C-Mac's Weekend Roundup

I don't usually get too much into detail about what I do on weekends and stuff, but I figured I'd mix it up a bit this Monday.

First things first, CONGRATULATIONS to the NY Yankees for winning the AL Eastern division for the EIGHTH year in a row. It was a tough climb, but you guys did it. There were many times throughout the year when I thought the Yankees were finished, but they proved me and many others wrong. It's off to California now to take on the Angels in round 1 of the playoffs. Good Luck Yankees!!!!!


AL East Champs Again!!!!!! 

Each year my hometown of Long Beach, NY has "Irish Day" on the first Saturday of October. This year was no exception. Irish Day starts off with a parade at noon and continues all day and night with a street fair which includes tons of food, truckloads of alcohol, games, and other fun activities. I went to the West End of town and took part in the festivities for a bit on Saturday. As usual it was a blast! One of the many reasons I love Long Beach so very much. In addition, I hit some garage sales in town and actually picked up a pretty nice bike which I will use for the boardwalk on days that I don't feel like running.


Fifteen Blocks of Bedlum 

Some of you that chat with me off the blog know my parents are staying at my home for the next few weeks. They are kinda "in between" houses right now and are waiting for their new place to be ready. They came last Wednesday and are staying until early November. It's kind of strange in a way, being that I haven't lived with my parents since I was 20. It's good to have them stay since I would only see them once a month or so. I am sure I'll look back on this month years from now and be thankful for the time we got to spend together. Bruce is loving the company all day when I am at work. He no longer has to spend my work day alone being my parents are with him all day. He is being spoiled even more than he already was. He loves my parents and gets even more attention now. Speaking of Bruce, many of you have mentioned that I haven't posted a pic of him in a while, so here we go, a pic of Bruce lounging on the couch on Sunday afternoon.


Bruce resting on Sunday afternoon 

Other than that, I joined a fall baseball league a couple of weeks ago. It's been fun, but painful. Painful you ask? Well the first week, I was playing my normal position of 1st base and a ball was hit to our 3rd baseman. He made a bad throw to me at first which took a nasty hop off a rock and hit me in my right eye. I had a black eye for about 2 weeks. It gets better. Last week we played a game in 30MPH winds with monsoon rains. I had just hit a single and was on first base. The next batter hits a ground ball to shortstop, he throws to second to force me out and was set to throw to first to complete a double play. I went in hard on the 2nd baseman to break up the play (which I did) but during the collision with the much bigger/fatter 2nd baseman, I pulled a ribcage muscle and bruised my ribs. So basically I have been wearing a wrap/brace around my body for a week and I am in pain 24/7. Needless to say I can't play tonight. I haven't even been able to do my normal running which is killing me. With my parents around and their food influence, I feel like I am gaining weight by the minute. Something has to give here!!!!!!!

So, that's my deal right now. Thought I'd share a little "personal" stuff for a change.

I HEAR Dead People.....

If you stumble across a "new" song from anyone dead, it sucks.


The songs keep on coming........ 

If Tupac, Elvis, or even Kurt Cobain thought they had a hit, they would have released it back when it could have helped them get laid or even blown. These "new" songs from dead people must stop!!!

Friday Hodgepodge

Well, we made it through another week, another month, and another quarter. October is upon us tomorrow! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! As usual, here are my random Friday thoughts known as C-Mac's Friday Hodgepodge......

I wish President Bush, and the entire Government for that matter, would stop claiming that they have "an agenda". It's not an agenda, it's a random collection of laws that corporations paid you to pass. The American people aren't demanding for a cap on medical malpractice awards. If a surgeon leaves an Altoids box in my chest cavity, I want to see him in debtor's prison.


Take Out the Altoids Box for $5 Million 

To dudes in men's rooms, stop talking to me when I am peeing. We're not sharing a moment, we're just sharing adjacent urinals. Just stare straight ahead in awkward silence like you are supposed to. Same goes for when we are in an elevator, and especially when I am peeing in an elevator.

And finally, to close out the week, please don't make your answering machine message more than a few seconds long. Just say "Leave your name and number," and that's it!!!! Spare me the instructions to "wait for the beep", the 45 second recital from your 4 year old, and the background music. Keep it simple and have mercy on all of us.

