C-Mac's TEN Songs of 2007

As you all know, I loooooooove music. So here in the age of YOUTUBE, I decided to post my top 10 songs of 2007 right here on my blog, complete with video. ENJOY!!!

10) J. Holiday "Bed"



9) Keyshia Cole "Let It Go"



8) The Shop Boyz "Party Like A Rock Star"



7) 50 Cent "Ayo Technology"



6) Alicia Keys "No One"



5) Bruce Springsteen "Radio Nowhere"



4) Yung Berg "Hey Sexy Lady"



3) Plies featuring T-Pain "Shawty"



2) Kanye West "Good Life"



1) Soulja Boy "Crank 'Dat"

100 Memories of 2007

It really seems like it was just a few months ago that I wrote my "100 Memories of 2006" blog...yet here I am writing my memories of 2007 blog. Tonight, I am reflecting on where I was in life a year ago compared to tonight. I am so much happier and content...so in no particular order, here are my 100 memories of 2007!

01) Meeting Jen
02) "Excuse me, were you sayin something? Uh Uh You can't tell me NUTHIN!!!"
03) Club 69 Finale Party
04) Moving to 33 Ohio
05) Moving out of 33 Ohio
06) Moving back to W. Fulton
07) Fine dining in the back of a Ryder truck
08) "My drink and my two step"
09) A roller coaster Yankee season
10) The Islanders making the playoffs on the last day of the regular season
11) Seeing Bruce Springsteen at MSG (yet again)
12) Seeing Larry David, live and in person
13) Playing volleyball in the rain on July 4th
14) My NIKE PLUS Gizmo
15) Losing my cell phone (what a nightmare, haha)
16) Friday Nights in the Summer at the Saloon with Jen
16) Our trip to NC
17) Tiny A's Tiki Party
18) Club 69's President's Weekend Bash (insanity)
19) Saturday Night drives to Jen's house
20) Sunday Morning Farmer's market this summer/fall
21) Bialys!!!!
22) Homemade waffles!
23) Memorial Day party at "Deck 33"
24) Labor Day party at "Deck 33"
25) Annoying Roommates! (good riddance!!!!)
26) Dropping Bruce off at Jackie's each morning
27) St. Patrick's Day in LB with Tiny A and a random group of folks!
28) Van Halen reunion concert
29) Yankee Game with Jen
30) A bad hangover on New Years Day 2007
31) Ice storm on Valentine's Day
32) Snow storm the night before St. Patrick's Day
33) Sitting on the beach with Jen
34) Bruce jumping in the fish pond
35) "Party Like a Rock Star"
36) Christina leaving our office
37) Christina and Joe's 7-7-07 bash!
38) Sugar V staggering to his car after a night of drinking at the saloon
39) New York Sports Club
40) eHarmony
41) Making lots of commission!
42) Hiring Kim at work
43) Bruce's "surprise" on Christmas Morning
44) Soulja Boy Dance
45) On the boat with Christina, Joe, and Jen
46) Bribing the Maître de at Sparks Steak House and cutting a 2 hour long line
47) Asking a fat guy that almost ran me over if he really needed that bagel
48) A wonderful Christmas and Christmas season
49) AAAAAAAAAALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICEEEEEEEEEE! (Jen's cat)
50) Kanye West (kick ass album this year)
51) Traffic on the Van Wyck (no matter what time/day)
52) Vegan cookies (not bad at all!!!)
53) "The First 48"
54) PATRON!!!!!!!
55) Phil vomiting in my house, yuck!
56) Trying to get Christina to dance with "Sonny Bono" (hahaha)
57) Our holiday NYC day with Kim and Didar
58) REAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
59) Beach Bagel
60) Music "that isn't native to this planet" played by my former roommate
61) Jackson Heights
62) My Storage Unit
63) Dog Hair all over my car (thanks Bruce)
64) YOUTUBE Debates
65) The Berkowitz car (haha)
66) Trico and Munzey (Jackie's Dogs)
67) Ralph's Ices! (I think I tried every flavor!!)
68) The Soprano's Finale
69) Kettle One and OJ!
70) Making homemade pizzas with Jen
71) "Kitchen Nightmares"
72) Tuesday Nights
73) The Imaginary "Curtain Girl" hahaha
74) The Mets September Collapse
75) XM satellite Radio
76) Driving the 2007 Charger to NC (and making it in 8 hours!)
77) Ipod radios, fancy fans, ottomans, and other home improvements in JH! (haha)
78) Turning Christmas songs dirty (haha)
79) The "Beach House"
80) Eating at every restaurant in the West End
81) Bruce barking at the Atlantic Beach Bridge toll collectors
82) Season 7 of Curb Your Enthusiasm
83) NIKE Challenges
84) Vitamin water!
85) The $500 Vet bill!
86) C-Town
87) Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat????
88) Bruce watching Jen walk up the street from the deck and going crazy
89) Sugar V going into hiding like Salmon Rushdie
90) Clock that makes "cricket" sounds
91) "You can't get out of your own way"
92) Controlling the jukebox for 3 hours at "Happy Hour"
93) The Red Sox winning the World Series again (WTF????)
94) Clemens on 'roids!!!!!
95) Hurting my back in September (ouch)
96) Mullet guy test driving my car after inspection
97) "WHO IS THIS GUY??????"
98) "MEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANWHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILE!!!!!"
99) Faaaaancy new digital camera
100) Wishing you all an amazing 2008!!!!!

This song will be forever linked to 2007!

The Christmas Post Game Show

I hope everyone had an amazing holiday! Mine was the best in a very long time. I am back at the office as we speak....yuck...but it should be a slow week with a chance to catch up on some things here and prepare for the rush after the New Year.

The weekend was full of holiday preparations....not gift shopping, Jen and I finished that a long time ago...this weekend we had a lot of food shopping to do. I hosted my first Christmas Eve ever. With my family living so far away, I tried to carry on some of the Italian traditions. Jen, her mom, her dad, and her brother all came over. Jen and I made flounder, baked clams, and a great pasta dish with veggies, garlic and olive oil. After eating all that...including the shrimp Jen's parents brought over...we sat for a while chatting, laughing, and telling stories. About 90 minutes later....Jen and I put out all the Italian cheeses, olives, cold cuts, and breads. That's my favorite part of Christmas Eve! :) About an hour after that came the cannolis, pastries, cookies, etc. Needless to say, I had a food hangover when I woke up Christmas Morning.

Jen and I exchanged our gifts Christmas Eve after her family left. I got such amazing/thoughtful gifts including a great digital camera, XM satellite radio (with ability to use it home/in the car/at the office), great stuff for my new apartment, colognes, dvd's (I now have seasons 1-8 of Seinfeld...1 more season and I have the whole set!), and so much more. I was really overwhelmed by everything she did for me. I was so glad she enjoyed her gifts as well. One of her gifts was a Kitchen Aid artisan mixer. She had wanted that for a while, and since she loves to cook and bake, I thought it would be perfect.



Christmas Day, Jen, Bruce, and I ventured out to Eastern Long Island to spend it with her family. We had a great dinner...lasagna, one of my favorites...and turkey, stuffing, and a ton of other things. We had such a great day/night. It was 46 degrees here yesterday.....which is very warm for December 25th....so Bruce played outside for a bit, but was more interested in what we were doing inside. This picture cracks me up. He hopped up on an outdoor patio table so he could watch us unwrap gifts...he always thinks he is missing something.....



I hope you all had a great holiday as well! :)

The C-Mac Endorsement

Today seems to be endorsement day. The Des Moines register endorsed Hillary on the Democratic side and John McCain on the Republican side, while The Boston Globe endorsed Obama and McCain.

With Oprah hitting the campaign trail for Mr. Obama, Barbara Streisand stomping for Hillary, and martial arts pro/actor Chuck Norris endorsing Mike Huckabee, I sit here and wonder if it really matters who endorses who. If somebody is in the voting booth undecided and remembers seeing Oprah with Obama and casts a vote for him based on that, we have bigger issues than I thought we had.

