C-MAC SPRING TRAINING

Well, it's that time of year, time to start getting serious about how we will all look come bathing suit/summer time. Some may have put on a pound or two this holiday season, some may be just fine. C-Mac is in yearly tone up and drop 10lbs or so mode. I am currently 6' even and 204lbs. Those of you who see me daily and know me can see I am not out of shape by any means, but I take the next few months every year to tune up for the spring and summer. You know, lose that little holiday pouch. For motivation, I will be updating my personal progress every Friday Morning (which is weigh in morning) here on "Bored at the Beach." My goal is 190lbs by March 25th. That is 14lbs. in 8 weeks. Those of you who know me know that I am an avid runner and love exercise, so 14lbs in 8 weeks should be no problem at all. I'll just have to go nuts with the water consumption and lower the food portions. I will have an update on Friday! Wish me luck for my 2005 spring training, summer is right around the corner! If there's anyone out there that wants to challenge me, to make it interesting, bring it on. It could help motivate you as well.

Sesame Street

Sesame Street, an American institution for the past 31 years or so. All of us have watched it, enjoyed it, and learned from it. What amazes me the most are the characters on there and their purpose. For instance, what purpose does Oscar the grouch serve? He sits in a garbage can heckling people, bitching about his miserable life, and just being as negative as one can be. Then there is Snuffleupagus, he was definitely on the pipe. He moped around, slurring his speech, and talking like a retard. What was he, an elephant, a mammoth? He was useless. Grover was the first recorded case of ADD and the first Ritalyn recipient. He was always hyper and yelling and jumping around. Ernie and Bert were homosexual (not that there's anything wrong with that) and we all knew it. Yes, they had separate beds, but somehow they always ended up in the same bed. They hung out in the tub together quite often as well. Big Bird, what was his story? He was a whiney ass bitch too. He served no purpose but to be the street's drama queen. He was in everyone's business causing all kinds of problems. Then there was cookie monster. A blue blob of crap that ate cookies and growled. It's amazing we learned from this crew. I suppose there's a Bert, Ernie, Cookie, Oscar, Grover, Snuffleupagus, and Big Bird in all of our lives.

Gift Bag vs. Wrapping

Ok, so how does someone decide whether to wrap a gift or put it in a gift bag? Is it how much you like the person? If you really love or like them you will go through the effort of a nice wrap, finding tape and scissors, wrapping, and maybe even a ribbon? If you aren't crazy about someone, they get a bag? Or is it more about the size and shape of the gift and whether or not it's wrappable? I often wondered. It could also be about the ambition of the giver. Most lazy people will toss you a gift bag. Some won't even include tissue paper. You just look in and whoomp, there the gift is. Gift bags can be as nice as wrapped gifts if the effort is there. You can bow and ribbon it up, some nice tissue paper, etc. I am a gift bag re-gifter. When I get a gift in a gift bag, I always save it and use it for someone else's gift. I usually try to remember who gave me the gift in that particular bag, as not to give it back to the same person. Is that bad? I mean, I've bought gift bags, but if I have a bunch at my disposal, why buy more, right? I think you can tell a good deal about someone by the way they present and give a gift.....so look closely next time.

The Myth of Nirvana

We all remember the band Nirvana, the Seattle grunge group that was led by Curt Cobain who decided to blow his brains out at the height of his career and his crazy ass wife Courtney Love. I am so tired of seeing countdowns on MTV and VH1 giving this band so much credit and saying they changed the face of music. They did no such thing. First of all Pearl Jam and The Stone Temple Pilots were far more talented at that time. Sure Nirvana and the "grunge" scene of the early 90's was a rebellion against hair bands, MC Hammer and all that bubble gum crap, but they didn't change the face of music like these morons think. If Nirvana and these other grunge bands made such an impact, why was it that just 3 years after the height of grunge, The Spice Girls, Hanson, and all these other teenie bopper bands burst upon the scene? Grunge was just a fad like the music they criticized. It had no staying power. I am so tired of seeing the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video win the best video of all time on every countdown. Cobain was a whiney ass bitch who cried for years about not being famous and making it big, then when he finally did he whined more like a bitch and said he didn't want to be part of it all and eventually killed himself. That's the only reason Nirvana is looked upon so highly from the music critics out of sympathy for Cobain. Since then, it's been all downhill in the music industry.....there have been very few good bands or artists the last 8-10 years. It's all commercialized crap with no meaning. I remember when music meant something, when there was variety in new music, when artists were creative and actually wrote their own stuff. Now they take the hottest guy or girl they can find, dress them up, hand them a song and say sing it. It's complete garbage.

The Middle Finger

Who was the first person to angrily stick up their middle finger and invent the F You international sign? I always wondered how that became as big as it did and how it all developed. Perhaps a caveman put out another caveman's fire and he got pissed off and stuck up his finger and the craze began. I don't know. Why was the middle finger chosen? I can understand why you wouldn't use the pinky, the pinky is kind of weak and does not make a statement. The thumb wouldn't work either because thumbs up and down already have their own meaning. I would have chosen the ring finger. The ring finger is the toughest to stick up alone and makes more of a statement. If you are going to muster up the effort and energy to give someone the ring finger, then you must be pissed at them. Why not tell some one to F off, why sign language? Is it the polite way of telling someone to F off? The F word is usually associated with a sexual act. So when you are angry at someone why would you say F you? Isn't that a good thing? If anyone knows how the middle finger really started, or your theory, I'd love to hear it!

