Your Table Is Ready!!!!!

Going out to eat is something we all enjoy. It is nice not to have to cook or do dishes every once in a while. It's also nice to sit there and be served while you chat with your friends, your family, or that special someone.

Where you sit in a restaurant could be the difference between a good time out and a bad time out. "The booth" seems to be the promised land of restaurant seating. Getting a booth over a "standard" table and chairs is like sitting in first class compared to a coach seat. If it came down to it, some people would tackle you to get a booth before you. People are not in their right state of mind when it comes to a booth. I think that's why they have hostesses in a restaurant to prevent a stampede to the booths.


The Seating "Mecca" 

How many times have you been on line waiting for a table and you are next to be seated and you just scan the restaurant with your eyes to see who is almost done with their meal, who's paying the check, and who is starting to get up. You see a group in a booth paying their check and you can almost feel that cushiony booth seat under your ass, but then, they sit and bullshit for another half hour while you are desperately waiting for that booth. You just want to fuckin' scream at them to get up. So, what happens, a regular table and chairs group gets up and that seals your fate. A table and chairs it will be. FUCK, you say to yourself. It is almost like watching a horse race, you are rooting for the table you want to "win" and just get the fuck up already!!!!

What about the assholes who get a booth and only use half of it because they HAVE to sit next to each other? What the fuck??????????????????? I am sitting wedged between 5 kids and a 500lb mom and you are wasting that cushiony seat????? You are sickening all of us asshole, get back on your side of the booth before I poke your eyes out with my salad fork!!!!!!

The WORST kind of table is one of those tables where one person gets the cushion seat along the big cushiony bench wall, and the other person gets the chair and you are wedged RIGHT NEXT to other people. It is like going to dinner with strangers. You can fully hear every word they say and they can hear everything you say. The only thing fun about that is that I make wacky shit up so they listen in and can't help but try to conceal their laughs.

Tiny A and I were out to dinner last night and we got "the wedge" between two tables. Tiny A got the "bench" seat and I sat in the chair. We sat next to two middle aged women who were talking about men, their love lives, and the snowstorm coming later today. So what do I do? I make up a bullshit story and start telling Tiny A that our friend Mike and his wife Lisa were in a hot air balloon on Sunday and that someone shot them out of the sky with a bow and arrow. I made up some elaborate story saying it was on the news and that Mike broke his collar bone and that Lisa was all traumatized.

After they took it all in and left, a couple sat next to us. I took an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and ran with it. I made up a story that I ordered Chinese food the other night and when I got home with the food it was the wrong order. When I brought it back, it turns out that a guy I knew was there and he had been given my order and I got his. When we exchanged orders and I got home, I had noticed that he ate all the shrimp out of my garlic shrimp dish. I was calling him a cheap shrimp eating bastard and many other names. The woman next to use was trying very hard to control her laughing, she was covering her mouth and really enjoying the story. I love doing shit like that. Next time you are out, make up a wacky story!

I hope you all have a wonderful Thursday!!!!! Also, even though my grandma died back in 1998, today is her birthday! I hope she has a wonderful birthday regardless. We miss you grandma!