Thursday Randomness

  

Did Lance Bass of N'SYNC really need to "come out" and tell us he was gay? Wasn't this pretty obvious? That's like Ike Turner holding a press conference that he did indeed beat Tina or O.J. admitting he killed his wife and Ron Goldman. No shit Sherlock.

You know what annoys me a bit? Songs that don't mention the title of the song in the lyrics, or maybe just mention it once. Why? I heard "Yellow Ledbetter" by Pearl Jam today. A song I enjoyed back in the early 90's. What the fuck does Yellow Ledbetter have to do with the song lyrics? "Summer Highland Falls" by Billy Joel is another one. A great song, but "Summer Highland Falls" is never mentioned or even referred to.

It is amazing what odds and ends in the house can do for you. I totally ghetto rigged my living room a/c. The a/c was way small for the width of the window and it did not have the flap extenders to fill the space on both sides of the a/c. So, I pushed it to one side, stuck a clipboard in there and packing taped the shit out of it. It is quite stylish. This decor just may show up on one of these home makover shows and catch on nationwide.

How do you throw out a garbage can out? How does the garbageman known you want to get rid of it? Do you leave a note?

They should have a small refrigerated compartment in the trunk of all cars to put your cold stuff in after food shopping until you get home, especially on hot summer days.

Why do dogs smell each others asses upon meeting? Imagine someone new in the office starting, you get introduced and instead of shaking her hand, you sniff her ass. Actually Sugar V would love that.

Never get drunk on a Monday Night. You are in for a long week if you do. Take it from me! "One drink" led to 5 at the house, then 4 more and 2 shots at "The Inn" across the street. Oh boy. Bad C-Mac.

Ann Coulter said Bill Clinton is a homosexual. WHAT???? That man has had more FEMALE ass than a toilet seat in the ladies room at Macy's during a one day sale extravaganza.

The solution to this whole Hezbollah crisis, get those fuckers cable television. One glimpse of Jessica Simpson shaking her ass, a couple of on demand porn flicks, and a few "Real World" episodes and these crazy mother fuckers would love westernization and be too occupied to hate anyone. Let's pipe that shit right into Southern Lebanon. Crisis over!

Have a great Thursday! :)

Working Class Hero

John Lennon once wrote “A working class hero is something to be” and I couldn’t agree more. I grew up in a family of hard working people. My grandfather was a painter and worked until the year he died which was his 76th. My grandmother worked until she was in her early 70’s, my dad until he was 65, and my mom always worked and still does, sometimes 2 jobs. My parents worked nights, weekends, and whatever it took to make money so they could give us what we needed. My parents did not work desk jobs, they were on their feet all day doing physical labor. I always admired their work ethic.

Every time I turn on the TV these days, there is a message that honors “men and women in uniform.” Trust me, I respect our soldiers for their dedication and service, but I think men and women in the armed forces, police and firemen/women seem to get all the attention as “heroes” and society overlooks many of the other professions that keep our country and society functioning. Sure, these folks put their lives on the line, but like any other job, it is something they chose to do.

Go to any bar in any town, they have specials for police, fireman, armed forces personnel, but nothing for anyone else. It makes me mad. There are all kinds of heroes that should be honored. How about the single moms out there that are busting their asses working 2 and 3 jobs to raise their kids? How about the garbage men that pick up our nasty-ass trash at the curb twice a week? I don’t see a garbage man night at the local pub, yet if it wasn’t for them, rats would be biting us all in the ass as we walked out our front doors. I work as a buyer for a technology company, how about buyer night at the local strip club? Free lap dances, free drinks, and free chicken at KFC afterwards all because I am a buyer.

Many of you are addicted to that morning coffee. How about honoring the local Dunkin Donuts worker who is up at 4am brewing your coffee so you can “function” at your job? We seem to overlook all of these people and make certain professions seem more important. How about teachers? Teachers in the inner cities are grossly underpaid, yet show up each day trying so hard to make a difference in the lives of our children, the future of this country, yet we rarely honor them. I’d much rather honor a person with a book in their hand than one with a rifle in theirs. Maybe it is just me.

Since 9/11/01, I think our attention and “respect” for those three professions has increased, but I think it has gotten a bit out of hand. 3,000 other people perished that day too, yet the media focuses on the police and fire personnel more than the average Joe that was sitting at his desk that morning that never saw the attack coming. I feel worse for those people than I do anyone else. They weren’t trained, did not have gear, they were just sitting ducks.

