The 2008 Presidential Election is fast approaching. I am not enthusiastic about any candidate that is on the horizon for either party. Honestly, it is going to be more of the same shit from both parties. By November of 2008, I will be 35 and eligible to run for President. I am declaring today that I, C-Mac, am a candidate in 2008. Here are some of the things I will do if elected:
* Shorten the work week from Monday-Friday to Monday-Thursday for all.
* Remove all handblowers from public restrooms.
* Gay marriage will be legal for all HOT lesbian couples between the ages of 18-30.
* "Born To Run" will replace "The Star Spangled Banner" as our National Anthem.
* Opening day of Major League Baseball will be a Federal holiday.
* Don Mattingly will replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 bill.
* Bruce Springsteen will replace Grant on the $50 bill.
* Cmacapalooza will be held yearly on the White House lawn.
* A life in prison sentence will be issued to anyone caught watching "Dancing With the Stars."
* A "Best Porn" category will be added to the Academy Awards.
* Men in speedos will be banned from all beaches in the U.S. both public and private.
* A Presidential pardon will be granted for anyone serving time in prison for ripping the tag off their mattress.
* National Masturbation Day will be celebrated and honored each year across America.
* Unlock the vault where the cure for cancer papers, the JFK assassination truth documents, the engine that runs on water rather than oil blueprints, and the ballots from the 2000 election are.
* Stop wasting money on NASA and space exploration. We've seen too many $100 billion robotic Mars landers crash and burn, too many Space Shuttles explode, etc. Let's use the money to fix the shitty infrastructure we have here on earth first. Let's master traveling around here first!
Those are just a few things I will do. I don't have my cabinet or my running mate picked out yet. I do know that Sugar V will be my White House Press Secretary though. He has an answer for everything!
Have a great start to the week everyone!
13 comments:
Too much Springsteen!!
I like your idea of shortening the work-week. The guy in my office who is in charge of the overseas operations told us last week that they START with 6 weeks vacation over in Europe. That's their STARTING point! I'm down to about three vacation days left and I'm not even half way through the year!! I've worked at my company over five years, which gets me UP to 3 weeks of vacation time. (You caught the the fact that that is HALF what I'd have started with on DAY ONE with a company in Europe, didn't you??)
You're other ideas are awesome. I think you should run personally. Allow me to nominate you!
CHARLIE FOR PRESIDENT!!!
Anyone care to second that nomination?
I second the nomination, but only if I get to hang out in the oval in a blue suit.
I want to be your Marilyn Monroe.
I agree with everything except the NASA bit. Thats our future and who ever gets there first is gonna be the world leader for a long time to come. Money for roads??? It will go where all the other money goes....a 5 million dollar toliet seat for a respected sentor or ceo of a friend of a friend.
Good Idea for Nat'l Masterbation day, but can that also be a day off work? I don't want to be catching people in the act all day that I work with! Euw!
life in prison! thanks a lot. you just won't stop messing with me. lol.
Oooh, can I be your intern? ;)
You are too funny. You got my vote!
How about James Gandolfini for your running mate?
Ok, did I miss something with the handblowers?
I like them except, I like to have the option to have both a paper towel and the blower... What kills me is when there are handblowers so that you don't have to touch anything, but you have to wrap your hand around the germ covered door handle in order to get out of the bathroom! Sorry... I'm a little sleepy after the painfully long weekend...
I'd vote for you though--even though I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove George Bush... HA!
I think your platform is Marvelous!!
No more space travel. LOL!! DAmn. I'd never thought of it like that before. Very good point.
Porn films do have their own awards. They just don't televise it.
I am hooked on this blog. I always wonder what you are going to say next. You are soooo funny Charlie. Hmmmm, what role could I play in your administration?
Can I have free passes to CMACAPALOOZA???? Thanks for making me laugh today, I really needed it!!!!
LMAO! "Dancing with the Stars"... Howard Stern watches that crap! Should we jail him?
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