I have a friend that uses a great deal of catchy phrases, quotes, and anecdotes. Some of them are silly, some are clever, and some are very insightful and hit home. One of his famous sayings is "You are only as good as your last outing" and I can't agree with him more.
In life, people we come across can be very strange. They love us and hold us in high esteem until we call them out on something, say how we truly feel about something, or express ourselves honestly. For most of my life, I have been looked upon as a good guy, one who cares about others, and for the most part, I have always gotten along well with others and made friends and acquaintances rather easily. People tend to like me for how I treat them, for my generosity, my humor, and my overall persona. It's only when I call them out on something that they have done that maybe hurt me, or they do something that I personally don't think is right and I say something to them that they suddenly change their tune. Suddenly, these people don't want anything to do with you and you are judged for speaking your mind and being honest. I think that is complete bullshit.
It's like you are judged on your last "outing" and everything else you've done and the foundation you have built with these people does not count for anything. Aren't we taught from a young age to be honest and communicate? I honestly don't think people really want to hear the truth or the way someone else really feels, they would rather have the sugar coated version. I think when you call someone out on something they have done, they are either consumed with guilt or can't face themselves, therefore, the easy way out is to turn it around and make the person who called them out on something look like the "bad guy". It annoys me.
I will continue to be honest. If I am feeling something or have something to say, I will say it. I will continue to use tact and respect when voicing my opinions, but I will voice them. If I am judged on "my last outing" and not on the person I am, so be it.
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19 comments:
Charlie, I think that the people that don't want to hear what you have to say to them are not your true friends. The people that shut you down for telling the truth aren't people that you should be wasting your time on. We all seem to have a tough time with the truth. I was telling a friend of mine the other day that it's how people handle their mistakes in life that makes them who they are.
Got pregnant too young? Do you own up to your responsibility and take care of things to the best of your ability or do you blame someone else for the struggle that ensues?
I think I just got totally off topic there, but I hope you got my point. Speak the truth, Babe...there's no other way.
I know exactly what you mean here. It even works the same in business. You always come through for people,service,prices,whatever and the one time something goes wrong that's all they remember.
In life too when you are always there for people pacifying them and always having to feel bad for them and sometimes it's their own fault and if you say something to them that they may not want to hear all of a sudden they're mad because you didn't pacify them yet again. Some people are just happy to be miserable.
There's a black guy I went in high school with, was born at the same hospital and on the same date as me. We used to pretend that we were twins (I'm white!), we loved each others like brothers & sisters' do.
In 1990, after I spent like 15 minutes with his new GF, he asked me what I thought of her. Since he was my "brother", I told him that she seemed a bit superficial to me (for 15 minutes she told me about nail polish and girly shit like that) but that she seemed to be a nice girl anyways.
Since then, he hasn't spoken to me when we met at high school reunions!!
Like a famous stand-up comic from here says "Ferme ta yeule" (Shut your mouth - but told in Québec's slang).
PARENTS SHOULD TEACH THEIR KIDS TO LIE RIGHT FROM THE START BECAUSE IN THE END, THAT'S WHAT THEY'LL HAVE TO DO ANYWAYS!
My pet peeve of the moment is when people tell me something is "bananas" damn you Gwen Stefani!
If the Yankees were judged on their last outing... they'd be in serious trouble!!!
You can be straight up with me Charlie, I can take it. I promise not to hate you too much for it. And if I can speak my mind too... What's the deal with the pop ups at your site? I still love it here though!
You are so right Charlie. I'm honest to a fault when it comes to the people in my life. I tell it like it is. And maybe sometimes I do speak without thinking or say something in a way that someone takes the wrong way, but I never intentionally try to hurt someone's feelings. Most of the time, my friends and family appreciate that I'm truthful about what I think and feel, but sometimes there are people who just don't get me.
Charlie...there's a clever little saying I use, I don't know if you've ever heard it but it goes a little something like this....
"honesty is the best policy"
:)
People can't HANDLE THE TRUTH! Although sometimes you got to sugarcoat a little bit...like if I asked you if my butt looks big...don't say "DEFINETLY...HUGE" instead you could say something like "Hell no girl, you gots a perfect onion"
I always tell the truth, it is really the best way. Stay the way ya are, Charlie. Your a super person & really good looking too!!!!
Sadly, I think too many of us are used to not being honest, or just to not saying what's REALLY on your mind. It's almost like you come to expect it, and are shocked when someone calls you on something and throws it back at you, and you have to realistically and honestly deal with it. It's become foreign!! I wish I was more forthright in telling people how I feel, I admit I don't like hurting people's feelings and therefore aren't totally honest and try to sugar coat things at times. One of those things I have to work on, I guess.
I think that if your "friend" is a true friend they will tell you it how it is. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. I often go to friends for their "honest" opinion, even if it is something I may not want to hear. I value that I can get an honest opinion and I give mine when asked (and sometimes without being asked).
I find that being tactful when being honest helps. It's all how you say it.
If you can't be honest in your own blog, why blog at all? Oh yeah, to score chicks (or dudes).
(FYI: We have a similar saying at the office.)
You GO Charlie! Ya, be honest and direct. If they don't like it then f*ck them! Muahahahahaa
gosh, what's gotten in to me today? anyway, Happy Hump Day!!!!
..."people we come across can be very strange."
On a daily basis, too! You just have to roll with it and you'll be just fine!
I've been slapped in the face with a lot of truths lately. I've yet to decide if I'm happy about that.
You're only as good as your last lay
Well said. I couldn't agree more.
If you EVER said anything bad about me I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!! But it's true what you say. I have written a song about how you disown a friendship because no matter all the good things they've done the bad seems to erase all the good.
Heck I know I'm strange and well if no one likes it, that's their problem. I never asked them to be my friend, it just happened naturally and honestly the only bad thing about me is my memory.
It really depends how hard you hit the person with what you have to say to them. If you put up a front and all of a sudden come out with the truth, the truth hurts but it's the lying all along till the truth comes out that burns more.
So, just always be true no matter what. I am. I always say what I feel and what I'm thinking. If the other person doesn't like it oh well, that is why we are adults and we work things out, if not, they aren't worth it!
By the way, sorry Charlie I've been a bad girl and haven't been on to read. But, I'm finally finding the time. If you don't like that honesty then fuck off! : ) When are we doing lunch again?
i couldn't agree with you more. i think that is why i only have few friends. because those friends know i will be honest and up front. i don't mince my words and a lot of people can't handle that. they can't handle having their bad traits pointed out to them, because in their mind's eye, they don't have any. we all do. i don't like mine but i know i have my own. when i get called out on them, it hurts, but i can't say much because i KNOW what my issues are, they just remind me now and then. and i try to use my friends' honesty to help change myself. so i'd rather have a handful of friends i can truly count on, trust with my life, and be sometimes hurtfully honest, rather than the superficial, surface, love-you-to-your-face yet stab-you-in-the-back friends.
Great blog
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