A Stall Man

Who invented the urinal? I always wondered about that. When did society decree it was acceptable for men to line up and urinate out in the open? The Sugar V touched on this very topic last week on the Sugar Cubes Blog. It's an awkward situation to be standing there urinating with someone so close to you that you are almost shoulder to shoulder. You stare straight ahead with nothing you can really say. You can't hum or sing because everyone else will think you are insane. Then there's the pressure of actually peeing while you know others are standing behind you waiting for the urinal. This is common at baseball games, concerts, and bars. You feel like you are on a timer. It's like the final Jeopardy! answer and the song is almost done. That's why I am a stall man, always have been, always will be. I like the luxury and the comfort of a stall. Even if someone is waiting outside the stall, the pressure isn't as great to hurry and get out because that door suddenly looms as large as the once mighty Berlin Wall. I think at work is the worst because these are people you have to see daily. Nothing worse than going into a work bathroom where there is nobody in there but it stinks from the last person. As you pee and wash up and leave, somebody you work with comes in and thinks you created the stench....it's an awkward feeling. Seriously though, some of the odors in the work bathrooms are horrible. If my crap smelled like that bathroom after some of these people go, I'd seek immediate medical attention. What the hell are they eating????? And it never hurts to flush after you go...isn't that why we have indoor plumbing???? I think I may have a phobia of public restrooms. What is that phobia called? Urinalphobia? Stenchaphobia? I don't know. The only time I go at a urinal is when I am totally drunk, then I'll pee anywhere. I say stalls across the board for men and women with doors that go all the way to the ground. There should be a red or green occupied thingy on the door to determine if someone's in there or not...not this looking for feet nonsense. Take it from me, that does not always work. I walked in on somebody at work sitting on the bowl one day because he didn't lock his stall and I didn't see his feet. Not the most comfortable situation.