A HUGE Wake Up Call

This is my 483rd post here on "Bored at the Beach". The number 483 is not significant at all, but this post is probably the most important one I've written since I started blogging on January 13th. I usually keep it light on here and joke around about annoyances and trivial things. Today I'd like to discuss some serious issues and I hope you will all chime in.

Back on 9/11/01 we had a huge wake up call in this country. I witnessed it first hand here in the NYC area as the state I grew up in and love was attacked and thousands perished. It was a huge wake up call for this country as we realized we weren't "safe" or untouchable here on American soil as many thought we were. Since 9/11/01 the country has taken steps to make us a bit safer, but we still have a long way to go.

This week's hurricane really made me think about many things. This tragic event needs to be a wake up call in many areas for this country and I hope we learn and do the right thing in its aftermath. Here are some of the lessons I hope we learn and that the American people take to the streets and DEMAND be changed.


We Need To Wake Up Now...... 

1) We need to come up with an energy strategy NOW. Not 10 years from now, not 20 years from now, but NOW. Our national security is at risk and our foreign policy is dictated by the dependency on oil, I am so tired of it. We have the technology to eliminate this dependency on oil, yet politicians on BOTH sides of the aisle do what's best for thier economic interest, not what's in the best interest for the country. We all need to demand change. How much more do we have to pay, how many more of our citizens and soldiers have to die because of our fucked up energy policies? Now we have a hurricane and we all get fucked in the ass once again. i am tired of it. We all need to do something.

2) We need to start controlling pollution and cracking down on these big corporations that have gotten out of hand polluting the water and air. These storms are fueled by global warming due to high ocean/water temperatures. Yet, the world's biggest polluter, the United States, refuses to sign the Kyoto treaty to slow down global warming. This treaty was designed to have industrialized nations cut gas emissions. The administrations policy is to have corporations "voluntarily" reduce greenhouse gas emissions. I'm sure all of these companies are scrambling to comply with a "voluntary" policy. Another issue we all need to take a stand on.

3) We need to STOP sending aid to countries that don't give a shit about the United States. According to reports I am reading and hearing, only TWO countries have offered aid to the US for the devastated areas. Considering all we do for everyone else in need, this is an absolute disgrace. Let's spend this aid money we donate to everyone and everyone abroad, right here at home. Let's also pull our troops out of these areas and stop protecting them and bring them here to protect our borders and have them here to respond to disasters like the one that happened this week. Enough is enough.

4) No more building these million dollar homes over and over at the taxpayers expense on the shorelines around the country after disasters destroy them. There should be a law, you get ONE shot at rebuilding, if disaster strikes the same place again and the home is destroyed, it's a clear message that a home does not belong there and the waterfront is left as is.. Why should all of us foor the bill for these poor decisions?

5) The gap between the "haves" and "have nots" in this country is growing bigger and bigger. A vast majority of the people stuck in these horrible situations were too poor to leave. It's disguisting. The state of Louisiana should have bussed these people out of that city by force on Sunday.

The looting is disgraceful. These people should be ashamed of themselves. For a solid WEEK after the 9/11 attacks there were NO police reports of looting, robberies, murders, or anything of that nature in NYC. The people here banded together and order was in place here. Nobody took advantage of a bad situation. These people who are looting and doing other illegal acts while the police are out saving lives should rot in hell.

These are a few "wake up" calls this hurricane has brought to light. Let's all discuss these very important issues......

Stupid Fuckos

As if the devastation and the suffering isn't bad enough down in the hurricane stricken areas, you have these stupid fuckos that have to loot stores. I have no issue with people doing what they have to do to survive, like taking food items, water, boots, whatever, but I've seen these video clips on TV of people stealing furniture, toys, TV's, appliances, etc. What the hell do these people think they are going to do with a TV in 15' of water with no power? There isn't going to be power for months, nor is the area going to be inhabitable for months, yet people feel they need that new TV.


"I gots me a new TV!!!!!" 

It makes me sick how fuckin' miserable people can be, taking advantage of a horrible situation. I hope these fuckers get electrocuted when they try to plug in their stolen TV's.

Is it me, or do the politicians down in Lousiana have NO CLUE what they are doing? They waffle and waiver on every decision and seem to be clueless about what's going on. The Governor of Louisiana and the Mayor of New Orleans seem to be very incompetent. I hope these people get lots of help soon.

1-800-HELP-NOW is the Red Cross hotline, they need all of our help. If you have a moment today, call and donate what you can.

He/She Is The "Best"

Have you noticed that everyone you know has "the best" doctor, mechanic, accountant, plumber, contractor, dentist, etc? For instance, you tell a friend you are not feeling well and they refer you to their doctor and they will always say "Go to him, he's the best". What makes this guy the best? Is he giving out medications that no other doctor knows about? Is he dipping you in healing waters or the fountain of youth? I don't get it.

