seagulls which are ravenous vulchers. So basically this is an open invitation for every seagull to hang out on my deck this summer and shit up the furniture and the cars. This is a fuckin' Alfred Hitchcock movie waiting to happen. If I disappear and don't blog for a few days, someone call the police to my house, where they will find a pecked to death skeleton wearing a Yankees cap.
So, that was the kickoff to my weekend. I am off to work outside and duck divebombing seagulls. Hope everyone is enjoying their day!!!!
Friday, May 27, 2005
Off Like A Prom Dress.........
Almost time to get this weekend started! Everyone have a safe and FUN weekend. Eat, drink, bang, and be merry! :) I want to hear some good stories on all of your blogs/comment posts next week! I may throw a story in here or there early mornings or late, late nights this weekend. Enjoy everyone!
Let's Get This Party Started!!!!!
Since I was a little C-Mac, this day, the Friday before Memorial Weekend, has always ranked as one of the top three favorite days of the year for me. For those who love Christmas and that time of the year, this is my equivalent. There's something in the air on this Friday before Memorial Weekend that I can strongly sense each year.
Some people enjoy the hustle and bustle of the winter holiday season. Some people enjoy running around to buy gifts and enjoy getting their homes decorated for the winter holidays. I enjoy seeing people washing their patio furniture, blowing the dust off their grills, seeing the lifeguard chairs being placed on the beaches, kids playing catch on the front lawn with their parents, dogs running and frolicking outside, and people running and biking on the boardwalk in Long Beach. It gives me a feeling I can't describe. I enjoy the summer nights on the deck watching the sun set at 9PM and feeling the warm breeze off the ocean.
Then there are the barbecues, the baseball games, the nights out in town, the weekends at the beach, and the backyard gatherings. Need I say more?
Most of the great moments and memories in my life have occurred during the summer for some reason. Maybe it's my approach to life during the summer months, who knows. Whatever it is, I wish I could bottle this feeling up and have it all year round. I woke up like a kid on Christmas Morning today. Excited to start summer and excited to add to the great memories I already have of summer. After a long and cold winter, I plan on savoring every day and night this summer. Come September, I want to look back at the summer of 2005 and say it was spectacular. It all begins at 12:15 this afternoon. I’ll have plenty of pictures here on the site over the course of the summer to share with everyone.
To all the “Bored at the Beach” readers, I hope you all have a summer to remember. Fall and winter come quickly, so savor each night and day this summer. Relax and take it all in with the people you love. Come September, hopefully we’ll all look back and smile with plenty of good memories stirring around our heads.
Let’s get the party started!
Some people enjoy the hustle and bustle of the winter holiday season. Some people enjoy running around to buy gifts and enjoy getting their homes decorated for the winter holidays. I enjoy seeing people washing their patio furniture, blowing the dust off their grills, seeing the lifeguard chairs being placed on the beaches, kids playing catch on the front lawn with their parents, dogs running and frolicking outside, and people running and biking on the boardwalk in Long Beach. It gives me a feeling I can't describe. I enjoy the summer nights on the deck watching the sun set at 9PM and feeling the warm breeze off the ocean.
Then there are the barbecues, the baseball games, the nights out in town, the weekends at the beach, and the backyard gatherings. Need I say more?
Most of the great moments and memories in my life have occurred during the summer for some reason. Maybe it's my approach to life during the summer months, who knows. Whatever it is, I wish I could bottle this feeling up and have it all year round. I woke up like a kid on Christmas Morning today. Excited to start summer and excited to add to the great memories I already have of summer. After a long and cold winter, I plan on savoring every day and night this summer. Come September, I want to look back at the summer of 2005 and say it was spectacular. It all begins at 12:15 this afternoon. I’ll have plenty of pictures here on the site over the course of the summer to share with everyone.
To all the “Bored at the Beach” readers, I hope you all have a summer to remember. Fall and winter come quickly, so savor each night and day this summer. Relax and take it all in with the people you love. Come September, hopefully we’ll all look back and smile with plenty of good memories stirring around our heads.
Let’s get the party started!
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Sign of the Apocalypse
Oh No! Not Again.........
Just when you thought it was safe to turn your radio on, The Spice Girls are talking reunion for a LIVE AID concert to be held this summer. Please don't do this to us again! The Spice Girls are the ones who started the downward spiral of the music industry in late 1996. Since they came on the scene back in '96, we have had nothing but boy bands and bubble gum music. The Spice Girls should remain a memory, a very bad, distant memory. If they decide to reunite to do this concert, it will probably mean a new album soon after. An asteroid the size of Saturn smashing into the earth will be soon to follow. At least we'll all die a short, painless death. Unlike the pain we'd endure having to listen to them once again.
Coming Soon To A CD Player Near You!!!!!
As mentioned in different posts here on "Bored at the Beach", I was the master of phone scams/prank calls back in the early 90's. I've had these calls on tape for about 13 years and I have not done anything with them. Anyone who has heard these calls finds them hilarious. With the help of DarianJ, the calls are being put on a CD and will be made available soon. If anyone is interested in "McScam" a compilation of hilarious phone scams, get in touch with me via e-mail. Some of the readers here that I have known have heard these calls and they'll surely comment on how wacky they are. I'll keep you posted on the "McScam" release date......
Some of the highlights of "McScam"
1) MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
2) MOVE THE FENCE!
3) GET UP, GET UP!
4) LIGHTS OUT!
5) PING PONG PIE!
6) LOOOOOSE THE WEIGHT CAROL!
7) THE KILLER TREADMILL!
8) THE DEFECTIVE BLENDER!
9) THE JELLY DONUT!
10)YOU ARE ON WELFARE!
Some of the highlights of "McScam"
1) MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!
2) MOVE THE FENCE!
3) GET UP, GET UP!
4) LIGHTS OUT!
5) PING PONG PIE!
6) LOOOOOSE THE WEIGHT CAROL!
7) THE KILLER TREADMILL!
8) THE DEFECTIVE BLENDER!
9) THE JELLY DONUT!
10)YOU ARE ON WELFARE!
Road Rage Golden Rule
NEVER blow your horn or yell at anyone on the road within a mile radius of your job.
I say this because back in 1998, I had just started working for a computer firm here on Long Island. The company was located near all the courts and county offices, so traffic there was a nightmare every day. One fine spring morning I am about a mile away from the office when this old guy (all I could see was the top of his head) in a Honda Accord was tying up traffic driving VERY slow. So, I pass him on the right and hold down the horn and maybe I yelled something like "drive faster" or something like that. I went on my way to work and got my day started. Around lunchtime I was making my way around the office to gather up my lunch buddies to go eat. As I was making my way around, this guy Doug, an older gentleman in sales who was a great guy says to me, "Charlie, were you in a hurry this morning?" I said, "What do you mean?" He says, "You were blowing your horn at me and telling me to drive faster on Old Country Road". Well, my face must have turned every shade of red. He started laughing and we made a joke out of it. Quite humiliating!
I thought of this story today because almost every morning we have slow drivers and morons driving like right around the block from this office and every morning as I put my hand toward that horn, I think back to that spring day in 1998 and Doug and it stops me.......not knowing if I may be yelling or blowing my horn at someone that works here. The Road Rage Golden rule kicks in.
I say this because back in 1998, I had just started working for a computer firm here on Long Island. The company was located near all the courts and county offices, so traffic there was a nightmare every day. One fine spring morning I am about a mile away from the office when this old guy (all I could see was the top of his head) in a Honda Accord was tying up traffic driving VERY slow. So, I pass him on the right and hold down the horn and maybe I yelled something like "drive faster" or something like that. I went on my way to work and got my day started. Around lunchtime I was making my way around the office to gather up my lunch buddies to go eat. As I was making my way around, this guy Doug, an older gentleman in sales who was a great guy says to me, "Charlie, were you in a hurry this morning?" I said, "What do you mean?" He says, "You were blowing your horn at me and telling me to drive faster on Old Country Road". Well, my face must have turned every shade of red. He started laughing and we made a joke out of it. Quite humiliating!
I thought of this story today because almost every morning we have slow drivers and morons driving like right around the block from this office and every morning as I put my hand toward that horn, I think back to that spring day in 1998 and Doug and it stops me.......not knowing if I may be yelling or blowing my horn at someone that works here. The Road Rage Golden rule kicks in.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Snoopy Snow Cone Machine
Mmmmmmm Snow Cones!
Remember the Snoopy Snow Cone Machine? This thing was kick ass! We used to make all kinds of shit in this thing. You were supposed to just add ice and it would shred it up, then you were to add that cancer causing food coloring to the crushed ice to make yourself a refreshing snow cone. When my Mom wasn't around we'd jam ice cream in there, cookies, you name it. We had our own little dessert machine. We made shit you could never find anywhere else. I think we actually invented cookies and cream ice cream. We would jam ice cream and toss Oreos in there before you could ever buy it in the stores. It would come out a soupy mess, but it was fuckin' good shit! We'd put pudding in there with skittles, all kinds of wacky shit....as long as we got out sugar high and could bounce off the walls for a few hours we were satisfied. Come to think of it, I always experimented with all my toys growing up. I always pushed the envelope on every toy to see how far I could push it and I'd come up with alternate uses for it. Suuuuuuuuuuuuure the fuckin' snow cone machine would smoke and shit, but it was fun pushing it to the max!
Just Give Us The Results!!!!!!!!!!
Is FOX really going to make us sit through TWO hours of bullshit tonight just to announce the winner of American Idol at the last minute then cut away? That sucks! There is NO need to make a TWO hour special out of this!
They did this shit last year too, they had two hours of filler, only to announce the winner and cut away. We want to see reactions/celebrations/interviews AFTER a winner is announced, not before!!!!! Unless you are going to give me two hours of nudity or something else fun, spare me the bullshit and just announce the winner already! Two hours of Douchebag Seacrest is more than any of us can handle. Two hours of Paula's drug induced comments, Randy saying "Dogg" fifty times, and Simon being an asshole is expecting alot from us!
I watch a total of five shows a week, and boy am I glad they are all over after tonight. I refuse to start any new shows this summer. I'll be down the street on the beach or doing something else fun every night until September rather than dealing with crap like they are putting on tonight!!!! C-Mac OUT!
They did this shit last year too, they had two hours of filler, only to announce the winner and cut away. We want to see reactions/celebrations/interviews AFTER a winner is announced, not before!!!!! Unless you are going to give me two hours of nudity or something else fun, spare me the bullshit and just announce the winner already! Two hours of Douchebag Seacrest is more than any of us can handle. Two hours of Paula's drug induced comments, Randy saying "Dogg" fifty times, and Simon being an asshole is expecting alot from us!
I watch a total of five shows a week, and boy am I glad they are all over after tonight. I refuse to start any new shows this summer. I'll be down the street on the beach or doing something else fun every night until September rather than dealing with crap like they are putting on tonight!!!! C-Mac OUT!
C-Mac's Office Space
Another day at the office, a cold and rainy one! I suppose on days like this it's not so bad to be at work, but I'd still rather be nestled in bed listening to the rain patter against the window pane.
I've been with my current employer for about a year and a half now. It's not a horrible place. Like anyplace else, you have your bullshit, your drama, your politics, and your assholes to deal with daily. The job itself is easy, I am very underutilized and capable of so much more but this is how they want it, so I have made adjustments in my approach to things. When it's time to move on, I will.
The best part of this job has been getting to know some of the people here. It took a while for many people to open up and get to know me, which is rare, because I usually get close to people right away. This place has been unlike anyplace I have ever worked in that regard. It's good coming in and talking to the people I have gotten to know on a daily basis.
My office is in an area amongst a sea of cubicles. The Sugar V's cube is right outside my office and we talk smack all day long here. My office, in a way, has become the "Seinfeld" coffee shop of the company. Lots of talk takes place in here on a daily basis. The talks can get deep, emotional, silly, serious, thought provoking, or just plain stupid. People stop by all day and talk. Some stop by for small talk, some open up their souls about personal matters.
I do have a policy. Whatever is discussed in here does not leave here. If someone comes in to talk about a personal matter that they want to get off their chest, it stays in here whether I agree with them or not. I don't believe in betraying someone's confidence here at work, or anywhere for that matter. Whether I am close to the person or not, if they see enough in me and trust me enough to talk about something that matters to them in their life, I would never discuss it with anyone else. It's just about being trustworthy and honest, two very important things in life. If someone is honest and genuine with me in return, they have made a friend for life, that's all I will ever ask of anyone.
A good portion of the time the talk in here is lighthearted. Lots of jokes, talks about nothing, and laughter. Oh, and the candy. I keep a bowl and a jar of candy on my desk for everyone. We all need that sugar come afternoon. By the way, it's been re-stocked today! I like the atmosphere in here, it kind of feels like home in my office. I have a ton of NY Yankees stuff all over the walls, along with NY Islanders pictures, a picture of Bruce Springsteen, John Lennon, The Sopranos, and an enormous picture of a lighthouse during a storm with all the waves and such. I have tables and lamps that I brought in from home. Hey, if I have to be here eight hours, I want it to feel as close to home as possible.