Have an amazing weekend everyone, and LET'S GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Homicidal Nicknames

I think it's time we stop nicknaming killers. Son of Sam, The Zodiac Killer, The Unibomber, etc. The one that cracks me up the most is the BTK killer. BTK for "bind, torture, and kill".


No Nickname Required 

I think these nicknames like BTK encourage copycats. Like someone may want to be the BLT killer....he'll kill you and leave a sandwich behind, or the KFC killer who kills you, cuts you to pieces and puts you in a bucket, or maybe the ADD killer who starts killing you but then gets distracted and loses interest, or perhaps the RSVP killer who plans to kill you, but then calls or writes saying he can't make it. These initial killers are just plain stupid. Media and Police, please stop!

VENTI Asshole

I am not much of a coffee drinker. Occasionally, I will have a cup after a nice meal at a nice restaurant or occasionally hit a Starbucks for a cup of something different. There is something I have noticed each time I have gone to a Starbucks....the more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole.



Keep It Simple Fucko!!!!! 

If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "Decaf grande half-soy half-low fat iced vanilla double-shot gingerbread cappucino extra dry, light ice with one Sweet'N Low and one Nutrasweet", you are a huge asshole. If you are this much of a control freak about a cup of coffee, you must be really unbearable when it comes to something really important, like a doughnut. It's always the douche nozzle on the cell phone, with the loud fuckin' voice that orders these long ass coffee orders too. The fuckin' preamble to the Constitution was shorter than their coffee order. Enough is enough. Order a cup of fuckin' coffee and keep it moving!

HOLY COW!!!!!!

One of my predictions (see post below) came true!!!! Peru had a 7.5 magnitude earthquake. Now there is one stipulation, it happened late Sunday Night, but I SWEAR I did not hear about it until just 5 minutes ago.....so, do I get credit for the prediction?

Tell Us Tuesday

Tuesdays are pretty boring, right? Not anymore. Welcome to "Tell Us Tuesday" a new installment here at "The Beach". Each Tuesday, the SWAMI, seen below, will make 5 BOLD predictions about things that will happen in the next 7 days, until the next "Tell Us Tuesday". As part of your comments, I'd like all of you to go out on a limb and make a bold prediction or two. Like, who will win a sports game, what world event will take place, what famous person will die, let's get started with "TELL US TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!"


The Swami Says............... 

SWAMI SAYS:

Prediction #1- The New York Yankees WILL make the playoffs by winning the AL East and knocking the defending World Champion Red Sox out of the playoffs.

Prediction #2- C-Mac WILL be offered a job at a company he is interviewing with later today.

Prediction #3- Another Tropical Storm will form in the Atlantic this week, eventually hitting the Virginia/Maryland/Delaware region late next week.

Prediction #4- There will be a significant earthquake in Peru.

Prediction #5- C-Mac will hear from someone (a female) that he has not heard from in a long while sometime before Sunday.

Let's hear your BOLD prediction(s) for the upcoming week!

Monday Morning Mix

Another week is upon us. I hope everyone had a terrific weekend. A mix of thoughts for this Monday Morning.......

Companies have to stop fucking with old people. Have any of you seen the new pill bottle introduced by Target a few months back?


A Deathtrap for any Grandparent 

Old people can't even figure out how to open a simple, standard pill bottle, so Target decides to make it square, with a bigger label, with the top now becoming the bottom. By the time sweet ol' grandpa figures this out, he'll be in the morgue. I do have to congratulate Target for solving the Social Security crisis though. This should get quite a few folks off the Social Security payroll.

I know it's Monday and we are all tired...but what's with the people who say "Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee"? I'll make a deal with those people, I won't talk to you before your coffee if you won't talk to me after you've had your coffee. Also "non-morning people" must keep the fact that they are "not morning people" to themselves. By the time you stop and explain to everyone that you are not a morning person, it's too late, you've already annoyed us. We get it, you were up and ready to go at the crack of dawn today.....just like my dick.

