The Word "Friend"

Often, I am left wondering what the definition of friendship is. There seems to me, to be a very fine line between being a friend and being used. I suppose that the definition depends on who you ask.

To be a friend.

My definition: To have similar interests, to be different enough that there is an opportunity to learn something new, to share experiences, to support, to accept unconditionally, to listen, to have your actions speak louder than your words, to know how to admit you are wrong and to know how to say you are sorry and mean it, to not feel any sort of unhealthy competition between each other. Friendship is a partial sharing of minds. The extent of that sharing depends on the depth to which the friendship goes. Each of a pair of friends paints a mental picture of the other in his or her mind. This picture has both intellectual and emotional elements. The process of building and maintaining this picture requires an openness of communication coupled with an honest inner exposure - of him or herself.

Because friends care about each other, one should never attempt to force, coerce or control the other to change for the better. One friend should only inform the other of the way he or she feels. The care or concern will motivate the informed friend to change him or herself for the better. Because friends care for each other, they should never use each other as a means to an end - as a human resource to be used and abused for self gain.

What I've experienced (in everyday life) - very little of the above with most people.

I realized a long time ago that most people I know in my everyday life are not, and never have been friends. They are users. Sure, I have friendships, many that have lasted for years and many that are relatively new and I cherish those because so many people really don't know what friendship is.

It's not often that I can have a real conversation with someone. I have listened to people bitch and moan, request, preach, inflate and flat out lie. When they're done and they feel better, they disappear until the next time. Those aren't friends. Those are people who make you the flavor of the month, they come to you on a whim when they are in need and then vanish until they need their next ego boost or crisis solved.

I do not seek attention. I do not brag. I know that I'm not "better than" anyone, nor have I ever claimed to be. I have no desire to compete. I am not an expert, self proclaimed or otherwise, on anything. I have no expectations of any person as it almost always leads to disappointment, I don't set myself up. I am content with what I do, the way I do it, what I think, how I feel and what I have. I am just as comfortable standing in the shadows as I am under the spotlight, but just as comfortable stepping forward when I am asked to. When something good happens for someone, I am among the first to congratulate and be truly happy for them. When someone needs assistance, I offer.

Not many people in my everyday life knows any of that about me. All they would have to do is take a breath, and listen and they would see it.