C-Mac's office space, a place to open up your soul, to eat candy, to listen to some tunes, to get therapy, to laugh, to cry, to make good conversation, to act like a moron, to come up with blog ideas, oh yeah, and to WORK! We all need a little escape from reality, hopefully I and this office have given as much to the people that stop in here as they have given to me.
I've been with my current employer for about a year and a half now. It's not a horrible place. Like anyplace else, you have your bullshit, your drama, your politics, and your assholes to deal with daily. The job itself is easy, I am very underutilized and capable of so much more but this is how they want it, so I have made adjustments in my approach to things. When it's time to move on, I will.
The best part of this job has been getting to know some of the people here. It took a while for many people to open up and get to know me, which is rare, because I usually get close to people right away. This place has been unlike anyplace I have ever worked in that regard. It's good coming in and talking to the people I have gotten to know on a daily basis.
My office is in an area amongst a sea of cubicles. The Sugar V's cube is right outside my office and we talk smack all day long here. My office, in a way, has become the "Seinfeld" coffee shop of the company. Lots of talk takes place in here on a daily basis. The talks can get deep, emotional, silly, serious, thought provoking, or just plain stupid. People stop by all day and talk. Some stop by for small talk, some open up their souls about personal matters.
I do have a policy. Whatever is discussed in here does not leave here. If someone comes in to talk about a personal matter that they want to get off their chest, it stays in here whether I agree with them or not. I don't believe in betraying someone's confidence here at work, or anywhere for that matter. Whether I am close to the person or not, if they see enough in me and trust me enough to talk about something that matters to them in their life, I would never discuss it with anyone else. It's just about being trustworthy and honest, two very important things in life. If someone is honest and genuine with me in return, they have made a friend for life, that's all I will ever ask of anyone.
A good portion of the time the talk in here is lighthearted. Lots of jokes, talks about nothing, and laughter. Oh, and the candy. I keep a bowl and a jar of candy on my desk for everyone. We all need that sugar come afternoon. By the way, it's been re-stocked today! I like the atmosphere in here, it kind of feels like home in my office. I have a ton of NY Yankees stuff all over the walls, along with NY Islanders pictures, a picture of Bruce Springsteen, John Lennon, The Sopranos, and an enormous picture of a lighthouse during a storm with all the waves and such. I have tables and lamps that I brought in from home. Hey, if I have to be here eight hours, I want it to feel as close to home as possible.
C-Mac's office space, a place to open up your soul, to eat candy, to listen to some tunes, to get therapy, to laugh, to cry, to make good conversation, to act like a moron, to come up with blog ideas, oh yeah, and to WORK! We all need a little escape from reality, hopefully I and this office have given as much to the people that stop in here as they have given to me.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Tagged Once Again....
Ok, I was tagged again. The tag stops here, I am not going to hit anyone else up! I am supposed to answer five from the following list:
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be a farmer, I'd work with the "hoes" all day.
If I could be a doctor, I'd be a gynecologist for women 18-25 who are between 100-125lbs and single.
If I could be a writer, I'd start a webpage with a beach theme and think of stupid shit to write daily.
If I could be an astronaut, I'd ban Tang from my ship and switch to Grey Goose.
If I could be a lawyer, I'd star in one of those cheesy law firm commercials during the Jerry Springer show.
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be a farmer, I'd work with the "hoes" all day.
If I could be a doctor, I'd be a gynecologist for women 18-25 who are between 100-125lbs and single.
If I could be a writer, I'd start a webpage with a beach theme and think of stupid shit to write daily.
If I could be an astronaut, I'd ban Tang from my ship and switch to Grey Goose.
If I could be a lawyer, I'd star in one of those cheesy law firm commercials during the Jerry Springer show.
Lazy Fuckers
People are fuckin' lazy!
On my way to work every day, I pass a Dunkin' Donuts about a mile from my office. The traffic is always insane over there as people are stopping off for coffee, donuts, and whatever else it is they enjoy there. The line for the drive-thru always causes a traffic jam because the line spills out onto the main road. Each morning it pisses me off. HOW FUCKIN' LAZY HAVE PEOPLE BECOME???????? They can't even get out of their car for a coffee or a donut anymore? You would think since they are getting a 700 calorie donut, that they would at least feel less guilty about it by getting off their lazy ass and walking into the shop! Instead, they sit on their fat asses in their cars and wait on the 25 minute line all because they are afraid of a little exercise. It really drives me crazy. Then we wonder why 60% of the population is overweight. Drive thrus should be banned at donut shops.
May 24, 1980
WOW, I feel old.....
Wow, I can't believe this happened 25 years ago today. Bobby Nystrom scores an overtime goal to give the NY Islanders their first Stanley Cup. They went on to win FOUR in a row, the last NHL dynasty. I remember being a kid, 8 years old and going crazy like the rest of Long Island. The Islanders are the only professional sports team from NY that actually play on Long Island, so you could only imagine how insane Long Island was 25 years ago today. I remember people taking to the roads all over Long Island, blowing their horns in that "Let's Go Islanders" fashion. It was really nice to see. I was driving home from work today and they were interviewing Bobby Nystrom on the radio and talking about the Stanley Cups and how much it meant to Long Island. Just thought I'd share a childhood memory......can't believe it was 25 years ago.
Things We Will NEVER See/See Again In Our Lifetime
People always speak of things they HAVE seen in their lifetime. You know the speech, a man going to the moon, shit like that. Well, I thought of a few things that we all will NEVER see in our lifetime. I hope you all will add some of your thoughts....
THINGS WE WILL NEVER SEE/SEE AGAIN IN OUR LIFETIME
1) Bert and Ernie legally married
2) A picture surfacing of Harry Houdini locked out of his car
3) A Norman Rockwell painting of kids being beaten
4) Yankee and Red Sox fans living in harmony
5) The West-Side stadium built in NYC
6) A human on Mars
7) Driving (flying) around in a Jetson's car
8) Paris Hilton having talent
9) A Lifetime Movie that is actually good
10)Zero calorie Pizza
11)Michael Jackson banging a woman
12)MTV playing a music video again
13)The Keebler Elves burning their hollow tree to the ground
14)George W. Bush stealing another election
15)The Hamburglar behind bars
THINGS WE WILL NEVER SEE/SEE AGAIN IN OUR LIFETIME
1) Bert and Ernie legally married
2) A picture surfacing of Harry Houdini locked out of his car
3) A Norman Rockwell painting of kids being beaten
4) Yankee and Red Sox fans living in harmony
5) The West-Side stadium built in NYC
6) A human on Mars
7) Driving (flying) around in a Jetson's car
8) Paris Hilton having talent
9) A Lifetime Movie that is actually good
10)Zero calorie Pizza
11)Michael Jackson banging a woman
12)MTV playing a music video again
13)The Keebler Elves burning their hollow tree to the ground
14)George W. Bush stealing another election
15)The Hamburglar behind bars
Monday, May 23, 2005
The Kool-Aid Pitcher
Did any of you have a character that you were scared of when you were a kid? For me, it was the Kool-Aid pitcher. This is one scary bastard.
Satan in Disguise?
He just looks evil. Sort of like a jack-o-lantern carved in a pitcher. He'd bust down walls on the old TV commercials and burst upon the scene to quench thirsts. What sense does a walking pitcher make? How come he never spills any of his Kool-Aid? I hated this guy then, and I hate him now! I still have nightmares about this guy......he is Satan's spawn. Lock your windows and doors, this icy cold fucker is on the loose. I'd love to take a hammer to him once and for all. Smash him into about 400 pieces. He's probably like that Chuckie doll, he'd somehow reassemble himself and drown me in a river of grape-aid. His voice was even fucked up, he sounded possessed, like the kid in "The Shining". "REDRUM REDRUM REDRUM".....
Mrs. Butterworth never scared me. I would always hope she'd come to life and talk it up over pancakes. She seemed harmless enough. The talking Parkay margarine tub was a bit creepy, don't you think? It had no eyes, just a mouth. I'd stomp that fucker out if he got smart.
What mascots/characters scared the shit out of you as a kid, or even now for that matter???!
Satan in Disguise?
He just looks evil. Sort of like a jack-o-lantern carved in a pitcher. He'd bust down walls on the old TV commercials and burst upon the scene to quench thirsts. What sense does a walking pitcher make? How come he never spills any of his Kool-Aid? I hated this guy then, and I hate him now! I still have nightmares about this guy......he is Satan's spawn. Lock your windows and doors, this icy cold fucker is on the loose. I'd love to take a hammer to him once and for all. Smash him into about 400 pieces. He's probably like that Chuckie doll, he'd somehow reassemble himself and drown me in a river of grape-aid. His voice was even fucked up, he sounded possessed, like the kid in "The Shining". "REDRUM REDRUM REDRUM".....
Mrs. Butterworth never scared me. I would always hope she'd come to life and talk it up over pancakes. She seemed harmless enough. The talking Parkay margarine tub was a bit creepy, don't you think? It had no eyes, just a mouth. I'd stomp that fucker out if he got smart.
What mascots/characters scared the shit out of you as a kid, or even now for that matter???!
Things You Should Not Do While Naked
I can't believe people actually go away on nudist colony retreats. I definitely could not handle being naked 24/7. The worst part of a nudist camp would be looking at 90% of the people there that have NO business being naked. It's always the old, wrinkled, or VERY obese men and women that parade around locker rooms, beaches, and other places naked. It sickens me. I was thinking about how these people go about their business naked and the hazards involved. Here are some things people should NEVER do naked:
1) Cook. This is an activity no naked person should perform. Not only for the risk of being burned, but for sanitary reasons. When in the kitchen, do yourself and the rest of us a favor, put on some clothes.
2) Play contact sports. I suppose I really don't need to elaborate on this one. Playing football and being under a pile of smelly asses just isn't sport unless you are the Sugar V.
3) Operate Heavy Machinery. Too many moving parts and industrial hazards here. The hard hat just won't be enough in this instance.
4) Light Fireworks. You could lose more than a finger.
5) Pogo Stick. This could result in a black eye for many or a bruised "ego".
I need more things nobody should EVER do naked...........
1) Cook. This is an activity no naked person should perform. Not only for the risk of being burned, but for sanitary reasons. When in the kitchen, do yourself and the rest of us a favor, put on some clothes.
2) Play contact sports. I suppose I really don't need to elaborate on this one. Playing football and being under a pile of smelly asses just isn't sport unless you are the Sugar V.
3) Operate Heavy Machinery. Too many moving parts and industrial hazards here. The hard hat just won't be enough in this instance.
4) Light Fireworks. You could lose more than a finger.
5) Pogo Stick. This could result in a black eye for many or a bruised "ego".
I need more things nobody should EVER do naked...........
Things You Can Never Make "Cool"
There are things in life that can never be cool no matter how you try to dress it up or make it look. There's a quote that says "You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit no matter how much mayonaise you use." Here are some things that you can never make "cool" under any circumstance:
1) Cataract Sunglasses
2) A black leather "bra" for a car
3) Member's Only jackets
4) A "Rascal" motorized scooter
5) Minivans
6) A "combover" hairstyle to cover balding
7) The Jesus fish magnet on the back of your car
8) Giving a Chia Pet as a gift
9) Dressing up in a Star Wars Costume when it's not Halloween
10)Playing "Dungeons and Dragons"
11)Cranking up John Denver in your car
12)Being a Mets fan
Ok, Beach Bums....let's hear your "Things you can never make cool!"
1) Cataract Sunglasses
2) A black leather "bra" for a car
3) Member's Only jackets
4) A "Rascal" motorized scooter
5) Minivans
6) A "combover" hairstyle to cover balding
7) The Jesus fish magnet on the back of your car
8) Giving a Chia Pet as a gift
9) Dressing up in a Star Wars Costume when it's not Halloween
10)Playing "Dungeons and Dragons"
11)Cranking up John Denver in your car
12)Being a Mets fan
Ok, Beach Bums....let's hear your "Things you can never make cool!"
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Saturday Night Tales......
Well, it's 11:15am on Sunday and it's raining! What the F? It was supposed to be nice. Hopefully the sun will be out later. Anyway the party/get together was fun last night in Conncecticut. I was talking to some interesting people.
Come to think of it, what makes a party a party and a get together a get together? What's the difference? Is it the amount of people who come? Is it the music? The food? The activities going on at the event? I've noticed a common occurence at almost every party/get together I've ever gone to. At some point, the men and women always seem to split up and talk, it's almost inevitable that at some point that this will happen. It can be in a house, out in a yard, at a catering hall, but at some point you will see a table of women chatting and a huddle of men talking. I actually enjoy conversation with women more than I enjoy conversation with men and usually crash the women's table. I find the conversation to be more deep and substantial than the men's conversation. I am a sports fan and all, but I hate making small talk about sports and power tools. Unless the women are talking Lifetime Movies or menstrual cycles, I find their conversation a bit more interesting and enjoyable. There are very few guys that can hold my interest in a conversation for some reason. There was actually one guy at this party/get together last night that was cool and fun to BS with. At work, I'd say I talk to the Sugar V more than just about anyone. He always makes for good conversation, although he seems to talk about chick flicks and Macy's sales pretty often. haha.