"FUN SIZE" Candy

So, I just refilled the candy dish/bowl on my desk in my office. My office is like the Seinfeld coffee shop where life is discussed by many visitors while enjoying some sweets. I just saw the words "fun size" on these little Snickers bars. What the hell is so fun about the size of that Snickers? Why call it "FUN SIZE?" Small size, cute size, miniature size, snack size, okay, but FUN size? What's fun about a two inch candy bar? Fun to me is hanging off a balcony, shitfaced, with "The Humpty Dance" blasting, and a room full of hot women. Fun isn't a small treat that's gone in 30 seconds. If a guy has a two inch pecker does a girl call it a fun sized pecker? Quite the contrary, I'd stand to guess.......

Garbage Pail "Thank You"

I always wondered what the "thank you" on the garbage pails at fast food places, coffee shops, etc. was for. Are they thanking me for my business or are they thanking me for getting up off my ass to dump my tray and garbage? Or is it just a "thank you" for being the kind and caring guy that I am? haha Don't you hate the people that leave their trash on the table that think they are in a 5 star restaurant and the bus boy is going to clean up after them? It amazes me how lazy some people are. I think there should be a big THANK YOU on the exit door of every business. I want to feel appreciated at Wendy's or Taco Bell. I want to feel like part of the Starbucks family after spending $24.50 on a small coffee.

Salad Bars/Buffets/Free Food

I don't think there's anything worse than a salad bar or a buffet where the public has direct access to the food supply. At a catered function you have control of things with the catering staff who serve each individual. I am talking about a restaurant that has a buffet or a salad bar, I absolutely refuse to eat from them. It is so nasty. The restaurants think the food is safe because they have those "sneeze guard" hoods over the food, but what about people's filthy hands? A recent study showed that 6 out of every 10 people don't wash their hands after using the restroom. MMMMM, more cucumbers on that salad?? Then you have the people who bring the plate they just ate from back to the salad bar or buffet and proceed to serve themselves again, tapping the serving spoon against their dirty plate and dipping it back into the vat of food. Not to mention the people that pile the food so high on that plate that they need a forklift to get it back to the table....and keep in mind it's already their 8th trip up there. Why is it that people get so crazed over free or all you can eat food? I mean I will eat the same amount if it's free or if I am paying for it, depending on how hungry I am. People absolutely go nuts over a free lunch or dinner. I love when there is a free lunch at the office, people become possessed by food demons. They loiter around the lunch room until the food arrives so they can be the first to loot the platters. We had these two guys at my last job who would always be first no matter what event we had a catered lunch for. One day I asked them if they had a GPS or LOJACK device installed on the food delivery guy's truck. How did they always know EXACTLY when the food was going to arrive? To top it all off, they would load up with 4 or 5 sandwiches or 4 slices of pizza before anyone else got any. By the time you got in there everything was manhandled and you had no appetite for it. At work, you could put anything on the breakroom table and people will eat it....seriously. You could crap on the table and people would ask, "Where are the crackers?" haha, Sad but true. It's like, John, How's the pizza? "Not that great, tastes like cardboard." Then you say John, it's free.....suddenly John says, "Best pizza I ever had, bursting with flavor, perfect blend of herbs and spices." It's really insane. I'd love to hear your buffet/free food stories.

C-Mac's Top 20 Albums of All Time

Here is a list of my top 20 albums of all time. I feel these are a must have for all serious music fans. I'd love to hear some of your favorites......

#20- The Joshua Tree-U2
#19- Keep The Faith-Bon Jovi
#18- Faith-George Michael
#17- Full Moon Fever-Tom Petty
#16- Doggystyle-Snoop Dogg
#15- Legend-Bob Marley
#14- Get Rich or Die Tryin-50 Cent
#13- Tupac's Greatest-Tupac Shakur
#12- Hysteria-Def Leppard
#11- The End of the Innocence-Don Henley
#10- Turnstiles-Billy Joel
#9- John Lennon/Legend-John Lennon
#8- Chocolate Factory-R. Kelly
#7- Appetite For Destruction-Guns N Roses
#6- Darkness on the Edge of Town-Bruce Springsteen
#5- Jagged Little Pill- Alanis Morissette
#4- The Stranger-Billy Joel
#3- Eagles Greatest Hits Vol 1-The Eagles
#2- The Rising-Bruce Springsteen
#1- Boston-Boston