Here are some more celebrity endorsements for the 2008 run:

Home Improvement "King" Bob Villa has endorsed Hillary Clinton
Actors Tim Robbins and Kevin Bacon have endorsed John Edwards.
Baseball player Curt Schilling has endorsed John McCain
Folk Singer Ani DiFranco has endorsed Dennis Kucinich
Steven Spielberg has endorsed Hillary
Sean Penn has endorsed Dennis Kucinich

In the spirit of things, here is my endorsement.



John Edwards. Here's why. First, I'd NEVER vote Republican, so that knocks all those candidates out. On the Democratic side, Hillary is too polarizing and in my opinion, not sincere and genuine. I think she says what she thinks will be popular rather than what she really believes in. Obama is a 1st term Senator with no experience whatsoever. A year after being elected to the Senate he eyed this 2008 run. I think he needs more time building his resume. Although I really believe in what Dennis Kucinich has to say, he is too "out there". Joe Biden and Chris Dodd are good lawmakers, but not presidential in my opinion. Bill Richardson is a phony who couldn't get out of his own way as energy secretary.

I like Edwards. He is genuine, compassionate, has a plan, and could unite the country once again. His focus on poverty and his compassion for the poor reminds me a lot of Bobby Kennedy. I like his stand on health care, the environment, and the war in Iraq. So, come primary time, he will be getting my vote.

'Tis the Season

To be a miserable fuck, hahaha

Not sure about you, but over the years I've grown to dislike this time of the year. People really have forgotten what the holiday is all about. I am by no means religious, I am talking about family. My fondest holiday memories are of my childhood when my family was somewhat "functional" and normal. My grandparents really made the holidays what they were. After they passed, it was all downhill....but I think it is more than that.

As a child, we were all naive, and didn't know/realize how fucked up the world really was. We thought about Santa, candy canes, and toys. As adults, the holidays are about hustling, shopping, fighting crowds, and having Holiday music jammed down our throats from September through the New Year. I used to think people were sick fucks for being at a store/mall at 6am the day after Thanksgiving...now some open at midnight, some at 4am.....it is pure fucking greed. Months of stress, chipmunk music, traffic, and digging through the attic for old decorations...all to have it all over in a few hours. Is it worth it?

People flock to the Rockefeller center Christmas tree each year here in NY...but it is the same fucking tree year after year. Sure...the tree is from a different place each year...but it looks the same each year.....do something different! Amuse me. Make it worth the trip.

That's why summer holidays rock. No gift giving, no Hallmark telling me what I have to do, no slaving in the kitchen cooking enormous meals, no dealing with dysfuntional family members......just the beach, booze, a bbq, some fireworks, and relaxation. That's a fucking holiday.

Only In New York..............

Does a bunch of trick or treaters REFUSE candy because it is not Kosher! Can you believe this shit?????? Perhaps I should have stocked up on Passover Candy last spring.......

Maybe next year I will have a Christian bowl, a Hindu bowl, a Muslim bowl, and a Kosher bowl of candy ready for Halloween. I think it is time to move to a red state....

The Death Recycler

There are some truly sick people in the world. I think I may have come in contact with one of the craziest of them all, "the death recycler".

Ok, let's start from the beginning. Back in early June my company hired this new girl...we'll call her "J" for short. According to the bosses, J seemed to be qualified for the job. She started with he company and seemed to be grasping the job at hand.

Within two weeks, J had called in sick a few times. Ok, things happen, right? Within a month, she had taken about eight sick days. That should have been a huge red flag. But, the owners let her stay and before you knew it, we were well into July.

Then on a Monday, J calls and says she had an "accident" over the weekend and that she would be out for a few days. She ended up being out for the week. The following Monday, J comes in on crutches, with her left foot/ankle wrapped in an ace bandage and her right wrist/hand wrapped in one as well. We were all like "wow, she must really be hurt!" But then, I started to get a little suspicious. On Tuesday..the crutches disappeared, then on Wednesday the foot wrap vanished....by Thursday the hand wrap was gone. I also noticed her climb on a desk to write something on a dry erase board with ease...showing no signs of pain.....but like everything else...they let that go too.

Then the "my mother is in the hospital" days off started. Sometimes upwards of 3-4 days out a week through August and September. During that period, she went in one of the owner's offices crying that she had no money for food, that she was helping with her mom's medical bills. So, he gives her $100. Now, if you were BROKE and someone gave you $100 for food, wouldn't you buy tons of cheap stuff? Boxes of mac n' cheese, soups, etc? Nope, she goes out and buys a HUGE bag of shrimp. The shrimps were bigger than my shoe....must have been a $40 bag...and has the balls to bring them into work.

So, the spotty days off continued through September and October. Two fridays ago, she shows up at 7:40am. Keep in mind..I am always the only person in the building between 7:30 and 8:30am daily. This girl is due in at 8:30 daily and is never on time. Anyway....she engages me in conversation...small talk...and in passing she says...."my mom died last night." I was shocked and went out of my way to show compassion and concern. She said it very casually. She worked until 10am that morning..until the paychecks were passed out and then took off. I thought that was strange. The girl is out four days a week to "care for her mom" then when she "dies" she shows up for work.....

Monday comes and we called her to find out where the funeral was, as we wanted to take up a collection and send flowers. A day passes and she calls back and says "Oh, don't bother the funeral is in NJ in the neighborhood where she grew up." We were like, it is ok, we'll call 1-800-flowers...they deliver everywhere. She completely avoided giving us the funeral home name/address. So, we pressed her on it and she finally said by email, "In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to ____ _____ church in Glen Cove, NY. She gave a priest's name there. So, when we called the church, the priest had no idea what we were talking about. Could she have lied about her mom's death?

I think she recycled that death. I believe her mom passed years ago, yet she used an "illness" for weeks to get days off with sympathy and then recycled the death because she got wind that she was going to get fired because of excessive absences. I mean, who would fire someone whose mom just died, right? Perfect way to save her job. And she may have pulled it off....but after returning to work last Friday...for one day...she called in sick again today......unfuckingbelieveable.

She is what I am dubbing...a death recycler.

Bless Who?

So, when someone sneezes, how many seconds do you have to say "God Bless You" or "Bless You" before it is no longer applicable? I say 15 seconds tops, that is your window. Anything beyond that 15 second window is a bit late.

Sometimes, especially at work, someone will sneeze and you'll kind of hear it because you are so focused on what you are doing...and you'll say "Bless You" on a delay...maybe 30 seconds later...and the person who sneezed will look at you like "Huh???"

So, just keep your "Bless You's" within that 15 second window.

Also, you have to wait until the series of sneezes are over. Sometimes you think they are a 2 sneeze person and you start to say "bless you" and it turns out they are a 3 or 4 sneeze individual.

Now what is the rule if someone sneezes a couple of times and you say "bless you" then about 3 minutes later they sneeze again? Do you have to "bless" them again or does the initial "bless" cover it?

Still Trying To Figure People Out....

So, Jen and I were walking Bruce in her neighborhood about a week ago and we came across this beat up 1970's car, I belive it is a Volare....no, not the Italian song, the car. Anyway, this thing looks like somehting the Son of Sam drove back in '77. Rusty, beat up, worth about $50 in the "blue book" or about $7.50 on Craigslist, yet it was fully "protected" with "The Club."

Now, this guy surely is living in the past....a 30 year old beat up car, with an 18 year old anti-theft device.

1) DOES HE REALLY THINK SOMEONE WANTS TO STEAL THIS CAR??????
2) DOES HE REALLY THINK THE CLUB IS GOING TO STOP SOMEONE INSANE ENOUGH TO STEAL THIS CAR??????
3) PERHAPS HE IS JUST GOING RETRO AND THE CLUB IS VINTAGE DECOR?????

I just don't know how people's minds work............

