Sit Down Fucker!!!!
1) People who arrive just as the movie starts and want to come down my aisle. Listen fucko, I want to see Jessica Alba's ass, not your fat cellulite ridden ass. Leave your hosue earlier and spare me the up close and personal view of your fat smelly ass.
2) People with bladder issues that get up 5 times in two hours. Don't drink the fuckin' 64 ounce soda if you have bathroom issues you stupid prick. I want to watch the movie, not you going by every 20 minutes.
3) Fat fucks who are in their seat and half of mine. Wait until it comes out on DVD asshole and watch it on your super sized sofa, stay the hell off of me.
4) People who never shut the fuck up. Discuss your drama and bullshit in the lobby or at home before I jam these milk duds down your throat.
5) Ringing cell phones. Fucko, they even remind you before the movie to turn them off, yet it never fails, there's always one asshole with the "Big Pimpin'" ringtone.
6) Crying babies. You cheap fuck, get a $5 an hour babysitter. I don't want to hear some out of control kid whimpering the entire movie. Use some common sense. Also, don't bring your 5 year old to a fuckin' serial killer movie and have the kid shit his/her pants, once again, use your head.
7) People who chew like fuckin' horses. Ok, you got popcorn, great. Now chew it like a human. I don't want to hear you devour each kernel like a fuckin' animal eating out of a bucket. Nor do I want to hear you slurp up every last fuckin' drop of that beverage. Fucko, it's gone, you aren't going to suck the ice through the straw that's as thin as your little dick.
Other than that, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.
What pisses you off at the movies?
Keep those "Top Blog" votes coming!! :)
29 comments:
It annoys me when you bring a nice lady to the movies, pay for her ticket, get her some popcorn and maybe a nice soda, find a seat in the back, and she proceeds to concentrate on the movie rather than my pee pee :)
someone kickin' the back of your seat, even though you kinda turn half way around THREE times to let them know you can feel it, and when you really blow up, they look at you like you're some sort of madwoman and just says "sheesh, lady..."
Wow. 12 fucks in 7 points. You're fired up!
I can't stand it when the movie is relatively empty, and you make a point to sit somewhere you can spread out a little without getting on anyone's nerves and people come sit all around you anyway.
lol I totally hear ya on that!! lol
I went to see "Wedding Crashers" on Sunday -- at 10:40 am! It was pure heaven. There were maybe six other people in the theater. Quiet as a mouse...
First off all, "Fucko" may finally dethrone "Asshat" as my favorite name to call annoying people.
Second, I whole-heartedly agree with your entire list, except I would put loud chewers as number one..it's my biggest pet peeve, at the movies or otherwise.
Geez Charlie, you're sounding real wound up this a.m. Hope all's well. Other than the person who kicks the seat behind you, I get annoyed when parents think it's ok to bring babies who squirm and cry and just generally disrupt.
I hate sitting near people. That's why I agree with Bridget,the matinees are the best time to go.
I think the last movie I saw in the theater was Austin Powers in Goldmember, so I can't even remember what annoys me.
I hate when people eat their popcorn loud...and move the straw in and out of their soda! SHUT UP!
And talkers...people should stop talking the moment that first preview comes on...I HATE that!
I HATE all of the above scenarios. I heard on the news that the "ushers" will be taking on a new role in the movies. They will have the authority to kick people out if they are loud or disturbing in any way. I cannot wait until they enforce this.
Hey Charlie - YOU JUST SUMMED UP why I do not go to the movies anymore. Great Job and very observant you are!! (smiling)
P.S. Thanks bunches for what you commented...appreciated. Your friend here!
Somebody sure has anger issues! Don't bother going to the movies if all it does is piss you off. In fact, you seem to complain about everything more than any woman I have ever met! It's funny sometimes but lighten up!
hey Jenn, I don't have anger issues...this blog is for fun and to pint stuff out, I speak in angry tone for humor purposes....
1. ditto
2. ditto
3. ditto
4. ditto
5. ditto
6. ditto
7. ditto, and have you ever noticed that once you notice all the munching around you, it starts sounding like a swarm of locusts and you can't un-hear it?
I don't think you have "anger issues", you vent some valid points and people need to vent these things or else get a tumor from repressing their anger & being too nice.
Items 1-7 are equally annoying at the symphony.
Also--
people who sing along, tap feet/ bob heads to music;
narrate the movie for friends who can't understand a simple plot;
bring infants (now there's a mommy & baby showing for most movies--GREAT idea by the way!);
don't move their legs for you when you try to get by, so you and up giving an accidental lap dance to some 60-year-old crankwad.
Shall I go on?
At the local AMC 30, they always play this skit of ninja's fighting and their hanging in the air with their swords and then you hear a cell phone ring and they're balanced in mid air arguing about the phone. That's when I remember to turn mine off. The last movie I was late for and came in after that so I was the fucktard with my cell phone ringing in the middle of the movie. :(
PS: Even though we are neck and neck and you are winning, I still voted for you for top blog :*
I also hate the cell phone thing -- they say to turn it off for a reason, and if you forget to, that's one thing. But DO NOT sit in your seat, answer the phone, and proceed to have a conversation. I almost kicked a lady in the head for doing that. If it's such an emergency, LEAVE THE THEATER.
LMAO at this! You are soooo on target with this post. And I feel your pain --- fucko this fucko that! haha too funny!!!! love that word!
Isn't he the best?
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WTF is with the seven course meals at the movies nowadays...?....what happened to just pop, popcorn and candy.......it's a fucko eating fest!
Charlie, your blog is great...don't let any fucko tell you otherwise.....this is supposed to be fun!
When peopole behind me keep hitting my seat. That ticks me off. SIT STILL ASS!
Hahahaha! Ditto on every single one of those...also the person who constantly kicks the back of the seat. And the person who doesn't know how to maneuver when walking in the row behind me and somehow manages to grab onto the back of my hair as they walk by. Ugh!
Chair kickers. I hate friggin chair kickers ALMOST as much as the crying baby. But I've got to say, Charlie... you've hit on most of them!
Hey, come on by and check out my new movie!
Parents who bring their kids, put them in the front and they proceed to sit in the back. Then, the kids act up the entire movie while Mom and Dad are oblivious to the little bastards. Does the term "parents" mean anything?
The other is the "blurter" who has already seen the movie and sits right behind me, giving away every important part of the movie right before it happens.
That's why we buy DVD's and stay home. Cheaper, and better popcorn.
You picked every one I have... especially anything having to do with noise though. I can't *stand* loud chewing... even normally it irks me... but especially at a moving.
I went and saw the Amityville Horror remake and it was just me and my GF, and two other couples. The two other couples had each brough a child under 10 years old. I can't believe they let people bring kids that young to a horror movie. You can bring a 7 year old to a horror flick and emotionally scar them for the rest of your life, but if you yell at one to shut the fuck up then you're the bad guy.
I just don't get some people...
I almost stopped going to the movies altogether for some of those reasons. Then I found that AMC has a premium theater that is 21 years old and up, only. It has all leather recliners, they feed you pretty good food and you can drink all night. It is absolutly GREAT! Now I will go to the movies anytime.
All of those things plus:
People who put their coats across four seats to "save them", or better yet, throw their coat over the seat in front of them to prevent someone from sitting there.
Also, if you go to the movies with me...be prepared to sit close and NOT to leave before the end credits are over. ;)
I love going to the movies. I just don't get to go!
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