Super Size Combo Meals

I know this has been written about to death with the obesity crisis in America and all, but I have to say a few things about "super-sized" fast food meals. First of all it's a total rip-off. You get like 10 extra fries and about 8 more ounces of beverage. A real super-sized meal would be like an extra 8 ounces of beef in the burger, a bun that looks like something out of the Flintstones, a full tray of fries, and a gallon jug of soda...that's a super-sized meal. It is true that portions have gotten larger. At McDonald's, the small soda cup today used to be the large back in the late 70's/early 80's when I was a small kid. I remember back like 5 years ago when they came out with "super-size", I was at a McDonald's drive thru and the girl asked if I wanted it super-sized, so I said what the hell, ok. When I pulled up at the window to get my food I needed two hands (and my hands are huge) to grab the drink. I asked if she had a leather strap for it like the horses have for the feed bags. Does anyone really need 32 ounces of soda with a meal? How about 7-11? I remember the "Big Gulp" years ago, it was the mother of all drinks at 32 ounces. But that wasn't enough for some so they came out with the "Super Big Gulp" which looks like the bucket I wash my car with. Who is drinking these buckets of soda? I'm not familiar with any deserts here on Long Island that someone needs to cross to get to work where they may feel they need a gallon of cola in case they are stranded for a few days. I have an idea, if anyone should super-size, how about the local Pub? Now a super-sized Hennessey I can deal with. A super-sized pizza would be great also at the local pizzaria. Throwing in 10 extra fries and watering it down with 8 ounces of cola is a scam, that's not a super-sized meal.

Lyrics from Songs

Do you have a favorite line from a song? One that really hits home? One that has real meaning to you? Maybe it's a line that motivates you, one that makes you think, one that's philisophical, one that's sad? It's something to think about...here are some of mine......

"So often time it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key" From the Eagles "Already Gone"

"There are people in your life who have come and gone, they let you down, you know they hurt your pride. Better put it all behind you, because life goes on, you keep carrying that anger it will eat you up inside" From Don Henley's "Heart of the Matter"

"It's a sad man my friend who's living in his own skin and can't stand the company" From Bruce Springsteen's "Better Days"

"I can always find someone to say they sympathize if I wear my heart out on my sleeve, but I don't want some pretty face to tell me pretty lies, all I want is someone to believe." From Billy Joel's "Honesty"

"I'd rather live in his world, then live without him in mine" From Gladys Knight and the Pips "Midnight Train to Georgia"

Those are some.....what are your favorites?

"Bad Company Corrupts Good Character"

So, I was up so early Sunday Morning because I couldn't sleep. Many naps later in the day made up for it. As I was in bed Sunday Morning I was flipping through the channels on my TV. I came across one of those Sunday Morning sermons. Those of you who know me well know that I am not very religious. I believe in God and many things, I just don't go to church. On any account, I came across this guy preaching. He was a young guy, maybe 35. He was talking about something that caught my attention because it is true. He said "Bad company corrupts good character." I thought about that for a minute and realized how true that is. How many times in life do we keep people around out of habit, people that are not good for us? People that are negative and don't help us think positively or help us be all we are capable of being? We can look at it from all angles, from a good child who gets involved with people that influence him/her to get into bad things, from a person who stays in an abusive (mental or physical) relationship because they believe they love that person, or people who stay friends with people who bring out the bad rather than the good in each other. I think everyone has their flaws and when you love someone, whether it be a significant other or a friend, you have to help them and overlook some things. I am talking about people in your life who bring you down, don't help you to achieve your dreams, people who don't bring light or positive things into your life, people who make you sad all the time, people who mistreat you, people who put themselves before you, etc. It really made me think. I hate to see good people influenced or somehow corrupted by bad people. Your thoughts?

Erectile Dysfunction Commercials

Well, after being snowed in for 36 hours and watching hours of football and other sports, it goes without saying that I've seen about two dozen commercials for erectile dysfunction on television. I have a few comments to make about these commercials. First, the commercial says, if an erection last for more than four hours call your doctor immediately. The LAST person I'm calling if I am hard for four hours is my doctor. I'd be making calls, but not to my doctor. I think I'd call every girl I've ever dated, a few of the neighborhood ladies, a few female friends, etc., but definitely not a doctor. I'd also walk to the supermarket, save some gas that way and I'd also have a handy bag carrier. Maybe pick up the dozen shirts and other dry cleaning while I'm out, since I have a built in hang bar now. Maybe play a game of pool, no cue stick required. I think I'd be dangerous with those pills....for real. Thankfully, I don't need them. But it's comforting to know that someday when I'm old and the equipment is failing a bit, that I have options. I truly think these drug companies overdo it with all these drug ads. It's insane. Not just for erectile dysfunction, but for everything! Is it me or do the side effects of these drugs seem worse than the condition you have that you are taking the pills for?????? They advertise these like it's aspirin. Your thoughts?????

Nude Beaches/Public Nudity

Why is it that only really out of shape people parade around nude beaches, gym locker rooms, etc. naked? I'm sure we've all been in that awkward situation at the gym where the most out of shape, old, and physically unattractive person just casually walks around naked with no shame whatsoever. Why is that? You would think someone in shape and attractive would want to show off. I remember a few years ago running at Robert Moses Beach. I didn't know that as you got very close to Fire Island it became a nude beach. I was just running along, minding my own business when out of nowhere appeared dozens of fat, old, naked people. I was stunned. I did an about face and sprinted back to where I came from. I thought maybe it was just a fluke that they were all that bad, so a few days later I ran down there again hoping to get a glimpse of an attractive woman....no such luck. Just 400 lb. women with their breasts hitting their knees playing paddleball. Needless to say, I never ventured down there again. What's the deal with the speedo guys too? They should be outlawed in all 50 states. I don't care how in shape a guy is, speedos should be illegal and imprisonment should be the penalty. Also any woman with an ass more than an axe handle wide should not be in a thong. It's just not very nice to look at. Your thoughts?

