Another weekend is upon us! With that being said, I was sitting and thinking about the different drinking "stages." The Sugar V and I came up with a nice description of each stage of drinking:
Light Buzz: You feel a bit warm, your ears tingle a bit, and you get slightly flushed. You start to get in drinking mode and conversation is still normal and relaxed. You can distinguish the "hotties" from the not so hot ones. You are glad you went out and are taking in all the sights and sounds.
Buzzed: You start feeling very happy. The drinks seem to be going down just a bit faster. Conversation may turn to sex, sports, or any politically incorrect topic. Your first trip to pee usually occurs at this stage. Life is grand! Some of the not so hot girls start looking better.
Heavy Buzz: The frequency of bathroom visits increase. Anything on the jukebox or the band plays has you feeling the urge to dance. Sex talk gets more specific and graphic. This is when money becomes no object and you start buying EVERYONE drinks. The first thoughts of "doing shots" start to creep into your head and you may even do a few. You start to realize there is no turning back and you are glad you took that cab! 80% of the women in the bar are suddenly do-able.
Drunk: Voices, both yours and your pals are much LOUDER. The same jokes told earlier seem much funnier now. At this point, you'll pee just about anywhere. Your hand-eye coordination starts to break down and your walk is a bit funny. Everyone seems to love each other. EVERY woman in the bar suddenly looks damn good. Shots are going down at a record pace and money is definitely no object. Your dancing skills, in your own mind, are that of a professional. You even mix in some old skool dances like the running man, the cabbage patch, the robot, and the worm. You may request an MC Hammer song or perhaps a Vanilla Ice blast from the past.
Shitfaced: You may have peed yourself. Walking is out of the question. Anything you say at this point will need an apology and will have to be retracted the next morning. You'll regret everything you say and do from this point. Vomiting is a strong possibility. You'll collapse and sleep anywhere with anyone. Sex with anyone is almost certainly out of the question no matter how good they look. The rent money is gone, your friends have shaved your eyebrows off, and you swear you'll never drink again.
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3 comments:
People can tell how far down the path to Inebriated Enlightenment I am by my voice. Apparently, the more I drink, the more I become a high talker. I guess when I start sounding like I've been sucking on helium balloons, ya better stand back. Chances are there's probabaly a technicolor yawn in my not-so-distant future...
I think that you missed the final stage "Total Anihilation" the point where you black out and never get around to apologizing because you never remember having said anything, and you can't remember if you spent your money or got mugged on your way home from the bar. And you wish you had woken up with a girl (if you are a guy...to stick with the same gender tones as the original post), but instead for some inexplicable reason there is this half naked guy next to you...
It is always hard to tell on an inebriation scale where I fit in...I was once told that my "normal" personality was so close to most people when they are drunk that it is just hard to tell with me. I wasn't sure if that was supposed to function as a compliment or not?
I too get a little more loud as the drinks flow but as far as guys looking better with each drink I think we differ than the men. If they're ugly when I'm not inebriated they're ugly when I am.
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