So, the night before my birthday bash I am going to see John Mellencamp at Jones Beach! I actually saw him a few times over the years and he's pretty good! John Fogerty is opening up for him who is also kick-ass.
I love concerts at Jones Beach Amphitheatre. It is one of the best places to see a show. Just you, your friends, the music, and the ocean...it's really great. The tailgating is great there too. We'll probably go about 3pm or 4pm for the 7pm show. I'll bring the bbq, the booze, the frisbee, and the cd's....should be a good primer coat for my stomach before my party the next night.
To me, there's nothing like seeing a band or artist live. I've seen well over 100 concerts in my life. Here are my top 5:
July 24, 2003 Bruce Springsteen-Giants Stadium, NJ. Bruce is great all the time, but this show was AMAZING! He played from 8pm-12:10am. I was absolutely blown away. Not to mention the tailgate from 12 noon until showtime!
August 2, 2002 Bruce Springsteen-Madison Square Garden, NYC. This was a moving night. The kickoff to the Rising tour. Bruce sang most of his songs off "The Rising" album which spoke a great deal about the recent events of 9/11/01, it was a great night.
July 3, 1999 Tom Petty-Jones Beach, LI, NY. Amazing show!!!! Tailgate was great, weather was amazing. Tom kicked ass that night. Fireworks on the beach after...
Sometime in 1987, Motley Crue with Whitesnake as opening act, MSG, NYC. A KICK ASS SHOW! Whitesnake rocked for about an hour and a half, then Crue just kicked ass!!!
Sometime in 1987, Def Leppard-Nassau Coliseum, LI, NY. This was the kickoff of the Hysteria tour, what a show. I had general admission tickets and got there about 12 hours before the show. My friends and I landed front row! We could not hear for about a week, but it was worth it.
I've seen so many great shows, but I'll limit it to those 5. Let's hear some of your top shows......
Thursday, June 09, 2005
C-Mac's Blog
I've been blogging for almost 6 months now and I've enjoyed it very much. This blog is kind of my break from reality. I don't really get too personal on here. I don't elaborate on my love life, my sex life, my finances, or anything too personal. I like to keep things light and fun. Occasionally I will touch on a serious topic if it's something that is on my mind or if it's something that is happening to a friend. Is that a bad thing? Is it bad that I don't reveal too much about myself? I've been recently asked by two people (of course, females) why I never mentioned them, dedicated a blog to them, etc. It made me really question whether or not I am mean for not mentioning people in my life that are important to me. Shouldn't I be able to write what I want without feeling obligated to mention friends, girls I date, co-workers, etc.? I mean this is MY outlet to discuss what I want and I choose to keep it with the current "format." Perhaps, someday my writing style and topics will change. For now, this makes me happiest. What do my readers think?
Scenario: Best Friend in a Movie
Ok, I have a scenario for all the wonderful folks that stop by each day and put up with my nonsense. What would you do in this situation? (And yes Kate, it has to do with PORN!)
You are over your best friend's house waiting for him/her to come home. They told you earlier the key was under the mat and to let yourself in the house because you would be getting there before him/her. You relax on the couch and turn on the TV. Nothing happens to be on TV and you are bored. You notice the DVD/VCR is on and there is a DVD/VHS tape in there, so you hit play on the remote. To your surprise, there is your best friend and their boyfriend/girlfriend having sex on the DVD/tape. Apparently they made their own home porn movie. Question is, do you continue to watch, or do you immediately shut it off? Question number two is, do you tell your friend that you saw it????
As always, I look forward to your comments...you all crack me up daily.
You are over your best friend's house waiting for him/her to come home. They told you earlier the key was under the mat and to let yourself in the house because you would be getting there before him/her. You relax on the couch and turn on the TV. Nothing happens to be on TV and you are bored. You notice the DVD/VCR is on and there is a DVD/VHS tape in there, so you hit play on the remote. To your surprise, there is your best friend and their boyfriend/girlfriend having sex on the DVD/tape. Apparently they made their own home porn movie. Question is, do you continue to watch, or do you immediately shut it off? Question number two is, do you tell your friend that you saw it????
As always, I look forward to your comments...you all crack me up daily.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Sylvia Browne, Full of Shit
I happened to see "psychic" Sylvia Browne on a replay of Montell William's show while I was having dinner tonight. This lady is a complete fraud. The sad part is, she's not even a good liar. People were asking her about their relatives that have passed away and she was giving them these vague statements about bullshit. At least that John Edward dude is somewhat sincere and believable, this lady is just a total liar and she's not even good at faking it.
Full of Shit????
Sylivia Browne makes yearly predictions on shows and in her books. I did some research on her predictions from the last 5 years or so. Here is what I found:
John Kerry will win the election. (predicted on 2/19/04)
US troops will be home from Iraq by June or July of 2004. (predicted Feb. 2004)
Saddam Hussein will be found dead in 2003. (predicted January 2003)
Bill Bradley will win the 2000 Presidential Election (January 2000)
This woman charges $750 for a few minutes with her to supposedly communicate with a lost loved one or to make predictions about your life. Shit, I can make up stuff for $50 a session. My office at work would be perfect. I have people in there all day hanging out talking about their lives and shit going on at home. If I charged $50 a person I'd be on fuckin' easy street. Toss them a fuckin Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, make up some bullshit, collect my cash, and be on my way....not a bad operation huh?