A "Seventh Sense"

Some people have a "sixth sense" and can communicate with spirits and the dead. Some people can even make accurate predictions of events to come. Others can assist the police in solving crimes by possessing psychic abilities. My sense puts these all to shame.

When a TV show I am watching goes to commercial, I always channel surf. I check the score of the game, catch up on bits of news, and dozens of other things......the thing is, I always know exactly when the show I am really watching is back from commercial and go to that channel just as it is resuming from the commercial. Without fail, I am dead on with this. I know you are all impressed. This is the talent God has given me. As useless as it is, since I don't watch a lot of TV, it is something to boast about. What is your useless talent?

The American Pastime Past It's Prime?

During a typical baseball season, I make it to Yankee Stadium at least six times. This year, I made it there ONCE! That was yesterday on the last scheduled regular season game. The Yankees won, and it looks like they'll be in the playoffs for the thirteenth consecutive year. I am excited. Back in May, it did not look good.

Anyway, despite the fun I had, there are quite a few annoyances involved when going to a live baseball game. I've been to regular season games, wild card games, league championship games, and world series games, and the annoyances are the same no matter the importance of the game.

I remember when the seventh inning stretch was fun! You'd get up and sing "Take Me Out To the Ballgame" and everyone would be happy. Since 9/11/01 the seventh inning stretch in NY is ridiculous and a fucking buzzkill. I've already stood an "honored America" with the National Anthem (and the Canadian one yesterday)...do we need to honor America, the troops, everyone who has died in this bullshit war, and every other "patriotic" thing during the seventh inning stretch????? The reason we all go to baseball games, movies, shows, etc is to take our minds off of the fucked up world in which we live. I don't need a half dozen reminders of it during a baseball game.

Then there is the asshole who needs to get up twenty five times during the game and make me get up from my seat and let him pass. I paid to see a baseball, not his balls in my face every five minutes. It is annoying. Buy two or three beers at a time and wear a fucking Depend....don't keep getting up.

Speaking of concessions. $9.50 for a can of beer???? Are you fucking kidding me? $9.50 a beer so A-Rod can drive his Mercedes and get a contract extension. F Him! Let him sign elsewhere. How can the average middle class family afford to go to a game? Say you have two kids.....between the ticket price, the parking, food, souvenirs.....it is a $300 day. Obscene. It's like..."I'll have 2 hotdogs, a pretzel, a large coke....and a loan application." Fuckers.

Then there is the filing out of the stadium....forty minutes behind people who haven't showered or worn deodorant since Carter was president......crazy.

I love the Yankees, I love the stadium, and I love the atmosphere.....but the annoyances take away from the fun...in a big way. So this year, I won't be attending any playoff games, no matter how far they go. I will be in the cozy confines of my home, sipping a $1.25 Vitamin Water, crunching on a huge $2.00 bag of doritos, going to a clean and uncrowded bathroom during the somber "Seventh Inning Stretch", and filing out to my room/bed in about 30 seconds after the game. There will be no smelly people, no getting up and down all night.....just me, my dog, and a 27th World Championship....

Now the parade...that's another story. See you there.

Get The Patron....

"I got my drink and my two step,
my drink and my two step,
got my drink and my two step,
my drink and my two step,
It’s on, it’s on, it’s on and I’m home,
get the patrone on and tell them that it's on"

If you are a fan of rap music (I definitely am) you'll notice that almost every song makes a reference to alcohol. Statistically, 76% of all rap songs mention alcohol. Of those songs, 54% mention a certain brand name of alcohol.

These days Patron Tequila is "the in" brand of alcohol that rappers "rap" about. It is mentioned in almost every current, popular rap song. I think this is quite comical. If I was an owner of an alcohol brand...why pay advertising dollars? Just make friends with a few rap stars and sales will soar.

For years, rappers talked about drinking "Gin and Juice." Tenqueray was the brand of choice. Then Hennessy was the "in" drink that rappers talked about. By the early to mid 90's, they were all about Alize. Then Cristal was the in drink....that was the case until Cristal's CEO "dissed" the rap world when asked how he felt about his brand being consumed by the hip hop crowd. He said "That's a good question, but what can we do? We can't forbid people from buying it. I'm sure Dom Pérignon or Krug would be delighted to have their business." After hearing that rapper Jay-z called for a ban of Cristal......we can't forget all the rappers that were "Loose on the Goose" making mention of Grey Goose brand vodka over the years either.

So, for now, Patron is the in drink....by next year...they will be rapping about something else....

I'll leave you with the VERY catchy "My Drink N' My Two Step" by Cassidy. I am hooked on this song...I sing this all day......

Pushing My "Buttons"

There are many things that annoy me on a given day at work. Working with morons, lazy fuckers, arrogant bosses, incompetent assholes, and people that grate on my nerves are just some of my daily annoyances...but one thing in particular pisses me off. The "forwarding of emails." Let me give you an example:

Joe Smith (my fictional co-worker) has a 3 or 4 back and forth email exchange with a supplier, a customer, or whomever. Joe Smith then decides it is something he wants ME to do. Fine, ok, if it pertains to my job, great. So what does Joe Smith do? He just forwards me the email with no explanation as to what I need to do with it. So, I have to scroll to the bottom of the email and follow the trail of emails back and forth from 1999 to finally figure out what the fuck I am supposed to do. Hey fucko, at least write me a line or two with the forward explaining what you want me to do.

Some of these email exchanges are so lengthy and date so far back..it is like this....

The big bang happens and the universe is formed.....
Dinosaurs roam the earth.....
The ice age comes....
Cro-Magnon man gets up and walks....
Fire is discovered....
The wheel is invented.....
Eli Whitney invents the cotton gin.....
The Civil War takes place......
WWII breaks out....
JFK is shot and killed......
Watergate.....
The 1st Gulf war....
Clinton wins a second term......
Oh...I see....they want me to order some printer toner today.....
FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!

Wild and Wacky Week....

You know it is a crazy week when a tornado hits Brooklyn, NY....yes a real tornado. Wednesday morning was one of the wildest weather mornings I have ever been a part of. I woke earlier than usual that morning...around 5am to low rumbles of thunder and some flashes of lightning. With each passing minute...the thunder got louder, the rain poured down heavier, and the lightning intensified. By 6am, it was insanity. I got out of bed to shower, like I normally do at 6am....and it was pitch black outside...complete with a wind driven rain.....

While I was in the shower, the lights flickered, the thunder boomed....sounding off car alarms on the block and causing Bruce to bark like crazy. Jen got up and got ready for our journey to drop Bruce off at his "friends" house for the day and the trip to the train station so she could head back home and I could go to work. We didn't expect to encounter rivers substituting for streets.......it was difficult to navigate. I finally got Jen and Bruce dropped off and 90 minutes later (normally 30 minutes) I was at work......

The week in general, was crazy. Busy at work....heat and humidity that was almost unbearable.....and just plain hectic....I am welcoming the weekend already.

Anyway...I heard about this video clip on the radio...and you all should watch.....it is about 8 minutes...but well worth it. It depicts nature at it's meanest and it's finest.....truly a good watch! And a "real" happy ending...not a Hollywood one! Enjoy Friday!

A NEW CLUB

Maybe it is just me aging and not giving a shit anymore...but I honestly have to say that I dislike 9 out of every 10 people I come across. What happened to the Charlie of old? I used to LOVE everyone and go out of my way for everyone....now I only do it for a VERY select few.

I remember when I was in my early 20's...I was a naive young man who thought everyone was looking out for me. I saw the best in everyone. I guess I was about 22 or so when I had a conversation with the father of a girl I was dating at the time. Ralph was a big shot on Wall Street who was the most cynical bastard you'd ever meet. Anyway, he hated just about everyone. For some reason, he took a liking to me. He'd invite me over for dinner almost every night because he enjoyed my humor and I used to make everyone in the house laugh. Being that my girlfriend's mom was dying of breast cancer...the humor broke up the sadness in the house. Anyway...we'd sit and have a beer or two and talk about the world around us. I remember him telling me how naive I was, how I thought everyone was looking out for me and how I thought those around me had my best interests in mind. He told me flat out that most people I would deal with and come across in my life would be looking out for themselves and really not give a shit about me. I laughed at him and told him to lighten up...that he was a pessimist. Looking back...this guy was dead on.

