Halloween Monday

BOO! Yeah, pretty scary that it's Monday and the weekend is over already huh? I hope everyone had a great weekend and has a great Halloween!

When you REALLY think about it, Halloween is child abuse. One day every year we send kids out into the night to talk to strangers. Then when they get to the homes of these strangers, they accept candy from them. Then when they get home with all their treats, we throw away the one healthy snack, the apple, because it may have a razor blade in it and encourage the kids to eat all the sugar......


BOO! Fucko..... 

Candy corn? What is this crap? Why do we call it a "treat" if everyone hates it? We toppled Saddam Hussein, yet we can't get rid of candy corn. Anyone who hands this shit out to kids today really wants them to die, but they just don't have the guts to stick the razor blade in that healthy apple.

Damien, people still name their kids Damien.


Don't mess with this kid..... 

Even after the whole "Omen" series of movies, people still want their kid named after Satan's spawn. That movie freaked me out right from the get go. Any little kid under 4 in a suit freaks me out.....

Since this is a holiday geared more for the children and MJ loves children so very much, I'll leave you with this today....enjoy!!!!!

"Thriller" By Michael Jackson

Right Now! (Happy Friday)

The weekend is upon us! I hope everyone had a great week. Sometimes a song can inspire us, get us through a difficult time or situation. Sometimes the lyrics or the music can get us motivated to perform well in a sport or during personal fitness. I picked a Van Halen song called "Right Now" that has always gotten me pumped up for whatever life threw my way, thought I'd share the video with you today and I hope it gets you through your Friday and into the weekend on a high note. Enjoy!!!!

"Right Now" By Van Halen

A Real Bargain Bin

I don't think I'd like my coffin purchased at Costco or any other "price club." There's just something wrong about coffins being sold next to Ex-Lax and the family size bucket of Planter's peanuts.


Something VERY wrong here..... 

Costco and other "price clubs" are now selling reasonably priced coffins. In doing so, they are depriving families the best part of the grieving process, getting screwed out of $10,000 by a sleazy funeral home director.

The coffin would definitely come in handy for toting all your bulk items out of the store, being that these price clubs don't supply shopping bags. Toss your 24 pack of Poland Spring, your 36 roll Bounty, and your 48 roll Charmin right in the casket for easy transport. Just don't forget to bring your rope, to tie the coffin to the roof of your car for the ride to the funeral home.

I don't know, this just isn't for me. One day when I have kids, I want them to pay through the nose for my coffin. I want to get even with them for the "tuition" money that they will surely spend on beer. Have a great day everyone!

High Profile Murder Cases

It seems like there is a big murder story in the news all the time. I think whenever a married woman goes missing, the husband should automatically be arrested.


A No Brainer...... 

Who else would want this woman dead? She's a housewife from Salt Lake City, she didn't cross the Columbian drug cartel. Marriage is often called a blessed union of souls. It is also motive one. Perhaps the preacher should say "I now pronounce you person of interest and wife."

The alibis of these accused murderers need to get a bit better too. Come on already:

"Officer I was fishing on Christmas Eve 80 miles from home"


Damn, why didn't I just skip fishing? 

"Detective, I was golfing at night and the police are racist"


"These fuckers actually believe me!" 

"Officer, my wife was shot when I went back into the restaurant to retrieve my GUN"


"They actually believed my gun alibi" 

Trust me, if Scott Peterson had money, he'd be a free man too......

LOL!!!!!!

I think people type "LOL" (laugh out loud, for those of you locked in a closet since Al Gore invented the internet) way too much. You really shouldn't type LOL unless you really laugh out loud. Many web users have gotten into the annoying habit of typing LOL after just about everything you say:

C-Mac: How are you?
Fucko: LOL
C-Mac: The Pope Died
Fucko: LOL
C-Mac: That Pakistani quake killed 70,000
Fucko: LOL

If I wanted a kiss ass session where every thought I have gets a big LOL, I'd actually try and be funny.

They can't call it "Wife Swap" unless the husbands get to bang each other's wife.