Well, somewhere out there the "worst" doctor has to exist and the sad part is, his/her office will be packed today. I mean, there HAS to be a bottom 10% of every graduating class. I would think knowledge is what separates a "good" doctor from a "bad" doctor.


Everyone's Doctor Is The "Best" 

The same holds true for a car mechanic. Someone at the office will always tell you to go to a specific mechanic because "he's the best" and "he's honest". Everyone seems to know "the honest" mechanic, yet nobody ever seems to find them.

Have you also noticed that everyone "knows" someone? Every Italian you talk to has a "connection" to the mob, others seems to have an "in" at the DMV, the IRS, or some other institution. I think half of these people are full of shit if you ask me.

Who do you "know" or who does someone at your office "know"?

Watching Closely

To all of our Louisiana, Alabama, and Mississippi friends, you are all in our thoughts. Let's hope this thing slows down.


Let's All Hope For The Best..... 

For the rest of us who want to donate to the relief efforts in the devastated areas call 1-800-HELP-NOW which is the Red Cross hotline. Or go to their website.

We are all quick to help out the rest of the world, now let's band together to help our own people.

Winding Down

The last weekend of August is upon us. I really find it hard to believe how fast not only the summer has gone, but how fast 2005 has gone so far. Is it just me, or is everyone in shock that summer is just about over?


A Gorgeous Late Summer Sunset Here In Long Beach, NY 

How has everyone's summer been? I know we've all written about our highs and lows of the summer, but in a nutshell, how would you describe the summer of '05? Is it one for the books or one to forget?

For me, it's been a pretty good one. I will admit that the first half of the summer was better than the second half, but as a whole, it wasn't a bad summer at all. I've gotten to know quite a few new people, kept in touch with old friends, had a great birthday party, had a great Memorial and 4th of July weekend, ran a few races, and just enjoyed this beautiful town known as Long Beach as much as I have ever enjoyed it. I hate to see the summer end, but there will be plenty more summers and we appreciate the great summers even more by suffering through the cold winters.

We have two weekends left before summer unofficially ends. I hope you all get out there the next two weeks and just go nuts. I plan on soaking up the rest of summer and stopping to take it all in and savor it. Thanks to all of you for contributing to a great summer and a great 2005 with all of your kind words, comments, e-mails, and thoughts. I look forward to an autumn and winter full of the same.

Now get out there and enjoy!!!! :) Have an amazing weekend everyone!

CD ESSENTIALS

Continuing with my CD Essentials segment here at "the beach", tonight I feature "Turnstiles" by Billy Joel.

Turnstiles is a fine album, that rightfully weaved the right path for mega stardom for Billy Joel. Following on the heels of Piano Man, Turnstiles really showcases Joel's excellence as a songwriter. It's too bad that the huge success of "The Stranger" which followed Turnstiles pushed this music into the background, because for me, this may just be his strongest body of work.


A True Masterpiece 

The emotional and nostalgic ballad "Summer, Highland Falls" may be the best song he ever wrote, with a perfect melody and Joel's very best piano work. "Prelude/Angry Young Man," the apocalyptic "Miami 2017 (Seen The Lights Go Out On Broadway)", and the bittersweet "I've Loved These Days" make the case for this as one of Joel's best albums. "James" is a tribute to a long lost friend. "New York State Of Mind" showcases Joel's talent as a jazz club crooner. Lyrically and conceptually, this album is a sentimental (but not a whiney) remembrance of Joel's native New York City (and a celebration of his leaving California and returning to New York around the time this was recorded), while musically it's probably the peak moment of the 1970s singer-songwriter genre.

A treasure chest complete with eight musical gems. Beautiful. If you don't own it and want an amazing cd to that can capture any mood, pick up Turnstiles, you'll be glad you did.

Just Another Piece of Crap......

I am a person that likes to spend money. I spend way above my means a good portion of the time. I don't drive flashy cars or have extravagant things, rather, I like to spend money on things for the house, gadgets to make life easier, things for my dog Bruce, music, movies, and on a HUGE food bill each week.

Occasionally I am lured to things that look great in the store....something that looks like it will work wonders in the house, something I just HAVE to buy. Then you take it home and it turns out to be a bust, a complete piece of shit. Has this ever happened to you? You use it a few times, then it ends up collecting dust for years before you toss it out, give it to a friend or family member, or sell it at a garage sale. Here are some things I have purchased in recent years that turned out to be a complete bust:

A handheld clothes steamer. Taking my work shirts to the cleaners was costing a small fortune. I am very "domestic" and can do just about every household chore. The one thing I despise is ironing. In order to cut dry cleaning costs, while avoiding the labor of ironing, I purchased a handheld clothes steamer. This item turned out to be a piece of shit.


A "Steaming" Pile of Shit 

The ab roller. I actually bought one of these about four years ago.


Makes a Great Clothes Hanger! 

It did nothing for my abs, but made a hell of a clothes hanger. It was ideal for tossing a jacket or sweatshirt on when I came home. I sold it for $5 at a garage sale I had about a year ago.

