When it comes to dating, I will only go to the bathroom (#2) at a girl's house/apartment if we've been dating a long time and there is a comfort level there. I've had several 2+ year relationships and was comfortable enough to take care of business at their house if I really had to.
Then there are the girls I have just dated a few times, ones that I don't know all that well. Under NO circumstance would I go at their house. This brings me to a story that took place a while back. I was dating this girl, we'll call her "Lisa" for blog's sake. Lisa and I went out on a few dates and got along really well. I guess we had hung out about 8 times or so, as far as "hooking up" we had only fooled around a bit, no sex as of yet. One Saturday Night, Lisa invited me over to her condo and we went out to dinner. Over dinner we discussed me staying over her place and I was all set to stay over. It was apparent that "something" would take place that night. After dinner, we went back to her place and we started drinking and hanging out in her living room. We were having fun, good conversation, laughs, and the chemistry was amazing. About 12:30am, I started getting the sharpest pains in my stomach, like someone was stabbing at me with a knife. I started getting like chills and stuff. So, I went in the bathroom, hoping it might just be gas. There's a point when you cna tell it's not gas. I knew there was NO way I was going to use the bathroom there! So, I went back out to the living room and tried to cover up the fact that i was in pain. She then said, let's go inside (her room) to watch a movie and hang out. The bedroom was right next to the bathroom, sort of like this:
Too Close for Comfort!!!!!!!
As I relaxed on her bed, the pain came on like 100x stronger. So, I went in the bathroom again, hoping maybe, just maybe it was gas. Nope, I knew it wasn't gas. My stomach was making all kinds of noises. I realized that I must have gotten food poisoning at dinner or something. I had a dilemma here. Normally my stomach is like iron, nothing ever really bothers it at all, so this was weird.
If I went to the bathroom, there wasn't a buffer zone big enough for me to be comfortable. Also, I am strange, but after I go #2, I like a shower. I am weird like that. How would I explain the sudden urge for a shower? So, I went back to her room and explained that I was in pain. She felt bad and said maybe it would subside. It just got worse. I knew I was going to have to head home. I explained to her that i was going to go home and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights, she was shocked that I was abruptly ending the night. I said my quick goodbye, grabbed my stuff and bolted. Well, I think I broke every land speed record ever set on planet earth. I drove 17 miles in about 11 minutes, praying to God that I would never ever do anything bad as long as I lived if he got me home. Well, I made it home, accident free and thanked the good Lord. I called Lisa the next day apologizing for leaving abruptly but I think she thought that I bailed because I was not interested in her. It was a really tough situation.
What would you have done? Have any of you ever been in a similar situation?
32 comments:
way too funny...i've left before...but then there's my friend who will go in a sink in the public restoom because the toilet is clogged (obviously a guy)
I find it amusing that you shower afterwards - I had a roommate in college that did that. He would retreat to our bathroom (we had a Jack-and-Jill bathroom, so it shared a door on either side with our bedrooms), and you could hear him playing guitar in there for a while (we assumed to cover up the noise). Then the shower would come on. And I knew the only safe place in the apartment was the living room.
Boys are icky.
I'm with The Muse...boys are icky. ;)
I'm funny about that too though. I was with someone for 2 years before I even thought about doing that and even then, it had to be an emergency. I turned on the shower faucet and the sinks, the fan and the TV so that he wouldn't hear a thing.
I think we need help, Charlie...
Why are we ashamed of #2? We all do it. It's just awkward with strangers. Like they never did it! So a shower after,huh? Interesting.
I always keep a can of spray next to my tiolet as to not embarrass anyone.
Rach and I were separated at birth.
What's with the boys are icky comments? Women shit too!!! Is that not as icky??? I think wanting to take a shower after is clean, not icky!!!!
icky would be crapping where ever and when ever, and not caring!! :)
I must confuse I too shower afterwards. Is there something wrong with that, I think not!
Next time cmac dont have the big meal;)
I'm just saying 'boys are icky' in general, Cmac. No need to get defensive about it. ;)
And I think taking a shower after business is amusing - I just didn't know that there was someone other than my strange guitar-playing-while-shitting roommate that did it.
Muse, i was just playing along, no defensiveness!
Oh BTW if thats your bathroom Im so moving in with ya!
Hey, everybody poops...if you have to go, you have to go. There must be some sort of childhood trauma associated pooping.
And the shower? That is a little strange. Whatever happened to toilet paper and a good hand washing?
Hey - Everybody Poops--that's a book, isn't it?
Don't get your panties in a bunch Charlie, I was only teasing.
toilet paper is not sanitary...you need, at the very least wet wipes too.
