Let's Spice Up The Olympics

I admire the athletes who train for years, many of them for a majority of their lives, for the Olympic Games. They are some of the most dedicated athletes in the world and they should be admired for their focus and determination. I do, however, have a problem with the winter olympics in general, they are boring. People have lost interest.


Let's Make These Games A Bit More Interesting 

I thought I would list a few winter olympic events and come up with some ways in which we could make the games a bit more interesting for the spectators and the people at home watching on TV.

The LUGE:


ZZZZZZZZZZZ.......BORING! 

Let's be real, this is a fucker laying on a sled and sliding down a track. Not really exciting, huh? I see many 6-year olds doing this on a snow day. I think we could easily correct this problem by installing "trap doors" on the track that just open up randomly. If a luge rider happens to hit one of these, he will fall in the hole and vanish. Race over for him, no medal, no nothing. Just some broken bones and a broken sled. The ratings would skyrocket!!!!

Speed Skating:


Skating in circles........booooooooring! 

Let's face it, this is no contact roller derby. Skaters just skating in circles, very fast. Wake me up for the next event, ok? This sport is easy to fix. Full contact. Knock the other skater on his ass. Kick him while he's down. Currently, they put bales of hay around the perimeter of the rink to "break the fall" of a speed skater. I say let's go with razor wire. Again, ratings will soar and people will one again be olympic crazy.

Curling:


Shuffleboard for younger folks...... 

If I want to watch shuffleboard, I'll head to the local nursing home. This game needs BIG changes. I say push this 42lb granite stone with a kitchen broom and let wild and angry animals out on the ice while you are trying to aim for the target. A bullseye indeed, but minus a limb. That's a sport.

Ice dancing needs to be changed too. I say nude couples ice dancing, lesbian couples. Talk about ratings......

Snowboarding is now an olympic sport. This should stay an X game sport or a Mountain Dew commercial sport.

Bobsledding. Let's make it a rule that the sleds themselves be made of aluminum beer and soda cans.....one bad turn, that shit falls apart......fun!

Skiing. It's a great Olympic sport, but I say add speeding snowmobiles to the course, zipping by the skiers, cutting them off, causing chaos and confusion. A few casualties would spice things up.

Olympic ratings and the interest in the Olympics continues to fall with each passing Olympiad. Spice things up a bit, and the fans will return. What's next, Ice Fishing? Also, don't drag this shit out for 14 days, cut it down to a long 3-day weekend. President's Day weekend would be perfect. What Olympic event would you change?

Happy "hump" Day!!!