In many ways, I wish I was still that naive 22 year old. I kind of lived in my own little world and really wasn't exposed to bitter, selfish, and miserable people. Either that....or they were around me, but I had my head up my ass. Let's face it, at 22 all you think about is getting laid and making enough money to pay your bills, having enough left over to hang with your friends.

My problem....my biggest issue today is that I expect people to think the way I think...and it never happens. I am talking about logical ways of thinking, unselfish ways of thinking. Before I do something at home or work...I think of how it will affect others.....many people don't think that way. Let me give you some examples....

One of my roommates is home ALL day...she is a teacher and has the summer off. So, instead of doing her laundry during the day when nobody is home...she waits until night time when me and the other roommate need to do ours. WHY????? Either that or she will START her laundry....load up the washer and dryer...then go out.....leaving both machines useless to the both of us. I know, some of you may be thinking this is petty....but it is just a small example of how people think.....or don't think...of anyone but themselves. This is the same person who sits and does "pilates" on the living room floor for 30 minutes to "lose weight" then when she is finished cooks herself a Hee-Man breakfast consisting of eggs, sausage, and cheese.

I come across this behavior at work, at the supermarket, at home, everywhere.

What about the fucking idiots who stand in the entrance of a store rummaging through their purses for coupons, or reading the weekly sale flyer? Wouldn't logic or simple consideration for others tell them that the main entrance to the store may not be a good place to do this....to maybe pull off to the side so others can pass through? It is the same moron who hasn't discovered the debit card yet. They would rather write a check....and not start filling it out until the groceries are packed and loaded in the cart while the line behind them goes from two people to ten people. I guess they are in no hurry to get home to play their 8-tracks while their TV dinner cooks for 2 hours in the "conventional oven."

At work....people will do ANYTHING to get something off their desk and on to someone else's. They do their job with no concern of how their actions will affect other people and other departments. They just want to be rid of something. Their favorite "button" is the "forward" button..that's all they do...forward emails originally sent to them that need action...they are even too fucking lazy to write any text of their own explaining what it is they want you to do...instead these cocksuckers expect you to read a ten page email trail starting at the very bottom.....

Don't get me wrong....I am happy with my life. I have a great relationship, a crazy, but wonderful dog, my finances are the best they have been in years, I am back in pretty good physical shape, and I enjoy my down time. But I really don't like many of the people I am exposed to daily......I hate the lack of logical thought or lack of consideration for others.....

So today....I am starting the "KISS MY ASS CLUB" and each week I will be inducting someone new into this club.

This week's inductee: My roommate Michelle.

"The Rising"........Five Years Later

I remember that hot and muggy night very well. I find it difficult to believe it has been five years already. July 31, 2002. At midnight on that date, Bruce Springsteen's "The Rising" was released and I was one of the first on line to buy it...but at that moment, I had no idea what I was in store for. Up to that point, I owned every Springsteen album, seen him in concert fourteen or so times, watched all his dvd's and videos...so I really did not expect him to top anything he had done prior....not with his track record. Was I wrong.....

The events of September 11th, 2001 were still fresh in all of our minds here in the NYC area. Soon after the events of that day, Bruce Springsteen was approached time after time by fans and people on the street. They would say "Bruce, we need you now." They wanted him to write something to describe how we were all feeling....the sorrow, the emptiness, the anger, the loneliness, the shock, and the need to regroup and rebuild. Not only rebuild our city, but our hearts, our souls, and our will. The genius of this album is that these songs can be applied to that event and also to the happenings in our every day lives. That is why this album was and is so personal to me.

Just two weeks prior to the release of the album, I ended a four year relationship with someone. I was living with her when I ended the relationship. It was a very difficult decision, but something I knew was best for the both of us. Although she did not officially "move out" until late September, it was like my life was in limbo. All her clothes and belongings remained in the house for those 10 weeks while we lived separate lives. She would stop in on occasion, but mostly she stayed elsewhere. It was a tough thing to go through and I had many emotions about the situation and my decision.

When I purchased the album that night... I immediately opened the plastic wrapper in the car and put the cd into the player...as I pulled out of the parking lot of Tower Records, "Lonesome Day", the first song of the cd started...and I was immediately captivated. The music just put me in a trance...then the opening line.....then the chorus....and I immediately connected.......I understood the 9/11 undertone, but I also applied it to what I was going through. Once again, Bruce was my voice....he was singing about things I was feeling. That is why I've loved his work all my life...he always found a way to sing about things...every day emotions, that I had often felt.

With each passing track, I felt as though I told him what was going on in MY life and he wrote me an album...that is how personal this album felt to me. I don't remember seeing the road or how I navigated home that night.....I was so caught up in the music and lyrics.

"Into the Fire" brought tears to my eyes.....a song about the firefighters who were going up those stairs while everyone else was coming down.....the way it was written was so eloquent and so descriptive...."Empty Sky" had such a personal meaning, yet I related it so well to 9/11 and what we all felt that day and in the days following. "You're Missing" made me completely lose it. If you know the lyrics, you'll know why.

Then there were songs of inspiration on the album that got me charged up after a somber song or two. "Waiting on a Sunny Day", "The Rising", "Mary's Place", and My City of Ruin" gave me chills and hope. These songs challenged us to have faith and hope and to carry on.

I'll never forget where I was on that September Day...just as I will never forget where I was when I first heard "The Rising." I drove around for miles...way past my home that night...until I heard every note, every word, every beat. I finally went home, completely in awe. I placed the cd in my bedroom stereo, lit a candle...and listened to the album again....

Just two weeks later....I went to Madison Square Garden to see Bruce in concert. I had seen him fourteen or so times before that night...and I knew how electric his shows were. That night, there was something different in the air....in the eyes of everyone...long before the show started. As he came out, he started the show with "Empty Sky" and there really wasn't a dry eye in the "world's most famous arena" during that song. What amazed me that night was how everyone knew every word of that album. It had just been released two weeks prior.... I was blown away.

A few weeks after the concert my ex moved out of the house. Although, sad, I was relieved that we could carry on with our lives. A close friend of mine suggested that rather than moving out of the beautiful home I was in, that I find a roommate....and he suggested his brother Alex.....

Alex who was a huge music fan and musician moved into the house in early October. We immediately became close friends. He was not a Springsteen fan at all...but he was looking for some good music for his hour train ride each morning to work. I suggested "The Rising" to him. He reluctantly burned a copy and took it to work that day with him. That night, he walked in the house with a different look on his face. I asked him what was wrong. He said that he was completely blown away by the album and that he couldn't stop listening to it. He told friends about it, and they too were hooked.....

So for any of you who don't own the cd....either buy it, or buy some of the songs I mentioned from ITUNES....you too, will connect with these songs.....

You Can Always Go.....

Downtown. Great song from the 1960's by Petula Clark.....but I am talking about the other "downtown."

It is 2007 and there are still guys/girls who won't go "downtown" for their partners. Can you believe this? I am stunned when I hear things like this.

Taking a trip "downtown" is one of my favorite things to do in the entire world...no joke. I could spend a weekend down there. I am like Magellan circumnavigating the globe......or Ponce De Leon looking for the fountain of youth.......I love the exploration and the expedition of it all......

Anyway, ladies....what percentage of guys would you say have no clue what they are doing when they go "downtown?" Like what percentage are good compared to bad? From the stories girlfriends have told me about their exes and female friends that I have/had, it sounds like a good majority of guys are clueless when it comes to taking a trip "downtown" which is a big shame. There should be classes or books on this. At the VERY least, these guys should be talking/communicating with their ladies to find out what/how their woman likes it done...I think that is the key....

