New Years Resolutions

This is the week that many people scramble around to come up with new years resolutions so that come New Year's Day, they are all prepared to turn their lives around. Yeah right. This week you'll hear every fat fuck say they are going to drop 50lbs in 2006, every 2 pack a day smoker claiming they will quit, every drunk saying this is his last drink, every molester saying this is the last kid he'll touch, every smelly fuck saying he'll buy some deodorant and shower, every unhappy spouce saying they are leaving their husband or wife, every dad who hits the titty bar after work 5 days a week, claiming he's going to spend more time with his family, Lindsay Lohan saying she'll actually come out with a good movie or song, Sugar V claiming he is having his last sausage on new Year's Eve....the list goes on and on. I think resolutions are bullshit for the most part.

If you are that unhappy about something in your life, don't wait until January 1st to change it. Do it today. If you are dating a douche bag, dump him/her today, don't wait for the New Year. If your lungs look like a fuckin' coal miners from the 300 packs you smoked this year, quit tonight, don't wait for January 1st. If your liver looks like Mickey Mantle's, put the drink down and start today. If you are out of breath from climbing 2 steps, drop the doughnut, and pick up a dumbell, TONIGHT. These New Year's resolutions year after year get boring to listen to. Don't talk about them, just do them. It takes more energy to tell everyone what you are going to do than to just do it. Start today. Although there are SOME New Years resolutions some of us may want to make:


Start placing the nozzle back on the pump before leaving the gas station. 


Start checking your ass for toilet paper before leaving the restroom. 


Start obeying the posted speed limit. 


Start wearing clean underwear in case a game of half naked Twister breaks out. 


Keep a safe distance between yourself and the local cops. 


And finally, stop parking in front of those hydrants, eventually there will be a fire nearby. 

Have a terrific Wednesday everyone!