These are just a couple of things that I have purchased over the years that have completely sucked ass. What item stands out in your mind that you bought in recent times that turned out to be a piece of crap?

The Longest Day Of The Year

I am sure we all have some terrific childhood memories. We all loved the endless summer days of swimming and playing with our friends. Perhaps you recall fun times at camp or away on a long vacation with your family. I have many fond childhood memories, but I also have memories of a day each year that I dreaded, the one I hated the most. It was a 24 hour day just like any other day, but it always seemed like a 240 hour day. That day fellow bloggers, was clean out the shed day.

In the backyard of the house I grew up in stood a bungalow. It was a summer home back in the 1920's-1940's for weekend vacationers and locals alike. It was a pretty big bungalow, probably 12 feet wide and 20 feet long. It had a huge walk-up attic. By the time my family moved into the home in the 1970's, the bungalow no longer had running water or anything like that. My parents decided to use it for storage, sort of like a shed. Here's sort of what the bungalow looked like, only ours was a bit bigger:


A Shitty Yearly Tradition 

My parents stored everything in that bungalow....tools, lawnmowers, bikes, toys, seasonal clothes, documents, housewares, it was like a stockroom for EVERYTHING. Over the course of the year, from everyone going in and out of it to retrieve things, it would get messy. So, once a year, usually in July, it was "clean out the shed day" at my home.

My parents would take the first two weeks of July off every year from work for "vacation". Vacation to them consisted of cleaning, painting, yardwork, etc., we never went anywhere. During that week, my mom would always pick the hottest, most humid day of the year for clean out the shed day. You may be thinking, big deal, how long could this take, right? Well, it started at sunrise. We would proceed to take EVERYTHING OUT of the shed, piece by piece and place it all over the back yard. I swear my mother would read the farmers almanac and look for the warmest predicted day of that calendar year or find out what the hottest date on average was for the year and choose that day for the shed cleaning. As we were pulling EVERYTHING out of the shed she'd come across things that got broken and she'd scream and yell with the cigarette hanging out of her mouth which would be burning down to the filter. She'd try to find out who broke it over the course of the year and curse and go nuts. After all the yelling and all the items would be removed, we'd sweep out the entire shed and then proceed to place everything back into the shed EXACTLY the way she wanted it. I swear this was a 9 hour day. My brother, my sister, and I would cringe when she mentioned clean out the shed day.

Many kids cringed at the thought of the first school day, after clean out the shed day, we were mentally prepared for anything. The first day of school was a walk in the park.

Did any of you have a day or an event that you dreaded each year as a child?

Our Next President, I Doubt It.....

Condoleeza Rice is "unofficially" running for President in 2008. Right now in Florida, she is 2nd in the polls behind Rudy Giuliani for the Republican nomination. I personally don't like Ms. Rice based on her record and her screw ups with the whole 9/11 fiasco and the Iraq situation. She has not done much since she has taken over as Secretary of State either, but that's not the purpose of this post.

Here in New York, minority and women politicians are commonplace. Sure there is racism here just like anywhere in the country, but people are far more tolerant here in NY than in most parts of the country. Many areas of the country would not vote for her whether she was good or not based on her gender and race. It's unfortunate that this country would never elect an African American Woman as President whether she was qualified or not. It just would not happen. There are too many parts of this country that are backwards in their thinking and the election of a woman, of any race for President would be difficult, let alone an African American woman. So today, I am going to list things that will take place here in America before an African American woman would ever be elected President:

*Pauly Shore will win an Oscar
*Milli Vanilli (one of them is dead) will reunite for a tour
*I will fly a Jetson's car to work each day
*The population of Mars will exceed that of Earth
*OJ will admit killing is wife and Ron Goldman
*Michael Jackson will have sex with a woman
*Oil will be $300 a barrel
*AC/DC will write a love ballad
*Tupac will release 10 more cd's
*America will be a Spanish speaking nation
*Pete Rose will be in the Hall of Fame
*Ashlee Simpson will be the top female singer of all time (ok, that's a stretch)
*Sugar V will turn down a sausage
*A Norman Rockwell painting surfacing showing a child being beaten
*A long lost photo of harry Houdini locked out of his car

What things do you see happening before an African American woman is elected President of the United States?

School Supply Lists

I was talking to some folks who have kids and who are in the process of school supply shopping. I was blown away at some of the things on these lists that the school has sent them. With property/school taxes averaging about $9k per household each year here on Long Island, it made me wonder what the hell they are doing with all of our money.

I really looked in depth at these lists and I thought I'd share some of it with all of you.

1) Paper towels/Handi Wipes. You mean to tell me the school no longer provides paper towels? I remember the brown paper towels, they were as rough as sandpaper, but at least they supplied it.