Recently we have seen hurricanes devastate many areas of the country. Some people refuse to evacuate no matter what authorities tell them. I think it may have something to do with the hurricane names. Perhaps the names should be scarier to people. Hurricanes used to be named only after women, then it was considered sexist, so now they pick wimpy names like Phillipe......which is the least effective approach. How fast would the Carolinas evacuate if Hurricane "Ludacris" was headed their way?

Have a great start to the week everyone!!!

Friday Hodgepodge

It's Friday once again. I hope everyone has a great weekend! I also hope our Texas and Lousiana friends are spared major calamity from Hurricane Rita. Just a few thoughts for today:

I wish those Classmates.com pop-up ads would stop. There's a reason you don't talk to people after high school, it's because you hate them. Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is up to these days, he's mowing my lawn.

What's up with the supermarket these days? I am not the fuckin' cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN, pressing enter, verifying the amount, deciding whether or not I want cash back, and hitting enter again, the person who is supposed to be ringing me up is eating my kit-kat and reading my magazine. Paper.....Plastic? I don't have time to decide, I've just been called to aisle 5 for a cleanup!



"Everybody Loves Lance" 

A few weeks after winning the Tour De France, Lance Armstrong has been on the talk show curcuit. So many people claim to be Lance fans and "fans" of cycling. Cheering for Lance Armstrong does not make you an international cycling "aficionando". Unless you can name one other rider in the Tour De France in the last 100 years, you are not a fan. You are just someone who likes when America beats foreigners.......


Loved purely for her tennis skills......Maria Sharapova 


.....you are also not a tennis expert/enthusiast if you like watching Russian teenagers bounce all over the court......you are a perv.

And finally, dead people can't give advice. Dear Abby has been dead for years, yet the "Dear Abby" column continues. If I want to hear what a corpse thinks, I'll listen to a Dick Cheney speech.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Color "Schemes"

Have any of you seen the new food pyramid that the USDA recently put out? This thing is impossible to understand!


What the Fuck? 

The USDA should create a pyramid designed by someone's brain that hasn't been ravaged by malnutrition. The "old" pyramid let you know what foods to eat, this one is just color codes. Looking at this, I can't tell if I am supposed to have more broccoli in my diet or if the CIA picked up terrorist chatter in Iran and raised the warning level.

Speaking of "the terror alert" chart....we haven't seen much of that recently, have we? I think this was just a campaign tool, for Bush to instill fear in everyone. The last time we had a terror alert was anytime John Kerry tried to speak. The terror alerts suddenly stopped after the election, immediately after the rednecks voted for Bush because they were scared by these alerts. I think this is how the terror alert chart should really read:


How the "alert" should really read..... 

We all know the "real" alerts are just as bogus as these. At least these are amusing.

C-Mac's Helpful Hint

Helpful Hint:

If I ask you "How are you?" and I don't know you, the only proper response is the standard "Fine". I don't want or need to know your mother is ill, your cat is dying, or that your kid is on trial for date rape. I'm sorry you need a hug, but we are in an elevator, not a share your feelings retreat. Save your sentimental stories for people who know you.

The Pansies of Parenthood

Parents need to stop coddling their children. I recently saw a segment on the news that featured school districts that have stopped grading papers with red ink because of complaints that a big, red X is too negative. So now the kid shouldn't know he/she got that question wrong? This is absurd. Parents today are so fixated on protection, it's amazing they got pregnant in the first place.

There is a reality show called SUPERNANNY which places an old school, discipline wielding nanny into families that can't figure out why they are having nervous breakdowns. Families where the parents kindly ask the kids to stop throwing rocks at them. What's going on in America?

Moms and Dads remind me of the Democratic Party these days, lame, spineless, and not holding up their end of the bargain. The kids are like the Republicans, drunk with power and out of control. Not a good household mix.


No pills needed, just a kick in the ass..... 

There are actually parent coaching support services for parents who are clueless as to what to do when their 3 year old goes buck wild. Typical questions asked of these "coaches" are "What should we do when junior won't do his chores?" or "Should there be limits on how he spends his allowance?" or "Should I give junior dessert if he does not eat his dinner?"

