Spicing Up My Commute

The ride to and from work can be uneventful and quite boring. Every so often, I find myself thinking of wacky shit to do on the way home. Some of you may remember my "Ed's Home Improvement" story from last year....where I created chaos on the highway. Tuesday's ride home was just as fun.....

Last week, on the way home from the office, a station wagon cut me off and was driving in and out of traffic like an asshole. He had one of those "How's My Driving" yellow stickers on his car which was a green station wagon. Today, i saw this asshole again, up to his old tricks, so I decided to fuck with him.


Watch for the toaster!!!!!!!!!! 

I grabbed my cell, dialed *67 and dialed the 800 number on his bumper sticker. A woman answered and I told her that I saw driver 23456 doing some crazy stuff on the road and that I was still following him in my black Nissan Maxima (which i don't own, but the car behind him was a black Maxima). The woman asked what he was doing and I told her he was cutting people off and I was narrating to her what I was witnessing. Here was the conversation:

Dispatch: What is driver 23456 doing now?
C-Mac: He is weaving in and out of traffic, now he's throwing stuff out the window
Dispatch: What is he throwing out the window?
C-Mac: Slices of white bread, lots of white bread!!!!!!!!
Dispatch: Did you say white bread??????
C-Mac: Yes, white bread, tons of white bread!!!!!
Dispatch: That's very odd, what's happening now?
C-Mac: Now sticks of butter are flying out of his car!!!!!
Dispatch: This is strange, bread AND butter sticks?
C-Mac: He's reaching on his passenger's seat for something!!!!!
Dispatch: What is he reaching for????
C-Mac: Oh My God!!!!! He has a toaster!!!! He's gonna toss that toaster!!!!
Dispatch: A toaster?????!!!!!!!
C-Mac: YES!!! A FOUR Slice toaster, a biiiiiiig toaster!!!!!
Dispatch: I hope he holds on to that toaster!!!! That could be dangerous!
C-Mac: (bangs phone against dashboard) and yells I am HIT!!!!!
Dispatch: What happened??????????????? Are you ok????
C-Mac: The toaster hit my windshield!!!!
Dispatch: Oh my GOD!!!!!!! Are you hurt????
C-Mac: No!!! I am ok, but there is a toaster in my front seat!
Dispatch: Where is driver 23456?
C-Mac: Stopped at a light. I am in my Maxima behind him.
Dispatch: Please hold the line......(2 minutes pass)
Dispatch: His company is calling him now to find out what happened
(I see toaster man answer his cell phone and get deep in conversation)
CMac: This man is a maniac!!!!! help me!!!!!
Dispatch: I am working on it......stay in your car!!!!!

Toaster man is now yelling on his phone as I pull along side of him at the next traffic light. He is looking frantically in his rear view and side view mirrors. Suddenly he hops out of his car and heads to the Nissan Maxima behind him.... on foot. He is talking loudly to the man inside the car. They yell back and forth for about 15 seconds when toaster man realizes this is one big hoax.

C-Mac: (to dispatch) Tell toaster man not to be such a prick on the roads from now on or I'll hit him with a blender. (c-mac hangs up)

C-Mac laughs all the way home................