Weekend Wrap-Up

Ok, so I was 0 for 2 on the NFL predictions, shoot me. The worst possible superbowl matchup for me, New England vs. Philly, should I even watch it? What a storm this weekend. My back is a bit sore from all that shoveling. I've definitely seen worse than this, I remember just 2 years ago, the President's Day storm in 2003 was so much worse. I couldn't get out of the house for almost 3 days! Unfortunately, this storm hit 24 hours too early or I'd still be nestled in bed. It was a good weekend though. I haven't spent a full weekend in Long Beach in a while. I did a little cooking, snow shoveling, football watching, among other things. The supermarket was such a funny scene on Friday after work. People really thought they were going to be snowed in until April. The entire meat case was wiped out along with the dairy section. Very comical. I have so many thoughts today, so expect a few articles along the way today.

Winter Storm Watch, so they say.....

A possible ploy to get us to buy milk and bread?

WINTER STORM WATCHWarning Issue Date: 1104 AM EST FRI JAN 21 2005Warning Expiration: 703 PM EST FRI JAN 21 2005...WINTER STORM WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM SATURDAY AFTERNOON TO
SUNDAY AFTERNOON...
SNOW IS EXPECTED TO BEGIN MOVING INTO THE TRI-STATE AREA LATE
SATURDAY MORNING. THE SNOW COULD BECOME HEAVY AT TIMES LATE SATURDAY
AFTERNOON AND SATURDAY NIGHT. SNOW IS THEN EXPECTED TO CONTINUE
INTO SUNDAY MORNING...GRADUALLY TAPERING OFF TO FLURRIES AND ENDING
DURING SUNDAY AFTERNOON. SNOWFALL AMOUNTS OF SIX INCHES OR MORE ARE
POSSIBLE...WITH THE POTENTIAL FOR UP TO A FOOT OF SNOW ESPECIALLY IN
NEW YORK CITY...LONG ISLAND AND ACROSS SOUTHEAST CONNECTICUT.
NORTHEAST WINDS ARE ALSO EXPECTED TO INCREASE SATURDAY
NIGHT... CAUSING BLOWING AND DRIFTING SNOW SATURDAY NIGHT INTO
SUNDAY.
A WINTER STORM WATCH IS ISSUED WHEN SEVERE WINTER WEATHER IS
POSSIBLE...BUT NOT IMMINENT. AT THE TIME...THERE IS A POTENTIAL FOR
SIGNIFICANT SNOW ACCUMULATIONS. FUTURE TRAVEL CONDITIONS MAY BECOME
HAZARDOUS...SO IT IS IMPORTANT TO MONITOR THE LATEST FORECASTS.

Is Sam Champion a stockholder in the Wonder Bread Company? Or is this for real? I say we get 3" tops....but if my snow predictions are anything like my NFL predictions.....we won't see the light of day until Wednesday!

NFL Conference Championship Predictions

Ok folks, so I was 1 for 4 last week.....let's see how I do this week. Here are my predictions for Sunday's NFL games that will determine this year's Superbowl matchup:

Patriots 17
Steelers 21

Falcons 26
Eagles 10

Snow and bitter cold will be a factor in both games played in the Keystone state on Sunday. I think the Steel Curtain and the Dirty Birds will prevail and meet up in the big game in February.

On a more optimistic note, only 24 days. 23 hours, 19 minutes until spring training starts in Tampa for the Yankees.............

World's Worst Occupation

I think we have all held jobs in the past that we look back on and say "how did I do that?" While we were in college or high school we did what we had to do to make a few bucks and survive. My first job was selling sneakers at Herman's World of Sporting Goods. It wasn't the worst job, but it sucked fitting smelly people's feet all day with sneakers and dealing with the rudest people. The worst job I ever had was being a manager for Caldor. Remember that store? We would never have anything in stock that was advertised in the paper and people would curse and scream at me all day long. The store would get so trashed by the end of the day that it would take hours after closing just to make it look somewhat shoppable again. I remember one Sunday getting a garden rake from the hardware department to rake the shoe department because there were about 1000 loose shoes on the floor, without their matches. So after raking all of them in a pile bigger than Mt. Fuji, it took my staff about 3 hours to match them all up and get them back on the shelves. Working the holidays there was the worst. We'd open at 6am and people would be waiting at the door after just rolling out of bed. You could tell what side of their head they slept on because they didn't even comb their hair. It was horrible. I was thinking this morning...I suppose compared to other jobs that people do, I guess that wasn't so bad. I think the worst job anyone could have would be the floor mopper at a peep show place. That can't be fun. Your thoughts?