2) Tennis balls. That's right, tennis balls. I was wondering what exactly kids were going to do with these tennis balls and I am sorry I asked. They are going to cut holes in them and put them on the bottoms of their chairs so the chairs don't make noise or scratch the floors when the kids pull them out or push them in. Can you believe this nonsense?

3) Post-its. What does a 2nd grader need to be reminded about? Does he/she need to leave a post-it hanging on their desk to remind them that recess is at noon? Perhaps the post-it is to remind the child that grilled cheese is on the lunch menu.


Bring Your Own Supplies.... Fuckos! 

4) Book "Socks". This is just a fancy name for a book cover. We used to use brown paper grocery bags and decorate them ourselves with Van Halen logos, Yankee logos, Ozzy painted across the front, and all kinds of custom drawn stuff. It was an art form and a status symbol to have a finely created book cover.

5) A compass/protractor. Let's face it, in grade school you use the compass once a year and for the rest of the year you poke the shit out of your classmates. It's a waste of money. Kids don't even know what a protractor is.

6) Scissors. COME ON! The school ALWAYS supplied scissors. The lefty kids always had that funky green handled scissor and the rest of us had the regular ones.

Some of this shit is just wacky. What wacky request is on your child or a child you know's school supply list this year?

Be sure to check out the "CD ESSENTIALS" post below.......

CD Essentials

I am featuring something new here at "Bored at the Beach". It's called CD essentials. Each week I am going to feature a couple of CD's that I feel are essential for all music collections. Some of the music I will feature on here you may own and I am looking forward to your remarks. For those of you looking for something to listen to that perhaps you have not heard before, this will be a great place to get to know a band that maybe you aren't that familiar with and get a little insight on the CD and what it's all about. I am starting CD essentials off with:

"Breakfast in America" by Supertramp.
Released: March 1979
Chart Peak: #1
Weeks Charted: 88
Certified 4x Platinum: 11/14/84


"Breakfast" That's Great Any Time Of day! 

With Breakfast in America, Supertramp had a genuine blockbuster hit, topping the charts for four weeks in the U.S. and selling millions of copies worldwide; by the 1990s the album had sold over 18 million units around the world. Although their previous records had some popular success, they never even came close to the massive sales of Breakfast in America. Then again, Supertramp's earlier records weren't as pop-oriented as Breakfast in America. The majority of the album consisted of tightly-written, catchy, well-constructed pop songs, like the hits "The Logical Song," "Take the Long Way Home," and "Goodbye Stranger." It was clearly the band's high-water mark.

"The Logical Song" is my favorite. I am sure we can all relate to these lyrics:

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily,
Joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
Logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
Clinical, intellectual, cynical.

There are times when all the world’s asleep,
The questions run too deep
For such a simple man.
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.

Now watch what you say or they’ll be calling you a radical,
Liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won’t you sign up your name, we’d like to feel you’re
Acceptable, respecable, presentable, a vegtable!

At night, when all the world’s asleep,
The questions run so deep
For such a simple man.
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.

BJ Included?

Here is my list of things that have gotten so expensive that a blowjob should be included with the transaction. (For you ladies, substitute whatever it is you like, perhaps a good licking in place of a blowjob)

* A fill up at the gas station. They should send some hot middle eastern chick from the back of the gas station to take care of business each time I fill up. My pants around my ankles while I am filling up the tank....not a bad idea. I like the whole public thing anyway.

* Crossing any bridge here in NY. Come on $9.00 to cross the Verrazano Bridge? Stick a hot chick in the toll plaza and give me my money's worth.

* Weekly food shopping. Four bags= $100.00? It's insanity. Forget calling for a bagger when the lines get long, call for a blower instead.

* Rent. My landlord's wife should be stopping by to pick up the check, forget this mailing bullshit. It will save me the postage and keep me out of trouble.

* Electric Bill. Long Island is the 2nd most expensive in the nation in regards to electric/energy bills. There should be a hole in the meter I could stick my dick in for monthly pleasure before mailing the check.

* Going to a sporting event. $8.00 for a hot dog? $9.00 for a beer? Let A-Rod's wife come sit under my seat for a few innings.

I won't dwell on the 2 bedroom shacks that cost $500,000 here on Long Island, that's a whole other blog for another day.

What are some things you pay for all the time that should come with some "pleasure"?

Don't forget to Top Blog Vote for me to the left!!! :)

Sunglasses Indoors

There are two types of people who wear sunglasses indoors, blind people and assholes. I am not talking about someone who comes in from outside and hasn't had the opportunity to take them off or may forget they are on. I am talking about people who think "it's cool" to wear them indoors. Nine out of ten times, the person is an asshole or certainly acts like one.


A Douche Nozzle Indeed! 

It's the same breed who feel the need to wear sunglasses at night. Yeah, Corey Hart did a song about that very topic back in 1985, it wasn't cool then and it's certainly not cool now. What are these people trying to prove? OOOOOOOOH LOOK AT ME, I LOOK SO FUCKIN' STYLISH IN MY SUNGLASSES here at 11pm. Asshole, take them off, it's very fuckin' annoying.

