I've watched American Idol since it started back in 2002. I find the competition a lot of fun, and since I love music so much, it is enjoyable for me to watch. This season has been tough so far. The first four episodes have been a trainwreck. It's full of horrible people who just make fools of themselves and waste everyone's time. Some people like to watch the early stages of the competition because all the "bad" people are shown auditioning. I enjoy the competition much better in the later stages, like the final 10.
Season 5....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
When Idol first started, a few thousand people would audition. The line would stretch around the block and down the street. Now there are tens of thousands of people auditioning that pack into stadiums, this is absurd. You could weed 3/4 of these people out right off the bat without even hearing them sing. I would have some simple elimination rules that would stop these fuckos right at the gate.
C-Mac's American Idol banned list:
OBESE PEOPLE- Yup, I said it. A fat fuck named Ruben Studdard won American Idol in season 2, and you see where his career is. The runner up, Clay Aiken has had a FAR more successful career. Ruben is appearing on Sesame Street and doing Jiffy peanut butter commercials while Clay has sold millions of records. America will not embrace a fat fuck, period. It may be a shame, but it's true. A scale should be placed at the turnstile and fat fucks should be turned away. That would eliminate 1/3 of the assholes ready to audition.
FEMININE ACTING MEN- Once again, you will never win. You waste our time auditioning with Celine Dion songs and prancing around the stage like a fruitcake. Stay home where you have access to your sister's panties and bras and where you can use your karaoke machine, or perhaps a hairbrush in front of the mirror in your mom's cocktail dress.
ASSHOLES WITH GIMMICKS- If you show up with a mannequin, magic tricks, pets, good luck charms, etc., you should be sent home immediately. If I wanted to make something disappear, I'd cut you in pieces and hide you in a trunk you sorry excuse for a singer.
PEOPLE MISSING TEETH- Enough said.
HUMAN "BEAT BOXES"- It's not 1982. I am pretty sure America isn't looking for a new "artist" with a CD full of a man spitting in a microphone.
FAD DANCERS- Break dancers, fuckos doing the robot, people doing the running man, the cabbage patch, the "New Kids" Dance or any other outdated dance should be shot on sight.
ANYONE WHO SAYS THEY "ARE THE NEXT AMERICAN IDOL"- This is the kiss of death. Every asshole who claims to be "the next American Idol" before they audition suck the worst. Escort them to their cars or back to their trailer homes.
ANYONE WHO CLAIMS THAT SINGING IS THEIR DREAM- These are the assholes who give a sob story about their hard life, their kids going hungry, childhood abuse, quitting their jobs so they could come to Idol to audition, etc. Their "dream" usually turns out to be our nightmare when they hit that first note.
ASIAN MEN- Let's get real. William Hung, need I say more?
If they automatically eliminated people that fit into those categories, it would cut the number of people auditioning from like 40,000 to a respectable 10,000 or so.
Who am I forgetting?
12 comments:
yeah, but then who would i pee in my pants laughing over?
I completely agree with you. I love the show and try not to miss an episode ONCE THE REAL SHOW STARTS!
Oh, and if you're cutting out the girly men, you have definitely got to cut out the butchy women.
These first four episodes have been terrible. It used to be funny to watch the bad people, now it's just embarresing. I cringe when I see some of these assholes walk up on stage
Dear Chaz~
I bet you would make it to Hollywood if you sang in a suit and had Bruce there to help with the harmony.
~ Tiny Amester
I'm not sure why I can't watch this show - I think it has something to do w/the hype and previews showing over and over again what's coming next (and Seacrest - he just bugs me). I wait for the final episode everytime.
youre forgetting the overly tanned teens. i almost chocked on my gum when i saw her!
Who needs American Idol when we have our own American Idol here at the Beach.
I'm waiting till they are down to the "finals" around mid March when there are like 10 people left and you get to see them sing a whole song. Why waste my time watching amatuers.
WAIT - what about the dude with a serious hard on for wolves? Did you see him? ack. Anyone with an OCD for any animal - stay home and go to the zoo.
You're forgetting the wanna be hippies. The ones who claim to sing because they are "starving artists" and it is just in their nature.
My favorites of the crap list:
Justin - Justin was a guy who looked like a girl, dressed like a girl, wore his hair like a girl and sang a Whitney Houston song. He cried at the end and said AI was prejudice against guys who sang girl songs. He also stated that he is always mistaken for a girl, gee I wonder why.
The Kareoke Cowboy - This guy went to Kareoke 6 times a week and some girl asked him to sing at her wedding. He sang a country song with his eyes closed. I feel really bad for that girl, I hope she didn't sign a contract.
Rhonetta - enough said.
I kind of get a kick out of watching these fucktards, such as Rhonetta, the weird guy/girl guy (white t-shirt and jeans with long hair who looked like a girl), that weird dude on Monday's show with the black curly hair... come on you know who I'm talkin about. I love the show, I know I'm a dork but fuck if I care, at least I don't try to get on TV and sing ;op
You know, I can sing and therefore a Diva...however, I am fat. It's a good thing I am too old to go on Idol huh? LOL...no Reallly...I agree those people are just hard to watch this year...sad sad sad
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