I was told Bruce (my dog) could be brought to the event because there would be other dogs there for him to play with. So, he came. All was well until he decided to shit in his dog carrier on the Whitestone Bridge which is about 30 minutes from the event, with NO traffic. Of course, being that he took a shit, and the BRAND NEW Jeep was stinking like dog shit, we hit about an hour's worth of traffic due to the end of the Mets/Yankees game. So for an hour I had to bask in the stench of dog shit. At that point, I wasn't inclined to sing "Fantastic Voyage." Not so fantastic, I must say. Once we got him there, he was fine. Cleaning the pet carrier and airing out the Jeep wasn't so fun......as you could imagine. Nothing like making a grand entrance to a party/get together carrying a pile of dog shit. I feel like I suddenly have a child, without the tax write-off of course. It's been an interesting month with Bruce so far.....
Whitestone Bridge, aka Shitstone Bridge
So, that was my Saturday Night. I failed to mention that at 2:30 AM gas was running VERY low in the Jeep and I desperately needed to stop off somewhere for gas on the way home. I can't believe how much gas this thing uses up. On any account, we could not find an open gas station in Greenwich, CT where the party was. So we drove into NY, over The Whitestone (now known to me as the Shitstone Bridge) and got on the Van Wyck Expressway which basically runs from Laguardia Airport to JFK Airport. At this point the gas light is chiming and we are still 15 miles from Long Beach, so it is time to pull off at an exit. Of course, we choose Jamaica, Queens at 2:30am which is 50 CENT's hood. Needless to say, no OPEN gas station right off the exit, just closed stations. THIS IS FUCKIN' NYC, THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS, and all the gas stations are closed. So now I am driving deeper and deeper into Jamaica. I see gangs of people hanging out on corners, 2 fights, still no gas stations, or even a cop for that matter. FINALLY, we find an open gas station where I fill up. The gas station attendant goes on to mention that all the gas stations close early because of frequent robberies and shootings. So as I am pumping gas, I am moving around so nobody has a clear shot at me.......interesting night huh? Finally home at 3....minus a cap in my ass and and a pile of shit in my hand.
Come to think of it, what makes a party a party and a get together a get together? What's the difference? Is it the amount of people who come? Is it the music? The food? The activities going on at the event? I've noticed a common occurence at almost every party/get together I've ever gone to. At some point, the men and women always seem to split up and talk, it's almost inevitable that at some point that this will happen. It can be in a house, out in a yard, at a catering hall, but at some point you will see a table of women chatting and a huddle of men talking. I actually enjoy conversation with women more than I enjoy conversation with men and usually crash the women's table. I find the conversation to be more deep and substantial than the men's conversation. I am a sports fan and all, but I hate making small talk about sports and power tools. Unless the women are talking Lifetime Movies or menstrual cycles, I find their conversation a bit more interesting and enjoyable. There are very few guys that can hold my interest in a conversation for some reason. There was actually one guy at this party/get together last night that was cool and fun to BS with. At work, I'd say I talk to the Sugar V more than just about anyone. He always makes for good conversation, although he seems to talk about chick flicks and Macy's sales pretty often. haha.
I was told Bruce (my dog) could be brought to the event because there would be other dogs there for him to play with. So, he came. All was well until he decided to shit in his dog carrier on the Whitestone Bridge which is about 30 minutes from the event, with NO traffic. Of course, being that he took a shit, and the BRAND NEW Jeep was stinking like dog shit, we hit about an hour's worth of traffic due to the end of the Mets/Yankees game. So for an hour I had to bask in the stench of dog shit. At that point, I wasn't inclined to sing "Fantastic Voyage." Not so fantastic, I must say. Once we got him there, he was fine. Cleaning the pet carrier and airing out the Jeep wasn't so fun......as you could imagine. Nothing like making a grand entrance to a party/get together carrying a pile of dog shit. I feel like I suddenly have a child, without the tax write-off of course. It's been an interesting month with Bruce so far.....
Whitestone Bridge, aka Shitstone Bridge
So, that was my Saturday Night. I failed to mention that at 2:30 AM gas was running VERY low in the Jeep and I desperately needed to stop off somewhere for gas on the way home. I can't believe how much gas this thing uses up. On any account, we could not find an open gas station in Greenwich, CT where the party was. So we drove into NY, over The Whitestone (now known to me as the Shitstone Bridge) and got on the Van Wyck Expressway which basically runs from Laguardia Airport to JFK Airport. At this point the gas light is chiming and we are still 15 miles from Long Beach, so it is time to pull off at an exit. Of course, we choose Jamaica, Queens at 2:30am which is 50 CENT's hood. Needless to say, no OPEN gas station right off the exit, just closed stations. THIS IS FUCKIN' NYC, THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS, and all the gas stations are closed. So now I am driving deeper and deeper into Jamaica. I see gangs of people hanging out on corners, 2 fights, still no gas stations, or even a cop for that matter. FINALLY, we find an open gas station where I fill up. The gas station attendant goes on to mention that all the gas stations close early because of frequent robberies and shootings. So as I am pumping gas, I am moving around so nobody has a clear shot at me.......interesting night huh? Finally home at 3....minus a cap in my ass and and a pile of shit in my hand.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Weekend!
After four or five shitty weather weekends in a row, the sun is finally shining on a Saturday! I am lacing up my running sneakers as we speak and headed down to the boardwalk to take it all in. Hope it's sunny where you are as well.
Finally, A Sunny Saturday Here In Long Beach!
In my blogging travels yesterday, I came across two more blogs which I have linked here on my page. The first one is called "Babysitting In The Forest." It's a new blog, but looks like it's going to be full of rants and drama, check it out when you can. The other is called Kiss of Life. This one has been up and running for a while, it's a pretty good read.
Shout out to the NY Yankees! They kicked some NY Met ass last night. Hopefully Randy Johnson can make it two in a row today at that big blue ashtray in Queens known as Shea Stadium.
I have some things to do today, then off to Connecticut later this evening. I am declaring tomorrow C-Mac day! I am doing whatever I want when I want tomorrow. No errands, laundry, shopping, nothing, just me being an official beach bum. I need some color, it's been raining here every weekend. I need to get my ass out in the sun for a few hours tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be chasing a "Grey Goose" around most of the day tomorrow. :)
I saw some 80's classic videos at a restaurant I was at yesterday. It's a fuckin' shame shit from the 80's is on the VH1 "Classic" channel. Makes me feel about 110 years old. A "classic" to me is like Elvis, not Duran Duran. Anyway, I saw a video from the band Loverboy. Remember those guys? They had a few kick-ass tunes like "Workin' for the Weekend" "Lucky Ones" "Turn Me Loose" and "When It's Over."
The album cover says it all! Is that the Sugar V???
All the girls used to go ape shit over Mike Reno the lead singer in his painted on orange leather pants with matching headband. I remember watching these videos when I was little thinking all these bands were so cool and shit. I look at them now and I am like, what the fuck? Orange pants with an orange headband? I must admit, the music itself was far better back then, not so sure about the styles though.....
Ok, off to enjoy the nice weather! Hope you all have a great Saturday...
Finally, A Sunny Saturday Here In Long Beach!
In my blogging travels yesterday, I came across two more blogs which I have linked here on my page. The first one is called "Babysitting In The Forest." It's a new blog, but looks like it's going to be full of rants and drama, check it out when you can. The other is called Kiss of Life. This one has been up and running for a while, it's a pretty good read.
Shout out to the NY Yankees! They kicked some NY Met ass last night. Hopefully Randy Johnson can make it two in a row today at that big blue ashtray in Queens known as Shea Stadium.
I have some things to do today, then off to Connecticut later this evening. I am declaring tomorrow C-Mac day! I am doing whatever I want when I want tomorrow. No errands, laundry, shopping, nothing, just me being an official beach bum. I need some color, it's been raining here every weekend. I need to get my ass out in the sun for a few hours tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be chasing a "Grey Goose" around most of the day tomorrow. :)
I saw some 80's classic videos at a restaurant I was at yesterday. It's a fuckin' shame shit from the 80's is on the VH1 "Classic" channel. Makes me feel about 110 years old. A "classic" to me is like Elvis, not Duran Duran. Anyway, I saw a video from the band Loverboy. Remember those guys? They had a few kick-ass tunes like "Workin' for the Weekend" "Lucky Ones" "Turn Me Loose" and "When It's Over."
The album cover says it all! Is that the Sugar V???
All the girls used to go ape shit over Mike Reno the lead singer in his painted on orange leather pants with matching headband. I remember watching these videos when I was little thinking all these bands were so cool and shit. I look at them now and I am like, what the fuck? Orange pants with an orange headband? I must admit, the music itself was far better back then, not so sure about the styles though.....
Ok, off to enjoy the nice weather! Hope you all have a great Saturday...
Friday, May 20, 2005
"Casual" Fridays
I appreciate "casual" Friday dress here at the office, but I am curious to know where and why this originated. Today, for instance, I am wearing jeans, a sporty type shirt, a baseball cap, New Balance sneakers, I am unshaven, and feeling like a bum, yet this is acceptable just because it's Friday. If I were to come in like this on a Tuesday Morning, I'd either be sent home, written up, or fired. It's strange how people think. I don't schedule appointments on Fridays with vendors because of this dress policy. If for some reason, a vendor HAD to come here on a Friday, I would dress appropriately that day. Often though, people stop in unannounced and I feel like a bum talking business in jeans and a t-shirt. I feel like I should be talking baseball and drinking a beer with them instead. I wonder who invented casual dress Fridays and why Friday was chosen. My train of thought is this; we are already being rewarded by it being the end of the week. We are off the next two days. Casual Wednesdays or Tuesdays would make more sense because we'd be looking forward to something to get us through the long week. Come Friday, we are already looking forward to it, dressed casually or not, that's the reward. I say CASUAL WEDNESDAYS for all!!!!!
I suppose it's the same as Halloween. if you were to ring someone's bell tonight and panhandle candy, you'd get a door slammed in your face, get sprayed with pepper, or get a visit from the police....or maybe even get your ass kicked if it was my bell you rang.
Have a good weekend everyone!!!!!
I suppose it's the same as Halloween. if you were to ring someone's bell tonight and panhandle candy, you'd get a door slammed in your face, get sprayed with pepper, or get a visit from the police....or maybe even get your ass kicked if it was my bell you rang.
Have a good weekend everyone!!!!!
Tagged AGAIN!!!! :)
TrueJerseyGirl got me this time:
01. Total volume of music files on my computer?
None on work computer, none on home laptop, just had it reconfigured....
02. The last CD I bought was:
Kanye West-The College Dropout
03. Song playing right now:
Def Leppard- "Hysteria"
04. Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me(in no particular order):
Thunder Road-Bruce Springsteen
Let It Be-The Beatles
Honesty-Billy Joel
What's Goin'On-Marvin Gaye
Midnight Train to Georgia-Gladys Knight and the Pips
05. Five people I am tagging with this and why.....
Freakyvirgin and Sugar V because I want to annoy them, Hu Flung Pu because he is the new kid on the blogging block, The V-Spot b/c she is cute, and DISGRUNTLED because we all want to see her smile at work! Have fun! :)
01. Total volume of music files on my computer?
None on work computer, none on home laptop, just had it reconfigured....
02. The last CD I bought was:
Kanye West-The College Dropout
03. Song playing right now:
Def Leppard- "Hysteria"
04. Five songs I listen to a lot or that mean a lot to me(in no particular order):
Thunder Road-Bruce Springsteen
Let It Be-The Beatles
Honesty-Billy Joel
What's Goin'On-Marvin Gaye
Midnight Train to Georgia-Gladys Knight and the Pips
05. Five people I am tagging with this and why.....
Freakyvirgin and Sugar V because I want to annoy them, Hu Flung Pu because he is the new kid on the blogging block, The V-Spot b/c she is cute, and DISGRUNTLED because we all want to see her smile at work! Have fun! :)
Funny Friday/Odds and Ends
So, this morning I came into work pretty fired up. The rainy commute, my dog who does not listen to me in the morning because he knows I am leaving for work and is spiteful, and a few work issues here got my day off on the wrong foot. I must say, I needed a good laugh and got one on the Sugar V's Blog today. You have to check out this post about C-Mac vs. Darth Cabbage, it's pretty hilarious.
Is it me or has this been the LONGEST week ever?? Next week starts our summer hours here at the office, which means half day Fridays for my department every week. I am excited. I'll use those few hours every Friday to get all my chores/errands done at home to free up the entire weekend, or I'll use that half day as get away Friday for trips I have planned.....either way summer hours kick ass. Happy Hour will be starting nice and early next Friday in the City by the Sea! :)
Yay for Kendra who won the Apprentice last night, that was a no-brainer. I think the other woman, Tana was a bit off her rocker. I am glad the few shows I watch are winding down to finales this week. I like to use my nights more wisely during the summer. TV is for cold, snowy nights. You can find me down the block at the beach on any given night after dinner from now until September! Tuesday Night is pissing me off though, they put "The Contender" finale up against "American Idol" so I'll have to tape one of them. That sucks!
