Come Here Often?????
There should be a "bar talk" translation manual. Things people say in a bar have a hidden "meaning."
1) "YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME." The REAL meaning: I won't be here long enough to get another round.
2) "I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU." The REAL meaning: Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now $2, but by the next round they'll be $5.00. OR They plan on switching over to some top shelf liquor for the next round.
3) "HEY, WHERE IS YOUR FRIEND?" The REAL meaning: I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into a compromising position.
4) "CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL." (FEMALE) The REAL meaning: I am white trash and VERY easy!
5) "CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL." (MALE) The REAL meaning: I am very gay.
6) "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE) The REAL meaning: I will drink anything if it means getting a chance to lick you.
7) "EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE) The REAL meaning: If this is how wild I am in a public bar, imagine what I'll do to you on the ride home?
8) "I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE) The REAL meaning: I am not getting enough attention, your friends are getting all the attention.
9) "I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE) The REAL meaning: I am horny as hell.
10) "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE) The REAL meaning: Get the fuck out of my way.
11) "EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE) The REAL meaning: My chance to grope you as I brush on by.
12) "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE) The REAL meaning: Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.
13) "EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE) The REAL Meaning: Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that, bitch, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you bitch, like the slut you are.
14) "WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?" The REAL meaning: I am a cheap fucko.
15) "THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR." The REAL meaning: Did I bang him/her before?
16) "I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE) The REAL meaning: I am 19
17) "I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE) The REAL meaning: I got my license taken away the night I was in here last when I blew a .2 in the breathalizer on the way home.
18) "No, really, I'm OK to drive." The REAL meaning: I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home with.
19) "You go ahead, I'll catch a cab" The REAL meaning: I've already got a ride lined up with your ex.
20) "I'm out of here, I have to work in the morning." The REAL meaning: My ex just walked in with his/her new boyfriend/girlfriend.
On that note.........................
8 comments:
Baaaar Taaaalk! So true especially #13. It's amazing how a few drinks= obnoxious behavior.
How true! Except, #4. Wine is more expensive, but it only takes a couple glasses and your good to go. That's why it's my choice when I don't have much money. Clearly, the buzz is the important goal, not enjoying a drink. It's all about the buzz!
This is far to appropriate considering the night I just had. (Post to follow...)
"I'll have a glass of Chardonnay on the rocks with a shot of peach schnapps; this is from an article I saw in the Times when the writer was in Provence ordering wine at a cafe in the summertime. Yes, oh Please make sure its served in a wine glass..."
(Female sitting next to Male at Victory Bar, spoken to Bartender)
THIS MEANS YOU ARE HIGH MAINTAINANCE! Cheers to the high maints...
What if I say to a female..."I want to throw you up against the wall and bang the shit out of you"
How would she interpret that?
"Can I buy you a drink?"(Male): Can I get you waisted so I can try and coax you back to my place in order to put my slimy hands all over you.
"No Thanks, I'm here with friends"(Female): NO WAY FUCKO! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M HERE WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS TRYING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND NOT HERE TO GET PICKED UP BY DOUCHEBAGS LIKE YOU!
those are great! soo true! and I was wondering why that picture looked so familiar. I think I used that exact photo waaaaaay back in the day in an old post of mine. how funny!
Love the list! So, so true!
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