From a male perspective, I would say......50-60% of women really aren't that good when they take the downtown tour. They are all over the place......they are like Lewis without Clark.....they need some guidance......

Anyway.....I'd love all of your input on this topic...I find stuff like this intruiging! I will leave you with "Downtown" as you reply......because when I have worries...I can always go............"Downtown." There may not be movie shows down there.....and the lights may not be brighter there.....but it sure makes me forget about my troubles and cares.....

In the Dog House

Although it was only a four day work week for me, I am shot! I am glad the weekend is drawing closer.....

I have a lot on my mind this evening. This whole Michael Vick dog fighting thing has me very upset. Has the world gone completely insane? I look at my dog, and I couldn't even picture hitting him when he is bad....sure he gets an occasional smack on the butt to remind him who is boss when he misbehaves.....but having dogs fight to the death? That is beyond my comprehension. I read the Federal Indictment papers at lunchtime today and I cringed. The things he and his friends/family allegedly did to those dogs makes me want to drive back down to VA and kick all of their asses. Shooting them in the head, electrocuting them, torturing them....how could anyone hurt a defenseless animal. They are not men, they are pussies, flat out pussies.

Which brings me to the next thing...don't these millionaire athletes have anything better to do? The problem stems from these guys who grew up with nothing all of a sudden having the means to do anything and still hanging out with the crowd they did in high school.....sure it is nice that these guys want to "not change" and remember where they "came from" but there comes a time where these so called "role models" who are in the public eye have to separate themselves from the crap and the "crowd" they grew up with.

Why is this behavior off the field/court mostly prevelant in the NFL and NBA???? You don't hear of hockey players killing their wives, getting arrested 10 times in two years, running dog fighting rings, etc.....what is up with pro football and basketball????? This makes me look at my favorite sport in a whole new light. If all we have to complain about in baseball is Barry Bonds shooting up with steroids and breaking Hank Aaron's famed record, then we are in pretty good shape. Sure we can look back on Dwight Gooden and Darryl Strawberry...two definite first ballot Hall of Famers who threw their lives and careers away with drugs...but the big difference there...they only hurt themselves. They weren't involved in night club shootings, killing dogs, murdering their wives, and all the other bullshit behavior. The NFL and NBA need to tighten the rules. I say, if you get arrested and convicted of a felony, you are banned for life, period. The only way to hurt these guys is in the wallet....where they won't be able to live the lifestyle they live anymore.

Sure, he is innocent until proven guilty...but in the court of public opinion, this guy is done. This is a FEDERAL indictment...not some loose cannon district attorney in NC doing something to secure a political future like in the Duke lacrosse scandal. The Feds win 95% of these cases and don't indict unless they have a pretty iron clad case. If he is convicted, I hope he and his buddies rot in jail for a long time and that he never plays another down in pro football.

This dog fighting seems to be a pretty big thing around the country. I hope this brings it into the light and that these animals are saved and people start turning these illegal rings in.

Food for Thought.......

Mustard companies really need to start making mustard containers that don't squirt out yellow water before the actual mustard comes out. I bought some cold cuts tonight with a roll and French's proceeded to pee on my sandwich. Kind of takes my enthusiasm away for that sandwich. I guess I could shake the mustard a bit before using it, but f them, I am a consumer! Not only should they make mustard to my taste specifications, it should also give me my full day supply of vitamin C, whiten teeth, and give me a burst of energy......

Speaking of food, women of the Food Network have to stop faking orgasms when they taste their food. Half of that programming consists of cute, spunky women putting things in their mouth and giving us their "O" face. Which is why I can recite 23 different pasta recipes and 18 chicken recipes from memory, and I haven't cooked in months. Rachael Ray makes a 30-minute meal, and I'm finished in 20.

The Chinese community must explain why Chinese restaurants are never open for breakfast. There's a billion of them. They can't all be sleeping in......right???

Speaking of restaurants....I hate when they make you wait until the rest of your party has arrived. Any restaurant that makes you wait is calling you a liar. They're saying, "You have five friends?" "Yeah, we'll see." Listen up, Miss drunk-with-power-restaurant-hostess, when I say my friends are on the way, they're on the way. Soooo...get me to my table now or this is the LAST time I celebrate a birthday at IHOP!

Back From Vacation!

Hello all! I am back from NC and settled in. The drive was long, but very fun! Jen and I had a great time with my brother. I have attached some pictures below. His new house is amazing. We had a lot of fun and did a lot down there. I finally got to the outer banks/Cape Hatteras...a place I have wanted to visit for a long time!

Here are some things I learned/observed on our trip:

We really get ripped off here in NY, for EVERYTHING. Whether it be for gas, for food, for housing, or whatever, we get screwed.

Outside of NY and NJ, the beaches are FREE! They actually charge $10 EACH per visit/per person here in Long Beach to just go on the beach. Crazy huh?

The states that charge road tolls have the worst roads. It is $10 to cross the Verrazano bridge here in NY, yet the roads around it are horrible. The roads down south are free, smooth, and CLEAN!!!! Makes you wonder where all the money is going up here....

I would not live in VA if you gave me a free house. I just don't like VA at ALL!!!!

I need to get satellite radio. We had it in the rental car and it was amazing.....

Speaking of rental cars, I need to buy the model we rented. It was a 2007 Charger. (see pics) This thing kicked some serious ass. This thing went 80 by just touching the gas and it was amazing on gas.....weird, huh?

On the topic of gas.....I drove 200 miles from the Outer Bank area to Raleigh using only a 1/4 of a tank......in NY I used over 1/2 a tank driving 50 miles.....congestion, congestion, congestion.....

People down south really don't hate NYers......they were very nice and welcoming everywhere.

The nightlife here in Long Beach is bigger that the nightlife in the capitol of NC...by far! Raleigh was fun...but they need to step it up a bit at night!

Everyone stays to the right on all highways and interstates from Virginia...south. we basically had our own lane (the left lane) for about 250 miles. Thanks to all that stayed out of our way! :)

Cape Hatteras and the Outer Banks are amazing.

Five straight days with Jen.........and we got along great...even though I can be annoying. :)

I did miss NY, but this trip opened my eyes up to how difficult it really is to live here. Financially it is tough, we know that. From a stress standpoint, the pace and the attitude here compared to other places is extreme. Just north of Philly, I95 becomes a speedway where highway rules, safety, and consideration of everyone else are forgotten. It is every man, woman, child, invalid, and senior for themselves from Central Jersey through the NY Metro area.

My company can't function a day without me. Enough said. I am dead tomorrow. Over 200 emails to answer and God knows what else on my desk. Within 20 minutes of leaving there on Wednesday....the phone calls started.....it is a slow death working there.

Bruce, and dogs for that matter, really have no conception of time. Although Bruce greeted me a bit more intensely than he usually does when I come home from work.....within 2 minutes it was business as usual with him.....

I have jotted a few "blog topics" down over the last few days that I have wanted to write about. But, I'll put those on hold today. While browsing other blogs today, I came across Kate's which I usually read whenever I have time to read other blogs. She posted yesterday about 10 things you want to say to people, but can't, or perhaps you can but probably never will, for whatever reason. The key is to not let others know who each statement is directed towards. I found this concept really cool. I may write one or two things I can and maybe will say to the person....but for now....here goes:

1) Twenty years? Where have they gone? I think of you every day and know that despite my flaws and the mistakes I've made in my life, you would have been in my corner every step of the way. Knowing that has gotten me through a lot. Thank you and I miss you!

2) When I think of you, I can't help but think of the song "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John. Especially when he says "You almost had your hooks in me didn't you dear? You nearly had me roped and tied. Altar-bound, hypnotized. Sweet freedom whispered in my ear, You're a butterfly, and butterflies are free to fly. Fly away, high away, bye bye." How fitting. Meeting you changed my life, in a very bad way. I am grateful I had the strength, the intelligence, and the love for myself to finally break free of you and get my life back on the path it was on before we met.

