Blow It Out Your Ass

I love the car horn. I don't get road rage, but I am always on the horn so that stupid fucks talking on phones, watching dvds, applying makeup, and doing all the other shit they should not be doing don't hit into me. I also hold down the horn when it takes someone 15 minutes to make a right turn in front of me.

One morning back in 2001, I think it was November because it was cold outside, I was on my way to work. Along the way, some douche nozzle cuts me off, so I hold down the horn. When I let go of the horn, the fucker kept blowing. I was like oh shit, what do I do now? So I pull off on the shoulder and try to remedy the situation. Nothing I did worked except when I shut the car off. I had quite a dilemma, I was only about 3 miles from my house and I had another car to take to work, but how do I drive 3 miles in morning rush hour traffic with a wailing horn. Well, I did it, but I pissed off about 100 people.

The first light I get to, people are all waving their hands in the air, looking in their rear view mirrors thinking I am honking at them like I expect them to run a red light. I then pass a school bus where all the kids had their faces pressed against the window to see what the fuck my problem was. I then come to the residential area near my house. It's 7:15am and people hear a fuckin' madman coming up the street. Parents at bus stops waiting for school buses are waving their fists at me, people ar looking out their windows, it was humiliating. As I pull around the block to my house, I shut the ignition off and coast to my house, where I park it, switch cars, and race to work. Definitely a morning to remember. I am lucky nobody shot at me!