Should be an interesting weekend here in NY, the Subway Series gets underway tonight from Shea Stadium. Mets vs. Yankees. Should be more competitive than years past being that the Yankees aren't at the top of their game and the Mets have improved greatly. Go Yankees! Let's take at least 2 of the 3 games! I plan on doing lots of running in the nice weather forecasted for this weekend......
It's hard to believe Memorial weekend is ONE week away! I never thought I'd see it after the LONG, COLD, SNOWY winter we had. I am glad it's here. Just SIX more weeks until the 4th annual CMACAPALOOZA party!!!! :)
Is it me or has this been the LONGEST week ever?? Next week starts our summer hours here at the office, which means half day Fridays for my department every week. I am excited. I'll use those few hours every Friday to get all my chores/errands done at home to free up the entire weekend, or I'll use that half day as get away Friday for trips I have planned.....either way summer hours kick ass. Happy Hour will be starting nice and early next Friday in the City by the Sea! :)
Yay for Kendra who won the Apprentice last night, that was a no-brainer. I think the other woman, Tana was a bit off her rocker. I am glad the few shows I watch are winding down to finales this week. I like to use my nights more wisely during the summer. TV is for cold, snowy nights. You can find me down the block at the beach on any given night after dinner from now until September! Tuesday Night is pissing me off though, they put "The Contender" finale up against "American Idol" so I'll have to tape one of them. That sucks!
Should be an interesting weekend here in NY, the Subway Series gets underway tonight from Shea Stadium. Mets vs. Yankees. Should be more competitive than years past being that the Yankees aren't at the top of their game and the Mets have improved greatly. Go Yankees! Let's take at least 2 of the 3 games! I plan on doing lots of running in the nice weather forecasted for this weekend......
It's hard to believe Memorial weekend is ONE week away! I never thought I'd see it after the LONG, COLD, SNOWY winter we had. I am glad it's here. Just SIX more weeks until the 4th annual CMACAPALOOZA party!!!! :)
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Played Out!
Ok, "Bored at the Beach" readers it's time to sound off on what you think the most overplayed song of ALL-TIME is. Here are a few to get us started:
1) "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf
2) "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang
3) "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge
4) "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
5) "Stayin' Alive" by The Bee Gees
6) "My heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
7) "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams
Ok, let's hear yours!
1) "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf
2) "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang
3) "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge
4) "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
5) "Stayin' Alive" by The Bee Gees
6) "My heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
7) "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" by Bryan Adams
Ok, let's hear yours!
Going To The Movies.....
I suppose this morning's post is appropriate since all we seem to be hearing about EVERYWHERE is this new Star Wars movie. I have a confession, I have NEVER seen ANY of the Star Wars movies, not one minute of any of them. I am not a science fiction/space/alien kind of a movie guy, therefore I rarely see a movie containing any or all of those themes. I really have no interest in it at all...perhaps I am missing out on something, perhaps not. On to my post:
A question to all the beach bums here on "Bored at the Beach", Have you ever gone to a movie that was so bad that you walked out before it was over? If you have never walked out on a movie, what movie/movies were you just busting to walk out on but couldn't for some reason, maybe because you were with a group of friends/date that was enjoying the film. I am looking forward to hearing some of your stories.
I never actually got up and walked, but came close a few times. "Pulp Fiction" was the closest I ever came, I think I got up a few times and was primed to go, but didn't because I was with friends. "28 Days Later" was a close second. I have sat through many a chick flick too with girlfriends, you can't walk out on those or you'll pay the price at home. You just have to sit and smile and pretend it's an amazing movie. Put a little ice on your face to make them think you are touched by the love story and are all teary....hahaha
When I was younger and went to the movies with friends we'd do shit to entertain ourselves when the movie was boring. In most theatres now they give you the popcorn in that paper bag, not the bucket. The bucket was a staple back in the day. After we would eat all the popcorn, we'd go fill the bucket with water at the water fountain. We'd head back to our seat and dump it. The slope of the theatre used to make the water run all the way down, soaking everyone's feet. Nobody ever figured out where all the water was coming from, but it sure was funny to watch people scamper around.
Ok, I want to hear your movie stories......
A question to all the beach bums here on "Bored at the Beach", Have you ever gone to a movie that was so bad that you walked out before it was over? If you have never walked out on a movie, what movie/movies were you just busting to walk out on but couldn't for some reason, maybe because you were with a group of friends/date that was enjoying the film. I am looking forward to hearing some of your stories.
I never actually got up and walked, but came close a few times. "Pulp Fiction" was the closest I ever came, I think I got up a few times and was primed to go, but didn't because I was with friends. "28 Days Later" was a close second. I have sat through many a chick flick too with girlfriends, you can't walk out on those or you'll pay the price at home. You just have to sit and smile and pretend it's an amazing movie. Put a little ice on your face to make them think you are touched by the love story and are all teary....hahaha
When I was younger and went to the movies with friends we'd do shit to entertain ourselves when the movie was boring. In most theatres now they give you the popcorn in that paper bag, not the bucket. The bucket was a staple back in the day. After we would eat all the popcorn, we'd go fill the bucket with water at the water fountain. We'd head back to our seat and dump it. The slope of the theatre used to make the water run all the way down, soaking everyone's feet. Nobody ever figured out where all the water was coming from, but it sure was funny to watch people scamper around.
Ok, I want to hear your movie stories......
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
Tales From The Janitor
I am one of those people who feel that everyone at a company is an important part of the operation. In a direct or indirect way, everyone's job has an impact on everyone else's. When the janitor makes his rounds throughout the day to empty garbage pails and clean up, I always make conversation with him about everything from work to family life. I see that he enjoys the conversation. More importantly, I am considerate and I don't do fucked up things in my office so he has a big mess on his hands. I was chatting with him the other day and he was telling me stories about some of the stuff he comes across in people's offices and cubicles. I was dumbfounded.
He mentioned that people throw half full cups of coffee with no lids in their garbage pails! How fucked up is that when the sink/breakroom is steps away??? He said that when he lifts the bag liner out of the pail, it leaks all over. Do these assholes throw away full beverages in their homes too? How stupid and inconsiderate can someone be?
Stop The Insanity!!!!!
He also went on to tell me that people clip their toenails and figernails and leave them all over the carpet. Who's taking their shoes off at work to give themselves a pedicure? I thought that was extremely nasty! He also told me that he finds boogers and other nose remnants on the desk and floor. Are people that uncivilized? I was astonished.
It amazes me that people are that rude and inconsiderate of others. I've noticed over the years though that when something does not have a direct impact on someone, they don't care. It's only when shit happens that has a direct impact on them that they care. I think everyone who starts in a company should have to work a day or two in every department so that they can see the point of view of each group. Then they would be able to witness the struggles and problems of each department. Maybe people would think twice before being an asshole.
He mentioned that people throw half full cups of coffee with no lids in their garbage pails! How fucked up is that when the sink/breakroom is steps away??? He said that when he lifts the bag liner out of the pail, it leaks all over. Do these assholes throw away full beverages in their homes too? How stupid and inconsiderate can someone be?
Stop The Insanity!!!!!
He also went on to tell me that people clip their toenails and figernails and leave them all over the carpet. Who's taking their shoes off at work to give themselves a pedicure? I thought that was extremely nasty! He also told me that he finds boogers and other nose remnants on the desk and floor. Are people that uncivilized? I was astonished.
It amazes me that people are that rude and inconsiderate of others. I've noticed over the years though that when something does not have a direct impact on someone, they don't care. It's only when shit happens that has a direct impact on them that they care. I think everyone who starts in a company should have to work a day or two in every department so that they can see the point of view of each group. Then they would be able to witness the struggles and problems of each department. Maybe people would think twice before being an asshole.
The HOV Lane
As in many parts of the country, the traffic situation here on Long Island is horrible. The highway system, for the most part, was designed about 70 years ago. The parkways on Long Island were built so that New York City residents could take leisurely drives out to the beaches along tree lined and scenic roads. Well, 70 years later we have the same parkways with the population and volume of cars probably 15 times what it was back then, yet nobody tries to come up with wise traffic solutions. The big "solution" these politicians come up with is using the HOV lane on the Long Island Expressway. They have a website you can go on to arrange carpools with strangers. Yeah, that's something I want to do....ride with a potential criminal, sex offender, crazy mofo, etc. Nothing like a little sodomy on the way to work. Hey, where did my wallet go???? I am a guy and I would not want to ride with some strange dude, would you as a woman? So after work, say I want to stop off for something at the supermarket, do I bring these carpool people with me? Or do I say hang out here in the car Mr., I need a bag of Oreos. Wait here Miss, I need that new DVD porn. In the morning, all I want to hear is music. I don't want someone in my car talking. If it's a new or strange person, it's going to be all small talk, like the weather, how are the kids, wow this is a nice car, shit like that...spare me. I think I'd rather pull all the hair out of my ass with a dull tweezer than listen to that shit. If it's a choice between the HOV lane or sitting in traffic, I'll take the traffic. Either that or I can borrow the Sugar V's blowup doll and get in the HOV lane hoping it will pass as a human when I drive by the highway patrol. No carpool lane for me!
C-Mac has been "Tagged"
Ok, so Steph "tagged" me with this survey. Here it is. I "tag" Liz, Molly, Bridget, and The Muse with it to complete on their sites:
Here are my questions...
Three names I go by:
1. Charlie
2. C-Mac
3. Mac
Three screen names that I have had:
1. Mattingly23c
2. CmacNY
3. Cmac23Ny
Three things I like about myself:
1. Sense of humor
2. Caring/Concern for others
3. My eyes
Three things I don't like about myself:
1. A Bit of OCD
2. Impatient at times
3. I take things too personal sometimes
Three parts of my heritage:
1. Italian
2. Irish
3. American
Three things that scare me:
1. Bees (yeah I am a pussy)
2. Leaving this life without fulfilling my purpose
3. Losing someone I love
Three of my everyday essentials:
1. Laughter
2. Music
3. Hot Shower
Three things I am wearing right now:
1. Blue Button Down Shirt
2. Grey Pants
3. Grey socks
Three of my fave bands or musical artists:
1. Bruce Springsteen
2. Billy Joel
3. Tom Petty
Three of my fave songs:
1. What’s Goin’ On (Marvin Gaye)
2. Midnight Train to Georgia (Gladys Knight & Pips)
3. Moondance (Van Morrison)
Three new things I want to try in the next 12 months:
1. New Job
2. Running a half-marathon
3. Doing some Community Work
Three things I want in a relationship:
1. HONESTY
2. Laughter/Fun
3. Wild Sex
Two truths and a lie:
1. I am sad more often than people can tell
2. I walked out on a restaurant bill once
3. I owned a pet Kangaroo
Three physical things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Eyes
2. Laughter
3. A great ass
Three things I can't do without:
1. Music
2. Friends
3. Love
Three of my fave hobbies:
1. Writing
2. Running
3. Music
Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Australia
3. Ireland
Three things I just can't do:
1. Play Basketball
2. Be a phony
3. Keep quiet more than 5 minutes
Three kids' names:
1. Bruce (my doggie)
2. The Sugar V (he needs supervision)
3. Moondance (stuffed dog I’ve had for years)
Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Have ONE at-bat at Yankee Stadium
2. Meet Bruce Springsteen
3. Find the love of my life
Three celeb crushes:
1. Jessica Alba
2. Cristina Aguilera
3. Scarlett Johansen
Here are my questions...
Three names I go by:
1. Charlie
2. C-Mac
3. Mac
Three screen names that I have had:
1. Mattingly23c
2. CmacNY
3. Cmac23Ny
Three things I like about myself:
1. Sense of humor
2. Caring/Concern for others
3. My eyes
Three things I don't like about myself:
1. A Bit of OCD
2. Impatient at times
3. I take things too personal sometimes
Three parts of my heritage:
1. Italian
2. Irish
3. American
Three things that scare me:
1. Bees (yeah I am a pussy)
2. Leaving this life without fulfilling my purpose
3. Losing someone I love
Three of my everyday essentials:
1. Laughter
2. Music
3. Hot Shower
Three things I am wearing right now:
1. Blue Button Down Shirt
2. Grey Pants
3. Grey socks
Three of my fave bands or musical artists:
1. Bruce Springsteen
2. Billy Joel
3. Tom Petty
Three of my fave songs:
1. What’s Goin’ On (Marvin Gaye)
2. Midnight Train to Georgia (Gladys Knight & Pips)
3. Moondance (Van Morrison)
Three new things I want to try in the next 12 months:
1. New Job
2. Running a half-marathon
3. Doing some Community Work
Three things I want in a relationship:
1. HONESTY
2. Laughter/Fun
3. Wild Sex
Two truths and a lie:
1. I am sad more often than people can tell
2. I walked out on a restaurant bill once
3. I owned a pet Kangaroo
Three physical things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. Eyes
2. Laughter
3. A great ass
Three things I can't do without:
1. Music
2. Friends
3. Love
Three of my fave hobbies:
1. Writing
2. Running
3. Music
Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Australia
3. Ireland
Three things I just can't do:
1. Play Basketball
2. Be a phony
3. Keep quiet more than 5 minutes
Three kids' names:
1. Bruce (my doggie)
2. The Sugar V (he needs supervision)
3. Moondance (stuffed dog I’ve had for years)
Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Have ONE at-bat at Yankee Stadium
2. Meet Bruce Springsteen
3. Find the love of my life
Three celeb crushes:
1. Jessica Alba
2. Cristina Aguilera
3. Scarlett Johansen
Construction Zone Flag Guy
On my way to work today I realized what I really want to do for a living. I passed a construction zone down on Ocean Parkway near Jones Beach and I was intrigued by the Flag Waver. Talk about a great job! This dude was relaxing, waving a flag and watching cars pass by. He is out in the sun all day, near the beaches, how great is that? I am sure he's union and probably makes about $50.00 an hour to wave that flag. The only thing I'd do differently is get more into the flag waving. I'd probably dance a bit, maybe throw in a few old school moves like the running man, the cabbage patch, or the robot. You know, give the drivers something to laugh about while they are sitting in construction zone traffic. I am sure it will make good dinner conversation for them at home later that night.
