The Great Escape

I hope you all had a great weekend! Mine was pretty good once again. I have a streak of these good/great weekends going don't I? Great company makes all the difference.

This weekend was a "going away" party for my friend Rich. He is going up to Albany, NY for 3 months for bootcamp for his new job, a Nassau County Court Officer. Rich and I have been good friends for about eight years. He is a lot of fun and I know we'll be friends for a very, very long time.

The party was on Saturday Night and I did not know many of the people that were going to be there. I knew his friend Rick from NJ and a few other faces looked familiar. The party was held at this "dive" bar. Seriously, it does not get any more "dive" than the bar we all went to. I dragged Tiny A along (I'm Sorry!!!) and we got there not knowing anyone until Rich got there.

As we waited for Rich to arrive, we noticed this really good looking/in great shape girl at the bar with this really FAT, nasty dude. She was kissing him and all over him. Tiny A and I could not figure this couple out. Did he have millions of dollars, an 18" dick, what was it that she saw in him? The answer later.

Anyway, Rich got there at 8:15 and made his rounds and thanked everyone for coming to a "party" in his honor. I am glad I went, but I wanted out of there so bad, the bar sucked, the music sucked, the crowd sucked, there was SMOKING going on in the bar, something we have not seen in NY in almost two years. I just hated the entire experience, but I knew I had to stay at that bar for at least a couple of hours. Tiny A and I sat at the bar and started debating each other about silly shit. We got a little intense, but it was good to see that side of each other. It is usually mostly funny and silly stuff. By 9:45 I was talking to Tiny A about a plan of escape.


I Am Outta Here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

We left the bar area and scooted over to the open area by the pool table with our coats on. Rich was deep in conversation but was near the front door, so he would have seen us bolt. Tiny A thought a story of a cousin and a band playing nearby would be our escape plan. Rich was so into conversation that I could not interrupt and use that excuse. We noticed the jukebox by the front door. We thought if we went up to that and tinkered with it, we could just slither out the door. But for some reason, the fuckin' bartender was loading that up with another 1000 horrible songs. After about 15 minutes, he left the jukebox area and we went over there. Rich was just a few feet away, deep in conversation, but he was looking right at us. Damn, we could not bolt. Then a HUGE lightbulb went off in my head. The.Cell.Phone.

I pretended that I was getting a call and I pretended like I was having trouble hearing the person on the line so I told Tiny A to come with me outside to take this imaginary call. When we got to the sidewalk, we just kept going, right to the diner! I know Rich's drinking...it is heavy and he would not even remember who left and at what time in an hour or so. I was so relieved to be out of that bar!!!!!!

When I spoke to Rich later on, he was cool about me bolting that bar. He thought it was funny actually. NOW, about the hot chick with the gross dude....it turns out she was a stripper and the fat dude OWNED the strip joint she worked at. They are dating and they moved in together. About a month ago she threw him out of the condo because they had a fight and he threw her through a coffee table. A match made in heaven, huh? A wacky weekend indeed!

Weekends go way too fast, I feel like my life has been all work the last couple of months. I desperately need to get away for a while.........