Now some of you might be saying, "But Charlie, you don't have kids, how can you judge?" I say true, but I have one thing these parents don't, a brain. This is not science. What should you do when Junior won't do his chores you ask? How about using your size advantage, make him!

There's one thing we all know about kids, give them an inch.....you know, they take a foot. Like Michael Jackson, parents these days act like they are on a date with their children, trying to impress them, trying to buy their love, never contradicting them or giving them the BIG RED X when they are wrong.

So no, I don't have kids, and you know what? I don't plan on having any until people start making some I'd want my kids to play with. Until then, I'll just be glad I bought that Ritalyn stock a few years back.

Can You Hear Me Now??????

Whether we love them or hate them, cell phones aren't going anywhere. They are convenient, but like with anything, you have assholes that make them an annoyance rather than a positive technology.

No more cell phones in movie theaters!!!!!! You are not a cardiologist on call, you are a fuckin' moron whose babysitter is calling to ask you where the ketchup is. Being that you are an asshole, you talk, in great detail, to your babysitter at the top of your lungs in the theater about the ketchup. Simple solution, put your phone on vibrate then shove it in your ass.


Enough is Enough 

Do we need cell phones that play video games? I just need mine to make a phone call. Why is it that these phone video game assholes can make it to level 4 of Tomb Raider with no problem but to have a basic conversation they need to climb a hilltop and wrap their balls in tinfoil? Me, I need the basics, something that rings at inappropriate moments, interferes with airplane safety, and one that gives me a brain tumor. I don't ask a lot.

I recently saw an article that claimed 15% of Americans have answered their cell phone during sex. This is not only rude, but it's dangerous because it interferes with your driving. (haha) When a woman is screaming "I'm cumming" the last thing she wants to hear you say is, "You're breaking up, I can't hear you".

When you call and get my voice mail, don't say "it's me"...there's only one me in my life....me. Frankly, if we were that close, I would have given you the number of a phone that I actually answer.

"Bare" Necessities?

How do you issue hurricane victims $2000.00 disaster relief debit cards without restricting what they can buy on it? After all it is OUR tax dollars and our donated money being used.

Reports from Houston claim that these cards are being used at strip clubs and are being used to buy luxury items such as Louis Vuitton handbags. This is a fuckin' outrage!


Another Government Fuck-Up 

The Red Cross and FEMA need to get their shit together. I can only imagine how much of our tax and donated monies are going to be wasted in the rebuilding of these areas. It's funny how America oversees all these other countries and what they do yet we can't get our house in order. Until the government gets their shit together, I am donating NO more money to help. My tax dollars are enough until the government appoints a Katrina relief CFO down south to account for every dollar that is being donated to ensure our money is not being wasted and that fraud is not being committed.

Base"bawl" Games

I wish Major League Baseball and America would stop wallowing already. Four years after 9/11/01, ballparks still insist on a GIANT seventh inning stretch with a somber rendition of "God Bless America" and moments of silence every game. Enough already, it's a fuckin' buzzkill. What happened to "Take me out to the ballgame" being sung during the seventh inning stretch and people being able to go to events like this to FORGET about the fucked up world for three hours or so? I don't need to be reminded of this shit every time I go out for a night of recreation at a baseball game.


Just fuckin' sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and be done with it! 

There's a thin line between loving America and fuckin' stalking it. I mean come on, we already sang the national anthem before the game started, that's not enough? When the seventh inning stretch comes let me honor America the right way, by getting drunk on $10 beers, by eating $8 hotdogs, and by yelling obscenities at millionaires on steroids. I don't want to be depressed or bawling at a fuckin' Yankee Game. If I want to be depressed, I'll head to Shea and watch the Mets play....either that or I'll watch the news.

People go to sporting events, movies, shows, etc., to escape the realities everyday life throws at us, let's keep it that way.

"Home" Diva

Martha Stewart's house arrest recently came to an end. I often wondered why they made her wear that stupid ankle monitoring device. I mean really, where the fuck was she going to go? She had a convoy of news vans in her driveway, choppers flying over her home 24/7, and the paparazzi with telephoto lenses hanging from trees and street signs. I don't think she'd get too far.


C'mon, where is she gonna go????? 