Have you ever taken a close look at these construction zones? There are usually about 25 workers on the site, but only 4 of them are actually working. The other 21 are just watching, drinking Gatorade, laughing, and chatting it up. I wonder if 4 names are drawn out of a hat early in the morning to determine who is actually going to be the "workers" for that particular day. One other observation about construction zones is that they close off a mile or two stretch of road (lane) all to work on a piece of road the size of a postage stamp. It's absurd.
I'm off to seek out a Flag Waver job application........
Have you ever taken a close look at these construction zones? There are usually about 25 workers on the site, but only 4 of them are actually working. The other 21 are just watching, drinking Gatorade, laughing, and chatting it up. I wonder if 4 names are drawn out of a hat early in the morning to determine who is actually going to be the "workers" for that particular day. One other observation about construction zones is that they close off a mile or two stretch of road (lane) all to work on a piece of road the size of a postage stamp. It's absurd.
I'm off to seek out a Flag Waver job application........
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Office Traffic Cop for Hire
Not sure how many of the daytime "Bored at the Beach" readers work in an office, but if you do, you'll be able to relate to what I am going to write. Thankfully, I have my own office at work and don't sit in the dreaded cube anymore. Not sure how I landed an office, but that's another topic. My point is, when I leave my office and have to go to other parts of the building, it's a pain in the ass to see around the corners of these cubicles! I almost run about 10 people over a day! Either that or some douche bag is carrying a boiling cup of tea and is not watching where they go and he almost spills it all over me. Just what I need, a 3rd degree burn from a fuckin' cup of Lipton. They should have mirrors you can look in to see people coming around these bends. Either that, or an office traffic cop. Hell, we waste enough money around here, what's another salary? There are about three dozen people I can think of off the top of my head that don't do anything here, what's another employee? At least he/she will be doing something useful. When I come around these bends I usually almost always come close to running over the 5'1 woman that you can't see over the wall. Either that or the 400lb woman comes close to steamrolling me. I say an office traffic cop on every cubicle corner to avoid these mishaps. Is that asking too much? Where is that suggestion box? Hope it's on an anonymous basis only.......
Religion and Ignorance
There is a direct link between religion and ignorance. There, I said it.
Sometimes it IS a shock to come across people who appear both intelligent and cultured to open their mouths and fuck that all up. While I do believe that the Bible can teach some good lessons to live your life by, it is outdated. Just think about this: People are still live their lives by a book that was written BEFORE the world was known to be round. What?! Yes, it's true...the majority of people thought that if you walked far enough you would fall off the edge of the world. Hey, God never promised to make you SMART!
I reason I bring this all up is because daily I am bombarded with this utter bullshit. Now that Bush has a "mandate" to rule this country and bring it to the edge of ruin (a thing that evangelistic Christians and Republicans don't even NOTICE because they are so concentrated on taking humanity away from homosexuals and stopping abortions) religion has gotten a booster shot in the arm. It's gotten me so sick. I get pissed each day that I see politics mixed in with religion. I've even experienced times when I've found myself interacting with a pretty girl and we start talking and hitting it off nicely...only to have her say something about Bush or religion or anti-gay/abortion...and my stomach churns. She might as well have drooled and said "My genital warts are itching today.”.
I think I made an untrue statement earlier; religion and ignorance aren't directly related...religion and flat-out stupidity are. That's why an astounding majority of voters picked Bush not because of the economy or war or other justifiable reason...but because of MORAL VALUES. Are you kidding me? Because the nitwit thinks that gays should be hog-tied and thrown in the river and woman who have abortions should be beheaded...THAT equals moral values?!
Sometimes I think America is a fuckup.
Religion is not wholly bad...I guess. Some people are capable as seeing the Bible for what it is and don't interpret it fanatically. Just do me a favor...if you are religous and don't want your children to grow up being as fucking stupid as you are...don't teach them the Bible. If they decide to flock to the ankles of God, let them do it voluntarily and of their own free will later in life. When they are older and hopefully smarter, that's when they are of the age to decide. Forcefeeding them Jesus while still in diapers...well you might as well drop them on their heads from two floors up. The end result will be the same anyway.
Sometimes it IS a shock to come across people who appear both intelligent and cultured to open their mouths and fuck that all up. While I do believe that the Bible can teach some good lessons to live your life by, it is outdated. Just think about this: People are still live their lives by a book that was written BEFORE the world was known to be round. What?! Yes, it's true...the majority of people thought that if you walked far enough you would fall off the edge of the world. Hey, God never promised to make you SMART!
I reason I bring this all up is because daily I am bombarded with this utter bullshit. Now that Bush has a "mandate" to rule this country and bring it to the edge of ruin (a thing that evangelistic Christians and Republicans don't even NOTICE because they are so concentrated on taking humanity away from homosexuals and stopping abortions) religion has gotten a booster shot in the arm. It's gotten me so sick. I get pissed each day that I see politics mixed in with religion. I've even experienced times when I've found myself interacting with a pretty girl and we start talking and hitting it off nicely...only to have her say something about Bush or religion or anti-gay/abortion...and my stomach churns. She might as well have drooled and said "My genital warts are itching today.”.
I think I made an untrue statement earlier; religion and ignorance aren't directly related...religion and flat-out stupidity are. That's why an astounding majority of voters picked Bush not because of the economy or war or other justifiable reason...but because of MORAL VALUES. Are you kidding me? Because the nitwit thinks that gays should be hog-tied and thrown in the river and woman who have abortions should be beheaded...THAT equals moral values?!
Sometimes I think America is a fuckup.
Religion is not wholly bad...I guess. Some people are capable as seeing the Bible for what it is and don't interpret it fanatically. Just do me a favor...if you are religous and don't want your children to grow up being as fucking stupid as you are...don't teach them the Bible. If they decide to flock to the ankles of God, let them do it voluntarily and of their own free will later in life. When they are older and hopefully smarter, that's when they are of the age to decide. Forcefeeding them Jesus while still in diapers...well you might as well drop them on their heads from two floors up. The end result will be the same anyway.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Polygamy
So while I was eating dinner, I was watching that stupid show called "A Current Affair" which is like a tabloid news program. They had a pretty interesting segment about the practice of polygamy by the Mormons out in Utah. This is just something I don't understand.
I Just Don't Get It.............
I am a guy in my early 30's who has never been married but who has been in many long term relationships and I have lived with girlfriends. Why would any man want more than ONE wife??? I am not talking about the sexual part here, I am talking about just dealing with say five women. Five different personalities, with five different sets of needs, five different PMS weeks, and five different pains in the ass. Living with ONE is MORE than enough.
So, when it's time to go food shopping, do they all go? Who cooks? Say it's a Saturday Morning and one wife wants to go with hubby to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and the other feels it's a Macy's day....do they flip a coin? Is sex like a five person rotation like a major league baseball pitching staff? If one gets tired, do you make a call out to the bullpen for relief? I wonder how this all works. I wonder what the sleeping arrangements are. I don't think 1-800-MATTRESS (leave off the last S for stupid) sells beds big enough for more than say, two wives.
Trying to make one woman happy is a job in itself, but to want marry a few, you truly have to be insane!
I Just Don't Get It.............
I am a guy in my early 30's who has never been married but who has been in many long term relationships and I have lived with girlfriends. Why would any man want more than ONE wife??? I am not talking about the sexual part here, I am talking about just dealing with say five women. Five different personalities, with five different sets of needs, five different PMS weeks, and five different pains in the ass. Living with ONE is MORE than enough.
So, when it's time to go food shopping, do they all go? Who cooks? Say it's a Saturday Morning and one wife wants to go with hubby to Bed, Bath, and Beyond and the other feels it's a Macy's day....do they flip a coin? Is sex like a five person rotation like a major league baseball pitching staff? If one gets tired, do you make a call out to the bullpen for relief? I wonder how this all works. I wonder what the sleeping arrangements are. I don't think 1-800-MATTRESS (leave off the last S for stupid) sells beds big enough for more than say, two wives.
Trying to make one woman happy is a job in itself, but to want marry a few, you truly have to be insane!
SPAM E-Mails
I don't know about you, but I am tired of those junk e-mails. If you go a weekend without checking your e-mail, you wake to dozens of these in your inbox on Monday. Apparently the demand for penile enlargement is greater than we all think. I'm sure you all get e-mail advertisements for that, whether you have a penis or not. Last time I checked, my penis was just fine and not in need of any surgery or enlargement pills or creams. I get a kick out of that, penile enlargement cream....wouldn't your hand get bigger too when you come in contact with the cream to apply it on the penis? You'd be walking around like the Hamburger Helper Mascot. Cracks me up. Apparently the penis is an obsession for many because a good portion of the junk mail is about the penis. Make it bigger, fatter, stronger, harder, and healthier with Acme Penile Pills. Watch your penis grow 14 inches right before your very eyes. New from Acme, it's Chia Penis. Enough penis e-mails already!
Then there are the e-mails for everything from home equity loans, free computers and ipods, on-line degrees, and free pizza, to "meet singles in your area." If I want to meet a single in my area, I'll go out! If I want an IPOD, I'll go out and buy one. If I want pizza, I'll pay the fuckin' $1.50 for the slice.....just leave me alone already! I wonder how these people even get my e-mail address......all that I know is that I am tired of having to clean these all out of the inbox.
Then there are the e-mails for everything from home equity loans, free computers and ipods, on-line degrees, and free pizza, to "meet singles in your area." If I want to meet a single in my area, I'll go out! If I want an IPOD, I'll go out and buy one. If I want pizza, I'll pay the fuckin' $1.50 for the slice.....just leave me alone already! I wonder how these people even get my e-mail address......all that I know is that I am tired of having to clean these all out of the inbox.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
The Sidewalk Mascot
The sidewalk mascot, one of the most misunderstood figures in society. I saw a lonely sidewalk mascot today as I drove along the highway. He/she was dressed up in a very low-budget Scooby-Doo costume. Sort of like Scooby's welfare cousin. Not sure what store he was trying to drum up business for, but Welfare Scooby was just going through the motions, waving to cars. Welfare Scooby was not very enthusiastic, he was just kind of waiting for his shift to be over. It was about 70 degrees today so whoever was inside definitely was not comfortable in that costume.
Poor Bastard........
I wonder if having a dancing dog, coffee cup, or superhero actually helps business. I have never stopped off for lunch just because I saw a slice of pepperoni pizza dancing on a sidewalk, have you? I wonder if these employees volunteer to be the mascot, or if they are forced to do it. I suppose it beats scrubbing a greasy grill in the kitchen, but I suppose after closing, when the costume comes off, that poor bastard is also the toilet scrubber and the dish washer.
So the next time you see a sidewalk mascot, blow your horn, wave, or shake his hand. The sidewalk mascot is one of society's unsung heroes. There should be a national sidewalk mascot appreciation day......so here's to you sidewalk welfare Scooby, here's to you sidewalk dancing banana, and here's to you sidewalk waving burrito, you are not going unrecognized any longer!
Poor Bastard........
I wonder if having a dancing dog, coffee cup, or superhero actually helps business. I have never stopped off for lunch just because I saw a slice of pepperoni pizza dancing on a sidewalk, have you? I wonder if these employees volunteer to be the mascot, or if they are forced to do it. I suppose it beats scrubbing a greasy grill in the kitchen, but I suppose after closing, when the costume comes off, that poor bastard is also the toilet scrubber and the dish washer.
So the next time you see a sidewalk mascot, blow your horn, wave, or shake his hand. The sidewalk mascot is one of society's unsung heroes. There should be a national sidewalk mascot appreciation day......so here's to you sidewalk welfare Scooby, here's to you sidewalk dancing banana, and here's to you sidewalk waving burrito, you are not going unrecognized any longer!