What is your view on Sylvia Browne and these so called psychics?
Full of Shit????
Sylivia Browne makes yearly predictions on shows and in her books. I did some research on her predictions from the last 5 years or so. Here is what I found:
John Kerry will win the election. (predicted on 2/19/04)
US troops will be home from Iraq by June or July of 2004. (predicted Feb. 2004)
Saddam Hussein will be found dead in 2003. (predicted January 2003)
Bill Bradley will win the 2000 Presidential Election (January 2000)
This woman charges $750 for a few minutes with her to supposedly communicate with a lost loved one or to make predictions about your life. Shit, I can make up stuff for $50 a session. My office at work would be perfect. I have people in there all day hanging out talking about their lives and shit going on at home. If I charged $50 a person I'd be on fuckin' easy street. Toss them a fuckin Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, make up some bullshit, collect my cash, and be on my way....not a bad operation huh?
What is your view on Sylvia Browne and these so called psychics?
Ginsu Knives
I actually saw a commercial last night for Ginsu Knives. They are still making these? People must actually be buying them for this company to stay in business all these years. I remember the Ginsu Knife commercials when I was a kid.
Don't Mess With The Ginsu.....
I always got a kick out of the claims they made on these commercials. "It will cut a tree down and still cut a tomato like a hot knife through butter." Who's cutting wood with a steak knife? Then they demonstrate cutting through an aluminum can followed by how nicely it cuts this big ass loaf of white bread. Yeah, I always find the need to cut through aluminum cans, pipes, and sheet metal with my steak knives. Totally absurd, yet people seem to still be buying these!!!
What's the wackiest thing you ever bought from an infomercial? I honestly have never ordered anything from TV, although a few things have tempted me......
Don't Mess With The Ginsu.....
I always got a kick out of the claims they made on these commercials. "It will cut a tree down and still cut a tomato like a hot knife through butter." Who's cutting wood with a steak knife? Then they demonstrate cutting through an aluminum can followed by how nicely it cuts this big ass loaf of white bread. Yeah, I always find the need to cut through aluminum cans, pipes, and sheet metal with my steak knives. Totally absurd, yet people seem to still be buying these!!!
What's the wackiest thing you ever bought from an infomercial? I honestly have never ordered anything from TV, although a few things have tempted me......
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
My John Hancock
Just a quick post. I absolutely HATE when people ask you to sign something and say "Can I Have Your John Hancock?" John Hancock, how long ago was that, 230 years ago? Hasn't anyone signed anything important since? Why do people revert back to these old, played out expressions? Does it annoy you as well?????
They should make a porn called "Can I Have Your John HanCOCK."
They should make a porn called "Can I Have Your John HanCOCK."
Celebrity Ass-Whoopings
I saw in the news that Russell Crowe got arrested for assault. If he kicked my ass out at a bar or club I could deal with it. It would be socially acceptable. The question to the "Bored at the Beach" readers today is, what THREE celebrities would you be most humiliated by if they kicked your ass???? Here are mine:
Barry Manilow- If I got my ass kicked by a dude who sings "Oh Mandy" and "I Can't Smile Without You" then I surely would have to hide for many years because of my humiliation.
Kenny G- If Kenny G opened up a can of whoop ass on me with his horn, that would surely be humiliating. Then he'd write an instrumental about the ass kicking and I'd have to live with the pain for years to come.
Gary Coleman- If this little dude kicked my ass it would be all over. I can hear him sayin' "What U Talkin' 'Bout C-Mac" before putting the beating of the century down on me. How do you ever recover from a smack-down from Arnold Jackson?
Barry Manilow- If I got my ass kicked by a dude who sings "Oh Mandy" and "I Can't Smile Without You" then I surely would have to hide for many years because of my humiliation.
Kenny G- If Kenny G opened up a can of whoop ass on me with his horn, that would surely be humiliating. Then he'd write an instrumental about the ass kicking and I'd have to live with the pain for years to come.
Gary Coleman- If this little dude kicked my ass it would be all over. I can hear him sayin' "What U Talkin' 'Bout C-Mac" before putting the beating of the century down on me. How do you ever recover from a smack-down from Arnold Jackson?
Monday, June 06, 2005
Pushing Buttons.............
Have you noticed how impatient people are in society? Everyone wants to be first and everyone hates to wait. I admit, waiting in lines or in traffic can be frustrating and annoying but it is part of life.
Have you ever noticed that most people who press an elevator button to call the elevator to their floor press it about 10 times? Is the fuckin' elevator going to come 10 times faster because you pressed it 10 times?
Once Is Enough!!!!!
