Expressions

There are certain expressions or phrases that really make no sense to me. For instance, if someone is in a bad mood in the morning, people say, "You woke up on the wrong side of the bed." What the hell does that mean? What if one side of your bed is against the wall? How is it possible then? What does getting out of bed on a certain side have to do with your mood? Then there is "It's raining cats and dogs." I'm still trying to figure that one out. Is it that the rain is coming down so fast it looks like dogs are chasing cats? Speaking of cats, then there is the expression, "There's more than one way to skin a cat." What are we working in a Chinese restaurant? Who skins cats? Or how about "Don't beat a dead horse" or "Let dead dogs lie." Why all these references to dead animals or the killing of animals? "Kill two birds with one stone" is another violent animal reference. Who sat and thought of all these? "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth", what the hell? "Don't have a cow" is another animal reference. Who's popping out a cow? Then there is "Wait until the cows come home", another cow reference.

Here are few of my favorite funny expressions:
"You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit no matter how much mayonaise you use"
"If my Aunt had a dick, she'd be my Uncle"
"If my dog had a square ass and ate mud, he'd shit bricks"

I'd enjoy some of your favorites..............