Sure, let’s honor our police, fire, and military units, but let us not forget the millions of people that get up each day that do the jobs that don’t get the attention or respect that they deserve. John Lennon was right, “A working class hero is something to be.”

As soon as your born they make you feel small,
By giving you no time instead of it all,
Till the pain is so big you feel nothing at all,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
They hurt you at home and they hit you at school,
They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool,
Till you're so fucking crazy you can't follow their rules,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
When they've tortured and scared you for twenty odd years,
Then they expect you to pick a career,
When you can't really function you're so full of fear,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
Keep you doped with religion and sex and TV,
And you think you're so clever and classless and free,
But you're still fucking peasants as far as I can see,
A working class hero is something to be,
A working class hero is something to be.
There's room at the top they are telling you still,
But first you must learn how to smile as you kill,
If you want to be like the folks on the hill,
A working class hero is something to be.
A working class hero is something to be.
If you want to be a hero well just follow me,
If you want to be a hero well just follow me.

Monday Morning Match Game

Good Morning! What a beautiful "Sunshine Day" here in the NYC/Metro area. It was tough leaving the beach this morning and heading to the office. It was a cloudy/rainy weekend, but the sun came out about 5pm last night and the town came alive. I went walking to pick up dinner around 8:30 last night and the town was bustling with people trying to take in the few hours of nice weather we had this weekend.

After a very tough July, I made a promise to myself last night that August will be a month to remember. I am going to party like I am going to the chair and enjoy every waking moment that is left this summer. Recent events have prohibited me from really savoring the summer, but I can assure you that August will be one for the ages.

Ok, let's have some fun. I am going to list a bunch of things that I may or may not have done this weekend, you guys tell me what I actually did, and what is made up...here goes:

Watched a bunch of Brady Bunch episodes.
Ran 12 miles.
Cooked Sunday breakfast for my friends and dogs.
A strange girl came up to me and told me her life story in 20 minutes.
Bought a new air conditioner.
Talked with a friend I had not talked to since January.
Went to the movies and ate a bucket of popcorn and threw up.
Got drunk and danced on my roof.
Made a new friend in the neighborhood.
Took Bruce to the dog park.
Took 3 naps this weekend.
Slept until 1pm on Sunday.

Ok, there are 12 items listed, 7 I did, 5 are made up! Enjoy your Monday!

The Price Is Wrooooong Bitch!

  

I was flipping around the dial (can I still say the dial?) when I came across "The Price Is Right" on Gameshow Network. Talk about a bunch of trailer park dwelling, no teeth having, welfare collecting, government cheese grilling, son of a bitches. Where do they find these misfits?

When they have to spin that big ass wheel to get into the showcase showdown, it is a fuckin' riot. You either have the 400lb bitch who spins that fucker so hard that it looks like the wheel is going to fly off and kill half the audience. It's either that or the frail wimpy pussy of a guy that can't even spin the fucker. They make him spin again because it didn't make it around a full revolution, how embarrassing.

What's even more pathetic is when they bid. They bid on say a toaster oven. People come up with wild numbers like $500. Then the last fucko will have to top it by a buck and say $501. Pathetic.

After the least stupid of the bunch moves on to the actual game after the bidding, they play these games made for a person with an IQ of about 25, yet these idiots still get it wrong:

Bob Barker: Tell us what costs more, the 20 pack of Duracell "D" batteries or a box of Rice A Roni

Trailer Park Fuck: UUUUUUUUH Bob, that's a tough one. I have to go with the Rice A Roni.

Asswipe.

It is a sorry state of affairs on that show.

Brewing Up Some Memories

  

Today while at work, I had to go on EBAY to look for an old printer for parts for my company. In my travels on EBAY, I came across a picture of an old perculator coffee pot and it instantly brought me back in time.

From the time I was about 5 until I was about 15, my brother, my sister and I would go to our grandparent's house every Saturday Morning without fail. My parents were in the retail industry and had to work on Saturdays. Each Saturday, our parents would drop us off REALLY early at my grandparent's house. Certain times of the year it would still be dark outside, that's how early!