Didn't they sell sunglasses on an infomercial years back to wear at night while driving? I think they were called "Night Vision".


Did Anyone Actually Buy These? 

Very stylish huh?

I hope everyone has a wonderful Monday and a great start to the week. Summer is winding down, make sure you get out and about each night the next few weeks and soak it all up!!!! Today is vote day for TOP BLOG, if you are still enjoying "Bored at the Beach" be sure to vote for me. As always, thanks to all of you for your daily visits! :)

E-Mail "Forwards" and Chain Letters

Is anyone sick of those STUPID chain letters or forwarded e-mails that pop up in your inbox from people you know? When I see the subject heading with the letters FW in it, I cringe. Unless you are forwarding me pictures of your girlfriend naked or something really good to look at, leave me off the list!

E-chain letters have been around since e-mail began. You've seen them before: Send this e-mail to 15 people in 5 minutes and you will have good luck for a year, send it to 10 people and you will have good luck for a month, send it to 5 people and have good luck for a week, send it to no one and you die a bloody and painful death with forks jammed in your head. Ugh, I hate them so much. But...maybe my lack of forwarding e-mails along is why I work a job where I am underpaid and the reason I meet crazy girls. I suppose that explains the 24 piece fork set protruding from my head also.

The newest fad is to send that ugly yellow ribbon, the one for "Our Troops", via e-mail and say that if you don't forward it on you are a communist bastard that wants our troops to die in bloody combat in Iraq. Or maybe they are about Iraq itself and give a couple images of soldiers standing next to a child, smiling, or a guy petting an Iraqi dog. These e-mails usually say something about how God is watching over them and that if you send this e-mail to 100 people the war might end and God will come down from the Heavens and turn all Iraqi infidels into kind and caring citizens. I hate these e-mails. I delete them. Every American supports our troops, even if we are against the war. They didn't start it and have nothing to do with the bureaucrats and politicians who play a game of Risk with the world. I don't need to forward a yellow ribbon along electronically or plaster one to my car to prove I care.

As an experiment, I created a chain letter myself. I made it just as annoying full of cliche drivel such as the shit that appears in my inbox everyday. I even put "return this to me to prove that you are a good friend" like A LOT of similar e-mails. I made it so cheery and upbeat that you couldn't tell it was made by a cynical bastard like me. But here's the twist: at the end of the e-mail, in small font but plainly in sight I put the words: If you send this e-mail back to me, I'll fucking hunt you down and kill you, you piece of shit. I hope you learn to either stop forwarding messages through the internet or rot in Hell like a serial killer.

And guess what? I got the e-mail back from almost everyone I sent it to. Sigh. It's probably out infesting the world as we speak.

If you see this e-mail or any other e-mail that requires you to forward it on, do me a favor and NOT send it to me, okay? Because I WILL hunt you down and kick your ass. :)

What chain e-mail do you remember most, that was most absurd?

True Freedom

I was thinking, who do you think has more freedom, the married man/man in a relationship in America or the single man in Communist China? I have to go with the single guy in China. He may not be able to leave the country, but he can leave his house without any explanation or problems. Hell, who needs to go to Europe or wherever else overseas, men just want to be able to leave their homes without permission or explanation. :)

***For those of you with no sense of humor, I am just playing around...this is a joke of a post.***

When You Care Enough To Give Only The Best

It's still summer, but many people are already looking forward to the holidays. Some people love the hustle and bustle of the holiday shopping season and love searching for that "perfect" gift for a family member, a friend, or a co-worker.

I think prostitutes should sell gift certificates. This would be the perfect secret santa gift for the loser in the office that you know hasn't been laid since the Johnson administration. It would also be a perfect gift choice for that perverted uncle or the nymphomaniac in your life.


Cash or Charge? Gift Certificate please!!!! 

These gift certificates could be sold in denominations. $20 for a half hour with a crack whore, $100 for some quality time with a fine street walker, or $1000 for a few hours with a "classy" call girl.

If you don't want the gift recipient to know how much you spent, you could just give them a gift certificate for specific sex act. "This coupon entitles you to one 15 minute blow job" or perhaps "This coupon entitles you to one hour of anal sex with the hooker of your choice". Nothing says Christmas like an anal encounter with a hooker.

Of course these certificates would have to be signed and approved by the pimp at the time of purchase, but hey, it's money in his pocket and there should be no issue or problem completing the transaction. With the holidays not too far off in the distance, why not think ahead now and get the pervert or unfuckable person in your life the gift that keeps on giving?

