I seriously don't have any kind of porn collection. I may have like 2 VHS tapes and 2 DVDs that I borrowed from friends and never returned. I must say, the convenience of DVD as opposed to VHS when you need to "take care of businees" is amazing. The old way you were taking care of business with one hand and aiming the remote with the other fast forwarding or rewinding to the scene you wanted. It's funny seeing people bang at fast forward speed though. I always crack up. The tracking would get bad after a while and the picture would be jumping and you'd try to see what's going on in some kind of detail. Now, the clarity and the hands free option of the DVD is amazing. You pick the scene and spank away. Your hands are where they belong when the porn is on. No more distractions!
How many of you have tried to watch porn on a scrambled channel? Come on, we ALL have!!! It's tough trying to take care of business through all those lines and jumping picture. It's like, "wait, I think I just saw a breast!!!!" then you realize it's a cantaloupe and you are watching Food Network. Kind of a mood killer.....Back in the early days of cable TV, they had this remote that had a wire that went all the way to the cable box. it had this big ass dial on it. If you'd put the dial in between channels and wedged a butter knife (see how handy butter knives are????) you'd get channels you did not pay for. I wonder if my parents wondered why all the butter knives were gone and why they were all in my room......
I never had a porn collection because I was scared of dying tragically in a car accident and my family would be summoned to my house to gather all my belongings and stumble across the collection. There should be a spot on your driver's license for "first responder." This is a friend you put down on the back of the license who is first to be notified of your demise and who's job it is to go to your home and clean out the porn stash before family is notified of your death. You know, right next to the organ donor spot. I can see me laying on the side of the Parkway, bleeding to death, saying "get the porn!" Nice last words huh?
Who would your "first responder" be? Who would you want to get to your house to clean out the porn, the sex toys, and other stuff you would not want your parents or family to see? I'd have to go with The Sugar V. He loves porn and would love to add to his already extensive collection. Only thing is Sugar V, the few I have are straight porn, sorry!
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26 comments:
I'd be more than happy to get rid of your porn if you come to a certain unexpected demise. However, the personalized butt plug/anal beads that you told me about...Hmm TheFreakyVirgin can have those since you know she’s all "into" the Butt. I think she will have to scratch out the personalized "C-mac's Thunderstick" on the butt plug though, well that’s what you tell me at least...
Dude, you named your butt plug?
hahahahaahahaha, I don't have a butt plug...hahahahahahaha that's funny!!!
there's only one "c-mac's thunderstick" and that's attached to my body...no toy required.....
as for Sugar V, he loves stealing the drain plugs this time of year from the built in pools for his butt plug stock
drain plugs?
i would say cmac i would love for you to come remove all my porn. you can have all the mags, i have glued jessica alba's face to most of the girl on girl action. sorry sugar v no guy on guy action. ;)
thats why I love u Blue!!! ;)
Porn is good and healthy. I have two in my collection. They’re getting a lot of use lately since doctors orders have prohibited making whoopee with the wife.
VK is definitely the girl on my speed dial to clean out the stash. And she knows it. Hell, she was with me when I bought one of the toys (there's nothing like a late-night porn shop run to start some fun stories).
ACK! One of my coworkers popped into my cubicle while I was typing that. Let's hope he didn't read it...
My husband has a collection but it's under a bunch of boxes in an extra closet. In other words they haven't been used in a while. I won't say exactly what used to be in my nightstand when we lived in the other house. Something he got me once.(which hadn't been used in quite a long time)Well our house had gotten robbed.My neighbor had called me at work to tell me she saw the guys leaving and she also called the cops. When I got home I had to evaluate the situation with,thank goodness it was a woman cop,(mind you my mom had also met me at home)and there in front of my nightstand was everything on the floor that had once been in it. The cop told me not to touch anything but as soon as saw my "personal" stuff displayed on the floor with my mom standing behind me as well as the cop I ran to it and grabbed it and said"No one needs to see this" She said "That's fine". Actually even my underwear drawer was emptied out on the floor too. It was the worst feeling of violation I had ever felt.
Porn... my favorite topic of late. You're post had me cracking up. LOL. First responder, great idea! I think I may be in possession of one porn tape (have no clue where that is now that I think about it), but I have a few other things that I wouldn't want just anyone to find in the event of my untimely death. So I think I would have my best friend Sue be my first responder. She can go straight to the "naughty" drawer and get rid of the evidence. LOL.
maybe if i do some real smooth sweet talkin to jessica alba she might will let u join us ;)
freaky tells off Sugar V once again!!!!!!!!!
I have a few DVD's and tapes stashed away. At this point, as I'm single, I think people would be more surprised if I DIDN'T have any, than if I did ;)
Hell...I'd let them find it!!!! I was single for so long...Porn and "BOB" was safe sex!!!!!!
I'm more inclined to agree with Vicki and Jill...let them find it. LOL...I'm single, have no problem using my toys to pleasure myself when no one else is around to do it for me...So if my family wants to cast stones at me after I'm dead I won't feel it anyway. ;)
Marie, you could always call me! hahaha :)
I think I might be the last person on the planet who has never seen a porn film, let alone own one.
But don't go feeling sorry for me just yet...
I do have two vibrators so I'm not a total "good Catholic girl." ;)
I better call one of my friends PRONTO to be sure that she grabs them before my father sees them in my untimely death! (I could have 10 kids and my dad will still choose to believe I'm a virgin.)
Charlie - LMAO! Yes, too bad we're on opposite coastlines. ;)
frequent flyer miles, here I come! haha ;)
LOL...Mmmmmm...what's your number again?? hahaha
Well I only have one video which Hub bought for me and it SUCKS, literally. It features vampires doing it. Seriously. Its just gross. So any of you who want that one, you don't have to wait for my untimely demise to have it, I'll send it to you today.
As for my "other fun stuff" - I have a friend designated to get it outta here before my parents arrive to find it. Is it odd that I have discussed this with a friend and designated her as my "Toy Retriever"????
Come on sista don't be fretting
you know C-Mac's Thunderstick is what you'll be getting.
Hehehhe I'm Dope....with a capital D
So funny! I just watched the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where Jeff is in the hospital and he asks Larry to go get his porn collection in case he dies.
I'm not sure who I'm going to let into my house for the sex-toy cleanup...but thanks for making me think about it. Hm. You offering?
Panther, anything for you, you know that!!!! :)
All you have to do is ask.....I am a sucker for a cute Brooklyn lady! :)
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