Make this "swap" official..... 

This relaity show is ridiculous. The families switch moms and all they do is make new rules and piss off the kids and the husband. Make it a real swap....have her head home with a smile.

I saw an interview with The President and Laura Bush yesterday. George W needs to stop saying that he owes all his success to her. George W. Bush owes all his "success" to his Daddy, his daddy's friends, trust funds, the National Guard, the Supreme Court, Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, and AA.

Have a great day!!!

Monday Madness

Good morning everyone. Another week is upon us. Just a few things today:

Tipping is for waiters, waitresses, cab drivers, hair dressers, and lap dancers only. What is it with Starbucks, delis, Dunkin Donuts, dry cleaners etc., having tip cups on the counter?


No Tip Fucko 

Hmmmmm....what is 15% of "blow me?" Waiters get tips because they wait on you. If your job involves standing behind a counter cutting rolls in half and putting cold cuts on them, you're not waiting on me, I am waiting on you.

Ladies, leave your eyelashes alone. Here's how much men care about your eyelashes, you have 2 sets? Ok, we are done.

They need to get rid of baby changing stations in public men's rooms. Let's stop pretending this has been, or ever will be used. At best, this is a day bed for a very short homeless man.

"Hooked on Ebonics." That's right, America is hooked on ebonics. I don't know about you, but I am kind of bored with white people, especially old ladies or kids saying "fo shizzle" or "shnizzle" on TV sitcoms. It was funny the first 100 times. Rappers, you have guns for a reason, start using them.

Have a great day!

Friday Hodgepodge

Friday! Yaaaaaaay!!! (Who says Yay?) Hope everyone has a great weekend!

McDonald's "restaurants" don't belong in hospitals.


Sickey D's...... 

I have seen and read about this new phenomenon. Hospitals? HELLO! Should hospitals be in the "repeat business?" As soon as a patient gets released, they are right back in with clogged arteries. We already have a way to screw patients, they are called HMO's, we don't need McDonald's in hospitals.

People claim all kinds of bogus shit on their taxes. Just a reminder, the computer setup in your home where you play video golf, look at porn, and where your wife chats with strangers while you are at work is not a tax write off as a "home office" it's a spot in your "family" room that faces away from your family....

There shouldn't be any more "talent" competitions at beauty pageants. Just being hot is a talent. The only reason a guy would watch Miss Louisiana play the accordian is because it makes her breasts jiggle.

Last Friday point.....with Halloween approaching, I don't care how big your pumpkin is. It does not reflect on anything you did, it just grew like a bright orange garden tumor. It's not a personal achievement.

Have a great weekend!!!! :)

Feeling Philisophical

Thursday is upon us. We're almost there, hang in there people! I hate the term "everything happens for a reason." It's very cliche and I don't like cliches. I do feel that we are destined to meet certain people and that each person fulfills something in our lives and that there is a purpose for two paths to cross. Sometimes we know the reason right away, sometimes we find out later on, sometimes we never find out what the reason was at all.

Today I am feeling a little philisophical. I was chatting with my friend last night, let's call her Ginger. Ginger and I were feeling a bit sentimental and reflective about life and discussing people in our lives. After talking about our Grandfathers and our families, I asked her who her favorite person in the world was that wasn't part of her family. She was talking about a new friend and she explained that this person was very humble, and real, and how this friend really "gets" her. She then posed the same question to me, and it made me think......

I have many good people in my life, people that make me smile and feel good just by hearing their voice, getting an e-mail from them, and especially from seeing them. Some of the people I recently work with come to mind. The Sugar V, The Freaky Virgin, Supplymadam, Hu Flung Pu, DarianJ, Cindy, Dina and the rest of the crew. They are all genuine people and I am a better person for knowing them and a few others there. But when the question was posed to me, a name immediately came to mind. Linda. Linda and I haven't spoken in a while for reasons I won't get into on here. Linda and I "got" each other. We just understood one another. We grew up in a similar fashion, we have the same type of humor, and I think we compliment each other's personalities in a very unique way. Although we haven't spoken in quite a few months, I often think of her and wonder how she is. It's hard to explain.