Saturday the 14th........
Well, I made it through "Friday the 13th" and so did you if you're reading this! No black cat sightings, no walking under ladders, and Jason was nowhere to be found yesterday. I'm not too sure I believe in any of that superstitious stuff anyway. Some people live their lives around superstitious rituals.
Wade Boggs, a very famous baseball player from the 80's and 90's who played for the Red Sox and Yankees was wacky. He would eat the same exact dinner every day until he went hitless in a game, then he would switch. It was always chicken, just cooked differently. He took exactly 150 ground balls during infield practice and had a fixation on time. He entered the batting cage at exactly 5:17 p.m. and ran wind sprints at 7:17 p.m. Before each at-bat, he would write the Hebrew word "Chai" meaning life into the dirt of the batter's box. Between pitches, he had a habit if he was playing defense at 3rd base: he'd swipe the dirt in front of him with his left foot, tap his glove two or three times and adjust his cap.
One superstitious man.....
He did all these things and believed all of this, yet he wasn't smart enough to keep the woman he was having an affair with away from the stadium when his wife and kids were there. He eventually got busted and went through all kinds of hell. Guess cheating on his wife was not on his list of superstitions........
Being half Italian, that side of the family had a few superstitions they would "enforce" in the house growing up. We were told not to open an umbrella in the house, step on cracks in the sidewalk, new shoes could not be put on a table (even if still in the box or bag), and putting a hat on a bed. These were all supposedly "bad luck." I think it was more like dysfunction. That is a more logical explanation.
What are some superstitions that you believe or some that were enforced in your family?
Wade Boggs, a very famous baseball player from the 80's and 90's who played for the Red Sox and Yankees was wacky. He would eat the same exact dinner every day until he went hitless in a game, then he would switch. It was always chicken, just cooked differently. He took exactly 150 ground balls during infield practice and had a fixation on time. He entered the batting cage at exactly 5:17 p.m. and ran wind sprints at 7:17 p.m. Before each at-bat, he would write the Hebrew word "Chai" meaning life into the dirt of the batter's box. Between pitches, he had a habit if he was playing defense at 3rd base: he'd swipe the dirt in front of him with his left foot, tap his glove two or three times and adjust his cap.
One superstitious man.....
He did all these things and believed all of this, yet he wasn't smart enough to keep the woman he was having an affair with away from the stadium when his wife and kids were there. He eventually got busted and went through all kinds of hell. Guess cheating on his wife was not on his list of superstitions........
Being half Italian, that side of the family had a few superstitions they would "enforce" in the house growing up. We were told not to open an umbrella in the house, step on cracks in the sidewalk, new shoes could not be put on a table (even if still in the box or bag), and putting a hat on a bed. These were all supposedly "bad luck." I think it was more like dysfunction. That is a more logical explanation.
What are some superstitions that you believe or some that were enforced in your family?
Friday, May 13, 2005
10 Things That Annoy Me At Work
Yup, it's that time again, morning. Time once again to start the work day. Before I officially start at 8:30, I wanted to list the top 10 things I hate most about work....in no particular order:
The Commute: Although I am only 20 miles away and it really does not take me all that long, just dealing with douche bags on the road in the morning starts each day on the wrong foot. I want to work from home, from my deck!
Phony People: We all have these people at work. People who pretend to be your friend then talk shit behind your back and everyone else's. In the spirit of Friday the 13th, I hope Jason catches up with these morons sometime later tonight.
Miserable People: You know these people, the ones who forgot how to say hello, smile, or even speak for that matter. These people need to either get laid or get a laxative.
People Who Steal Your Ideas: You have to love these geniuses. These are the people who can't think on their own so they listen in on your ideas or someone else's and present it as their own just for credit. The key with these nozzles is to make up a crazy idea so they hear it and run with it. Let the fucker get fired.
People Who Try To Look Busy But Do Nothing: These people are my favorite. You can spot them a mile away. They take deep breaths, sigh, wipe their brow, scatter papers all over their desk, walk around with papers all the time, stay until the boss leaves, and always look annoyed....you know the Costanza method of working. These people need to be put on bathroom duty after a Mexican luncheon.
People Who Cook Fucked Up Food In the Microwave: We've all dealt with these assholes. They bring in some exotic seafood dish and the whole fuckin' office smells like a whorehouse or they burn popcorn and the office smells like the towering inferno. These people need to be banned from the kitchen.
The 50 Cigarette Break Worker: This person needs to actually do some fuckin' work. They spend half the day racking up Marlboro points. At their homes they have the fuckin' Marlboro couch, Marlboro kitchen set, Marlboro car, and even the fuckin' Marlboro Jet from all the fuckin' cigarettes they are smoking at work. Get back to your desk you lazy prick and work! You don't see me out taking a vodka break or a sex break do you? Maybe I should!
The Pass The Buck Douche Bags: You know these people. People who don't give a shit, they just want it off their desk at any cost. They pass along shit to you that is half complete, 90% inaccurate, or that makes no sense whatsoever. They feel they did their part of it and just want it over with. Haunt these assholes, make their lives miserable right back.
People Who Try and Act Smart: You know these people too. We have people in offices here that have had the same scientific formulas on their dry erase boards for 2 fuckin' years....ok douche bag, I can look that up on the internet too. You have no idea what that even means so get the eraser and erase it before I carve the Pythagorean Theorem on your forehead with a knife.
Meetings: These are always fun. You discuss the SAME shit at every meeting and nothing ever gets done. You have people who don't know how to shut the fuck up at these meetings and make them drag on for HOURS! When they ask does anyone have any questions, shut up and be done with it! The most petty and trivial shit is discussed at these meetings, shit that could be solved in 30 seconds if someone had the balls or actually gave a shit.
Ok, that's my top 10...I want to hear your work gripes!!!!!
The Commute: Although I am only 20 miles away and it really does not take me all that long, just dealing with douche bags on the road in the morning starts each day on the wrong foot. I want to work from home, from my deck!
Phony People: We all have these people at work. People who pretend to be your friend then talk shit behind your back and everyone else's. In the spirit of Friday the 13th, I hope Jason catches up with these morons sometime later tonight.
Miserable People: You know these people, the ones who forgot how to say hello, smile, or even speak for that matter. These people need to either get laid or get a laxative.
People Who Steal Your Ideas: You have to love these geniuses. These are the people who can't think on their own so they listen in on your ideas or someone else's and present it as their own just for credit. The key with these nozzles is to make up a crazy idea so they hear it and run with it. Let the fucker get fired.
People Who Try To Look Busy But Do Nothing: These people are my favorite. You can spot them a mile away. They take deep breaths, sigh, wipe their brow, scatter papers all over their desk, walk around with papers all the time, stay until the boss leaves, and always look annoyed....you know the Costanza method of working. These people need to be put on bathroom duty after a Mexican luncheon.
People Who Cook Fucked Up Food In the Microwave: We've all dealt with these assholes. They bring in some exotic seafood dish and the whole fuckin' office smells like a whorehouse or they burn popcorn and the office smells like the towering inferno. These people need to be banned from the kitchen.
The 50 Cigarette Break Worker: This person needs to actually do some fuckin' work. They spend half the day racking up Marlboro points. At their homes they have the fuckin' Marlboro couch, Marlboro kitchen set, Marlboro car, and even the fuckin' Marlboro Jet from all the fuckin' cigarettes they are smoking at work. Get back to your desk you lazy prick and work! You don't see me out taking a vodka break or a sex break do you? Maybe I should!
The Pass The Buck Douche Bags: You know these people. People who don't give a shit, they just want it off their desk at any cost. They pass along shit to you that is half complete, 90% inaccurate, or that makes no sense whatsoever. They feel they did their part of it and just want it over with. Haunt these assholes, make their lives miserable right back.
People Who Try and Act Smart: You know these people too. We have people in offices here that have had the same scientific formulas on their dry erase boards for 2 fuckin' years....ok douche bag, I can look that up on the internet too. You have no idea what that even means so get the eraser and erase it before I carve the Pythagorean Theorem on your forehead with a knife.
Meetings: These are always fun. You discuss the SAME shit at every meeting and nothing ever gets done. You have people who don't know how to shut the fuck up at these meetings and make them drag on for HOURS! When they ask does anyone have any questions, shut up and be done with it! The most petty and trivial shit is discussed at these meetings, shit that could be solved in 30 seconds if someone had the balls or actually gave a shit.
Ok, that's my top 10...I want to hear your work gripes!!!!!
Thursday, May 12, 2005
More Cheese Please!
Ok, it's time for all "Bored At The Beach" readers to come clean. I want to know some of the CHEESIEST cd's that are part of your collection. I know there are at least FIVE that you hide or are a little ashamed of. CD's that you bought back in the day but cringe when you come across them now. I own about 1300 cd's, so I have quite a few cheesy ones. Here's my Hall Of Shame:
Rick Astley- Yeah, I actually own this! Back in the day, "Never Gonna Give You Up" was a big hit and so was "Together Forever." Looking back, this CD is a disgrace.
Debbie Gibson- A local Long Island girl, Debbie was hot stuff back in the late 80's/early 90's. Come on, we all loved "Shake Your Love" and got teary eyed over "Lost In Your Eyes."
Milli Vanilli- Girl, you know it's true, that C-Mac owns this one. At the time, this CD was ass kickin'. Who cares who was really singing? "Blame It On the Rain" "Girl You Know It's True" and "Baby, Don't Forget My Number" were pretty good tunes.
Bobby Brown- Wife beater, crack addict, and a pretty good dancer. Bobby Brown was all over the radio back in the 1988-1991 days. "Every Little Step" "Don't Be Cruel" and "On Our Own" were HUGE hits. Not to mention his slow jams, and pipe laying tunes. He was the R. Kelly of the 80's.
Color Me Badd- Ok, I admit it, I own the Color Me Badd CD. I actually saw them on a rerun of 90210 like a month ago. We ALL cranked up "I Wanna Sex You Up" back in the summer of '91!! The other big hits were "I Adore Mi Amore" and "All For Love." It really does not get any worse than Color Me Badd, unless of course, you own a New Kids CD, just ask the Sugar V!!!
Rick Astley- Yeah, I actually own this! Back in the day, "Never Gonna Give You Up" was a big hit and so was "Together Forever." Looking back, this CD is a disgrace.
Debbie Gibson- A local Long Island girl, Debbie was hot stuff back in the late 80's/early 90's. Come on, we all loved "Shake Your Love" and got teary eyed over "Lost In Your Eyes."
Milli Vanilli- Girl, you know it's true, that C-Mac owns this one. At the time, this CD was ass kickin'. Who cares who was really singing? "Blame It On the Rain" "Girl You Know It's True" and "Baby, Don't Forget My Number" were pretty good tunes.
Bobby Brown- Wife beater, crack addict, and a pretty good dancer. Bobby Brown was all over the radio back in the 1988-1991 days. "Every Little Step" "Don't Be Cruel" and "On Our Own" were HUGE hits. Not to mention his slow jams, and pipe laying tunes. He was the R. Kelly of the 80's.
Color Me Badd- Ok, I admit it, I own the Color Me Badd CD. I actually saw them on a rerun of 90210 like a month ago. We ALL cranked up "I Wanna Sex You Up" back in the summer of '91!! The other big hits were "I Adore Mi Amore" and "All For Love." It really does not get any worse than Color Me Badd, unless of course, you own a New Kids CD, just ask the Sugar V!!!
Life In The Fast Lane
Back in the 70's, the Eagles sang about "Life In The Fast Lane," but they were referring to a fast paced, stressful lifestyle. The fast lane I want to chat about today is the LEFT lane of the highway, where all the douche bags seem to drive at or below the speed limit. I was aware that the left lane was the "fast" lane or passing lane when I was still riding a big wheel, yet you have people in the left lane daily that are out joy riding in rush hour traffic. Does it not occur to them as EVERYONE is passing them on the right, staring them down, and cursing at them, that JUST MAYBE they should pick up the pace or move the fuck over? Sometimes I am in the left lane doing 75-80MPH and a car starts to approach me from behind at a higher rate of speed than I am traveling, and I still move over to let them pass even though I am already breaking the speed limit by 20MPH! It's called etiquette and common sense!
Once my brother-in-law and I were heading out to Eastern Long Island to play golf. My brother-in-law was driving, who by the way, is a little insane. Someone was driving at about 50MPH in the left lane and would not move over. My brother-in-law proceeded to just hold the horn down right behind this guy for about 5 miles. We just went about our conversation, discussed the weather, and the golf day ahead. The slow dude finally got rattled and moved over. It was pretty hilarious. Or you can try the handful of pennies trick, as you pass them and get in front of them, toss a handful of pennies out the window, especially at night, they will think it's rocks kicking up and move over. If that does not work, try a master lock...haha
Once my brother-in-law and I were heading out to Eastern Long Island to play golf. My brother-in-law was driving, who by the way, is a little insane. Someone was driving at about 50MPH in the left lane and would not move over. My brother-in-law proceeded to just hold the horn down right behind this guy for about 5 miles. We just went about our conversation, discussed the weather, and the golf day ahead. The slow dude finally got rattled and moved over. It was pretty hilarious. Or you can try the handful of pennies trick, as you pass them and get in front of them, toss a handful of pennies out the window, especially at night, they will think it's rocks kicking up and move over. If that does not work, try a master lock...haha
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Bright Ideas............
