The Original "Jackass"

  

Long before the "Jerky Boys" became famous, I was recording crank calls with a homemade device and making people laugh until they cried. I never thought of selling those calls or marketing them in any way. I should have, I'd probably be rich and retired on a beach in the tropics right now. The same holds true for "Jackass" type stunts.

Back in the late 80's and early 90's my friends and I would think of wacky stunts and dares to perform. Most of the time, I was nominated to perform these wacky stunts. Here are some of the crazy things we did, or should I say, the things they made ME do:

Car Rodeos- We would meet up in a supermarket parking lot about 10 or 11pm. There would be about 20 of us with cars. Two cars would pull into the center of the lot and a person would sit on the roof of each car. The drivers would then do donuts and crazy moves trying to knock the person on the roof off the vehicle. The person who stayed on the longest won and moved on to the next round. This car rodeo would go on for hours. There were many trips to the ER back in those days.

Public Annoyances- I was on line at Six Flags and there was this big steroid dude eating a lemon ice. My friends dared me to go up to this guy and lick his lemon ice and walk away. Well, I went up to him, licked his ice, and ran like hell. This dude went fuckin' crazy and had to be held back by like 5 guys. We laughed and bought him a new ice to calm him down.

Frozen Swim- We were out to dinner about 10 years ago with 5 couples at a nice restaurant on the water. It was January and about 30 degrees outside. As we ordered dessert, a friend of mine dare dme to go to the side of the restaurant, strip down to my underwear and run into the water for a quick swim. If I did it, $50.00 was mine. I thought it over for about 5 minutes and asked my girlfriend at the time if she had a blanket or towels in the car to dry myself off with if I did it. She said yes. Minutes later, to the surprise of the entire restaurant glued against the window, I ran into the Long Island sound head first for a January swim. Afterwards, Ii dried off, got dressed, and enjoyed my dessert to an ovation by the entire restaurant.

hatchet man- One July night my friends and I were bored. We came across old Halloween costumes in my garage and they dared me to dress up in a wacky costume, complete with a fake hatchet and scare people. So, I had my friends pull up at diners and restaurants. I would hide in the bushes right next to the diner windows where people were seated and eating. As they enjoyed their meals, I would hop out of the hedges wielding that hatchet. People would scream and run out of their seats away from the windows. By the time they realized what was going on, I was in the car and we were driving away.

Santa in July- Another dare, dress up as Santa on a hot and humid night and stand up in my friend's convertible while blasting Chipmunks Christmas music and wave to people. I did it and got a good reaction from most. My friends then told me to get out of the car and wave, so I did, they took off and left me on the side of the road for about 30 minutes dressed as Santa. I got stuff thrown at me from cars, cursed at, it was quite an experience.

The lawnmower- I called my neighbor across the street and told him I was from Sears and that he won a free Craftsman lawnmower. I told him we ran a raffle of all our Sears charge customers. He laughed and asked "what the catch was." I told him he had to trade in his old lawnmower and bring 2 forms of ID to the local Sears within 2 hours to claim his prize. About 20 minutes later the neighbor and his son were tying their lawnmower to the top of their car. They drove away in a hurry to Sears. About an hour later they were back, VERY angry, with.....the SAME mower.

That's just a sample of what a "jackass" I really was. Ok, I know you all have crazy stories.......