Then there are the "staples", people that have been around for years or those that you had a deeper relationship with that you know will be there for you when the chips are down. Rich, Kevin, Mike D, Lauren B, Lauren C, Randa, Tatiana, Regina, and Kristin. Yeah, I'll toss Kristin into that group. Kristin is a person that although I sometimes question her intentions, I really do believe she cares and would be there for me in a bind. My relationship with Kristin has been complicated from the start but it has taught me a lot. Kristin has brought out the best and the worst in me in a very short period of time. Our purpose in meeting is still to be determined.

Then there are the "new" people in my life. First let's mention "Hilda" (haha) Hilda is an extraordinary person. She brings out so many good things in me. I can talk to her about anything and feel at ease. She always puts a smile on my face and I always feel like she's in "my corner." Even though we know each other a short time, she is dependable, inspirational, thoughtful, and trustworthy. I look forward to what lies ahead.

Many of you that come here each day make a difference. Even when there are stretches of time where I don't visit your sites, there are loyal people who check in here each day, you know who you are. That really means a lot to me. I hope we all fulfill a certain purpose in each other's lives and it is something positive for you all.

Have a great day!

Headlines

We don't need a "Fox News Alert" every time something blows up in Iraq. It's a war, the "news alert" should take place when stuff STOPS blowing up. Until then, we'll just assume Baghdad is like Lindsay Lohan, getting bombed daily.


We Get The Idea...... 

Using the phrase "He's baaaaaaaack" is over. He's baaaaaaack, she's baaaaaaack, it's baaaaaaack....no more!!!! To all the people that write these mini headlines for cable news, come up with something original!

News channels also have to stop saying "We go beyond the headlines." That's your job asshole! You don't see American Airlines saying "We land our jets on the runway."

Have a great Wednesday!

"Byte" Me

Tuesday is here, a day closer to the weekend.....

There has been quite a bit of talk about the Iraqi elections lately in the news. It was good to see the Iraqi folks out and about voting. Their "ballot box" voting seems to be working out better than our dimpled chads and all the other ways we vote. Each state here in the U.S votes its own way based on state laws. There is no federal standardized voting law.

Many people here in America want computerized voting, I say no way. Computers aren't for voting, they are for picking up girls, having affairs, video games, and bill paying. Voting by computer would sound really cool and futuristic if it was 1969. But now that we all have them, we know what they are, huge fuck-up machines.



Let's Steer Clear of These....... 

I know what would happen if we computerized our elections, some 16 year old hacker in Norway would hand the Presidency to the Kylie Minogue/Paris Hilton ticket. If you thought the last two elections were bad, wait until the next one is decided by a customer service rep in New Delhi, India.

Islamic Ji-HARD

Happy Monday! I hope everyone had a great weekend! The 9 days of rain finally ended here in the NY area! Recently we've heard a lot about terrorism here in NY with a threat on our subway system that was supposedly uncovered in Iraq. I have a sure fire cure for terrorism:

There's only one way to stop terrorism, we have to figure out a way to get Muslim men laid. Recently five British Muslims who were released from our prison at Guantanamo accused their American captors of bringing in prostitutes to taunt them. It turned out that most of them had never seen a naked woman. This made me wonder how many Al-Qaeda members have even dated a girl and what would happen if we hired women to infiltrate Al-Qaeda cells and have sex with them.


Cure for terrorism, get these guys laid...... 

I'll bet you things would change quickly after this covert operation. I don't think young Muslim men really hate America, they are jealous of America. We have rap videos, the Hilton sisters, porn channels, and magazines with titles such as "Barely Legal." You know what's barely legal in Afghanistan? EVERYTHING! Bottom line, young men, all men for that matter, need sex.

What do guys do when they can't get laid, can't get a girlfriend, or can't even talk to a girl? They commit suicide, unlike here in America where it's the married dudes who wanna kill themselves. Here in America there's always hope that you cna at least talk to a girl, she might be crazy enough to even go for you. Or you could get rich and buy one.

