Speaking My Mind

I've always been the type of guy that speaks my mind. Most of the time I am cautious about how I say things because I never want to deliberately hurt someone's feelings. I am a nice guy but not a pussy. I call people out on shit when they need to be called out on things, I voice my opinion, and I stick to my beliefs and convictions. I don't want my kindness to be misinterpreted as weakness, because I am strong willed and FAR from weak.

Lately, I feel like I've been selling out. For the past 7 months or so at work, I've kept my mouth shut and let certain people take advantage. I do this now because last year I was more vocal and paid for it financially in the way of bonus and raise. Apparently innovation, creativity, and a strong will is something unwanted around here. It's apparent that if you keep your mouth shut, blend in, don't come up with ideas, suggestions, or make "waves" as they describe it, you will be better taken care of. So, I've sat here the past 7 months stewing inside while I have watched what has gone on.

This new way of thinking forced upon me at work has spilled over into my private life. A year or so ago, if someone wronged me, I would have told them where the fuck they could go. Now, I try to be politically correct, I rationalize their behavior, and many times, I forgive and forget even when I know for certain they are wrong or have dicked me over. What the fuck is wrong with me? Some days I feel like I am just going to snap and blow up and just tell everyone off...it's coming soon, trust me. I feel I need an emotional cleansing. I have so much inside I want to say, to a bunch of people, but I hold it in to keep the peace. What's fucked up about it is that they are walking around fine and I am harboring all these bad feelings.

The sellout stops here, today. Why worry about "burning a bridge" if it's not a bridge to anywhere good or costructive. I am not going to keep people in my life that don't bring out good qualities in me. I say fuck you to the miserable fucks who walk around this office and bring the rest of us down, fuck you to the ungrateful bitches walking around out there who have no idea what they want and who fuck with your emotions, fuck you to the people who bring out bad things in me, and fuck you to inconsiderate, selfish assholes. I'll throw in a fuck you to all the people who think they are owed something without earning it, especially my trust or respect.

F-U-C-K Y-O-U!!!!

I normally don't rant. I keep this blog light, funny, amusing, silly, and offbeat. Today I needed to get out what's been going on. Nothing specific happened today to trigger this, it's been building since winter. I am no longer going to sell-out to keep the peace or be "politically correct" in other people's eyes. I am going back to the Charlie I am comfortable with. I am no longer going to lower my standards to conform. If you dick me over, you'll pay, no more reasoning and no more rationalizing. So, if you've wronged me recently, dig a hole and hide. If you don't have anything positive to bring to the table, stay the fuck away from me and wallow in your own misery.