A Stall Man

Who invented the urinal? I always wondered about that. When did society decree it was acceptable for men to line up and urinate out in the open? The Sugar V touched on this very topic last week on the Sugar Cubes Blog. It's an awkward situation to be standing there urinating with someone so close to you that you are almost shoulder to shoulder. You stare straight ahead with nothing you can really say. You can't hum or sing because everyone else will think you are insane. Then there's the pressure of actually peeing while you know others are standing behind you waiting for the urinal. This is common at baseball games, concerts, and bars. You feel like you are on a timer. It's like the final Jeopardy! answer and the song is almost done. That's why I am a stall man, always have been, always will be. I like the luxury and the comfort of a stall. Even if someone is waiting outside the stall, the pressure isn't as great to hurry and get out because that door suddenly looms as large as the once mighty Berlin Wall. I think at work is the worst because these are people you have to see daily. Nothing worse than going into a work bathroom where there is nobody in there but it stinks from the last person. As you pee and wash up and leave, somebody you work with comes in and thinks you created the stench....it's an awkward feeling. Seriously though, some of the odors in the work bathrooms are horrible. If my crap smelled like that bathroom after some of these people go, I'd seek immediate medical attention. What the hell are they eating????? And it never hurts to flush after you go...isn't that why we have indoor plumbing???? I think I may have a phobia of public restrooms. What is that phobia called? Urinalphobia? Stenchaphobia? I don't know. The only time I go at a urinal is when I am totally drunk, then I'll pee anywhere. I say stalls across the board for men and women with doors that go all the way to the ground. There should be a red or green occupied thingy on the door to determine if someone's in there or not...not this looking for feet nonsense. Take it from me, that does not always work. I walked in on somebody at work sitting on the bowl one day because he didn't lock his stall and I didn't see his feet. Not the most comfortable situation.

Crime and the Media

Why is it that when someone attempts to kill a famous person or actually carries it out, the media always uses the killer’s first, middle, and last names? John Wilkes Booth (Lincoln), Lee Harvey Oswald (Kennedy), James Earl Ray (MLK), Mark David Chapman (John Lennon), the list goes on and on. John Booth wouldn’t have sufficed? James Ray is not good enough? How about the news media when reporting even a local crime. They always seem to dig up the worst possible photo of the accused and stick it in that box behind the anchor’s head while they tell the story. It’s NEVER a nice photo of a day at the beach, a picnic, or a Sears Portrait Studio photo. It’s always a photo from 1989 in MC Hammer pants, a picture after a night of boozing, or a picture after mowing a 5 acre lawn. Then after the accused is arrested and brought to the jail, they always like to think they are fooling us by putting a coat over their head to conceal their identity from the media. I mean the first, middle, and last name along with the address and picture the news person just reported won’t blow your cover. That Puma sweatshirt is definitely keeping it your little secret. I like when the reporters go into a neighborhood and interview the neighbors of an accused person. They always say…”he was so quiet” or “he kept to himself, I am shocked”. “What a nice man he was, a real family man”. He kept to himself because he was plotting the crime the last six months, not because he was nice!!!!!!!!! Neighbors are always stunned when something happens on their block too. The news always seems to find the 95 year old man who says he’s lived there for 78 years and he’s never seen anything like it on that block. So look out if you live on a block where it’s been quiet for 80 years, there’s a quiet, hard working, family man who keeps to himself , and where your neighbor calls himself by his first, middle, and last name.

The Bathroom Hand Blower Mystery of 1991

Some of you already know this story, some of you don't. I've had to deal with an unsolved mystery since 1991. Back in 1991 I was a manager for a large retail pharmacy chain here on Long Island. As part of my duties as manager I would have to meet with about 50 sales reps from various companies weekly to place orders to stock the store with product. There was this one sales rep named Maryann. Maryann was about 5'1, about 150lbs who had an ass that was about 6 axe handles wide. One day I was eating lunch with my employees in the employee lounge when Maryann arrived. Maryann came into the employee lounge and said hello. She then proceeded to ask me if she could borrow a metal folding chair from the break room. I assumed she was going to use it to sit on and place her picture frame order. I said sure Maryann, help yourself. She then left with the chair. About 4 minutes passed and my employees and I heard a large crashing sound which seemed to come from the bathroom area which was right around the corner from the employee lounge. Fearing that an elderly customer may have fallen in the restroom, I jumped up from my lunch to investigate. I came upon the ladies' room where the door was slightly open. I peeked into the room to see if someone had fallen. To my surprise there was Maryann, standing on the folding chair with her pants and underwear around her ankles bent over with her huge ass hovering over the hand blower. She had pointed the blower upwards and her ass was hovering over the stream of heat. Her back was to me, so she didn't know what I had seen. I went running back to the employee lounge stunned. When my employees asked what had just taken place they were stunned as well when I told them. A few minutes later Maryann came back in with the chair and said, "thank you." She then proceeded to her aisle to place her order. She had no idea I had seen her. Fourteen years later, this is still a mystery. What was Maryann doing with her ass in the blower? Did she have an accident and had to wash and dry herself? Did she simply like the "hot air" feeling? Anyone I've ever told this story to has their own theory. Your thoughts?