One Hungry Fucko

Ok, THIS STORY takes the cake for douche nozzle of the week. Apparently 2 drivers, a 71 year old man, and a 45 year old man with his 3 year old daughter in the car approached the McDonald's Drive-Thru at the same time. Rather than just decide who should go first, they start fighting. They get out of their cars and the 71 year old dude stabs the 45 year old guy right in front of his daughter. He then proceeded through the drive-thru, orders FIVE double cheeseburgers and drives off. The stabbed dude gets his license plate number and calls police. An hour or so later the old dude is arrested. my question to this crazy fuck is:

WERE YOU THAT FUCKIN' HUNGRY??????????????????

10 Random Day To Day Annoyances

Although I am in a rather good mood today, I figured I'd chat about some shit that really annoys me throughout a typical day. Any of the following could ruin my rather good mood in a hurry:

1) I can't stand when people leave you a voice mail and say "I need to talk to you about something". Well fucko, would you be calling me if you didn't have to talk to me about something? What's worse is when they leave you a message saying "I need to talk to you about something that's bothering me" or "I need to talk to you, it's REALLY important". I hate that shit. After hearing that, you have to sit and wonder what the fuck it is until you can get a hold of them. Either say what's bothering you or what's important on the voice mail, or just say call me back.

2) People on all these "diets" bother me. The Atkins, The South Beach, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc. You don't need these plans. Dieting is really simple. You want to lose weight? Ok, stop eating crappy foods, eat a ton of fruits and vegetables, eat every 3-4 hours, drink a ton of water, but most of all, get off your ass and exercise. I am not talking about a walk around the block after dinner. I am talking 40 minutes 4-5 days a week where you get your heart rate up and keep it up for at least 40 minutes. You'll shed weight like a maniac. The whole office does not need to know what specific diet you are on, nobody fuckin' cares.

3) Daytime road construction bothers me. Get this shit done at night when we are all asleep. Gas is fuckin' $3.00 a gallon, I don't need to burn the tank sitting in traffic watching one guy work while 16 others watch him in the middle of the day.

4) Greedy fucks who get engaged and have to have an engagement party, a bridal shower, and a wedding. How many fuckin' gifts do you really need? Just fuckin' get married and get it over with, I don't need to be showering your cheap ass with gifts for 2 years leading up to the wedding.

5) The price of gas going up a nickel every fuckin' day. ENOUGH already. I paid $2.74 for REGULAR 87 octane yesterday. Do I get a blow job with that fill up???

6) Listening to ugly and out of shape girls be really choosey about the guy they want. Just be fuckin' happy anyone would look at your sorry ass. Often I'll be at a restaurant or a mall and I'll hear these types of girls judging guys that walk by like their standards are so high. It amazes me that they expect guys to overlook their shortcomings like weight, yet they expect to land an underwear model and they judge men. Give me a break. Be happy anyone looks at you. If a toothless fucker with a peg leg tries to pick up on you, better take him up on it while your stock is still high.

7) People/friends who don't give you your change back when you buy something or give them money to pick something up for you. I've had many $20.00 ice cream cones and many $50.00 pizzas. Oh, how they conveniently "forget".

8) Cocksuckers who still pay for their groceries with checks. Douche NOZZLE, welcome to the 21st century!!!!!! Ever hear of a fuckin' debit card? Now my ice cream has to melt and I am forced to read "The Enquirer" while you give them your fuckin' life story on the check. These people should be dragged onto the road like Reginald Denny.

9) People at work that don't say hello when you look right at them and say hi. What the fuck is your problem? Perhaps they need to be taken outside with the check writers.

10) Nightly News. Show me a happy fuckin' story. I am tired of hearing about murders, rapes, riots, child molesters, kids falling out of windows, floods, hurricanes, celebrity news/gossip, robberies, and all that other bullshit. Somewhere, something good had to happen today.

What are some of your day to day annoyances?

The Game of Memory

We all remember where we were on 9/11/01 when we heard about the attacks on the United States. It was such a big event in our history that we'll never forget where we were or how we heard about the news. There have also been other "big" events in the news that we will never forget because of the impact they had on our country or on the world.

I was thinking the other day about the earliest "newsworthy" event/current event that I can remember as a child. For some reason, it was the 1976 Presidential Election when Jimmy Carter defeated Gerald Ford.


My earliest childhood "newsworthy" memory.... 

Other events that I can clearly remember from my childhood (under age 12) are:

Reggie Jackson hitting 3 home runs in Game 6 of the 1977 World Series giving the Yankees the victory and the championship. I remember hearing my mom screaming and cheering from my room.

Elvis Presley's death in August of 1977. I remember watching TV and the news cutting in and announcing his passing.

The huge nuclear scare at 3 Mile Island nuclear plant in Pennsylvania in 1979. We all thought we were going to get fried.

John Lennon's death in December of 1980. He had just released his "Double Fantasy" album and the song "Just Like Starting Over" was played every second on the radio for weeks after his death.

The assasination attempt on President Reagan in March of 1981. This was announced on the loudspeaker at school and we went home a couple of hours early.

What are some of your earliest childhood "newsworthy" memories????