People also do it at street crossings. They press that button that supposedly turns their light green about a dozen times. First of all, those buttons have no effect whatsoever on the traffic light, it is all a scam. The traffic lights are on a timer and don't give a rat's ass if it's raining and that you want to cross the road.
People do this with doorbells too. On Saturday morning the mailman rang the bell here to deliver a certified letter. The fucker rang it about 8 times in a row and knocked on the door all in a 10 second span. Give me a fuckin' chance to react asshole! For spite, I took my time and let his ass bake out in the sun.
Have you ever been in a situation where you rang a doorbell, waited a reasonable amount of time and were hesitant to ring it again because you did not want to seem like a fuckin' douche nozzle? Like when your friend invites you over, you know they are home but they don't answer the door when you ring the bell. You start wondering if they heard the bell, if you should knock, or ring it again....it's a tough call because if they heard it the first time and were in the bathroom or on the way to get it and you ring again, you become one of the assholes I am talking about in this post.
People also do this with video game controllers. They think the harder they press the buttons, the harder they will hit the ball or the harder they pull on the joystick the faster the game/image will go. Sugar V loves pulling his joystick. Just thought I'd add that.
People who change TV channels too fast with a remote pisses me off. At least stop for 2 or 3 seconds to get a feel of what the hell is happening on the show! People do this with radios too....a song is ending and they change a station! At least wait to see what the next song is going to be so if it's good you can enjoy it from the start!
Don't push my buttons fuckers! hahaha
Have you ever noticed that most people who press an elevator button to call the elevator to their floor press it about 10 times? Is the fuckin' elevator going to come 10 times faster because you pressed it 10 times?
Once Is Enough!!!!!
People also do it at street crossings. They press that button that supposedly turns their light green about a dozen times. First of all, those buttons have no effect whatsoever on the traffic light, it is all a scam. The traffic lights are on a timer and don't give a rat's ass if it's raining and that you want to cross the road.
People do this with doorbells too. On Saturday morning the mailman rang the bell here to deliver a certified letter. The fucker rang it about 8 times in a row and knocked on the door all in a 10 second span. Give me a fuckin' chance to react asshole! For spite, I took my time and let his ass bake out in the sun.
Have you ever been in a situation where you rang a doorbell, waited a reasonable amount of time and were hesitant to ring it again because you did not want to seem like a fuckin' douche nozzle? Like when your friend invites you over, you know they are home but they don't answer the door when you ring the bell. You start wondering if they heard the bell, if you should knock, or ring it again....it's a tough call because if they heard it the first time and were in the bathroom or on the way to get it and you ring again, you become one of the assholes I am talking about in this post.
People also do this with video game controllers. They think the harder they press the buttons, the harder they will hit the ball or the harder they pull on the joystick the faster the game/image will go. Sugar V loves pulling his joystick. Just thought I'd add that.
People who change TV channels too fast with a remote pisses me off. At least stop for 2 or 3 seconds to get a feel of what the hell is happening on the show! People do this with radios too....a song is ending and they change a station! At least wait to see what the next song is going to be so if it's good you can enjoy it from the start!
Don't push my buttons fuckers! hahaha
Microwave Etiquette
Most people don't have public microwave etiquette. Most people don't even know what public microwave etiquette is. Okay, well maybe I just made up the term, but there are simple rules to follow when using a microwave at work:
1) Keep your exotic seafood dishes at home. Nothing sickens me more than the office smelling like the boat from "The Perfect Storm."
2) Put a lid on it! Don't splatter up the microwave with your hamburger helper or whatever that is on your plate, put something over it!
3) Watch the cook times. Burnt popcorn is not a pleasant aroma for anyone fucko!
4) Keep it limited to ONE microwave. Don't be occupying several microwaves for side dishes and other bullshit.
5) Don't torment us with small time intervals, if something takes 3 minutes to cook, punch in 3:00. Not :30 six times making us look like Pavlov's dog running to the microwave thinking it's free everytime the buzzer goes off.
If you can't follow these rules, go out for lunch fuckers...or bring cold cuts.
1) Keep your exotic seafood dishes at home. Nothing sickens me more than the office smelling like the boat from "The Perfect Storm."
2) Put a lid on it! Don't splatter up the microwave with your hamburger helper or whatever that is on your plate, put something over it!
3) Watch the cook times. Burnt popcorn is not a pleasant aroma for anyone fucko!
4) Keep it limited to ONE microwave. Don't be occupying several microwaves for side dishes and other bullshit.
5) Don't torment us with small time intervals, if something takes 3 minutes to cook, punch in 3:00. Not :30 six times making us look like Pavlov's dog running to the microwave thinking it's free everytime the buzzer goes off.
If you can't follow these rules, go out for lunch fuckers...or bring cold cuts.