3) In a family full of giving people how did you turn out so fucking selfish? No matter what crisis you faced in your life, I was always there. Then you turned your back on me. It bothered me for a long time, but now I am at peace and take things at face value. You were selfish as a kid, selfish as a teenager, and even more selfish as an adult. It will not bother me if we never speak again.

4) Since we are on the topic of selfishness, I may as well get you out of the way. Any friendship, relationship, living situation, etc., requires both parties to give as well as take. All you did was take. You only "gave" when you felt guilty and knew you were taking advantage of me and my goodness. The year I knew you felt like ten. I am glad you moved far away so I don't have to see you ever again.

5) You ruined this country. For six years I have had to sit back and watch scandal after scandal, casualty after casualty, and poor decision after poor decision. Not to mention arrogance, dishonesty, stupidity, ignorance, and self righteousness. Thank God your days are numbered.

6) Your friendship means more than you know. Your guidance, honesty, and candor helped me during a very difficult situation. Had you not been there, my life today would be on a completely different course. One that would have been harmful and toxic for me. Thanks for making me see the light.

7) Meeting you has inspired me and allowed me to believe in people again. As cynical as I am, you bring out that "naive" side of me that I had when I was younger and less jaded about the world. You bring out the best in me no matter how bad of a mood I may be in. I've realized that "this" is the way it is supposed to be...in every way. I am grateful each day to have you in my life.

8) You need to take a class or two about manners. You'll never get respect from anyone when you act the way you do. Respect has to be earned and should not be taken for granted. You can't lead people that don't respect or believe in you. You are rude, sarcastic, and downright mean. Bottom line, even if I told you this, you would not care.....selfish people usually don't.

9) People always say that someone can't be friends with an "ex" for some reason or another. I think we have proved that theory wrong. We genuinely don't see each other as "exes" but as friends. We have both found our special someone and I am so happy for both of us....I couldn't have scripted it any better if I tried. I value your friendship and can't wait for us to meet each other's significant other.

10) Last but not least. Your friendship means a lot to me, but I can't figure you out. I make an effort to keep the friendship going, but sometimes I don't feel the effort back. I initiate gatherings, activities, and nights/days out but feel like I get turned down 90% of the time. When we do see each other, which isn't often anymore, we always have a great time, lots of laughs, and good conversation...so I don't understand. We saw each other a lot last year when another party was involved, but since then, nothing. I don't get it.

On the topic of "Speaking Your Mind"...this ROCKS!!!!!

Back From One Break....

And almost ready for another! Hey everyone. I am back from a very nice and long five day July 4th weekend. It was great! Here's a recap:

Tuesday Night Jen and I went to dinner here in town to kick off the weekend. After dinner, we got ice cream and went to visit my old neighbor Mario. He is 78 and lives with his handicapped daughter. I miss living across the street from him! Anyway, Jen and I brought him and his daughter ice cream and we sat with them and talked for a few hours. Mario broke out all his old pictures of when he was young and worked on a cruise ship, pictures from Italy when he was a boy, and dozens of others. I find his experiences and his perspective of the world very interesting. He was so surprised and happy to see us.

On Wednesday the 4th, Jen and I got up and did our run. It was hot and humid! We then played beach volleyball with one of my roomies and her friends. It was interesting playing volleyball in a sustained 40MPH wind and in a steady rain...but it was fun! We then went back to my house for a bbq and played some cards and hung out.

The rest of the weekend consisted of trips to Queens, cooking dinner together, a night on the town on Friday, TWO very nice bbq's. One of which is featured in the picture above. That is Jen and I at my friend Christina's bbq this past weekend. The weekend also featured the Live Earth Concert, Yankee Oldtimers' Day, shuffling our pets around and getting them ready for our trip on Thursday. Bruce will be staying at my neighbor's house where he spends his days and where he spent the weekend. Alice (Jen's cat) is already out east at her parent's house.

Thursday, I will be yet another year older..... (sobbing) We will be driving down to Raleigh, NC to visit my brother and my parents. We rented a cool car and we are looking forward to the long drive together. I am a HUGE fan of road trips. So, I couldn't think of a better way to spend it, with Jen and going to see my brother who shares a birthday with me....should be a fun time...

So, in the interim....I (and we) have lots to do. Packing, laundry, shopping, and everything in between. I am looking forward to getting out of NY for a bit.....the change of scenery will be good.

I hope you all had a great 4th and a fun weekend! I will check in tomorrow and Wednesday before our trip!

I've Got You.....Babe!

Another week is upon us! Thank God it is only a 2 day work week for me, as I took off Thursday and Friday. Jen and I have some fun stuff planned for the 5 day weekend including running in a July 4th race together here in Long Beach. Should be fun!

This past Friday Night was a lot of fun. After a nice dinner at "The Cabana" Jen and I stopped off at the liquor store to get some stuff for drinks. We went back to my house and we had a few drinks. Jen had her Kettle 007's and I had my Kettle and OJ. After a few drinks, we headed out to a couple of local places. We really liked one in particular. It is a new place this summer called "The Beach House." It is really a fun place. It was pretty crowded when we got there, but it was a good crowd. I immediately noticed this guy that stood out from the crowd. I'd say the average age there was 28-30. This guy was in his 50's and was a dead ringer for Sonny Bono. He was in the middle of the crowd and getting into the jukebox music well before the DJ came on.

We made our way to the bar for round one of drinks and headed to the back where the dance floor/DJ were. About 10:30 the DJ started playing music and Sonny Bono went NUTS! He was dancing like a madman all over the place. Being the instigator that I am, I kept pointing his way and saying "You the Man!!!" and making him go crazier. You'll see a picture of Mr. Bono above. It was dark and he was moving so fast it was difficult to snap a good picture......

About 11:45 my friend Christina joined us. I told her I was going to get Sonny over to dance with her. She told me she would kill me. So...when she turned her back...I pointed to Sonny, then pointed to Christina. Sonny immediately came over and summoned her to dance, but she strongly resisted and left Mr. Bono hanging!

We had a great time.....I hadn't danced outside of my old house (Club 69) in a while. The thing I found most interesting that night was the fact that even the really younger aged people there got into the "older" music more than today's music. Sure they were enjoying "today's" hip hop and rap music, but when the 80's songs came on, the dance floor filled up quickly.

The Beach House is great and I can't wait to go there again. The huge bar that was in the same place last year called "The Twisted Kilt" was never packed...this place packs them in...same location....very strange!

Everyone have a great day! :)

When the Moment Is Right..............

You have all seen this commercial....the couple in the bathtubs with the voice over talking about erectile dysfunction and how Cialis can help them....

Is it erectile dysfunction or could it be the fact that they are in separate tubs, in public, sitting in 50 degree water, with a cool sea breeze blowing on them? Not to mention the paranoia of the Zodiac Killer or Son of Sam sneaking up on them and killing them. No wonder the poor guy can't get hard.

Anyway, the weekend is upon us! I am excited for it and the fact that I have a 2 day work week next week...then 2.5 day work week after that...VACATION!!!!

Oh one more thing.....gum companies need to stop inventing flavors. Grape, cherry, cinnamon, peppermint, etc are flavors. Artic Blast and Crystal Frost sound like some form of meth.....ever taste these made up flavors?????

I will catch up with you all on Monday! Enjoy your weekend...what the heck...I will leave you with a video...just like old times....enjoy the music!

Biiiiiiiig Search for Bigfoot

Ok, stay with me for a second....read this quick article...then read my take on it....

MANISTIQUE, Mich. — Researchers will visit the Upper Peninsula next month to search for evidence of the legendary creature known as "Bigfoot" or "Sasquatch."

The expedition will focus on eastern Marquette County, said Matthew Moneymaker of the Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization.