Tragic Character: The Trix Rabbit

Over the course of time there have been many tragic characters. One that comes to mind which is the most tragic of all is the Trix rabbit. Here you have a nice rabbit who thinks all the kids love him. In his mind he is beloved by all. Until one day he wanted a bowl of Trix cereal. The kids laughed and laughed and denied him the cereal. He went through great struggle for years after that initial denial to obtain a tasty and wholesome bowl of that fruity goodness. He spent time and money designing clever costumes to trick the kids into thinking he was someone else other than the rabbit. As soon has he'd see the cereal, he would get excited, his ears would get erect, and his cover would be blown! Why did those kids tease him all those years? The bigger question is how did he never just snap and just go on a rampage? Would it have been a big deal to let him have a bowl? Does the commercial suggest to kids not to share your cereal with anyone that is different from you? Discrimination I tell you!

Keebler Elves vs The Seven Dwarfs

I often wonder who would be better to live with, The Keebler Elves or The Seven Dwarfs. Both groups had personality and seem to be fun. If I had to choose, I'd definitely take the Keebler crew. The cookies are pretty good, they keep a spotless hollow tree, their moods are on an even keel, and they seem very easy to get along with. The Dwarfs on the other hand would be like rooming with seven mental patients. You have a guy always sneezing, a stupid one, a grumpy ass one, one that is always sleeping, a gay (happy) one (not that there's anything wrong with that), a shy one who'd hide all the time, and a know it all. They don't bake, clean, or interact well with others. For me, it's the Keebler gang. I also think in a fight, the Keebler guys would kick the dwarfs' asses.

Driving Activities

We see it every day on the local roads, the parkways, and the Interstate Highways....people doing everything BUT driving when they are behind the wheel of their vehicles. I've made some great observations in the past couple of weeks, some funny, some are scary. For instance, last Thursday on Lido Boulevard in Lido Beach, I witnessed a man drinking a beer while he was driving. This was at about 510pm. He is obviously against happy hours in bars. This past Sunday on Park Ave. in Long Beach I saw a man in a beat up Ford Escort weaving all over the lanes. When I got up to him, he was eating a bag of UTZ sour cream and onion potato chips....literally. He must have been to the bottom of the bag where there are only crumbs...he had is head cocked back and he was pouring the crumbs into his mouth while driving. Sometime last week an old lady was brushing her hair in the middle lane of the Sothern State Parkway driving at about 35 MPH in morning rush hour traffic. Then there are the phone people. I can spot a phone person a mile away. It's not the weaving......next time you see a person on the phone, notice that they drive about 1/2 the posted speed limit. Phone talkers also don't believe in turn signals. It may disrupt their very important call. I've seen people eating giant Whoppers from Burger King, shaving with electric razors, putting makeup on, reading the morning paper up against the wheel, looking in the glove compartment, flossing, etc. I'm sure we all have a favorite that we've seen........

Milk and Bread

It's been a pretty mild winter so far on Long Island. The last two days have been frigid and we've seen some snow. It amazes me how people panic when they hear about a snow event that is forecasted. People take to the roads and speed to the local supermarket in fear of being "snowed in". The first thing that always seems to sell out in the stores is milk and white bread. WHY????? Are people sitting around by their fireplaces, by their windows watching the snow, or around the TV chomping on loaves of Wonder Bread and chugging milk by the gallon? I just don't get it! If I am snowed in, I want snacks and substantial foods, not Wonder and milk! People stock up when they hear we are getting snow like we live in the mountainous areas of Colorado. What's the longest we've ever been snowed in on Long Island, TWO days? People buy food and panic like we won't get out of our driveways until Easter. I saw a woman in King Kullen right before the blizzard of '96 with about 15-20 loaves of white bread in her cart. I actually went up to her and asked her, "why so much white bread?" She replied, "Mind your own fuckin' business." I went on to say, "That's alot of French Toast lady." On that same trip to the store, I had a half gallon of milk in my cart which was stolen by someone when I was looking at other items because they had just run out of milk. Insane huh? People just snap and think the worst. I was very surprised on 9/11/01 how nice people were. You would think that people would go nuts. I think the only reason people were calm that day was because they were scared and couldn't/didn't plan for it. In a real emergency that we know about days in advance, people will kill you for a can of soup or a slice or Wonder. Six inches of snow forecasted here =3 feet in some people's twisted minds.

Greatest American Rock Band

This morning I was listening to AC/DC on the way in and it made me realize that most of the greatest rock bands of all time have come from overseas. Think about it, U2/Ireland, AC/DC/Australia, The Beatles/England, The Who/England, Led Zeppelin/England, The Rolling Stones/England, Def Leppard/England, the list goes on and on. I remember the summer of 2003 and debating with my old roomie Alex about who was the best American rock band of all time, he claimed it is Aerosmith, I strongly disagreed. I thought of at least four bands that are/were better than Aerosmith. I think Bon Jovi is far better than Aerosmith, so was Guns N' Roses, Motley Crue, and Van Halen (David Lee Roth days). I would also say the Eagles were far better. Why is it that most of the greatest rock bands of all time came from overseas? I think our solo artists are far superior than those of other countries. I mean, we have Bruce Springsteen, Billy Joel, Tom Petty, John Mellencamp, Jimmy Buffet, Jackson Browne, Don Henley, Jimi Hendrix, to name a few. What's your opinion? Who do you think is the greatest American rock band of all time? I would vote for the Eagles, simply based on the longevity, quality, and popularity of their music. The talent in that band was absolutely amazing. You had Henley, Frey, Walsh, and Meisner. They had a unique sound, amazing lyrics, two OUTSTANDING vocalists (Henley and Frey), and their sound changed with the times. I'd like to hear your opinions.......