Scary Characters

Growing up, we all had a villain or a character in a movie that scared the shit out of us. Many people say the witch from the "Wizard of Oz" was someone that scared them at a young age. For me, it was her:


Scaaaaaaary Stuff!!!!!!!!!! 

The witch from the Bugs Bunny cartoon used to send me running for the blankets so I could hide. There was something about her laugh and her voice that still has me shaking. Here is a short list of other scary characters that have always made me cringe over the years:

That little lady from "Poltergeist"
The girl from "The Exorcist"
The kid from "The Shining" that was possessed and kept saying "Redrum, Redrum"
That evil creature from the "Salem's Lot" movie.


Salem's Lot scared me for years............ 

What characters scared you the most?

The Birthday Song

Can't you go anywhere to dine now without having to hear 15 waiters and waitresses sing their version of "Happy Birthday?" I was at a great Italian restaurant last night and they even had to sing their version of the douche bag birthday song there. It's annoying! I don't mind if it's for a small child who is being taken out by their parents or grandparents for their birthday, let the kid enjoy their day, you are only a kid once. I am talking about these people who are over 25 that somehow feel the need to be sung to by strangers for their birthday or their friends who feel the need to let the restaurant staff, and the world for that matter, know it's their buddy's birthday.


Shut Up Fuckos, I am trying to eat!!!!!! 

What makes me wonder the most is, who's writing the lyrics to all these wacky birthday song versions? Every restaurant seems to have their own now. In some places it's just vocals, in others it's poor vocals and lyrics combined with annoying clapping, maracas, and other small instruments or gadgets you really don't want to hear directly in your ear when you are trying to have a conversation with someone. Are the CEOs of some of these chains like Fridays giving out homework assignments to the staff to see who can come up with the most annoying song? Or is it some marketing genius in a boardroom somewhere that is completely out of touch with the world? Either way, it needs to stop! We need to take a united stand against the cheesy birthday parade and song at restaurants! The "original" birthday song sucks bad enough, we don't need 1,000 different versions and remixes.

Monday "Trash"

Good morning everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend. Here we go, yet another week. Let's all savor the next 3 weeks, then summer is "unofficially" over. That sucks huh?

It was a very hot weekend here in the NY area. Highs in the upper 90's with brutal humidity. I spent a good portion of the weekend in the A/C, but I did get out and about also, which brings me to today's topic, garbage cans.

Why are people so fuckin' protective of their garbage cans? I was walking down the street, about a mile from home enjoying an ice cream. When I was finished, rather than tossing the wrapper and stick on the ground, I passed a house who had put out their trash cans for Monday's trash pickup. I proceeded to place my refuse in the pail and started walking home. This angry dude, who apparently lived in the house, yelled at me for putting garbage in his trash can. I said to him, "It's garbage, where am I supposed to put it?" He responded "Put it in your own pail!!!" I then said "It all goes to the same place right, so what's the big deal????" He replies, "It's MY garbage can, that's what the big deal is!!" I was like, "You need help buddy, you have serious issues!!!"

Now explain to me why I couldn't put a wrapper in this asshole's pail? I wasn't dumping an old refrigerator or a dead body in his trash, it was a fuckin' ice cream stick! I just don't understand some people!

Anyway, it's Monday, let's make the best of it! It's also TOP BLOG voting day, so if you'd be so kind and vote for "Bored at the Beach" by clicking on the Top Blog icon to the left, I'd be most grateful! :)

C-Mac's "Lost In Translation"

Men and women have a difficult time understanding each other very often. Many people say it's a lack of communication, I say it's a lack of proper translation. Here, let me show you:

Translation of commonly used women's phrases:

•We need. = I want.
•It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious because I already explained it to you.
•Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later.
•This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.
•I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you jackass.
•I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
•We have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
•Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

Translation of commonly used men's phrases:

•I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
•I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
•I'm tired. = I'm tired.
•Do you want to watch a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
•Can I take you to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
•May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
•I love you. = Let's have sex now.
•I'm bored. = Let's have sex now.
•Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing you what a deep person I am so you will have sex with me.
•Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

Meanings Behind Tattoo Design

I get a big kick out of people who go and get "tribal" or other wacky tattoos plastered on their bodies. They walk around claiming that the design is a symbol for some big, meaningful ancient concept. How the fuck do they know? They were drunk at 3am when they got the tattoo, yet it is such a spritual thing for them. They go around claiming the tattoo is the ancient symbol for strength when in fact it is a food selection off of a Chinese menu. What the fuck do you think, that the dude in the tattoo shop is going to tell you what it really means? "It really means you are a whore, but tell everyone it's the ancient symbol for purity." I doubt he/she knows anyway.


I'll Take The Lo Mein........... 

I love the girls who walk around with crosses or some other "religious" symbol tattooed to their lower back as they parade around half naked. The last time they were spiritual or prayed was when they took a pregnancy test and promised God they'd never have sex again if the test came back negative. Give me a break already.

