The "Fun" House

Recently I've written some stories about some of the wacky stuff that I experienced growing up. I wrote about the bees running our house, the oatmeal cookie survival kit during Hurricane Gloria in 1985, and my mom using a butter knife as a household tool. In addition to all these wacky things, my house growing up was a breeding ground for practical jokes. My mom has a wacky sense of humor, I suppose that's where I get it from. My brother has a sense of humor, but really didn't like some of the practical jokes played in the house. My sister would get pissed off and my dad, he stayed out of the fray. So basically it was my mom and I playing all these extreme practical jokes on one another. I'd like to share a couple of them with all of you.

When I was about 17, shortly after I got my driver's license, I was out one night at my girlfriend's house. I arrived home about 11pm to a dark house. My parents usually went to sleep early because they woke up very early for work and my brother was already asleep. As I walked down the hallway to my bedroom, I heard a muffled laugh coming from my parent's room. I just thought to myself, she is crazy as usual. My parent's room was right across the hall from mine. As I opened my door and turned on the light, I noticed something was missing, something very noticeable, my bed. While I was out, my mom took my bed apart and hid it. Yup, that's right, mattress, box spring, frame, headboard, the whole fuckin' bed was gone. She went so far as to hide each piece of the bed in a different room or spot. The mattress in the garage, the frame in the den, etc. So basically Ii had to perform a scavenger hunt to find my bed and assemble it before I could sleep. As I was assembling the bed, I was thinking of a joke to play on her to get her back, then it hit me. I knew I'd have to wait at least a week, because she'd be expecting something.

About a week went by and I put my plan into action. I found an old blow-up skeleton decoration that we had in the garage that my mom used to hang outside on Halloween. It kinda looked like this:


Time For Work!!!!!!! 

I knew that she parked her car in the garage at night and that she left the house about 5am when it was still dark out. So, I placed the skeleton in her driver's seat, complete with a baseball cap, a jacket, one of my mom's cigarettes in its hand, one hand on the steering wheel, etc. I tried to make it look as human as possible so that when she turned the garage light on in the morning she would think someone was in her car. Sure enough, she got up the next morning, went downstairs and turned on the garage light. All we heard was an "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH" and she came running up the steps thinking someone was in her car. Payback is a bitch!!!!!

I have so many other jokes to speak of, but I'll save them for another day!!!! This was just a typical day in my house growing up!