Canned Fruit
I always wondered why people buy canned fruit. You know, the fruit soaking in that syrup. I just don't get it. If you walk the extra 20 feet, the fresh stuff is right there. I suppose if you are in the Army canned fruit is ok, or if you are stocking a bomb shelter with supplies. That's the downfall of bomb shelters, no fresh stuff. Your last meal on earth is probably going to be something out of a can, like Chef Boyardee Ravioli with a fruit cup for dessert. Not the way I'd like to spend my last minutes on earth....opeing a can, heating it on a hot plate, then sucking down a fruit cocktail before I drop dead.
The thing that always made me laugh about canned fruit is that it basically all tastes the same. The fruit cocktail with the grapes, peaches, pears, pineapples, and cherries all tastes the same. Only the texture of the fruit makes you know what the hell you are eating, otherwise that fruit all tastes the same from that heavy syrup it has been soaking in since 1997. Funny part is, my brother, sister, and I used to fight over the cherries when we were little. Why? Maybe because of the difference in color, who knows, but it tasted the same as the rest of the drenched shit in that can. Not to mention canned fruit has little or no nutritional value.
I say enjoy fresh fruit while you can! Unless bombs are falling, I am in a hurricane shelter, or I have no teeth left to chew...it's fresh all the way!
The thing that always made me laugh about canned fruit is that it basically all tastes the same. The fruit cocktail with the grapes, peaches, pears, pineapples, and cherries all tastes the same. Only the texture of the fruit makes you know what the hell you are eating, otherwise that fruit all tastes the same from that heavy syrup it has been soaking in since 1997. Funny part is, my brother, sister, and I used to fight over the cherries when we were little. Why? Maybe because of the difference in color, who knows, but it tasted the same as the rest of the drenched shit in that can. Not to mention canned fruit has little or no nutritional value.
I say enjoy fresh fruit while you can! Unless bombs are falling, I am in a hurricane shelter, or I have no teeth left to chew...it's fresh all the way!
Sunday, June 05, 2005
First Dog Day of Summer
All I can say is, WOW! What a weekend here in Long Beach! The weather was great all weekend, especially on Sunday. Temperatures in the mid-80's with bright sunshine.
On Saturday I did what I've been striving to do since winter. I ran a full 10 miles. My average runs are about 6.5 miles, occasionally I will push it to 8 miles. On Saturday I told myself that "today is the day" to push the envelope a bit. I must admit, the heat was tough. When I hit mile 9 I was struggling a bit, but I finished strong and was really happy I got back up to double digit mileage. I went back out today and did another 5 and I am feeling great! God, winter seems like a century ago already.
I got my doggie Bruce some "Frosty Paws" today. Frosty Paws is ice cream for dogs. It's actually not ice cream, it's like a frozen protein treat for dogs. It looks and smells like ice cream. I wonder what the hell it tastes like. Bruce did not complain. Here he is enjoying a cool treat on a hot afternoon.
Even Bruce Had To Cool Off....
Long Beach was so crowded today. Hundreds of people were getting off the trains from NYC to enjoy the day at the beach. I have not seen Long Beach this crowded in about five years. I think gas prices and the economy are keeping people local this year. Traffic is a bit of a pain, but I am glad people are coming here and enjoying everything this town has to offer.
I got quite a bit of color. Maybe a bit more than I should have, but the sun was addicting. I never wanted it to set today! This is what I wait all winter for, a day just like today. It's something i wish I could bottle up and save.
My birthday is slightly over a month away, which means another bash this year. I am starting to plan the party. It will be on July 9th, a Saturday, since my birthday is the Tuesday after. I don't make a big deal out of the birthday itself, I just like to have a party with the people I care about. The last three parties have been great and I hope this year's will be equally as fun.
Hope you all had an incredible weekend. I am off to hop in a vat of aloe! :)
On Saturday I did what I've been striving to do since winter. I ran a full 10 miles. My average runs are about 6.5 miles, occasionally I will push it to 8 miles. On Saturday I told myself that "today is the day" to push the envelope a bit. I must admit, the heat was tough. When I hit mile 9 I was struggling a bit, but I finished strong and was really happy I got back up to double digit mileage. I went back out today and did another 5 and I am feeling great! God, winter seems like a century ago already.
I got my doggie Bruce some "Frosty Paws" today. Frosty Paws is ice cream for dogs. It's actually not ice cream, it's like a frozen protein treat for dogs. It looks and smells like ice cream. I wonder what the hell it tastes like. Bruce did not complain. Here he is enjoying a cool treat on a hot afternoon.
Even Bruce Had To Cool Off....
Long Beach was so crowded today. Hundreds of people were getting off the trains from NYC to enjoy the day at the beach. I have not seen Long Beach this crowded in about five years. I think gas prices and the economy are keeping people local this year. Traffic is a bit of a pain, but I am glad people are coming here and enjoying everything this town has to offer.
I got quite a bit of color. Maybe a bit more than I should have, but the sun was addicting. I never wanted it to set today! This is what I wait all winter for, a day just like today. It's something i wish I could bottle up and save.