Upon our arrival, my grandparents would be up waiting for us. Every Saturday we had the same breakfast, toasted bagels with cream cheese, orange juice, and my grandparents would have their coffee. My Grandmother would plug in the perculator and it had this distinctive sound. The smell of the fresh brewed coffee filled the entire house. Only a slight hint of the bagel aroma toasting in the oven would challenge that coffee aroma. While breakfast was cooking, me and my siblings would sneak into the living room and where there was always a huge glass candy dish overflowing with candy. We would try to take the top off and take candy out of it without Grandma hearing it. I know that she knew we were in that candy at 7am, but she never said a word.

At breakfast, we would all sit in the same seats weekly. My grandfather to my right, then my brother, then my grandma, then my sister. It was a circular, white marble table with white wrought iron chairs with white cushiony seats. My grandparents would have the radio on each week which was built into the wall directly behind where I sat. It was an in-house intercom/radio system. At the time, we did not appreciate what they played, big band music, jazz, Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, etc. We would always beg, and my grandma would finally give in and let us put on "our" station after breakfast.

Breakfast was followed by a Saturday Morning filled with cartoon watching. My Grandpa loved watching The Smurfs, The Flintstones, Scooby-Doo and all the great cartoons from back in the day. While we did that, my grandma would clean up the kitchen, start cooking for later that day, and make it a great day for all of us.

After cartoons, I would head out in the yard with my Grandpa while my brother and sister stayed in with Grandma. My Grandpa always had a "project" to do outside and I would always help him out.

By afternoon, my Grandpa and I would drop my Grandma, my brother and my sister off at the supermarket where my parents worked when my Mom's shift was over, where they would do the weekkly food shopping. My Grandpa and I would then go shopping at the mall for tools, toys, or head back to the house where we would just chat about when he was a kid and things like that.

It's amazing how a picture of a coffee pot could bring back so many memories.

The Dog Days of Summer

  

Well, I have not posted a picture of my Brucie in a while, so I thought I would start the week off right. Brucie was panting and warm all weekend, bowls of ice water and "Frosty Paws" cooled him down. Here he is complete with his new bandana he got after a couple of hours at the new doggie spa that opened up around the block. Bruce was treated to a fancy bath, a manicure/pedicure, and a doggie massage. When I left him there for his day, I could hear him barking and howling almost the whole walk home. He was delighted to see me when I returned to pick him up.

The weekend was a pretty good one. HOT! I was at the beach most of the day Sunday. The day started off with a seagull flying overhead and taking a crap all over my right shoulder. They say that is good luck...we'll see! At least my friends got a laugh out of me running for the ocean to wash it off. It was the first time I was "in" the ocean all year. Sixty degree water isn't exactly my thing, but under the circumstances.........

Needless to say, my Irish features kicked in and I am sunburned! Hopefully by Wednesday, the sting will be gone.

We are in the middle of a heatwave....I'll be down the block on the beach each night this week! I wish they allowed dogs on there....Bruce would love it.

Hope your weekend was great!

Gay Court

  

My days at work are beyond busy and stressful. For the past 6 weeks or so, I have not been myself. I get into work about 7am and I don't leave until about 6 and there is still work to do.

To pass the day and bring a few laughs to the office, we started "Gay Court." Tom, Christina, Costas, or I yell out "GAY COURT IS IN SESSION!!!!" The person who yells out that gay court is in session names something then we vote on whether it is gay or not. We then yell out "This gay court session is adjourned!"

Ok, here are some topics we voted on, you tell me in your comments whether it is gay or not gay.....

A guy drinking vodka and cranberry juice. (I say not at all gay)
A guy wearing a beach necklace. (I say not gay, nice try Tiny A and Sugar V)
A guy wearing a pink shirt. (I say very gay)
Calling in and voting for an American Idol Contestant (I say VERY gay)
A guy shaving his body hair (I say not at all gay)
A guy going for a manicure/pedicure weekly (I say get the cock out of your ass)
A man who owns a poodle (Flaming)
Tight straight legged jeans (Very Gay!)
A man who loves the movie "Jerry MaGuire" (a dick in your ass "completes you")
A guy with a nickname of Sugar V (flaming)

Ok, that was fun...lets see your votes and throw some gay court cases my way!

An Old Familiar Voice

  

Here on July 12th another birthday will pass, and so will another MLB All-Star Game. The All Star game falls either ON my birthday or the day before or after it each year. The All-Star game was a big deal for me and my friends when I was a little C-Mac. I remember watching Reggie Jackson, Andre Dawson, Fred Lynn, Jim Rice, Dave Parker, and dozens of other players take part in the mid-summer classic each year back in the late 70's and 80's.