Burn Baby Burn!!!!!!!
Have you ever heard of a crazy promotion or seen a crazy commercial for a product and wondered what the hell the person who thought up the idea was thinking at the time??? These "promotional" nights at baseball stadiums really happened and turned into disasters:
June 4th 1974, Cleveland: 10 Cent Beer Night-
I'm not sure the Cleveland Indians Management would have been dumber if they offered free gasoline and matches and invited all the pyromaniacs in town to the game. The Indians offered the fans all the beer they could guzzle for 10 cents a cup. This was basically nothing more than an open invitation for every thug in town to come start a drunken riot. Basically, that's what they got. By the third inning fans were running on the field harassing players. As the night wore on and the booze really kicked in, things got ugly. Fans started tossing the beers and firecrackers into the visiting Texas Rangers bullpen and dugout. Chairs started being ripped out and tossed on the field. One of the umpires was hit by a flying chair and called the game. Dozens were arrested and dozens more hurt as riot police were called in. Incredibly, the Cleveland management had scheduled three more 10 cent beer nights and planned to go ahead with them. Major League Baseball forced them to cancel the promotions.
July 12th 1979, Chicago: Disco Demolition Night-
The Chicago White Sox owner and a local radio DJ came up with this brilliant idea. They thought it would be a good idea for fans to bring disco albums to the stadium for a 98 cent admission price for a DOUBLEHEADER. The plan was to build a bonfire in centerfield and burn the disco records between games. More than 50,000 disco hating fans showed up for the game. Right away the fans started using the records as Frisbees and hundreds of records were flying all over the stadium. By the time the between game ceremony began, the fans were primed for craziness. When the “fire goddess” named Loreli came on the field and lit the bonfire, the fans went ape shit. About 7,000 fans stormed the field and rioted. The second game was cancelled and dozens were injured and arrested. Another brilliant scheme.
July 5th 1985, Atlanta: Fourth of July Fireworks-
The Atlanta Braves fireworks show lit up more than just the sky. After a 19 inning game with the NY Mets that started at 8pm on July 4th and ended at 3:55am on July 5th, the Braves management thought it was ok to proceed with the July 4th fireworks at the end of the game. Only about 8,000 fans remained in the stadium. As the fireworks started, residents within a 7 mile radius of the stadium were shaken out of bed thinking they were being bombed. Hundreds of calls were phoned into the Police and people were running out in the streets. After about an hour, order was restored in the city.
ZZ TOP
Guys, it's over!
Don't you think it's time these guys shave? Yeah, the whole beard gimmick was funny and cool back in 1985, but it's TWENTY YEARS LATER! Buy a fuckin' razor! We get it, hahaha, the beards, yeah......it was stale by 1990!
Why do bands/famous people refuse to let go of the past? Nobody is listening to "Sharp Dressed Man" anymore guys! Your cd's are on the $2.99 rack, shave already! They could make more endorsing the Mach 3 razor for Gillette by shaving than they are making off record sales right now. Let it go!
The Retail Years
Have any of you ever had the misfortune of working in retail? I did from my high school years until about 1997. The things I have seen and heard will AMAZE some of you. I want to share some of my favorite retail stories:
1) The Store Gym: I worked for a large sporting goods store from my Sophmore year in high school until I was about 20. We had a HUGE area where we had all of our exercise equipment on display for people to look at and try. We had this "customer" come in EVERY night at 5:20, towel in hand, to work out on the machines. Why spend the money on a gym membership when you can get it free at your local sporting goods store? This guy was INSANE!!!! We loved the spectacle so much, we never threw him out of the store.
2) The National Anthem: Same store, same job. We had this "special" kid come in after school a few days a week to play the demo we had set up of Sega Genesis. He loved to play the NHL hockey video game, but he did it with a twist. Before the game, he'd take his baseball cap off, hold it against his heart and sing both the American and Canadian National Anthems. He would then play the game, imitating Marv Albert's voice and doing the play by play, "the pass to Messier, Scoooooore!!!!"
3) The Kiddie Pool- I managed a retail store similar to Target years ago. We had a seasonal section where we had all of our summer stuff on display including the kiddie turtle pools. I was doing a store walk-through with my department managers when we got to the seasonal section. Something smelled really foul. We looked and looked and could not figure it out. We then looked in the direction of the kiddy pools and saw what was causing the odor. Someone had squatted and taken a shit right in the kiddie pool. It was nasty!
4) The Watch Battery- Same store as #3. We had a jewelry counter in the store where we sold all kinds of jewelry and watches. A well dressed customer approaches my clerk who was behind the jewelry counter and asked if we installed watch batteries. My clerk told her that we did not install them, but she'd be glad to show her which battery was the right one for her watch and that she could change it at home. The woman hacked up a big wad of spit and spat at the clerk. All because we did not install watch batteries.
5) The Men's Shirt Sale- An all out brawl took place over the last men's dress shirt. Two women grabbed for the same shirt and an all out brawl took place complete with blood, hair pulling, and Police activity. Neither woman got the shirt, but headed to the Police station instead.
6) The Old Lady- Ok, it's two days before Christmas 1995 and my 6am-6pm shift just ended as a manager of the same "Target" like store. I figured I would buy some last minute things before I headed home. There were 25 registers going, 15 people on each line. the store was packed. I was quietly waiting in line like everyone else, when all of a sudden an old lady collapsed on line. The heat/stress of the store must have gotten to her. Instead of people helping her, they pushed her cart aside and took her place in line!!!!!
7) I was managing a pharmacy store. One of my cashiers had a slight cold but came to work anyway. Some customer gave her an attitude for coming to work sick and asked for the manager. when I approached him he accused ME of forcing my employees to come to work sick just so I could drum up pharmacy business!
We'll have a retail years part 2 another time...I could write a book of stories!
1) The Store Gym: I worked for a large sporting goods store from my Sophmore year in high school until I was about 20. We had a HUGE area where we had all of our exercise equipment on display for people to look at and try. We had this "customer" come in EVERY night at 5:20, towel in hand, to work out on the machines. Why spend the money on a gym membership when you can get it free at your local sporting goods store? This guy was INSANE!!!! We loved the spectacle so much, we never threw him out of the store.
2) The National Anthem: Same store, same job. We had this "special" kid come in after school a few days a week to play the demo we had set up of Sega Genesis. He loved to play the NHL hockey video game, but he did it with a twist. Before the game, he'd take his baseball cap off, hold it against his heart and sing both the American and Canadian National Anthems. He would then play the game, imitating Marv Albert's voice and doing the play by play, "the pass to Messier, Scoooooore!!!!"
3) The Kiddie Pool- I managed a retail store similar to Target years ago. We had a seasonal section where we had all of our summer stuff on display including the kiddie turtle pools. I was doing a store walk-through with my department managers when we got to the seasonal section. Something smelled really foul. We looked and looked and could not figure it out. We then looked in the direction of the kiddy pools and saw what was causing the odor. Someone had squatted and taken a shit right in the kiddie pool. It was nasty!
4) The Watch Battery- Same store as #3. We had a jewelry counter in the store where we sold all kinds of jewelry and watches. A well dressed customer approaches my clerk who was behind the jewelry counter and asked if we installed watch batteries. My clerk told her that we did not install them, but she'd be glad to show her which battery was the right one for her watch and that she could change it at home. The woman hacked up a big wad of spit and spat at the clerk. All because we did not install watch batteries.
5) The Men's Shirt Sale- An all out brawl took place over the last men's dress shirt. Two women grabbed for the same shirt and an all out brawl took place complete with blood, hair pulling, and Police activity. Neither woman got the shirt, but headed to the Police station instead.
6) The Old Lady- Ok, it's two days before Christmas 1995 and my 6am-6pm shift just ended as a manager of the same "Target" like store. I figured I would buy some last minute things before I headed home. There were 25 registers going, 15 people on each line. the store was packed. I was quietly waiting in line like everyone else, when all of a sudden an old lady collapsed on line. The heat/stress of the store must have gotten to her. Instead of people helping her, they pushed her cart aside and took her place in line!!!!!
7) I was managing a pharmacy store. One of my cashiers had a slight cold but came to work anyway. Some customer gave her an attitude for coming to work sick and asked for the manager. when I approached him he accused ME of forcing my employees to come to work sick just so I could drum up pharmacy business!
We'll have a retail years part 2 another time...I could write a book of stories!
Song Lyric Fillers
Morning to all! Week is just about half over!
I was thinking this morning about songs which contain wacky "words" or sounds that aren't necessarily in a dictionary. Some can be quite annoying, but some stick in your head and you find yourself singing it, and of course it makes no sense. Here are some examples:
From GREASE:
We go together, like ra-ma la-ma la-ma ka dinga kading-a-dong
Remember forever, as shoo-wop shoo-waddy-waddy yippity
boom-de-boom
Chang-chang changity-chang shoo-bop that`s the way it should be
wahoo yeah
We`re one of a kind, like dip da-dip da-dip doo-wop
da-doo-dee-doo
Our names are signed, a-boogedy boogedy boogedy boogedy shooby
shoo-wop she-bop
Chang-chang changity-chang shoo-bop we`ll always be like one
wa-wa-wa-one
From LADY MARMALADE
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (Hey hey hey)
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (here)
From WHITE LINES
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Diggedy dang di-dang diggedy dang di-dang
From WHOOMP THERE IT IS:
Whoomp, chak-a-laka, chack-a-laka
Chak-a laka, chak-a
Whoomp, chak-a-laka, chack-a-laka
Chak-a laka, chak-a
Whoomp, chak-a-laka, chack-a-laka
Chak-a laka, chak-a
Whoomp, chak-a-laka, chack-a-laka
Chak-a laka, chak-a
From JAM ON IT:
Wikki-wikki-wikki-wikki
(Shut up)
Wikki-wikki-wikki-wikki
(Diggy dang diggy dang da dang dang da diggy diggy diggy dang dang)
(Diggy dang diggy diggy)
From SUPERSONIC:
I saw my llama llama llama
Do my nama see me?
now my llama nama do
my llama llama nama see me
now my llama nama do
my llama llama nama see me
now my llama nama see me,
I'm a do my llama hum uh
I always get a kick out of those....I know there are plenty more...help me out folks!
I was thinking this morning about songs which contain wacky "words" or sounds that aren't necessarily in a dictionary. Some can be quite annoying, but some stick in your head and you find yourself singing it, and of course it makes no sense. Here are some examples:
From GREASE:
We go together, like ra-ma la-ma la-ma ka dinga kading-a-dong
Remember forever, as shoo-wop shoo-waddy-waddy yippity
boom-de-boom
Chang-chang changity-chang shoo-bop that`s the way it should be
wahoo yeah
We`re one of a kind, like dip da-dip da-dip doo-wop
da-doo-dee-doo
Our names are signed, a-boogedy boogedy boogedy boogedy shooby
shoo-wop she-bop
Chang-chang changity-chang shoo-bop we`ll always be like one
wa-wa-wa-one
From LADY MARMALADE
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya dada (Hey hey hey)
Giuchie, Giuchie, ya ya here (here)
From WHITE LINES
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Rang dang diggedy dang di-dang
Diggedy dang di-dang diggedy dang di-dang
From WHOOMP THERE IT IS:
Whoomp, chak-a-laka, chack-a-laka
Chak-a laka, chak-a
Whoomp, chak-a-laka, chack-a-laka
Chak-a laka, chak-a
Whoomp, chak-a-laka, chack-a-laka
Chak-a laka, chak-a
Whoomp, chak-a-laka, chack-a-laka
Chak-a laka, chak-a
From JAM ON IT:
Wikki-wikki-wikki-wikki
(Shut up)
Wikki-wikki-wikki-wikki
(Diggy dang diggy dang da dang dang da diggy diggy diggy dang dang)
(Diggy dang diggy diggy)
From SUPERSONIC:
I saw my llama llama llama
Do my nama see me?
now my llama nama do
my llama llama nama see me
now my llama nama do
my llama llama nama see me
now my llama nama see me,
I'm a do my llama hum uh
I always get a kick out of those....I know there are plenty more...help me out folks!
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Pageants and Beauty
This Is What Society Calls Beauty?????
I'm not a woman. I am also not gay. Maybe that explains why I don't understand a lot of the things going on around me. Intense materialism, thousand dollar handbags, fake nails, padded bras and fake eyelashes...these things astonish me. Maybe I should do some undercover research and dive into the world of excess that many females like to call home. For now though, I'm going to use the following paragraphs to state my case...
For well over a century, humans have been dressing up their dogs for presentation at various shows, hoping to earn trophies for their fine pedigrees. Before a show starts, owners brush their dogs, wash them, put ribbons in their hair, shave them, teach them how to walk the floor, hold their heads up high, and much more. Judges then give scores to these dogs and a winner is selected. It's not very fascinating. That is, unless you compare it to...