"We'll be looking for evidence supporting a presence.... We hope to meet local people who might have seen a Sasquatch or heard of someone else who had an encounter," Moneymaker told the Daily Press of Escanaba.

The legend of Bigfoot dates back centuries. But skeptics have challenged accounts of sightings, and practical jokers have staged hoaxes that have included grainy film footage of people dressed in costumes.

But Moneymaker said members of his organization have either glimpsed Bigfoot or gotten close enough to hear the creature in all but three of 30 expeditions in the United States and Canada.

Dr. Grover Krantz, a scientist specializing in cryptozoology, the study of creatures that have not been proven to exist, believes Bigfoot is a "gigantopithecus," a branch of primitive man believed to have existed 3 million years ago.

Ok, for starters....they actually have an "organization" dedicated to bigfoot research???? What kind of fucking idiot joins this organization???? Picture this..

Man: "Honey, see you Monday"
Woman: "Where are you going dear??"
Man: "I have that bigfoot search/expedition this weekend, remember?"
Woman: "Oh, I forgot! Have a wonderful time darling, hope you find him, be careful!!!"

This guy hasn't been laid since the Johnson aministration.....Andrew Johnson.....

Maybe it is because I am a native New Yorker and used to occupying my time in a much more productive way....but I think I'd feel the same way if I lived elsewhere. I just couldn't picture myself wandering through the woods for a weekend looking for a make believe "monster" who Buster Brown modeled a shoe after back in the 70's. Remember those? They made a shoe for kids with a "footprint" on the bottom as a spoof on bigfoot.....my mom actually bought them for us.....anyway.....

Who funds this organization? Do people write off "The Bigfoot Field Researchers Organization" on their taxes as a charitable donation? I mean, they need supplies, tents, sleeping bags, and many weapons to fight off this beast don't they?

When are people going to realize that the "picture" taken back in the 1970's of Bigfoot is some drunken asshole in a gorilla costume on a weekend bachelor party retreat???? Come on guys, there's one of "them" in every bunch!

Wouldn't logic dictate that if there WAS a bigfoot, he'd probably be dead already??? I guess 3 million years old is considered a toddler in bigfoot years. West Nile Virus, contaminated lakes and streams, acid rain (especially in Michigan), lack of sex, no good pizza for miles.....

Something in the sea..I could believe. Scientists still discover over 100 "new" species of marine life each year.....the ocean is deep and vast and I could see how you could "miss" something all these years....but some 10 foot tall hairy beast wandering around the woods of Michigan wearing a size 30....I think not.....unless it is Ron Jeremy on vacation.

Does It Really Matter????

I should preface this blog entry by saying that I don't hate any one "group" of people...I just happen to hate most everyone...so here goes......

In my weekend travels, I pass many store fronts. Whether it be here in the "City By the Sea" or in one of the five boroughs of New York City, I like to people watch. Lately I have noticed a big trend. Fat women getting manicures and pedicures very frequently. Now, don't get me wrong, nice nails and feet on any woman is a good thing.....but...shouldn't these "big" women start on the obvious first??? It's like only painting the trim on your house and letting the rest of it rot away.....I don't get it. Shouldn't the big job get done before the little details?

Do they think that when they go out later that night people are going to look beyond the 80lbs of belly fat bursting over those low rise jeans that they painted on? You know the pants...the ones where the zipper and button are holding on for dear life. I get it.....a guy is going to look beyond your ass that is six axe handles wide and admire your toes.....

I don't discriminate. Fat men do the same shit. They will go out and spend a fortune on a "nice" car or "nice" clothes...thinking a woman is simply going to look beyond the potato chip crumbs lost in their crater sized belly button. These guys haven't seen their dick since the Nixon administration....yet they make sure to fine tune the little points.

About two months ago I was walking Bruce in my neighborhood. It was a Friday Morning around 7am. On the corner of my block and the main road there is a huge 24 hour bagel store. I was crossing the street (I had the light in my favor) in front of the bagel store when out of nowhere this 350lb guy EATING A BAGEL while driving his huge SUV almost runs us over. He rolls down the window and asks "Why are you walking your dog in the street????" I turned to him and said "The question of the day shouldn't be about me walking my dog...the question of the day is DO YOU REALLY NEED THAT BAGEL YOU FAT FUCK??????" He was stunned and just drove away......

Another story about looking at the "fine points" and missing the big picture.... I am hooked on a certain flavor of Vitamin Water. It is called XXX. It has a ton of antioxidants...pomegranate juice, blueberry juice...and some other berry juice...anyway it is really good for you. Jen and I were on the beach on Saturday soaking up ths sun and enjoying each other's company and "people watching." In front of us was a group of about 8 twenty-somethings. One girl was drinking one of the XXX Vitamin waters while she was bragging about how good it was for her. Meanwhile, she had a cigarette in the other hand and was puffing away in between gulps of the vitamin water. I don't understand people.......

Weekend!!!!

After a wild night of thunderstorms, a sunny day with low humidity is upon us here at "the beach." No real writing today, just wishing you all a great weekend and leaving you with an old 80's tune I have in my head today! Enjoy! :)

You're FIRED!!!

Kellogg's says it will stop advertising its breakfast cereals to children under 12 unless the cereal meets certain nutritional guidelines. The decision comes on the heels of a threatened lawsuit by several advocacy groups who claim that the "cartoon" characters target youngsters and cause obesity.

Are you fucking kidding me? Tony the Tiger, who has been around for years, and his buddies are making your kid fat? PLEASE!!!! Snap, Crackle, and Pop are the least of your kid's worries.

Your kid is fat from the 4 gallons of soda he drinks a day, the 5 hours of video games, the lack of exercise, the "Oscar Meyer" bologna sandwiches you pack him for lunch, and the pizza you feed him for dinner because you are too fucking lazy to cook a meal for your kids. Don't blame Toucan Sam.

It seems like people are always looking for someone else to blame....looking right past the fat little fuck sitting on the couch on an 80 degree day playing with his Sony Playstation. I may sound old, but when I was a kid, we had to be called about 10 times to COME IN for dinner. On a summer day, we were LOCKED outside the house and forced to play and were only allowed in to use the bathroom.

I say to the parents out there.....stop whining and start parenting. While you are at it, stop looking for a scapegoat everytime something goes wrong. Stop blaming teachers for your child's stupidity, stop blaming music and movies because your kid is fucked up, and stop blaming McDonalds and Cartoon characters because your kid is a fat fuck.

The rate of obesity will in no way be slowed down by Kellogg's decision. In reality, it will actually lead to increased weight gain, because people will consume more now that they think it is "nutritional." Bank on it.

I am sure other cereal makers will follow suit. So watch out Trix Rabbit, your cottony ass is next!

Hasn't the Trix Rabbit endured enough? Those little fucks tormented him for years, teasing him with those bowls of fruity goodness only to tell him "Silly Rabbit, Trix are for Kids!!!!" The Trix Rabbit dressed in drag, in clever disguises, and tried so many other ways to get himself a simple bowl of cereal, and now he's out of work? He definitely will snap now....if you see him in a trenchcoat....run like hell.

So what will come of these characters now that they are out of work??????

Snap, Crackle and Pop....Gay porn for sure.

Tony the Tiger will be exiled to the San Diego Zoo where he will tormented by tourists until he dies a slow and painful death.

The Trix Rabbit will snap and kill a bunch of kids and end up on death row with Scott Peterson.

Toucan Sam will be shot, stuffed, and placed on some hunter's mantle.

The Lucky Charms dude will become an alcoholic.

These poor bastards.

A Need for Marketing???

Well, the weekend is over and it was back to the grind today! I had a nice weekend with Jen and we got to do a lot.

Saturday Night, after a day at the beach here in Long Beach, we got our stuff together (including Bruce) and went to Jen's house in Queens for the night. We were excited to see "Sicko" (on DVD) the new Michael Moore movie that comes out in 2 weeks that I was lucky enough to get my hands on before it's movie release (shhhhh). She just got a new kick ass TV and we thought we'd enjoy watching it there. Anyway....before we started the movie, I was flipping around the channels. I think Jen was in the bathroom or the kitchen at this point.....when a "VAGISIL" anti feminine itch creme commercial came on. Immediately the wheels started turning.....

