What REALLY Happens on Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is the biggest bullshit holiday of the calendar year. It is not a genuine holiday by any means. People are "nice" and do for others because they feel they "have to" rather than because they want to.

Ladies, would you rather get a nice card, flowers, candy, or anything else on a random day throughout the year, or on a day that Hallmark tells us we have to give it to you? A day that "everyone" is doing it kind of takes the real thought out of it, huh? Love should be celebrated all year round, not on a commercialized day in February and not by bringing home $100 roses, shitty candy, and by "going through the motions." Love should be celebrated by daily actions, words, thoughts by two people GENUINELY in love.

Anyway, that's my Valentine's Day rant. Now let's talk about what REALLY happens on Valentine's Day!


Cupid is a fucko........ 

Forget the Hallmark commercials, here is what REALLY happens on February 14th:

*The battered, black and blued girlfriend will be treated to a hearty meal at the local Sizzler by her loving and caring boyfriend. If dinner goes well and she orders from the kids menu like he told her before entering the restaurant, she'll only get smacked 6 times when they get home rather than the usual 12+.

*The cheating husband who bangs his secretary each night throughout the year, will actually go home "early" that night to spend a romantic evening with his wonderful wife. Awwwww...Valentine's Day just brings out the best in all of us doesn't it?

*The girlfriend who whines and bitches every day of the year, will have her one day (MAYBE) of actually shutting the fuck up and being satisfied.

*The 400lb wife will be 420lbs by February 15th from the man-hole cover sized chocolate heart she will inhale as soon as she gets it. Her ass will go from 3 axe handles wide to a solid 5 axe handles wide.

*The trailer park dude wearing the spaghetti stained wife beater will only ask his "bitch" to get him 4 beers that night, rather than the 8 he usually makes her get him. A well deserved rest for her.

*The desperate housewife will only bang the mailman and the telephone repair man that morning so she can rest up for a nice Valentine's evening with her husband. The milkman, the electrician, the plumber, and the newspaper boy will have to wait until the 15th.

*The LIFETIME (Television for whiney bitches) Network's ratings will soar on Tuesday. Every man hater who is home all pissed off about being single will have the male bashing channel on and will be hating men even more. Lifetime's movie marathon will put the Superbowl's ratings to shame.

*Prostitutes will be working overtime. Every horny/lonely male loser will get his yearly lay on Valentine's Night. Hunt's Point in the Bronx will be a real romantic place come Tuesday Night.

*The Hallmark corporation will be laughing all the way to the bank as we all head out and buy $6 greeting cards with cheesy sayings. Perhaps if Hallmark sold shit like this, I'd buy:


Nothin' says you love her ghetto booty more than this little mofo..... 

OR:


True Love Indeed 

Don't forget, Valentine's Day is just 5 days away, SUCKERS!

Have a great Thursday!