My birthday is slightly over a month away, which means another bash this year. I am starting to plan the party. It will be on July 9th, a Saturday, since my birthday is the Tuesday after. I don't make a big deal out of the birthday itself, I just like to have a party with the people I care about. The last three parties have been great and I hope this year's will be equally as fun.
Hope you all had an incredible weekend. I am off to hop in a vat of aloe! :)
Saturday, June 04, 2005
All Terrain Vehicle
Absurd, To Say The Least
Look at this lady. She's actually driving her rascal through a Dunkin' Donuts Drive Thru. Even "handicapped" people are becoming lazy. What the fuck is going on?
I wonder how many people that drive these motorized scooters are actually handicapped. I mean, it's not a wheelchair, anyone can buy one. I see people who don't look handicapped or disabled riding them around Target because Target provides them for free use in their stores, only theirs have a shopping cart attached to it.
I think you should have to provide a doctors note to buy one of these. It would piss me off if I knew people who did not need them were driving them around just because they were lazy.
I wonder if drivers of these scooters get road rage???? You know, the scooter in front of you is the cheaper model and can only go 3MPH when yours is the fancier model that goes 5MPH. I wonder if they have the same bad luck we do with our cars, you know what I am talking about, as soon as we wash it, it rains?
Would you be pissed if you were in a hurry and this lady was in front of you at the drive thru?????
Friday, June 03, 2005
Oblivious?
Only In NY..........
This picture was taken somewhere in NYC. Is it me or does it clearly look like a body is in that bag? This lady seems to be either clueless or carefree.
I have to admit, I am pretty oblivious in regard to my surroundings. When I drive all I really look at is the road and what's in front of me. I've lived in my town for 5 years and I still notice restaurants and shops for the first time that have been around for years. It's only when I am a passenger in a car that I really notice my surroundings. I think I'd notice a body on a sidewalk if I walked past it.
Bring Back The MULLET!
Dave Thomas Would Be Proud.....
C'mon, you know she's hot! Looks like a family tradition here, mullets for all! Do you know anyone who actually had a mullet? This does not apply for anyone living in a "Red" state because half your population still does have one......
I think Wendy's is sitting on a gold mine here. They could offer a breakfast sandwich that doubles the new BK Big Omelette sandwich and make this woman the spokesperson.
6 eggs
1/2lb bacon
6 sausage patties
1/2lb american cheese
all on a loaf of Italian bread
I wonder if these people ever find themselves accidentally on the internet.
This also may be a picture of the Sugar V and an ex-girlfriend taken a few years back. The resemblance is uncanny.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
SPEECHLESS
Scary Stuff!!!!
Did anyone see this show tonight? I am absolutely STUNNED! Hit Me Baby One More Time is a show where they have singers/bands from the 80's and 90's compete against each other and perform again. I FEEL FUCKIN' OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!! These bands have aged so much it is scary. I am completely speechless right now.
Loverboy kicked off the show. Mike Reno, who all the ladies loved in the 80's looks like a 300lb turtle. He has no voice anymore at all! I will never think of Loverboy the same way again.
Then C C Peniston took the stage. She had that big hit called "Finally" back in 1991. She gained a lot of weight too and sounded like shit.
Then A Flock of Seagulls took the stage. They are OLD and sounded like a drunken karaoke band, just horrible. It was painful watching and listening to them.
After the Flock came Arrested Development. They had those hits "Tennessee" and "Everyday People" back in 1993. They actually sounded pretty good and did not age all that much.
After Arrested Development came Tiffany. She was horrible back then and she sucked even more now!!!!!! I thought I'd never have to see this bitch ever again!!!!
I am pissed at NBC!!!! They ruined any good memory of 80's music I had! It was pitiful watching these poor bastards. NO MORE TV FOR ME UNTIL FALL!!!!!!!!
Ways To Tell It Is Summer in NY
Memorial Day is the unofficial kickoff to the summer season. Around the country, this is usually the BIG indicator that summer has begun. In NY, we have many other ways to identify that summer has begun.
C-Mac's NY summer indicators:
The stupid fuckers start construction on all the bridges to the beach.
The Mets are out of the playoff race.
Fat girls in thongs and belly shirts.
The ocean water goes from brown to black.
The price of a beach chair is an even $100.00
It only rains on weekends.
You have to take a number at a street vendor's hot dog stand.
Jet fans say "This is our year!!!!"
Long Island dips a foot below sea level because of all the city people on it.
The Long Island Railroad sees more hot asses in it than Motley Crue's dressing room.
C-Mac's NY summer indicators:
The stupid fuckers start construction on all the bridges to the beach.
The Mets are out of the playoff race.
Fat girls in thongs and belly shirts.
The ocean water goes from brown to black.
The price of a beach chair is an even $100.00
It only rains on weekends.
You have to take a number at a street vendor's hot dog stand.
Jet fans say "This is our year!!!!"
Long Island dips a foot below sea level because of all the city people on it.
The Long Island Railroad sees more hot asses in it than Motley Crue's dressing room.
