Money for nothing.....and I am not talking about a Dire Straits tune, I am talking about the money people, especially women, waste on magazines like "Cosmopolitan." Yup, I said it. $4.50 to read complete and absolute garbage. Granted, what you read on here is mostly garbage, but at least it is free and factual.
Many times, while I am waiting on line at the supermarket, I will look at the covers of these magazines and wonder how people actually believe even 10% of the bullshit in these magazines. I've lived with a female for the last three years so I have access to these bullshit magazines. Tonight I decided to grab an old cosmopolitan from January of this year and break it down for you ladies.
Ok, on the cover this particular issue are a few "Headlines" or "Stories" to suck you into buying this magazine. The first says "HIS HOTTEST DESIRES, THINGS GUYS WANT IN BED BUT ARE TOO SHY TO ASK FOR." My initial reaction is to just ask your guy what he wants in bed. But, for the hell of it, I looked inside to see what the magazine said. I turned to page 84 and started reading. It goes on to say that "men" want a woman to initiate "the action" and that we men want women to "play rough" and we want a woman to "do all the work sometimes" and shit like that. How vague is this shit? Do you need to spend $4.50 to know some of this?
The next segment talks about "TRUTHS WOMEN DON'T KNOW ABOUT THEIR BOYFRIENDS." Ok this should be fun. Off to page 89 I go. It tells all you women readers and you gay men too that "The more serious a relationship gets, the less a man will reassure you." Talk about a blanket bullshit statement. Then we wonder why there are so many man haters out there, between "Lifetime" and this crap, I'd turn lesbian if I were female. Oh, here's a good one. "He won't warn you if the relationship is on the rocks." Does this need a warning? If it sucks, it sucks. Period. Oh, here's a great one, "Guys LOVE the little things you do but will never admit it." Why wouldn't I want to admit something I like about someone? I don't get this stuff.
I've seen other issues that give tips on "pleasing a man." Trust me, I along with every other man, don't want you glancing at a magazine for instructions while you are sucking my dick. Either you know how to or you don't. Just like you wouldn't want us glancing at a "Maxim" magazine while going down on you. Again, either you know how to or you don't.
I like this other "Headline" on this Cosmo...."GET THE GREAT BUTT YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED!" So, I turned to page 128 because I could use a little firming. As a personal trainer, this stuff is ridiculous in here. It talks about these "Side Slides" and "Rump Raises" and shit like that. Want to get a good ass? Back that shit up and let me get it in shape. hahaha...put down the box of donuts, get off the couch, stop watching 30 hours of reality TV a week, and get your ass running.
I've also seen "Headlines" like "WHAT GUYS WANT." I'll save you the $4.50 ladies...here is what we want:
Sex
Food
Sex
Sleep
Sex
Alone time
Blow-jobs during period week
Peace and quiet every so often
Sex
No Drama
Sex
You to bring less than 40 garments in the fitting room to try on
Sex
A hand job on the way home from Macy's
Sex
No more questions we can't answer like "Does this dress make me look fat?"
Sex
The ability to watch a ballgame uninterrupted
Sex
The ability to "pass" on watching "Runaway Bride" on DVD (with bonus features) w/you
Sex
I hope you all use your extra $4.50 wisely! Have a great Thursday!
12 comments:
Macy's Handjob!!!!!!!!!!!! hehehe
But Charlie...what about cuddling? or talking about how you REALLY feel? Come on now sweetie...tell me what you're thinking. What about discussing that witch I work with who is thin as a toothpick and complains about her weight all the time. Eesh...what's up with that? Don't you just love those long, romantic walks on the beach? And dancing cheek-to-cheek. You've gotta love that.
NO???
You forgot the part where you ask her to get you a beer from the fridge! :P
Those magazines reassure us of things,like, being sexual is ok, and doesn't make you a slut. In high school, any girl who put out was a slut. It's ingrained into our brains, and then, we want sex too, but don't want to seem 'easy'. Do guys want a good girl? A bad girl? They want BOTH in one girl.
But it's just as humorous for us ladies to read Maxim. Half of that crap isn't true either.
Thank God for you, Charlie...
I just cancelled my subscription to Glamour.
Just remember--they keep us from bugging you while you watch baseball. And--on occasion, have the potential to make us horny...
I'm with Heather...I have now cancelled my subscription to Cosmo...I don't need no stinkin' magazine...I have C-MAC!!!
Hey..at least I know what guys REALLY want now...those damn magazines were always too vague anywho ;-)
I won't lie: I LOVE MAGAZINES. I read a huge cross-section of the chick ones (Glamour, Cosmo, Allure, Self, Marie Claire - I mostly read them while doing cardio at the gym, and some of them have really good & important information that I'd like to know -- new prescriptions, health concerns, social situations. Yes, there's fun stuff like sex, fashion & beauty, too, but I like having that stuff. I take it with a grain of salt, yes, but it still entertains me. I even read stuff like Maxim, SI, Newsweek, People & Time - I'm an equal opportunity reader!
(And yes, most of my regular magazines are on a subscription, so I'm not paying $4.50 each time.)
You don't sound like a guy that needs a magazine to know what you are doing C-Mac. Just a friendly observation. This article had me in stitches.
The only time I read those type of magazines is at the dentist office because he's got a whole wall of them. Actually I'm more entertained by him. I think he's a frustrated comedien. Last time I was there when he told me to open wide he said "Ooh baby". He's harmless and he knows I can take a joke.
This as nothing to do with your post,does it?
No cooking for you naked? I thought FOR SURE that would be on top of the list. ;-)
oh lets dont forget sex durning the holidays!
Don't laugh, but I learned how to masturbate from reading COSMO when I was 13!!
Still think it's money for nothing? Not me, baby! (although I don't think I've read it again since I was a kid!)
HEY come on over and read my very special Yankee post today... you'll love it.
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