Wednesday, September 28, 2005

VENTI Asshole

I am not much of a coffee drinker. Occasionally, I will have a cup after a nice meal at a nice restaurant or occasionally hit a Starbucks for a cup of something different. There is something I have noticed each time I have gone to a Starbucks....the more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.



Keep It Simple Fucko!!!!! Posted by Picasa

If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "Decaf grande half-soy half-low fat iced vanilla double-shot gingerbread cappucino extra dry, light ice with one Sweet'N Low and one Nutrasweet", you are a huge asshole. If you are this much of a control freak about a cup of coffee, you must be really unbearable when it comes to something really important, like a doughnut. It's always the douche nozzle on the cell phone, with the loud fuckin' voice that orders these long ass coffee orders too. The fuckin' preamble to the Constitution was shorter than their coffee order. Enough is enough. Order a cup of fuckin' coffee and keep it moving!

16 comments:

Danielle said...

hahahaha. I know one time (at band camp) no really it was at starbucks....I went in and was like can I have a coffee. they looked at me like I had 6 heads. lol that shit is too damn complicated ahahah!!

Heather said...

I hate going in there and asking for a cup of coffee. I second Danielle there. They ask what I want in there and I tell them ground coffee and hot water blended. Sheesh.

kcterrilynn said...

Since I don't drink coffee, I've never been in a Starbucks. Ever.

Ha! This cracked me up: "you must be really unbearable when it comes to something really important, like a doughnut." I can see it now: half glazed, half chocolate, with 12 green, 4 yellow and 6 red sprinkles...

Darcey said...

I try not to get too complicated with it all. Give me my Grande Mocha Light Frappucino (too damn hot to drink regular coffee right now), and no one gets hurt.

Anonymous said...

I'm a Starbucks girl - grande traditional, room for cream! I wouldn't even know how to ask for all the fancy stuff w/out pissing people off behind me (like a Charlie).

Anonymous said...

I rarely drink coffee. I don't much like the taste or the caffeine. And I totally agree with you about these assholes. LOL. I don't even know what half that stuff was. LOL.

supplymadam said...

That is very funny. Too many choices. Like the world of coffee revolves around these a-holes! What the hell do they have when they're home?

Nothing fancy for me either. Just coffee regular with half n half. That's my one cup for the day.

Danielle said...

I agree, but sometimes when you are dieting you need to be assertive and get specific to get what you want...

I mean, some of us are working on getting or keeping beautiful beach bods for when we visit you C-Mac! But I personally do like to keep it pretty simple. I'll take a mocha light frap, or skim latte please.

Lauren said...

I once saw an 8 year old order some kind of mocha -half-frappe-skim-latte with a shot of hazelnut. The assholes are starting younger and younger

Anonymous said...

I know control freaks are really friggin strange. The "sports paraphernalia" guy at my job is a super control freak. Try borrowing his pedophile scissors and not place them in the right spot and you get the 3rd degree.

ThatIsMeWhat said...

I was a barrista at a big chanin like Starbucks. You are right! The biggest douchebags did order the most complicated drinks. I would hate to date someone like that!

Natsthename said...

And does that anon. spammer REALLY think we're going to click on over to read up on interest free credit cards? What a TURD!!

Kristi said...

my sister is a barista.

She's told some pretty funny stories about orders like that.

I figure if you eat a certain way or drink.....
Stay home and make it there!

Just don't bother foing out.

Panthergirl said...

I stood in Starbuck's listening to one of those "half-caf" orders and thought, "I should record this and put it in a time capsule. Someone will really get a laugh out of this in 50 years."

Anonymous said...

if you hear someone order iced grande americano and you happen to be on the other side of the country from where you live, and she's blond...it might be me....

(found you from d's site)

Anonymous said...

I think this guy gets the coffee thing pretty much right.

(Sorry for the link embed. And I ain't spamming, I just like the guy.)