Songs That Can Turn You Gay
Take a look at this article, it is too funny. It is from Weekly World News:
PSYCHOLOGISTS nationwide are reporting a disturbing trend among new, formerly heterosexual, patients -- they heard specific songs that apparently turned them gay.
And the more times they hear these songs, the gayer they become. The tunes mentioned most frequently as being responsible for such gay brainwashing include:
YMCA, In the Navy, or Macho Man -- The Village People
I'm Coming Out -- Diana Ross
Constant Craving -- k.d. lang
Outside -- George Michael
Over the Rainbow -- Judy Garland
I'm Too Sexy -- Right Said Fred
I Will Survive -- Gloria Gaynor
Saturday Night Fever -- and anything else by the Bee Gees
Dancing Queen -- Abba
It's Raining Men -- The Weather Girls
Supermodel -- RuPaul
Believe -- Cher
Love to Love You -- Donna Summer
Vogue -- Madonna
Relax -- Frankie Goes to Hollywood
I Will Always Love You -- Whitney Houston
That's the Way I Like It -- KC and the Sunshine Band
Wake Me Up Before You Go Go -- Wham
I'm So Excited -- Pointer Sisters
Psychologist Dr. Todd Snider, author of the upcoming book, Don't Let Music Turn You Gay, recommends that if any of these songs start playing, "Turn them off immediately, leave the room, and start listening to any music by Ted Nugent, Ozzy Osbourne, Van Halen or Frank Sinatra. If it's too late, check into the nearest hospital emergency room as soon as possible."
What other songs do you think can turn you gay? hahaha, this is too funny!
PSYCHOLOGISTS nationwide are reporting a disturbing trend among new, formerly heterosexual, patients -- they heard specific songs that apparently turned them gay.
And the more times they hear these songs, the gayer they become. The tunes mentioned most frequently as being responsible for such gay brainwashing include:
YMCA, In the Navy, or Macho Man -- The Village People
I'm Coming Out -- Diana Ross
Constant Craving -- k.d. lang
Outside -- George Michael
Over the Rainbow -- Judy Garland
I'm Too Sexy -- Right Said Fred
I Will Survive -- Gloria Gaynor
Saturday Night Fever -- and anything else by the Bee Gees
Dancing Queen -- Abba
It's Raining Men -- The Weather Girls
Supermodel -- RuPaul
Believe -- Cher
Love to Love You -- Donna Summer
Vogue -- Madonna
Relax -- Frankie Goes to Hollywood
I Will Always Love You -- Whitney Houston
That's the Way I Like It -- KC and the Sunshine Band
Wake Me Up Before You Go Go -- Wham
I'm So Excited -- Pointer Sisters
Psychologist Dr. Todd Snider, author of the upcoming book, Don't Let Music Turn You Gay, recommends that if any of these songs start playing, "Turn them off immediately, leave the room, and start listening to any music by Ted Nugent, Ozzy Osbourne, Van Halen or Frank Sinatra. If it's too late, check into the nearest hospital emergency room as soon as possible."
What other songs do you think can turn you gay? hahaha, this is too funny!
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Top 10 Craziest Co-Workers of All Time
In past posts I have discussed some of the craziest customers I have come across in my lifetime while working at various jobs. Today, I want to share stories and descriptions of the TOP 10 Craziest CO-WORKERS that I've had over the years:
#10- Chris A., Receiving Manager for a retail company I worked at in my early 20's. Chris seemed ok when I first met him. He was my receiving guy and was responsible for checking in all the deliveries that came into the store. We had a good amount of deliveries and we used to schedule them on an appointment basis. Every now and again, a driver would show up with a delivery without an appointment. This is when Chris would snap. He kept a baseball bat under his desk and used to threaten the drivers with bodily harm and told them to come back when they made an appointment. He had this scary vein that used to pop out of his head when he got mad and these serial killer eyes, one scary dude!!!
#9- Alex, Hardware/Automotive Department Salesman-Caldor. Ok, this guy was just a drunk. He would come to work staggering drunk, sleep on the shelves in the aisles, keep a flask in his jacket, and do dances like the robot and the running man for the customers. He eventually got fired.
#8- Mark, My assistant manager at CVS. Mark was addicted to the internet when it first got real hot back in like 1997. He would stay up in chat rooms and porn sites all night and oversleep in the morning. Problem is, he had keys to the store and on his days to open the store he would show up at 10am or 11am when the store opened at 8am. Customers, employees, and pharmacists would be waiting out on the sidewalk for the store to be opened. He also stunk so bad, I don't think he ever showered. He eventually got fired.
#7- Barry, aka Hitler, Receiving Manager, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy ruled his warehouse with an iron fist. He was rude, abusive, and just plain nuts. One day he pissed me off bad and I knew I had to get even with this fucker. He had an office in the warehouse that had like 8' walls, but no ceiling to it. Me and like 3 other workers went into the stockroom one night and found full cans of black paint. We pried the lids open on the cans of paint and tossed them over his office walls into his office. When he came in the next day is office was completely trashed with 3 gallons of black paint, rolls of toilet paper, and various other shit. We never did get caught. Served that maniac right!