How many women with itchy vaginas do they think were watching channel 40 at that time? Was there going to be a mass exodus of itchy vagina women making a charge for the local drugstore? A product like this just does not need to be advertised on TV in my opinion. If you have an itchy vagina, is it going to take a commercial to make you go get something for it? I would think you would get a treatment way before a commercial "persuaded" or "reminded" you to do it. If it takes a commercial for you to notice or want to stop the itching, you have bigger problems.

The same goes for tampons. Do we need a commercial? I think all women old enough to have a period know what to do when they get it. A lightbulb isn't going to go off in your head after seeing a commercial and a puddle of blood on the sofa and make you think "Hmmmmmmmm...maybe I should buy a tampon!"

Ladies, I don't discriminate. Jock itch sprays/creams, whatever the hell form those come in, should not be advertised either. Guys, long before scratching your balls in front of the TV on a Saturday Night, you should have done something for it ealier in the day.

Marketing foods at night I can understand because it does not take too much to lure a fat fuck out of the house for a Whopper, a Little Debbie Snack cake, or a Taco Bell Burrito. The slightest hint or picture of food could get a fat fuck staggering for the car keys in his/her fuzzy slippers and pool cover sized robe.....but Vagisil? Come on!!!!

Shouldn't they leave ads for certain items off TV? Here are some I would ban:

Douches (sorry, all you not so fresh women!)
Tampons, Maxi Pads (with or without wings), pantyliners, etc
Feminine itch creams
Jock itch creams
Erectile dysfunction medications (4 hour erection? I am not calling my doctor!)
Bladder Control medications

What am I forgetting?

Have A Nice..................Weekend??

"Everybody's working for the weekend
Everybody wants a little romance
Everybody's goin' off the deep end
Everybody needs a second chance, oh
You want a piece of my heart
You better start from start
You wanna be in the show
Come on baby lets go"

On Wednesday I heard one of my employees say "Have a nice weekend" to the Poland Spring delivery guy at work. Granted, the Poland Spring guy only comes every two weeks and my employee would not see him again before the weekend, but isn't that a little premature? Have a nice afternoon, have a nice day, or have a nice night wouldn't have sufficed? It was freakin' Wednesday before noon!!!!! Not even the official halfway point of the work week!

I think the earliest a person should wish someone a "good weekend" is Thursday afternoon if you know you won't see that person again before the weekend. Even Thursday morning isn't close enough I think.....your thoughts?

It is the same bunch of folks that wish someone a "Happy New Year" past January 15th. Even if it is the first time you have seen me since the new year began, too late, just ask me how I've been. I give someone a week to get their Happy New Year salutation out of the way.

I start saying good afternoon at work at 11:30-11:45am when answering my phone. Let's face it, the morning is over.

What are your greeting policies?

Help!

"Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help."

Have you noticed how difficult it is to find someone to help you these days when you are shopping at a retail store? It is next to impossible to locate someone actually working the sales floor.....and when you do find them, it usually "isn't their department." What the fuck?????

I think it would be a hell of a lot easier to find Osama Bin Laden (if we are actually still (or ever were)looking for the guy). Seriously. I walked around a sporting goods store on Sunday for about 15 minutes before I spotted an employee and the one I eventually found was no help at all. Between the language barrier and lack of knowledge about anything the store he works in sells, I was screwed and left the store empty handed.

The Home Depot is known for the "not my department" bullshit. Translation "I don't want to help you fucko!" I went into a Home Depot a few weeks ago for a special light bulb and I got hit with the "not my department" crap. Hey asshole, I didn't ask you who invented the lightbulb, nor did I ask you to hold my hand and escort me down the fuckin' yellow brick road to find them, just humor me with a point in the right direction. The douche nozzle made it sound like I wanted him to explain the inner workings of the bulb to me.

That's why I have a new strategy when I go shopping. Seek out the retarded or handicapped employee. Really, no joke. They are thrilled to be employed and earning a paycheck and go out of their way to help. As a former retail manager, I can tell you, the handicapped or mentally challenged employees are the best, by far. So next time you are shopping, look for the employee with drool on his/her smock or the one twitching in the corner, you will get top notch service.

I Think I Am Ready.....

To start writing again. It is funny where life can take you. I have been away from writing and blogging for a long while. I have missed it. Anyway, here is a recap on where I have been and what I have been up to:

In April, I moved to a new place. It is a few houses from the ocean with an amazing view of it from the deck. It is a nice place to call home, for now.

I met an amazing woman in April. Her name is Jen and I feel like I have known her for years. She is thoughtful, caring, kind, fun, beautiful, and a million other things. I am very lucky to have met her and I am thankful for each day we have together. We spend the weekends together here at the beach or at her place in Queens and she comes out to Long Beach on Tuesday Nights. It is really nice.

Bruce is doing great....he is slimming down a bit. I drop him off each day before work at an old neighbor's house. She has two dogs and two kids and he plays all day with them while I am at work. It tires him out so I get some relief at night when he passes out early! :)

I am still at the same job. I have taken on some different/additional roles. I have gotten into some sales and it is good extra money. I don't see this company as a long term career but it is good for now.

I got out of a very tough but brief "relationship" late last year. I should have never gotten involved with this person, but I did. It is amazing how one person can take your life into a whole other direction....especially when it is the wrong direction. I did not write about her at all last year. She was someone I was with after Tiny A but before I dated Caren. It has taken a lot to get beyond all that happened with this person.....

Speaking of Tiny A, we have a nice friendship now. Like me, she has met someone great for her and is happy. I couldn't be happier for her. I last saw her on St. Patrick's Day. We had a nice day together here in Long Beach. I am hoping to see her soon, introduce her to Jen and meet her boyfriend.

I have not seen or heard much of the Sugar V. We spoke briefly last week for the first time in months. I miss him and our talks/laughs.

I am still running. I actually bought that NIKE chip you put in your sneaker that communicates distance/speed etc to your IPOD. It really is a good motivating tool. It tracks everything!

My family (mom, dad, brother) all moved to Raleigh, NC in November. It is weird not having them around. They are doing well though. My brother had a new house built and moves in on June 21st!

Well, that's the scoop! My blog has a new link, so link me if you are an old blogger friend! I will be getting back to writing a few days a week...hopefully with some funny shit like the "old days!"

March Madness!!!

How did this happen? I went from blogging daily, sometimes twice a day to........once a month???

Anyway, I've taken the last few months off to regroup and get some things squared away. The next few weeks will be a fun transition. I used to be very afraid of change, but now I kind of welcome it.

Since May of last year, you all may have noticed that my blogging has slowly dwindled. Sometimes we put ourselves around people that drain our creatvity and who don't motivate us. Well, that I can assure you is long over. I am back with a vengeance, a new blog address, and I want to get back to the comedic writing I did for over a year when this silly thing first started.....I am back. I guess this song sums it up.....

I Suppose It Is Time....

To actually blog in February! I have had so much going on, I will fill you in on all the details another time........

I actually can't believe this story:

HAMPTON BAYS, N.Y. - The partially mummified body of a man dead for more than a year has been found in a chair in front of his television, which was still on, authorities said.
Vincenzo Ricardo, 70, apparently died of natural causes, said Dr. Stuart Dawson, Suffolk County’s deputy chief medical examiner. Police found Ricardo’s body this week when they investigated a report of burst pipes.

Ok first of all, no neighbors got curious as to where this dude was? Secondly how did his electric and cable not get shut off from lack of payment? My cable bill goes 10 days late and I am threatened with disconnection.....

And what kind of TV did this dude own that ran for a year straight? If I were TV manufacturers, I would try to find out what beand it was and market that shit.....