Dating Resume/References

How many times have we met someone that we thought was amazing, then we start to date them, only to find out down the line that they are either insane, have more issues than the Sunday Times, or more baggage than American Airlines? I think we'll all agree that everyone comes with some sort of emotional baggage or issues and that when you love someone you deal with those things and work with them to help the overcome certain things. I'm talking about the people out there who claim to be normal and turn out to be nuts. The people who just plain lie about things. We have screening/reference/background checks to obtain employment, to get into a school, to get a credit card, a loan, a car, etc. Yet we have no system in place to check someone's dating and relationship track record. There should be a network where we all could go and obtain references and testimonials (both good and bad) from people's ex's to find out what kind of person they are once you get to know them or how they acted in certain situations, etc. I know the fun of meeting someone is getting to know all this for yourself, and that's true it is fun. But how many times have we met someone who is full of crap and you find out much later when you already have feelings for that person and then it's worse? I'd love to have the option of checking first hand for myself by interacting with people who have seen this person first hand in a relationship. Did she stalk? What annoyed you about her? Did she cheat? Was she trustworthy? She claims she likes baseball and will watch the Yankees every night, is that true? Haha, sounds all funny, and maybe a bit twisted, but wouldn't it save alot of time, aggravation, hurt, and stress to be able to know this stuff going in? I think people would also treat others better knowing this person will be a reference someday to a future person that they may like very much. Just a thought.........

Ghost Etiquette

Some people believe in spirits (ghosts) and some people don't. There is an ongoing debate as to what happens to people after they pass on. People have claimed to have seen ghosts or apparitions in their homes, cars, vacation spots etc. Psychic mediums claim they can communicate with the dead and that spirits are around us always. What I'd like to know is, what is the ghost etiquette? Do they have a code of conduct? If we are in the bathroom, do they respect our privacy or are they hanging out in there too? I'd hate to think I was soaping up in the shower with a ghost hanging out watching me. Or even worse, sitting on the toilet with a ghost meandering around the bathroom. If they want to haunt or watch while I am doing normal things, fine. But when I am having sex, moving my bowels, showering, not being the master of my domain, or at any other private time, I'd like to think they have rules and leave until I'm done. That would be comforting to know. So, next time you are on the toilet, just think, you may not be alone.........

The SWAMI, I am not.....

Wow, I wasn't even close on those football predictions! I suppose I'll stick to purchasing or bartending. Well, I could be the kicker for the Jets, so I'll look on the bright side. Has he killed himself yet? If he hasn't, I'm sure there are millions of New Yorkers in line to take care of it for him. You really can't come any closer to winning a football game without actually doing it. The Steelers were giving that game away and the Jets just didn't take it. With 2:00 left in the game, DOINK!, off the crossbar. With no time remaining, as wide left as you can get! That kick was like going to kiss a hot girl sitting on a bar stool and you end up kissing the 400lb dude sitting 2 bar stools down to her left......it was that bad. Poor Jet fans, 1969 and counting.......almost makes me feel lucky to be a BILLS fan (Bills= Boy I Love Losing Superbowls), but at least we made it there 4 years in a row, back in the glory days of the 1990's. All I can say now is, let's go FALCONS!!!!!!

NFL PREDICTIONS

Ok, let's give this a shot:

Saturday 1/15/05

Steelers 26 Jets 9
Rams 24 Falcons 17

Sunday 1/16/05

Vikings 31 Eagles 14
Colts 37 Patriots 31

Have fun everyone!

5/7 of Our Lives

With about 2.5 hours to go in the work week, I can't help but look forward to the weekend. For instance, this weekend will feature plenty of NFL football playoffs, food, friends, etc. I look forward to the weekends so I can eat a little extra since I try to be a bit strict during the week. I also look forward to sleeping a bit later, lounging around, or doing whatever else comes to mind. If only every day was like that. We 9-5 (close enough) people wish 5/7 of our lives away waiting for the weekends to come. With the hustle and bustle of each work day, then running home to have dinner, unwind, clean up, etc., we find it difficult to stop and smell the roses when we are entrenched in our weekday routines. I think we all need something M-F to look forward to like we look forward to the weekends. That's why exercise, reading, writing, etc. are so important during the week. It gives us that little something to grasp on to 5 out of 7 days and makes the week easier to handle. I think Sunday Nights are the worst. reality that the weekend is over and a new work week is approaching quickly stets in. As a child I remember how neurotic my mom was about Sunday Nights and getting us ready for school the next day. My mom and dad would always watch 60 minutes at 7pm on Sunday Nights during this time period. To this day, the sound of that 60 minutes stopwatch gives me anxiety. It's a reminder of trying to make a mental transition from riding my bike, playing with my friends, video games etc., to math, science, history, etc. Now the sound brings the anxiety of office politics, large workloads, moody people, and other office delights. So folks, enjoy the weekend, soak up all the fun...and keep away from CBS at 7pm on Sunday......never did like that Andy Rooney anyway.