#6- Brett, Buyer for the Computer Firm I worked at. This guy was overweight, annoying, and a fuckin' pain in the ass. He laughed like that cartoon character Mutley the dog. His nickname was "Poltergeist" because he would haunt us every day at 4:55pm with an "emergency" order that was "hot" and had to go. This guy would eat ANYTHING in site and he would smoke all day long. His face was always beet red. He was just nasty and annoying.
Mutley Himself.....
#5- Joe C- Warehouse worker for the computer firm. This guy was just plain stupid. He wore 1980's clothes and had a 1970's haircut. This guy used to fuck up on the job all the time, only problem was that EVERY time he made a mistake, the VP was always there. One time he did not put the brake on the forklift and it crashed through the side of the building, of course the VP was there to witness it. Another time he broke down the rollup warehouse door with the forklift, again the VP saw it. Another time he messed something up with the fiberglass strapping machine and the thing unwound and wrapped him like a mummy, of course the VP just happened to be walking by. Joe was just a walking nightmare. He was eventually fired.
#4- Coffee Guy- Computer Sales. I don't even remember this guy's name, we just called him Frankenstein. He only lasted about 3 weeks at the firm. One day I was in the employee break room having lunch when this dude came in. He proceeded to pour 8 cups of coffee. I said to him, "That's nice of you to bring everyone coffee at their desk". He said to me, "These are all for me". I was like yeah right. He started yelling, "I'LL PROVE IT!!!!" He started guzzling down all these cups of coffee, one right after the other. This guy was fucked up. he was fired like 2 weeks later because he had no clue what he was doing. He threatened the owner that he was coming back with a gun after she fired him. The police had to be called.
#3- Kim "Puffy" Archer- Computer Sales. This woman was dubbed "puffy" because she would smoke close to 40 cigarettes in a work day. She would smoke all day and take "work breaks". She had that "pig pen" cloud following her around which was cigarette smoke. In the morning we would take bets on how many cigarettes she was going to smoke that day and we'd count them and have a money pool. I think this woman had the Marlboro house, car, jet plane, and furniture for her home with all the Marlboro points she'd rack up. She was eventually fired also.
#2 John, aka 4x4, maintenance, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy had many screws loose. He would bark, growl, and scream at any given moment. We called him 4x4 because he was 4' tall and 4' wide. He would be carrying something and if it fell he would growl and bark. It did not help that Barry (see above) was his boss. We would torment 4x4 all day just to watch him growl and bark. 4x4 had this big ass Ford Truck that looked like a special ed bus. One day when leaving work he was next to me at a red light. As a joke I pressed down on my gas pedal and revved the engine like I wanted to race him. He took me seriously and revved his engine, only problem was, he forgot to put it in neutral. He went right through the light and smacked into 3 cars. I laughed my ass off for days. Not sure what ever happened to 4x4.
#1 Adam Goldson, sales, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy ranks #1 of all time. Adam was about 6'5 and about 300lbs. He drove a car that was like one of those circus cars. He claimed that he was in the NFL and played for the SF 49'ers until a knee injury ended his career. He also told everyone that he was the sax player for the band Chicago and would claim that he was going to the studio to work on a new album with them every night after work. He would bring us in cassette tapes of Chicago claiming they were recorded in the studio the night before. Only problem with the tapes is that you could clearly hear that they were taped off of vinyl albums. You could hear skipping, static, and the needle against the vinyl. One day Adam disappeared and never showed up for work again. About 6 months later a co-worker and I were at a local pizza place and saw Adam walking the streets in a bathrobe and slippers all disoriented. That may have explained it all.
#10- Chris A., Receiving Manager for a retail company I worked at in my early 20's. Chris seemed ok when I first met him. He was my receiving guy and was responsible for checking in all the deliveries that came into the store. We had a good amount of deliveries and we used to schedule them on an appointment basis. Every now and again, a driver would show up with a delivery without an appointment. This is when Chris would snap. He kept a baseball bat under his desk and used to threaten the drivers with bodily harm and told them to come back when they made an appointment. He had this scary vein that used to pop out of his head when he got mad and these serial killer eyes, one scary dude!!!
#9- Alex, Hardware/Automotive Department Salesman-Caldor. Ok, this guy was just a drunk. He would come to work staggering drunk, sleep on the shelves in the aisles, keep a flask in his jacket, and do dances like the robot and the running man for the customers. He eventually got fired.
#8- Mark, My assistant manager at CVS. Mark was addicted to the internet when it first got real hot back in like 1997. He would stay up in chat rooms and porn sites all night and oversleep in the morning. Problem is, he had keys to the store and on his days to open the store he would show up at 10am or 11am when the store opened at 8am. Customers, employees, and pharmacists would be waiting out on the sidewalk for the store to be opened. He also stunk so bad, I don't think he ever showered. He eventually got fired.