Beauty pageants. Miss America, Miss Teen USA, Miss Universe. Beauty pageants put females on display, place them on a stage and have judges vote on who looks, acts, and behaves the best. Before a pageant starts, women must brush their hair, wash themselves, put ribbons in their hair, shave their legs and bikini zones, learn how to walk the floor, hold their heads up high, and much more. It's not very fascinating. That is, unless you compare it to...
WOW, has anyone else ever seen the correlation here? We put women on display just as we do dogs, and vote on the prettiest and finest pedigree of both. Pretty women think that being in a pageant is a truly wondrous experience...but it's not. These women are the shallow, idiotic, retarded dredges of humanity that we put on a stage to gawk at because they are "pretty". At least dogs don't have any choice in the matter; their owners break them down through intense training and are being led by a fuckin' leash. Dogs do it unwillingly; human females do it because they want to feel special, different, superior. Why else enter a competition where no skill other than appearance is involved. Oh, don't fool yourself with the talent and "question" part of the pageant. These women are as talentless as they come but don't seem to know it. If they are frequently complimented on their beauty, marry rich and/or fuck their way to the top of the human food chain, they will feel content. Discovering breakthroughs in Physics or developing the cure for cancer, these women will not. They are here for our viewing pleasure. Like cute plastic dolls sitting on a shelf.
I could go on another rant about the whole ancient art of face-painting and how it has spun out of control, making women into strange caricatures of beauty these days. A half inch of foundation, a coating of various eye goops, a buffer of rouge and lipstick. Don't get under hot lights or you'll start to melt like butter left in the sun. Hell, washing and waxing the entire surface of my car doesn't require that many chemicals. Hooray for innocent bunnies and monkeys to test this hazardous stuff on before sending it off to market, eh?
Show me a woman who has wit, an ingenious sense of humor; a lover of quiet time and relaxation, intelligent AND immature conversation; a lady who can do without makeup or expensive clothing when going out for the night; a woman who doesn't go out of her way to seek attention and acceptance from her peers, and I will show you a woman who is beautiful. Plain and simple. Painting your face and throwing on fake nails, eyelashes and padded bras will only make you look like a clown. Self-esteem doesn't come from Loreal or lacquered nails, Botox or Gucci.....it comes from who you are.
If you have to seek store shelves or pageants to feel beautiful, you've already lost.
The Handblower Mystery Revisited
The Sugar V's bathroom post this morning made me think of a famous bathroom story that I have: ENJOY!
Some of you already know this story, some of you don't. I've had to deal with an unsolved mystery since 1991. Back in 1991 when I was a youngster, I was a manager for a large retail pharmacy chain here on Long Island. As part of my duties as manager I would have to meet with about 50 sales reps from various companies weekly to place orders to stock the store with product. There was this one sales rep named Maryann. Maryann was about 5'1, about 150lbs who had an ass that was about 6 axe handles wide. One day I was eating lunch with my employees in the employee lounge when Maryann arrived. Maryann came into the employee lounge and said hello. She then proceeded to ask me if she could borrow a metal folding chair from the break room. I assumed she was going to use it to sit on and place her picture frame order. I said sure Maryann, help yourself. She then left with the chair. About 4 minutes passed and my employees and I heard a large crashing sound which seemed to come from the bathroom area which was right around the corner from the employee lounge. Fearing that an elderly customer may have fallen in the restroom, I jumped up from my lunch to investigate. I came upon the ladies' room where the door was slightly open. I peeked into the room to see if someone had fallen. To my surprise there was Maryann, standing on the folding chair with her pants and underwear around her ankles bent over with her huge ass hovering over the hand blower. She had pointed the blower upwards and her ass was hovering over the stream of heat. Her back was to me, so she didn't know what I had seen. I went running back to the employee lounge stunned. When my employees asked what had just taken place they were stunned as well when I told them. A few minutes later Maryann came back in with the chair and said, "thank you." She then proceeded to her aisle to place her order. She had no idea I had seen her. Fourteen years later, this is still a mystery. What was Maryann doing with her ass in the blower? Did she have an accident and had to wash and dry herself? Did she simply like the "hot air" feeling? Anyone I've ever told this story to has their own theory. Your thoughts?
Some of you already know this story, some of you don't. I've had to deal with an unsolved mystery since 1991. Back in 1991 when I was a youngster, I was a manager for a large retail pharmacy chain here on Long Island. As part of my duties as manager I would have to meet with about 50 sales reps from various companies weekly to place orders to stock the store with product. There was this one sales rep named Maryann. Maryann was about 5'1, about 150lbs who had an ass that was about 6 axe handles wide. One day I was eating lunch with my employees in the employee lounge when Maryann arrived. Maryann came into the employee lounge and said hello. She then proceeded to ask me if she could borrow a metal folding chair from the break room. I assumed she was going to use it to sit on and place her picture frame order. I said sure Maryann, help yourself. She then left with the chair. About 4 minutes passed and my employees and I heard a large crashing sound which seemed to come from the bathroom area which was right around the corner from the employee lounge. Fearing that an elderly customer may have fallen in the restroom, I jumped up from my lunch to investigate. I came upon the ladies' room where the door was slightly open. I peeked into the room to see if someone had fallen. To my surprise there was Maryann, standing on the folding chair with her pants and underwear around her ankles bent over with her huge ass hovering over the hand blower. She had pointed the blower upwards and her ass was hovering over the stream of heat. Her back was to me, so she didn't know what I had seen. I went running back to the employee lounge stunned. When my employees asked what had just taken place they were stunned as well when I told them. A few minutes later Maryann came back in with the chair and said, "thank you." She then proceeded to her aisle to place her order. She had no idea I had seen her. Fourteen years later, this is still a mystery. What was Maryann doing with her ass in the blower? Did she have an accident and had to wash and dry herself? Did she simply like the "hot air" feeling? Anyone I've ever told this story to has their own theory. Your thoughts?
No More Mr. Nice Guy?
Have you noticed that when your are courteous and considerate out in public you always end up screwed!!!??? I am a guy that is very considerate of others and I do my best to accommodate others. I always end up in an awkward or bad situation after I am nice. Here are examples of what I am talking about:
You are on the road and you are stopped at a light. To your right is a gas station and someone is trying to get out onto the road. So, you let them out when the light turns green. You usually DON’T get the thank you wave, but whatever. Then, the asshole proceeds to go 5MPH in front of you and ties up traffic. You are SCREWED!
You have about 10 items at the express lane and a seemingly nice old lady is behind you with ONE item. Out of courtesy, you allow her to go ahead of you. She thanks you in that sweet voice. When it’s her turn to get rung up, she argues over the price of the cat food. It scans at $2.49 and she insists it’s $2.39. They call for price checks and 10 minutes later they concur on the price. The little old lady then proceeds to pay in coin. Once again you are SCREWED!
You are in the elevator, headed up to the 15th floor doctor’s office. You have the flu and want medicine bad. You can’t wait to get there. The door is just about to close and some woman comes dashing toward the door. You could have very easily let it close, but you are nice and hold it for her. She coincidentally, is headed for the same floor. You are a gentleman and let her exit the elevator before you. She is headed for the same doctor’s office. She signs in before you, has the same appointment time, and gets treated before you. Of course she has some rare disease from the tropics and is in with the doctor for 90 minutes. Once again, YOU ARE SCREWED!!!!!
These are just some classic examples. I’d love to hear how you got screwed from being nice!!!
You are on the road and you are stopped at a light. To your right is a gas station and someone is trying to get out onto the road. So, you let them out when the light turns green. You usually DON’T get the thank you wave, but whatever. Then, the asshole proceeds to go 5MPH in front of you and ties up traffic. You are SCREWED!
You have about 10 items at the express lane and a seemingly nice old lady is behind you with ONE item. Out of courtesy, you allow her to go ahead of you. She thanks you in that sweet voice. When it’s her turn to get rung up, she argues over the price of the cat food. It scans at $2.49 and she insists it’s $2.39. They call for price checks and 10 minutes later they concur on the price. The little old lady then proceeds to pay in coin. Once again you are SCREWED!
You are in the elevator, headed up to the 15th floor doctor’s office. You have the flu and want medicine bad. You can’t wait to get there. The door is just about to close and some woman comes dashing toward the door. You could have very easily let it close, but you are nice and hold it for her. She coincidentally, is headed for the same floor. You are a gentleman and let her exit the elevator before you. She is headed for the same doctor’s office. She signs in before you, has the same appointment time, and gets treated before you. Of course she has some rare disease from the tropics and is in with the doctor for 90 minutes. Once again, YOU ARE SCREWED!!!!!
These are just some classic examples. I’d love to hear how you got screwed from being nice!!!
Monday, May 09, 2005
Sounds of the Season
There's Something About That Bell......
Well, NOW spring is officially here. Sure we've had 70 degree temperatures here in NY, baseball started over a month ago, and the flowers are starting to bloom. Tonight it became official as I saw the ice cream man pass the house for the first time this year. There's something about that music or ringing bell that lures us from whatever we are doing.
Remember when you were a kid? The Ice Cream Man was like a living legend. You suddenly developed a bionic ear and could hear him about four miles away. Everything came to a halt when you heard that bell, baseball games, kickball games, hide and seek, you name it. As soon as that bell rang or music was heard, kids scattered in every direction to head home for money. The ice cream man is the kid's version of a crack dealer. People go ape shit for ice cream. In my house we ALWAYS had a freezer full of ice cream, yet there was something about getting it from the ice cream man that was special. Suddenly the five gallons of ice cream in the freezer at home was not good enough. The shitty stuff the ice cream man sold was suddenly better.
The ice cream man was usually an older dude. He at least wore something that said "Good Humor" on it. Now the ice cream man is like a 20-something dude in jeans and a wife beater. What the fuck is that all about? The prices are insane too. A chipwich is like $3 now.
I used to love to torment the ice cream man. The standard abuse was to yell "STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at the top of your lungs out your bedroom window when he'd pass. He would jam the breaks, not knowing where the voice came from. His truck would buck and come to a stop, where he'd sit patiently and wait for his $1.00 sale, but I'd never go out. I would test him to see how long he was willing to wait. As he started to drive away after the four minute wait.....I'd yell, "STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!" again and the moron would stop and wait again until he finally caught on that we were fucking with him. Those were the days. I may actually try that again this year from my deck...just for old time's sake.
Just Flush!
Why do people find it so difficult to flush a toilet after they go? There's NOTHING worse than going into a public bathroom, especially at work, on a Monday, to see that someone did not flush after they went. What is wrong with people? It's 2005 and how many years has indoor plumbing been a staple in homes and businesses? Yet these fuckers can't flush? There are just some things I will never understand. People not flushing, people not washing their hands after they go, people who still wear Member's Only Jackets, people that have 1980's hair styles, people with body odor, I just don't get it!
Anyone caught not flushing should be exiled to a fuckin' hole in the ground out in the parking lot to take care of their business. Let the fucker squat in the lot as traffic passes by. Odds are, they won't even care....
Anyone caught not flushing should be exiled to a fuckin' hole in the ground out in the parking lot to take care of their business. Let the fucker squat in the lot as traffic passes by. Odds are, they won't even care....
I Love Music and I Couldn't Resist This....
I got this fun little music profile from Molly's site. Thanks! You choose one of your favorite bands or musical artists and use their song titles to answer the following questions:
NAME OF BAND: BILLY JOEL
ARE YOU MALE OR FEMALE: "AN INNOCENT MAN"
DESCRIBE YOURSELF: "THE ENTERTAINER"
HOW DO SOME PEOPLE FEEL ABOUT YOU: "I GO TO EXTREMES"
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF: "KEEPING THE FAITH"
DESCRIBE AN EX GIRLFRIEND: "MODERN WOMAN"
DESCRIBE CURRENT GIRL: "STATE OF GRACE"
DESCRIBE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE: "SUMMER HIGHLAND FALLS"
DESCRIBE HOW YOU LIVE: "RIVER OF DREAMS"
DESCRIBE HOW YOU LOVE: "THROUGH THE LONG NIGHT"
SHARE A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM: "ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG"
This was fun!
NAME OF BAND: BILLY JOEL
ARE YOU MALE OR FEMALE: "AN INNOCENT MAN"
DESCRIBE YOURSELF: "THE ENTERTAINER"
HOW DO SOME PEOPLE FEEL ABOUT YOU: "I GO TO EXTREMES"
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF: "KEEPING THE FAITH"
DESCRIBE AN EX GIRLFRIEND: "MODERN WOMAN"
DESCRIBE CURRENT GIRL: "STATE OF GRACE"
DESCRIBE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE: "SUMMER HIGHLAND FALLS"
DESCRIBE HOW YOU LIVE: "RIVER OF DREAMS"
DESCRIBE HOW YOU LOVE: "THROUGH THE LONG NIGHT"
SHARE A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM: "ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG"
This was fun!
Sunday, May 08, 2005
You Have Entered......"The Blue-Light Zone"
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