Plus, what sense did it make exiling a "home" diva to her home? That would be like banishing Roseann Barr to a Dunkin' Donuts.

*500* A Milestone Here at the Beach

It was slightly over eight months ago and now exactly 500 posts ago that I started this little corner of the world known as "Bored at the Beach". Along the way I've had the pleasure of getting to know all of you and had a chance to express myself in a completely different forum. It's been an amazing experience.


A Milestone Here At "The Beach" 

Eight months isn't that long of a time, but so much can happen in our lives in such a short period of time. Since January 13th, the day of my first post, I've experienced so many things as I am sure all of you have. I've gone through the full range of emotions and feelings in this time and I feel as though I've grown and learned a great deal. Since my first post, I've welcomed new friends into my life and said goodbye to others. Through the bitter cold of winter, the rebirth of spring, and the oppresive heat of this past summer, I've shared my thoughts each day with all of you. I appreciate everyone's continued support of the site and everyone's continued participation. I know I've slowed a bit with visiting everyone's site daily like I used to, but things have been hectic here. I am going to do my best to start visiting all of you more consistently. In the inerim, I hope I can keep you all entertained and coming back each day.

I've touched on many topics ranging from daily observations, silly scenarios, politics, likes and dislikes, and a personal story here and there. I like to keep a nice blend of stories flowing on here and I'll continue to mix it up. Hopefully you will all keep coming around for my next 500 postings. Thanks to all of you for making this such a wonderful experience and for your participation.

The journey here at "The Beach" is just beginning....hang around and let's see where it takes us......

The Word "Friend"

Often, I am left wondering what the definition of friendship is. There seems to me, to be a very fine line between being a friend and being used. I suppose that the definition depends on who you ask.

To be a friend.

My definition: To have similar interests, to be different enough that there is an opportunity to learn something new, to share experiences, to support, to accept unconditionally, to listen, to have your actions speak louder than your words, to know how to admit you are wrong and to know how to say you are sorry and mean it, to not feel any sort of unhealthy competition between each other. Friendship is a partial sharing of minds. The extent of that sharing depends on the depth to which the friendship goes. Each of a pair of friends paints a mental picture of the other in his or her mind. This picture has both intellectual and emotional elements. The process of building and maintaining this picture requires an openness of communication coupled with an honest inner exposure - of him or herself.

Because friends care about each other, one should never attempt to force, coerce or control the other to change for the better. One friend should only inform the other of the way he or she feels. The care or concern will motivate the informed friend to change him or herself for the better. Because friends care for each other, they should never use each other as a means to an end - as a human resource to be used and abused for self gain.

What I've experienced (in everyday life) - very little of the above with most people.

I realized a long time ago that most people I know in my everyday life are not, and never have been friends. They are users. Sure, I have friendships, many that have lasted for years and many that are relatively new and I cherish those because so many people really don't know what friendship is.

It's not often that I can have a real conversation with someone. I have listened to people bitch and moan, request, preach, inflate and flat out lie. When they're done and they feel better, they disappear until the next time. Those aren't friends. Those are people who make you the flavor of the month, they come to you on a whim when they are in need and then vanish until they need their next ego boost or crisis solved.

I do not seek attention. I do not brag. I know that I'm not "better than" anyone, nor have I ever claimed to be. I have no desire to compete. I am not an expert, self proclaimed or otherwise, on anything. I have no expectations of any person as it almost always leads to disappointment, I don't set myself up. I am content with what I do, the way I do it, what I think, how I feel and what I have. I am just as comfortable standing in the shadows as I am under the spotlight, but just as comfortable stepping forward when I am asked to. When something good happens for someone, I am among the first to congratulate and be truly happy for them. When someone needs assistance, I offer.

Not many people in my everyday life knows any of that about me. All they would have to do is take a breath, and listen and they would see it.

Costco/BJ's/Sam's Club/Price Clubs

I'm sure we have all been to a "Price Club" at some point in our lives. You know the place, it's the place where you need three people to push your cart that weighs about 900lbs.

I go about three times a year to stock up on essentials such as paper towels, toilet paper, laundry detergent, garbage bags, and products of that nature. My average spend is about $500.00 per visit.


