Have any of you ever been on a really bad date? I can honestly say, I have never had a disaster date, but I've been out with women that were not interesting or those that I had no physical attraction towards. I always have something to say, so even with the quiet ones, there never is an awkward moment where there is nothing to say. As you can tell from this site, my mind is constantly running and I always have something to say.
For those of you who have had disaster dates and continue to have them, let's come up with some escape tips/routes to get you out of the date and to ensure they will NEVER call you again. I know the adult/mature thing to do is to just tell the person you are not interested, but some people just don't accept that or listen. Sometimes you have to get creative:
Talk in explicit details about your sexual fantasies about Big Bird from Sesame Street
Every time your date says something, nod enthusiastically and say, "Y'know, my mother says EXACTLY the same thing."
Return from the rest room with water sprayed on your crotch, and say "I had an accident."
Hit on your waitress/waiter ask for his/her phone number.
Over dinner, talk about your hemorrhoids.
Start talking in a foreign language. When your date asks why you're speaking in a foreign language, look puzzled and answer "I'm not." Then keep doing it.
Pull out a Batman comic book and ask, "How often do you suppose Batman and Robin have sex?"
Mention that you voted for Osama Bin Laden in the recent Presidential election.
Talk about your itchy rash all night.
Chew with your mouth wide open.
Ok, let's get creative!!!!!!!!!!! I want to hear your excape plans!
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Drink too much during the date and puke on him/her.
Tell him that you think his dad is hot.
Start talking about the wedding on the first date. Or the 2nd.
Have conversations with yourself with multiple voices and characters. Explain to him that you don't have to take your medication anymore because for once all the voices in your head agree on something.
Start talking about ritualistic virgin sacrifices. And not in the tongue-in-cheek kinda way.
Ask him if he thinks your back hair is sexy.
kick 'em in the crotch
Start a conversation with your imaginary friend sitting in the seat between the two of you.
Whip out a china catalog out of your purse and ask him what pattern he might be interested in.
If he's a New Yorker, show up in a "Yankees Suck" t-shirt ;)
Tell him you practice witchcraft.
Talk about your "ex" the entire time.
Ask him if he prefers heroin or ecstasy, tell him you like both.
Empty your purse on the table while looking for "something" and have needles fall out.
I'm all about making a mad dash for it, though I have to admit that I have never been on a reallyt errible date myself either.
I've never really had a bad date. Once when I went to the movies with this guy (I think we went to see something lame like I Know What You Did Last Summer), he kept jumping and clutching my hand (or my thigh!)during all the scary parts. LOL. And the sad part is, he was really scared. LOL. Needless to say, I was not very impressed. :)
Have a friend call you on your cell phone a few times and pretend it's your mother,father,brother or sister asking how the date is going.
Tell him you're a virgin waiting for marriage.
Tell them your mother has 10 cats and she is going to a nursing home and you're going to adopt all of them for her.
Tell him/her oral sex is against your religion.
I prefer to go with the honest approach. "Young Lady, you suck big elephant balls, I'm leaving right now before I waste anymore of my precious time."
Well I never had a bad date. Come to think of it, I really never dated a lot either. AH that's what I got for getting married at 20!..LOL But I guess one way to discourage a date would be to take her to a cheap buffet place and make her pay come up with some change then tell her that you don't understand how some people need to impress their dates by eating properly and proceed by eating your chicken with your hands and chewing with your mouth open. Think that's funny? Hey I'm married to that guy, how pothetic is that!!..LMBO
Hahahahaha I am printing these out and keeping them handy next time I'm with some egomaniacal jerkface.
I probably would pick my nose to get rid of my date but then I wouldn't have accepted it in the first place. I once had a first date with someone that turned out to be a stalker"!!
a) Talk about your parole hearing.
b) Say how nice it is being out of jail and that you can finally find a bitch that's female.
c) Wear sweat pants, pop a chubber, and stand up.
I'd tell them about the 40 guy gang bang I had the previous night.
If that did not work, I'd drop some Monistat out of my purse.
I would do the old telephone trick. Pretend that my phone just vibrated and I've got to go IMMEDIATELY. I've got and important...(fill in the blank)
OR, I would say that I wait to settle down, have a dozan kids, and SETTLE DOWN! Back in my dating days, that usually gave me a quick escape! (Of course I never did any of those things!)
sad part is Sharron, i've been on many a date where they should have told me about their mental problems so I could have run!!!!!!
drive 2 cars and meet at dinner. have plans to go somewhere else after dinner, say shoot pool. then if the dinner portion is bad, don't go to the pool hall, just go home.
i almost did that one night. it was bad.
These are all hysterically funny ideas. lol...if I am trying to get a guy off my back, I will lie and talk about how much I am still in love with my "ex"...that usually works.
Tell them you have to check in with your parole officer before you go anywhere else.
Call the woman in the middle of the night for phone sex, but tell her you want her to pretend to be your mommy.
Discuss the intricacies of dishwasher loading and unloading.
Talk incessantly about your ex-wife/girlfriend.
(of course you already know I'm not making these up...)
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