The connection between lack of sex and anger is real. It is why pro boxers stay celibate when they are in training, so that on fight night they are ready to kill. It's why NFL football players are told not to have sex between Wednesday and gameday (Sunday), and why Bill Clinton never started a war.

We need to mobilize two divisions of skanks, a regiment of ho's, and a brigade of girls who can't say no all under the command of Jessica Alba in her camouflage catsuit.

Forget the Peace Corps, we need a "Piece of ASS Corps." Ladies, there's a cure for terrorism, and you are sitting on it.

Inspired by Bill Maher

Taking The Day Off......

Hey everyone! C-Mac is taking a day off from blogging. I am taking a day off from everything actually. I'll be in NYC today enjoying the day. I hope everyone has a great weekend. It's been a bit hectic recently so I apologize for not visiting all of you on your blogs. Your continued support and contribution to this site is greatly appreciated! :) You are the best! Lots of love to all of you!



A Little Break 

In the words of Billy Joel, "Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes, I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again"...until Monday, this is C-Mac saying Seeeeee Ya! :)

A Job for Life

Just because someone has a job for life, does not mean they should do it for life. It's well and proper that we honor our elders, but enough is enough. "To every thing, there is a season, turn, turn, turn." A time to pack it in, put on a housecoat, and fall asleep watching the "Golden Girls" reruns.

I know it must be difficult to give up your job when it involves sitting on a "throne" on the "Supreme" Court, or being the Pope and keeping women out of the priesthood to make room for male priests that molest, but at some point it makes these people feel like they are indispensable, which nobody is.


Retire, Fuckos..... 

I don't want to say Pope John Paul II was out of it the last couple of years he was alive, but I could have sworn I heard him saying two Our Fathers and three "Proud Marys" there for a while.

Then there is Queen Elizabeth, come on, 50 years in power, your son Prince Charles' mistress is already a senior citizen, let him be king already! The only thing that ran longer than her run on the throne was "Cats" here on Broadway, and even that finally ended.

I don't understand America. We work until we have strokes, then after we die, our money and estates are fought over, then we rot in the ground and are eaten by worms....

You know who knew how to live? Titans of their industry, Ray Kroc from McDonald's, Colonel Sanders from KFC, and Dave Thomas of Wendy's. None of them spent their "golden years" chained to a desk. They all died from eating their own food.

Names like Johnny Carson and Joe DiMaggio come to my mind. These guys went out on top, when it was time. That made them more beloved than they would have been, people did not have a chance to get sick of them. They didn't make us do that pretend yawn to get them to leave the party. They looked around and said "I've done my part, I've spoken my peace, and now I am old and deaf enough to be able to go home and be with my wife all day long."

Game Day Commercials

Have you noticed all the ads on TV during NFL football games? They are all for fried foods and beer. Death by eating seems acceptable in America these days. It's commercial after commercial for fast food and alcohol, where are the obesity advocacy ads?

I see the AIDS prevention ads on TV all the time, which is all well and good, except AIDS doesn't even place in the top 15 of the things that kill Americans, but what kills most is what they advertise the most, food and drink. Twice as many people in America die from liver disease than from AIDS. Where's the ad telling us to pull a rubber over our Bud Light Bottles?


Eat 'Till You Die! 

Four times as many people in America die from diabetes than they do from AIDS and 47 times as many from heart disease. We are fooling ourselves if we don't think that the contents of our food is what's causing this. The nutritional guide at KFC must read "you are kidding right?" You have guys eating entire tubs of guacamole and then announcing that "it's good fat." No, good fat is J-Lo's ass, not a tub of guacamole.

Maybe McDonalds thinks their food prevents AIDS because it makes you so fat nobody will want to fuck you. You can't even sell sex anymore without making it sound like food, wonder where "booty-licious" came from?

On top of it all, we have to endure Levitra, Viagra, and Cialis ads too. No, these aren't three black chicks I know, they are erectile dysfunction pills. Let's face it, what every woman in America wants on football Sunday is a gassy, flabby, face-painted drunk coming after her with a raging hard on. Enough is enough!