If a bird shit on your hand, would you clean it with just dry paper towel and consider it clean, no, you'd wash your hands with soap and water, why should someone's ass be different? It needs to be washed after too!
panties, hahahaha...i am playing along too Heather! :)
I feel the same way about going in public bathrooms it's disgusting!
Who says I go #2? I am not telling!!!
LMAO. Damn, that's a funny story Charlie. But seriously, who among us has not done the same thing? I know girls that are in long term relationships that still won't use the bathroom if their men are in the vicinity. LOL. What to do? What to do?
I guess I'd be taking about three showers a day.
Honestly Charlie, WHY?? When you gotta go, you gotta go. It's not good to plug up the pipes just for esthetics sake. You are unique - I've never heard of anyone having to shower after they poop. Too funny. And Hu, ewwwww!
First of all what’s up with never-ending wipes...I mean really what’s up with that? Anywhoo, some boys are icky but some girls are even ickier. I had an ex-girlfriend that really didn’t wipe well down there and all you would see is the good old skid mark. Then she would want me to put an organ of my body into the orifice where the choco-dille originated from because she loved the feeling and her orga*m would be more intense. I would have no problem doing that if that area was clean with and especially no remnants of a peel out on her underwear....By the way I am a beach bum and no lifeguard ;-P
this is so funny.....god, i would have done the same thing....if the girl didn't understand after you called her to explain then that's just sad and selfish.
I need major privacy too. I think it's respectful that you want your privacy. Who wants to hear someone in the bathroom amyway?
You take a shower....that is great that you can be on a "regular schedule" what if you are work.?.....Anyway that's just great hygeine there should be more men like that.
After being in heels and nylons all day at work i have to come home and take a shower immediately. And people who take their showers in the morning.....how do they go to bed dirty with their "all day funk" on them?.....that's gross. Definately a night shower taker sometimes 2 times and definately if involved with someone!
LOL, I had an incident like that. It was an EMERGENCY like no other. I had actually already slept over. It was the morning of. Not sure what came over me but I bolted just as quick as you did. I couldn't go 30 miles back home. I had to stop off at the Jack In the Box and handle my business. It was horrible.
Another "you are me" post. This is getting scary.
On a related note, I read a post on some guy's blog where he invited a girl over, they had sex, she went in the bathroom...and when she left he saw she had left a GIANT turd in his toilet. Talk about a message!
We all pee and shit, why try to pretend that we don't? I'm not saying that we must do it with the bathroom door open but when we have to go, we have to go!
I'm with Jenni on that one, it must have something to do with a childhood trauma.
Ok...for the record. We, as women, completely understand male and their crap. Yes...hunny...we do!
Now, women, here's the thing. You must always have bathroom spray!!!!! Men, if women don't...use the hairspray! I've found that I've trained the hubby for all sorts of emergency dumps while being at friends' homes. LOL.
Yes, I said trained. Ok..one other thing..if you're going to have sex and sleep over, then it's a given you'll have to #2. For the shower...just say you want to get all nice and clean for the yumminess you plan on. Yeah, use your guy words...but trust me...it works.
:) By then..the smell is totally gone.
XOXO
C
That's too funny, Charlie. LOL
Although I'm like Heather in that I'll turn on the sink faucet and the fan in the bathroom to muffle ANY noise, even if it's peeing. I prefer to do #2 at home of course, but sometimes it just didn't work out that way. ;)
After a night of drinking I went home with a date. She said she had to use the bathroom. When she was done I went in to do my own thing. The bathroom smelled like the worst shit ever. I mean an open sewer would have been a welcome fragrance. I almost threw up from the smell! When I came out she wanted me to do cungalingus on her. I was like you got to be kidding. Then the smell wafted into the bedroom. I promptly kicked her out. A few weeks later she asked me if I wanted to be in a threesome with her and another guy. She was the nastiest, skankiest, and most disgusting person I have ever met. Who takes a shit that smells up another person's apartment and expects oral? Sounds like someone for Hu Fung Po.
Heather!!!! You crack me up!!
LOL! Yes everyone poops. So chicks really don't think it's a big deal when a guy uses the bathroom and does #2. Just wash up afterwards.
I am all for the baby wipe deal. :D
i woulda just taken a crap. infact, after about a month dating my finance, i plugged up his toilet. no kidding. it was embarrassing, sure, but i felt a helluva lot better AND he still asked me to marry him.
the shower thing i think is normal for guys. my fiance used to do that. he still hasn't farted in front of me...it's been four years...
What's in that tub?
Steph, not my tub, I have no idea! haha internet pic!
Sounds like the Seinfeld episode where George wouldn't go at Jerry's because there was no "comfort zone".
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