Sad Songs

Music is an important part of my life. Those of you that know me well already know that. Music is magical in the sense that it has the ability to bring you back to a particular moment in your life just by hearing a certain song. We remember about how old we were, what grade we were in, our friends, perhaps a special someone, or even a family member when we hear certain songs. I was driving to work this morning, crossing the bay on the Wantagh Parkway in a deluge of rain listening to "C-Mac's Favorites" it's a CD I made a few years ago with 20 of my all time favorite songs on it. One particular song always chokes me up, it's called "Get Here" by Oleta Adams. It's a song about two people in love that are not together and are separated by many many miles. It always brings a tear to my eye. What songs make you sad or cry? Here are a bunch of songs that I think are really really sad..........let's see if you can relate.

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler
"Against All Odds" by Phil Collins
"Just Once" by James Ingram
"All Out of Love" by Air Supply
"I'll Be There" The Jackson 5
"Just When I Needed You Most" by Randy Vanwarmer
"Leader of the Band" by Dan Folgelberg
"Neither One of Us" by Gladys Knight and the Pips
"September Morn" by Neil Diamond
"Remember Me This Way" by Jordan Hill

FUN DIP

Fun Dip, remember that stuff? I really believe Fun Dip was the root cause of ADD and the development of Ritalin. Yeah, giving a kid 100% pure sugar to eat with a hard sugar stick that they eat when all the sugar is gone is the ticket to a peaceful home and classroom. I remember fun dip came in these packs that had 2 flavors side by side. Like one pouch with strawberry and then one with grape. When you licked the sugar stick and got it wet you would dip it in the sugar and it would stick to it so you could lick up all the sugar. I'm sure that food coloring they used was safe as well.

Remember Dinosaur Eggs? Willy Wonka used to make them, they were jawbreakers that came in their own individual box that were the size of like a kiwi fruit. It had like 30 layers of rock hard candy and a soft sweet tart in the center when you finally got to it after 12.5 hours of sucking on it. A dentists fantasy for sure.

Nobody remembers Monster Chomps. They were cookies from the early 80's. They came in a big box and the cookies looked like a monster took a bite out of them. They came in chocolate, vanilla, and I believe cinnamon. They were awesome!

Mrs. Butterworth

Remember those Mrs. Butterworth maple syrup commercials where the bottle of syrup (Mrs. Butterworth herself) would come to life and start walking across the table and talking? I always wondered how I'd react if my bottle came to life. Would I sit and discuss current events and condiments with her, or would I freak out and run out of the house? I mean don't get me wrong, she seems very nice and all, but I'm not sure I'd feel at ease in the company of a living syrup bottle. From a sexual standpoint, there's really not much use for her....I mean even if you unscrewed her cap, the hole is way too small. I'd probably use and abuse her to get me snacks during NFL playoff games, massages (with or without happy endings), have her wash my back in the shower, maybe load the dishwasher here and there. Not sure I'd let her sleep in my room or come out with my friends. She'd be my little secret. I'd try my best to be nice to her. If I did end up doing something with her, would that be considered cheating on my girlfriend?

Makes you wonder what the Parkay tub of margarine that used to talk would be good for...........

Opening Day

First day of many to come here I hope. Welcome to all!

I grew up watching cartoons like any other child. What I always wondered and still wonder about the Flintstones is this.....how did that 90lb. waitress carry a huge rib that was heavy enough to tip The Flintstone's car with all of them in it? And do they ever end up eating that rib dinner? Were there casualties as a result of that car tipping? Then in another scene, Fred puts the cat out for the night. The cat then proceeds to jump through the window (a hole in the side of a cave) and enters the dwelling. The cat then puts Fred out and locks the door. Why doesn't Fred just climb through the window (hole) instead of screaming like a bitch for Wilma to let his fat ass in? Always frustrated me!

Number of Sexual Partners

What's the normal amount of sexual partners for a man and a woman to have in a lifetime? Well, that depends on who you ask. I always found it interesting how greatly people's opinions vary on this. I suppose for health reasons it's kind of important to know where your partner has been and how many people he/she has hooked up with. But other than for health reasons, does it really matter? Women for instance tend to lowball their number because society has led them to believe they can't enjoy sex like a man does. The standard law of calculation is to take the number a woman tells you and double it. Men, on the other hand, tend to inflate that number to to impress their friends when asked. The standard calculation for a man is to take the number your buddy tells you and cut it in half, then add two, or something like that. When a girl asks a guy how many women he's been with the answer depends on how much the guy likes the girl, it's rarely an accurate number. If the girl seems like a good girl and relationship material, we definitely knock off the numbers we accumulated in the late 90's to seem not so nympho like. If the girl is a "just for fun" kind of girl we tell the truth or maybe add 10-15% to show how bad we are and see how quick we can add to the list. I think we all want someone with experience, but not a veteran, haha. I know I like someone who knows the territory, maybe not someone with the exploring credentials of say, Ponce De Leon or Magellan....but someone who can find their way around with little direction.

Porn Star Names

They say that many porn stars get their stage (or bed) names from a funny source. Supposedly their first name is the name of their first pet and their last name is the name of the street you grew up on. In that case I'd be Pete Hyman. What would you be? Pete Hyman, almost comical.