Prescriptions or Prescriptures?

Pharmacists have to fill prescriptions, it's their job. Yet, more and more American pharmacists are refusing to fill prescriptions for birth control because of their personal moral objections. It's time these clowns took off their "pretend" doctor's jackets and got another job.


Lawmaker or bottle filler? 

What's next? Maybe cutting off the sale of makeup because only "sluts" wear makeup? According to these fanatics, a "good" woman doesn't paint herself. Maybe no more deodorant. Who'd want to have sex if everyone smells? Maybe no suntan lotion either, you see what happens in Cancun and at MTV Beach House. Maybe a veil would work better than sunscreen.

Why is this country becoming Utah? I know the conservatives keep saying that we coastal "elites" don't get it. Well maybe you don't get us. We need sex.

Now I know these "conservatives" say the Pill and sex is a moral issue. Problem is, we all don't get our morals from the same book. The book that says slavery is ok, but sex isn't unless you are married at which point it becomes a blessed sacrament between a husband and the wife who's withholding it.

To all the "activist" pharmacists out there who think sex is bad, probably because with them it usually is, you are not a lawmaker, or even a doctor! In the medical pecking order you fall somewhere between a podiatrist and a tree surgeon. You work for CVS, not for God.... do your job. The doctors are the ones who make the medical decisions because they went to medical school whereas you were transferred to a counter next to the film drop-off and the skittles.

Monday Musings

Happy Monday to all, and Happy Columbus Day!!! I hope everyone enjoys the day and has a smooth week. A few things today:

Sumo wrestling is not a sport, it's an eating disorder.


A Sport? I think NOT! 

You can't call yourself an athlete if your idea of getting in shape is tripling in size.


Bonds, Barry Bonds 

Except in Baseball.

Big oil companies need to stop running ads telling us how much they are doing for the environment. We get it, you rape the earth, and try to cuddle afterwards. Like a serial killer dumping a body on the side of the road and then adopting a highway.


Fuckos 

If the folks at Shell are really serious about cleaning something up, start with your restrooms.

I see former drug addicts or alcoholics on TV all the time saying "I almost died." No. cancer survivors almost died. You almost had too good of a time.

Have a great Monday!!!!!

And The Beat Goes On......

Well, it is Friday once again and another week is in the books. I hope everyone enjoys the weekend ahead.

Today, no pictures in my post, no silly anecdotes, no President Bush jokes, and no silly obeservations. Let's talk serious at the beach for a change.

When will people finally realize that in the end, we are all judged based upon our own merits rather than holding others down or trying to make others look bad? All too often in business and in life, people stomp on others to make themselves look good. It's a short term high, because in the end, people's true colors come out. I feel sorry for people like that. People with no principles, no confidence, and no purpose. They meander through life with no purpose or sense of direction and only achieve their high in the face of someone else's low. They are a sad breed. They are always seen for who they are in the end....that's the good part.

I like people who have convictions, people who are loyal, people who don't sell out in the face of adversity, people who stand for what they believe in despite the consequence or the injustice they face for it, and people who are genuine.

Me, I am the kind of person who is loyal. When I love someone, or when I am passionate about something, I see them/it through. I don't bail no matter how much adversity is thrown my way. I battle for the people I love and for the things I believe in and I'd never sell out or sell someone out to take the heat off myself. I don't try to make myself look good by bringing others down. I don't try to make myself look good.period. I like to be judged on my character, my loyalty, my actions, my passion, and for my convictions.

Life throws us all kinds of curveballs. We come face to face with people of poor character all too often. If we believe in ourselves, in our dreams, and in the people and principles we hold dear, there's nothing we can't overcome.

The beat goes on.........

A Few Tricks Up My Sleeve

President Bush, it's been almost a year since you won the election. You are safe now, so please tell us....what the hell was that thing on your back during the debate last fall?


Come Clean Already! 