My dad often told stories of gathering around the radio as a child to listen to big games or big events. In 1952 he heard "the shot heard 'round the world" on a crisp October Day back when "The Giants won the pennant, the Giants won the pennant." Today at work, I heard radio commercials for tonight's All-Star game to be shown on FOX. Joe Buck, an announcer for FOX did the commercial. I couldn't help but think of his call of the 1996 Yankees World Championship, or his call when McGwire broke Maris' record back in '98. Certain radio or TV voices bring me back in time just like a song does.

Everytime I hear Vin Scully's voice I think of October 25th, 1986 when "The ball gets by Buckner, here comes Knight and the Mets win the ballgame!!!!" It's hard not to associate these voices with these events.

Most of the time on my drive to and from work, I listen to my cd's. But some days, I will put on sports radio and listen to some familiar voices like Michael Kay, or Mike and the Mad Dog. They almost make you feel like you are with someone in the car because you've listened to them for so long.

When Peter Jennings passed away, it was like losing a 6th family member. After all, he was in our home growing up with us each night after dinner. That voice brings back memories of so many happy events, yet such tragic events that took place in the world as well.

When I was a kid, before my teenage years when I was allowed to have a TV in my room, I had this Mickey Mouse radio that my Grandpa gave me. Each night, I would sneak it in my bed, turn it up just enough to hear Phil Rizzuto and Bill White announce the Yankees game. Once in a while, I'd get caught and the radio would be taken away for a night because they did not want me staying up late on a school night. Oh the memories.

On days like this, when I am dazed and confused about life and decisions I have made, it is nice to turn to a familiar voice...a constant if you will, that will be there for me to give me some sense of normality.

What "voice" is most familiar to you, that takes you back in time?

No Title Today

  

Tomorrow is July 12th. My brother and I will both be a year older. They say a year older means a year wiser. I am not so sure about that this year. It was an interesting year, filled with many great memories, ones I will cherish for the rest of my life. I know this isn't a Blind Melon song, but I just had to put that bumble bee picture up on here today. I hope it brings a smile.

I think the words to this Duran Duran song are quite fitting right now.

Came in from a rainy Thursday
On the avenue
Thought I heard you talking softly

I turned on the lights, the TV
And the radio
Still I can't escape the ghost of you

What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some are saying
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Passion or coincidence
Once prompted you to say
"Pride will tear us both apart"
Well now pride's gone out the window
Cross the rooftops
Run away
Left me in the vacuum of my heart

What is happening to me?
Crazy, some'd say
Where is my friend when I need you most?
Gone away

But I won't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Papers in the roadside
Tell of suffering and greed
Here today, forgot tomorrow
Ooh, here besides the news
Of holy war and holy need
Ours is just a little sorrow

And I don't cry for yesterday
There's an ordinary world
Somehow I have to find
And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive

Off Limits?

  

Ok, are there places where "checking out" members of the opposite sex, even discreetly, is just wrong? I say no. If an attractive woman passes through my field of vision, I should be able to have either an impure thought, or be able to acknowledge in my own mind that the person is attractive.

Last night Linda and I were at a funeral (wake/viewing, whatever you call it) at a funeral home. The father of an acquaintance of ours passed away Sunday, so we went and paid our respects last night. After we signed the "guest book" and offered our condolences to the family, we sat amongst other people we knew and many we did not know. There were about 100 people seated and about 100 more on line to get in. Linda and I started small talking and she asked me if I knew a particular girl that was seated near us chatting. I said no, I did not know her and I asked why. Linda said because she is gorgeous or something along those lines, and I agreed with her, the girl was very pretty. After Linda mentioned that, I noticed that the room was FILLED with very attractive women. It was then that I asked Linda if it was socially acceptable for us to be finding people attractive at a funeral. That got me thinking......

So, if I am in a church and a good looking woman comes in, am I supposed to completely block it out of my mind? A cemetary? What places are considered wrong to think about members of the opposite, or in the Sugar V's case, same sex? Something to ponder.......

Garnishes

  

I never understood the purpose of a garnish. You don't eat it, it is just supposed to make your food seem more appetizing. You find most garnishes at restaurants that are more "pricey" which I don't quite get. The food at fancier restaurants is usually good and does not need something to make it more appealing. Perhaps Burger King or McDonald's should try a garnish.....