A Shopper's Paradise 

There's something about these price clubs that make us lose our concept of logic and our sensibility. We find ourselves rationalizing the need for 10lbs of peanuts, a 5 gallon drum of cranberry juice, or a can of tuna fit for a full cafeteria of school children. I try not to go to these places on an empty stomach because I end up thinking just about everything I come across is a great deal. Here are some of the wacky things I've purchased at the price club that I had to seriously question myself about upon my return home:

*A 7lb. bag of Craisins. For those of you who don't know what Craisins are, they are dried cranberries that look similar to raisins. I felt the need to buy these on a trip to Costco about a year ago. The first handful or two were tasty and satisfying. As I got through the first two pounds I began to force feed myself these Craisins. By pound three, I wanted no part of these Craisins yet I felt bad about wasting them. These Craisins started showing up in everything we made. Muffins, pancakes, cereal, waffles, you name it. I could swear someone stuffed my chicken Parmesan with them just to get rid of them. I run from anything that resembles a Craisin. I've had nightmares of huge Craisins chasing me. Steer clear of the Craisins everyone, especially in a bag over one pound.

*A 6lb. bag of pretzels. In my mind, I pictured people over my house watching football eating pounds of pretzels. I failed to remember that when I have people over I cook enough to feed an army and snacks is the last thing anyone looks for. Needless to say, the 6lb. bag of pretzels I bought about a month ago still has 5.5lbs. in it and they expire in November. Looks like I'll be bringing these to work for people to enjoy.

*A 6lb tub of peanuts. These made their way to my office at work after sitting in my house for a month and me realizing that NOBODY was going to eat these at home. A peanut every once in a while is nice, but 6lbs.? I don't think so.

*A 4lb tub of Jelly Belly jelly beans. I like these, but after about two weeks they lose their novelty. These too are in my office and I am proud to say, they are almost gone now! Thanks to all those who ate them!

These are just a few of the items I bought at Costco for no real reason at all. They say movie theaters used to have subliminal messages during the movie to make people buy snacks and drinks. Costco definitely has to be doing something along these lines.

What's the most unnecessary item you have ever purchased at a price club?

Hurricane Katrina Tidbits

So, the head of FEMA was fired, I suppose the Bush administration needed a scapegoat. I guess Bush felt threatened by Michael Brown because his freezing like a deer in the headlights during this crisis made him look real presidential.

Mexico was one of many countries to help us out. The Mexican Army sent a convoy of food and water to the Gulf Coast region earlier in the week. You know things are really fucked up when Mexico is sending you drinking water.


"It's All Clinton's Fault" 

Britney Spears, a Lousiana native, said she felt so bad about the hurricane and its devastation. She went on to say that any man who is now homeless and has no job, she's be more than glad to marry. Oh wait, she already has one of those.

During this whole mess, Chief Justice Rehnquist passed away. Bush stopped his tour to pay tribute to the man that GAVE him his FIRST REAL JOB, that would be President of the United States in 2000.

How about the greeting cards some of the politicians and corporations sent along to the victims this week:

Barbara Bush's read:
"Heard you were a little under the poverty level"
the inside of the card said "Get Welfare Soon!"

Former FEMA director Mike Brown's card read:
"I heard there was some kind of hurricane or something"
the inside of the card said "Sorry I missed your evacuation!"

Another Card read:
"Thinking of you in our time of greed"
the inside of the card said "HALLIBURTON"

Then Karl Rove sent a card that simply said
"I have a problem with leaks too"

Bush is going to try to save face and bore us Thursday Night during the new Primetime Television Season. Face it Bush, you fucked up! It just amazes me that this country spent 2 years and millions of dollars investigating a blowjob and everyone paid such close attention to it all, yet the economy blows, Bin Laden is still on the loose, you need a 2nd mortgage to fill your gas tank, we were lied to about a war that has resulted in almost 2,000 American deaths, a company formerly run by the VP is getting billions of dollars in no-bid contracts, throw in a botched hurricane rescue.....and nobody seems to give a shit. If there's ever been a time where impeachment is warranted...it's now!