I am not against tattoos one bit, I just get annoyed when people are uneducated or clueless and walk around thinking things mean something that they don't and they haven't even researched what they got plastered to their own body.

Bad Blogging Buddy

I've been bad with making it around to everyone's blog the last few days and I apologize. I've had a lot going on at work and home. I am a BBB, Bad Blogging Buddy! :(

No Lock???????

Have you ever gone to someone's home, perhaps a friend, a co-worker, or a realtive's house and discovered there was no lock on their bathroom door?


Where's The Fuckin' Lock???? 


This can be quite a difficult situation. Here you are, absolutely dying to pee, you go into the bathroom, flip on the light, shut the door, then go to lock it, only to find there is no lock. All kinds of thoughts run through your head, can I pee fast hoping nobody will walk in, should I try to lean against the door and aim across the room? All kinds of crazy scenarios and ways to pee enter your mind. Hmmmmm, that sink right by the door may do the trick, I'll just hold the door with one hand and pee in the sink. Then the thought of not going crosses your mind, just holding it in until you get home. Women would have it worse in this situation. You have to sit and it takes a bit longer.

Other than a stable roof and foundation, isn't a lock on the bathroom door the next thing you look for when buying a home? Isn't this an absolute staple? If you buy a home with a bathroom dor without a lock, wouldn't you buy one right away?

Have any of you encountered this situation? If so, what did you do?

Douche Nozzle of the Week

"I Believe I Can Fly" 

Did everyone hear about this asshole? At last night's Yankee game this douche nozzle jumped from the upper deck and fell 40' onto the netting that protects the seats behind home plate from foul balls. This guy truly gets the douche nozzle of the week award.

What if the net would have ripped? I don't care that this asshole would have died, but what about the innocent people below him? They should lock this prick away for a while. Let the inmates jump on him for a year or two.....

Quitting Your Job

Why is its that you can be fired from a job with absolutely NO notice, yet when you want to leave a job they pretty much expect at least two weeks notice if you want a reference? What the fuck is that all about?


Not a bad idea............ 

I think it's absurd. When you want to leave, you should be free to leave without any repurcussions. Instead, they blackmail you with the "bad reference" bullshit unless you give two weeks notice. So, if you are an excellent employee and just get fed up or tired of dealing with a situation at a job, you should suffer an additional two weeks just so you might get a nice reference? I think not. Just as they would escort any of us out to our cars on any given day and tell us "See Ya", is the way we should feel about leaving on our terms.

Keebler Elves vs. The Seven Dwarves

I could never live with The Seven Dwarves. I could not deal with all the different moods and bullshit. I may as well check into an institution. For starters, who wants to deal with "grumpy" all the time? Screw him and his attitude. His ass would be out on the street after one night. Then you have that "dopey" fuck who would ruin everything in the house. He'd probably microwave metal objects and cause a fuckin' fire. Then there is "Happy", fuck him and that grin on his face. He won't be smiling when I beat his ass senseless. Then there is that "sleepy" fuck who wouldn't work and chip in for the rent. I'd get a fire hose and blast his sorry ass out of bed. Fuck "sneezy" and all his germs. I'd be out of sick days by January 15th each year. I'd hire a stripper for "bashful" and he would not be so fuckin' bashful anymore. I'm not sure what Doc's deal is, but he looks untrustworthy, sort of like a molester.


These fuckos should die a cruel death.... 

Now these guys I could totally live with:


I like these little fuckers..... 

They keep a fuckin' spotless hollow tree. I'd have them doing everything. Bring me a beer you little fucko!! Wash those dishes now!!! Rub my feet! Not to mention the cookies. I'd be at the end of that conveyor belt nightly loading up on those cookies. Sugar V would be there also, but just for their famous "fudge". Sugar V looooooves fudge. The Keebler crew always seem upbeat, but not "happy" like that other little bastard. Their moods are on an even keel, which I would enjoy. I also think in a drag 'em out fight, the Keebler crew would kick some serious ass on the Dwarves. They's bust out rolling pins, wood spoons, rubber spatulas, it would be a massacre.

Which group would you rather live with?

"Thank You" on Garbage Pails

No problem, fucko! 


I've always wondered what the "thank you" on the garbage pails at fast food places, coffee shops, etc. was for. Are they thanking me for my business or are they thanking me for getting up off my ass to dump my tray and garbage? Or is it just a "thank you" for being the kind and caring guy that I am? haha Don't you hate the people that leave their trash on the table that think they are in a 5 star restaurant and the bus boy is going to clean up after them? It amazes me how lazy some people are. I think there should be a big THANK YOU on the exit door of every business. I want to feel appreciated at Wendy's or Taco Bell. I want to feel like part of the Starbucks family after spending $24.50 on a small coffee.

I was at a company function all day, I'll do my best to visit all of you tonight/tomorrow!!! :) Oh, and just an FYI...the suicide post was random and meant as humor.....like most everything I write on here...so no need for anyone to be concerned! :)