I wish the media would stop calling something "the perfect storm" when two bad things happen at the same time. Sometimes it's just crap happening at the same time as other crap. Let's go back to what we used to call it before George Clooney's epic struggle to catch tuna in the movies: Shit Happens.


The Perfect Cliche 

Camera phones have been out a few years now and people still have to show you it like it's something fabulous. Great, now the annoying camera buff and the annoying cell phone prick can merge as one guy. If one of these pricks can figure out how to make his camera phone play country music real loud, we can call it "the perfect storm" of assholes.

Lynndie England should not be sentenced to jail.


Citizen of the Month 

She should be photographed naked performing sex acts, stacked in a pile of other naked people, and stripped of her dignity. Oh shit, we already have that here in America, it's called "The Real World" on MTV.

Have a great Thursday!!!!!

Asian Bird Flu....Among Other Things

I wish the media would stop scaring people with diseases that we will never get. First it was SARS, then Smallpox, then West Nile, now it's the Asian bird flu which I'll never get because I'm not a fuckin' sparrow in Thailand. Mysterious Asian diseases don't come knocking on your door....unless you go to an Asian massage parlor for a "happy ending" or you are Woody Allen.


A Soft Drink Indeed.......... 


There's no such thing as "flavored water." There's a whole aisle of this stuff in the supermarket. Water, without the watery taste they say. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt, there's your flavored water.

I saw an ad for a Christmas movie already. Can't they wait until at least after Halloween? Enough with the Holiday crap already. By the time the Holidays come, we are exhausted from it all. Give us a few more stress free weeks before the hellish "Season of Peace" begins. If I wanted to hear about Jesus 365 days per year, I would have voted for Bush.

Enough with the erectile dysfunction ads too. These were intended for men with real medical conditions, not as Love Potion #9. If you have trouble getting it up for your wife, try the natural method, close your eyes and pretend she's the babysitter.(hahaha, I just had to)

Have a great Wednesday!!!!!!!! :)

Tell Us Tuesday

Well, it's time one again for "Tell Us Tuesday" here at the beach. Each Tuesday I make five BOLD predictions on things that will happen in the upcoming week. Here are last weeks predictions and the results:

Prediction #1- The New York Yankees WILL make the playoffs by winning the AL East and knocking the defending World Champion Red Sox out of the playoffs.

The Yankees DID win the A.L East, but they did NOT knock Boston out of the playoffs, as the Red Sox won the wild card spot. I get 1/2 point there.

Prediction #2- C-Mac WILL be offered a job at a company he is interviewing with later today.

I still have not gotten official word on this. The interview went very well last week, but no decision has been made yet. 0 points

Prediction #3- Another Tropical Storm will form in the Atlantic this week, eventually hitting the Virginia/Maryland/Delaware region late next week.

A Tropical Storm (Stan) formed in the Atlantic, but is headed for Mexico. 0 points

Prediction #4- There will be a significant earthquake in Peru.

A 7.5 magnitude earthquake took place in Peru last week. I am only giving myself 1/2 point because I predicted this last Tuesday and later that night, I found out that a 7.5 earthquake hit the day BEFORE. I had NO prior knowledge of this, so I am granting myself 1/2 point.

Prediction #5- C-Mac will hear from someone (a female) that he has not heard from in a long while sometime before Sunday.

This came true! On friday, Regina, and old friend/girl I dated e-mailed me to see how I have been. I had not corresponded with her since June. 1 point!

So out of a possibe 5, I scored a 2! Here are this week's predictions!


The Swami Says............... 

This week the SWAMI says:

Prediction #1: Bono from U2 or Bob Geldof the founder of "Live Aid" will win the Nobel Peace Prize handed out later in the week.

Prediction #2: The Yankees will defeat the Angels in 4 games in round one of the playoffs.

Prediction #3: Harriet Miers, Bush's Supreme Court Nominee will drop out of consideration for Supreme Court Justice.

Prediction #4: Liz Taylor will be in the news for VERY poor health reasons.

Prediction #5: The Cincinnati Bengals will beat Jacksonville and start their season 5-0.

Ok, let's hear your weekly prediction(s) and how you did last week.......