#7- Barry, aka Hitler, Receiving Manager, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy ruled his warehouse with an iron fist. He was rude, abusive, and just plain nuts. One day he pissed me off bad and I knew I had to get even with this fucker. He had an office in the warehouse that had like 8' walls, but no ceiling to it. Me and like 3 other workers went into the stockroom one night and found full cans of black paint. We pried the lids open on the cans of paint and tossed them over his office walls into his office. When he came in the next day is office was completely trashed with 3 gallons of black paint, rolls of toilet paper, and various other shit. We never did get caught. Served that maniac right!
#6- Brett, Buyer for the Computer Firm I worked at. This guy was overweight, annoying, and a fuckin' pain in the ass. He laughed like that cartoon character Mutley the dog. His nickname was "Poltergeist" because he would haunt us every day at 4:55pm with an "emergency" order that was "hot" and had to go. This guy would eat ANYTHING in site and he would smoke all day long. His face was always beet red. He was just nasty and annoying.
Mutley Himself.....
#5- Joe C- Warehouse worker for the computer firm. This guy was just plain stupid. He wore 1980's clothes and had a 1970's haircut. This guy used to fuck up on the job all the time, only problem was that EVERY time he made a mistake, the VP was always there. One time he did not put the brake on the forklift and it crashed through the side of the building, of course the VP was there to witness it. Another time he broke down the rollup warehouse door with the forklift, again the VP saw it. Another time he messed something up with the fiberglass strapping machine and the thing unwound and wrapped him like a mummy, of course the VP just happened to be walking by. Joe was just a walking nightmare. He was eventually fired.
#4- Coffee Guy- Computer Sales. I don't even remember this guy's name, we just called him Frankenstein. He only lasted about 3 weeks at the firm. One day I was in the employee break room having lunch when this dude came in. He proceeded to pour 8 cups of coffee. I said to him, "That's nice of you to bring everyone coffee at their desk". He said to me, "These are all for me". I was like yeah right. He started yelling, "I'LL PROVE IT!!!!" He started guzzling down all these cups of coffee, one right after the other. This guy was fucked up. he was fired like 2 weeks later because he had no clue what he was doing. He threatened the owner that he was coming back with a gun after she fired him. The police had to be called.
#3- Kim "Puffy" Archer- Computer Sales. This woman was dubbed "puffy" because she would smoke close to 40 cigarettes in a work day. She would smoke all day and take "work breaks". She had that "pig pen" cloud following her around which was cigarette smoke. In the morning we would take bets on how many cigarettes she was going to smoke that day and we'd count them and have a money pool. I think this woman had the Marlboro house, car, jet plane, and furniture for her home with all the Marlboro points she'd rack up. She was eventually fired also.
#2 John, aka 4x4, maintenance, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy had many screws loose. He would bark, growl, and scream at any given moment. We called him 4x4 because he was 4' tall and 4' wide. He would be carrying something and if it fell he would growl and bark. It did not help that Barry (see above) was his boss. We would torment 4x4 all day just to watch him growl and bark. 4x4 had this big ass Ford Truck that looked like a special ed bus. One day when leaving work he was next to me at a red light. As a joke I pressed down on my gas pedal and revved the engine like I wanted to race him. He took me seriously and revved his engine, only problem was, he forgot to put it in neutral. He went right through the light and smacked into 3 cars. I laughed my ass off for days. Not sure what ever happened to 4x4.
#1 Adam Goldson, sales, Herman's Sporting Goods. This guy ranks #1 of all time. Adam was about 6'5 and about 300lbs. He drove a car that was like one of those circus cars. He claimed that he was in the NFL and played for the SF 49'ers until a knee injury ended his career. He also told everyone that he was the sax player for the band Chicago and would claim that he was going to the studio to work on a new album with them every night after work. He would bring us in cassette tapes of Chicago claiming they were recorded in the studio the night before. Only problem with the tapes is that you could clearly hear that they were taped off of vinyl albums. You could hear skipping, static, and the needle against the vinyl. One day Adam disappeared and never showed up for work again. About 6 months later a co-worker and I were at a local pizza place and saw Adam walking the streets in a bathrobe and slippers all disoriented. That may have explained it all.
Keeping Busy
Ok, time to confess your work sins. Besides blogging, what else do you do at work when it's "slow" and you have no work to do? Sugar V, we know what you do, but you can still comment. I usually make fun of the Sugar V, listen to music, talk most of the day (to people here), e-mail my friends, and clean my office. Fun huh? It's weird but I never talk on the phone here except for work-related stuff. I talk enough on the phone at home, I need a break......
Ok, what do you do at work when it's slow....come clean!
Ok, what do you do at work when it's slow....come clean!
Congratulations Sugar V!!!!
Congratulations to The Sugar V! We are all proud of you! Sugar V was made the official spokesman for Vaseline for the Northeast United States! He beat out over 150 other applicants for the position! Being that he had the most Vaseline experience by far over all the other candidates, this was a no-brainer. Be sure to stop by his site and wish him well today!!!!!!
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