Top 10 Craziest Co-Workers of All Time

In past posts I have discussed some of the craziest customers I have come across in my lifetime while working at various jobs. Today, I want to share stories and descriptions of the TOP 10 Craziest CO-WORKERS that I've had over the years:

#10- Chris A., Receiving Manager for a retail company I worked at in my early 20's. Chris seemed ok when I first met him. He was my receiving guy and was responsible for checking in all the deliveries that came into the store. We had a good amount of deliveries and we used to schedule them on an appointment basis. Every now and again, a driver would show up with a delivery without an appointment. This is when Chris would snap. He kept a baseball bat under his desk and used to threaten the drivers with bodily harm and told them to come back when they made an appointment. He had this scary vein that used to pop out of his head when he got mad and these serial killer eyes, one scary dude!!!

#9- Alex, Hardware/Automotive Department Salesman-Caldor. Ok, this guy was just a drunk. He would come to work staggering drunk, sleep on the shelves in the aisles, keep a flask in his jacket, and do dances like the robot and the running man for the customers. He eventually got fired.

#8- Mark, My assistant manager at CVS. Mark was addicted to the internet when it first got real hot back in like 1997. He would stay up in chat rooms and porn sites all night and oversleep in the morning. Problem is, he had keys to the store and on his days to open the store he would show up at 10am or 11am when the store opened at 8am. Customers, employees, and pharmacists would be waiting out on the sidewalk for the store to be opened. He also stunk so bad, I don't think he ever showered. He eventually got fired.

#7- Barry, aka Hitler, Receiving Manager, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy ruled his warehouse with an iron fist. He was rude, abusive, and just plain nuts. One day he pissed me off bad and I knew I had to get even with this fucker. He had an office in the warehouse that had like 8' walls, but no ceiling to it. Me and like 3 other workers went into the stockroom one night and found full cans of black paint. We pried the lids open on the cans of paint and tossed them over his office walls into his office. When he came in the next day is office was completely trashed with 3 gallons of black paint, rolls of toilet paper, and various other shit. We never did get caught. Served that maniac right!

#6- Brett, Buyer for the Computer Firm I worked at. This guy was overweight, annoying, and a fuckin' pain in the ass. He laughed like that cartoon character Mutley the dog. His nickname was "Poltergeist" because he would haunt us every day at 4:55pm with an "emergency" order that was "hot" and had to go. This guy would eat ANYTHING in site and he would smoke all day long. His face was always beet red. He was just nasty and annoying.

Mutley Himself..... 

#5- Joe C- Warehouse worker for the computer firm. This guy was just plain stupid. He wore 1980's clothes and had a 1970's haircut. This guy used to fuck up on the job all the time, only problem was that EVERY time he made a mistake, the VP was always there. One time he did not put the brake on the forklift and it crashed through the side of the building, of course the VP was there to witness it. Another time he broke down the rollup warehouse door with the forklift, again the VP saw it. Another time he messed something up with the fiberglass strapping machine and the thing unwound and wrapped him like a mummy, of course the VP just happened to be walking by. Joe was just a walking nightmare. He was eventually fired.

#4- Coffee Guy- Computer Sales. I don't even remember this guy's name, we just called him Frankenstein. He only lasted about 3 weeks at the firm. One day I was in the employee break room having lunch when this dude came in. He proceeded to pour 8 cups of coffee. I said to him, "That's nice of you to bring everyone coffee at their desk". He said to me, "These are all for me". I was like yeah right. He started yelling, "I'LL PROVE IT!!!!" He started guzzling down all these cups of coffee, one right after the other. This guy was fucked up. he was fired like 2 weeks later because he had no clue what he was doing. He threatened the owner that he was coming back with a gun after she fired him. The police had to be called.

#3- Kim "Puffy" Archer- Computer Sales. This woman was dubbed "puffy" because she would smoke close to 40 cigarettes in a work day. She would smoke all day and take "work breaks". She had that "pig pen" cloud following her around which was cigarette smoke. In the morning we would take bets on how many cigarettes she was going to smoke that day and we'd count them and have a money pool. I think this woman had the Marlboro house, car, jet plane, and furniture for her home with all the Marlboro points she'd rack up. She was eventually fired also.

#2 John, aka 4x4, maintenance, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy had many screws loose. He would bark, growl, and scream at any given moment. We called him 4x4 because he was 4' tall and 4' wide. He would be carrying something and if it fell he would growl and bark. It did not help that Barry (see above) was his boss. We would torment 4x4 all day just to watch him growl and bark. 4x4 had this big ass Ford Truck that looked like a special ed bus. One day when leaving work he was next to me at a red light. As a joke I pressed down on my gas pedal and revved the engine like I wanted to race him. He took me seriously and revved his engine, only problem was, he forgot to put it in neutral. He went right through the light and smacked into 3 cars. I laughed my ass off for days. Not sure what ever happened to 4x4.

#1 Adam Goldson, sales, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy ranks #1 of all time. Adam was about 6'5 and about 300lbs. He drove a car that was like one of those circus cars. He claimed that he was in the NFL and played for the SF 49'ers until a knee injury ended his career. He also told everyone that he was the sax player for the band Chicago and would claim that he was going to the studio to work on a new album with them every night after work. He would bring us in cassette tapes of Chicago claiming they were recorded in the studio the night before. Only problem with the tapes is that you could clearly hear that they were taped off of vinyl albums. You could hear skipping, static, and the needle against the vinyl. One day Adam disappeared and never showed up for work again. About 6 months later a co-worker and I were at a local pizza place and saw Adam walking the streets in a bathrobe and slippers all disoriented. That may have explained it all.