Look at this picture. I had a grilled cheese and fries today and they felt the need to garnish it with pineapple and tomato which was impaled on a toothpick. Why? I was going to eat the sandwich regardless. To me, it is just a waste of fruit and veggies. This particular establishment could cut costs dramatically by cutting out the extra fruit and veggie expense for their garnishes. Right?

Why do they only give you a lemon slice if you order a diet coke? Maybe regular coke drinkers would like a lemon slice as well.....fuckos.

The other night I had some of Tiny A's homemade key lime pie. It was delicious and I inhaled the first slice. She asked if I wanted more and I said of course! She went in the kitchen where I followed, and she proceeded to cut me another slice, she put whipped cream on it, then she was actually cutting a lime slice to garnish it with. I had to laugh, one because she is so cute, but mostly because I was going to inhale that second piece without even noticing that garnish......

What's your take on garnishes?

How Long Will They Mourn Me?

  

No matter how famous you are, or how much you've contributed to mankind, when you pass on, life for everyone else goes on. Time keeps on going and the sun rises the next day regardless. It is kind of strange how we can be here one day and gone the next.

Personally, I am not afraid of death. I am more afraid of not living and fulfilling my purpose on the earth before I go. Some people know their purpose at a young age, some find it later on, others never discover their purpose.

Artists, musicians, actors, athletes, and people of that nature seem to live on after they die. Beethoven, for example, passed away in 1827, yet when we play his music, he somehow lives on. When we look at a DaVinci masterpiece he lives on despite passing away in 1519...almost 500 years ago. Babe Ruth died in 1948, but he lives on in film footage and the baseball record books. All these people left something behind for all of us and in a way, they are immortal because of the great work or great deeds they did when they were alive.

I have yet another birthday in two weeks, and even though I am still young, I wonder what it is I will leave behind. What will my "legacy" be? If it is this blog, I am in deep shit, huh? One hundred years from now, I doubt anyone will come across this website and think a genius wrote it.

I hope my deeds will somehow be remembered by those I have touched. My problem all my life is trying to make everyone happy even if I wasn't. It really bothers me and stays with me when I hurt someone else, or I disappoint them, but it's part of life I suppose. It has always been a tough thing for me to deal with, and I have had a difficult time saying no to people even though I have wanted to. Then when I finally do say no, or do what I want to do and I upset or hurt someone, it stays with me for a long time. I suppose I worry too much about being remembered in a positive light by people that have come in and out of my life. Crazy, huh?

What do you think your legacy will be, what will you leave behind for the rest of us?

Maneaters?

  

I'm not sure about you, but I always thought Hall and Oates were "maneaters." There was always something strange about these two guys. Sure, they are the best selling duo of all time, and they had some great songs, but something just does not sit right with me when it comes to those guys.

Perhaps it is John Oates' 1970's gay porn moustache that gives me that vibe. Perhaps it is the lyrics to "maneater" that gave me this idea. Perhaps the memory of these two in trenchcoats in the "Private Eyes" video that has scarred me for life. Whatever it is, these guys are definitely in the homo hall of fame.

Speaking of which, The Sugar V, aka the "ass man" is always making references to anal sex, tossing "salads", and anything that has to do with the ass. So, in the spirit of Hall and Oates and with my lyrical talent, Weird Al style....I wrote a little musical parody based on the lyrics to "Maneater." This one is dedicated to The Sugar V and it's called "Ass-eater"

He only comes out at night
The sweet and sugar type
Nothing is new, I've seen him here before
Watching and waiting
He's sitting with you but his eyes are on your back door
He'll get down on his knee
He'll even do it for free
The man is wild, he'll lick it like it's caviar
Anal's the matter
If you're in it for love you ain't gonna get too far

Oh here he cums
Watch out boy he'll chew you up
Oh here he cums
He's an ass-eater
Oh here he cums
Watch out boy he'll chew you up
Oh here he cums
He's an ass-eater

I wouldn't if I were you
I know what hhe can do
He's deadly man, and he could really rip your ass apart
Mind over matter
The sausage is there but an ass is in his heart

Oh here he cums
Watch out boy he'll chew you up
Oh here he cums
He's an ass-eater
Oh here he cums
Watch out boy he'll chew you up
Oh here he cums
He's an ass-eater

Have a great day everyone!

Sweet Freedom!

  

I took a much needed vacation day today from work. I got caught up on some errands and some stuff around the house. As I drove to get my spare bbq propane tank filled, I happened to get behind a school bus carrying elementary school kids that was making it's final drop off for the 2005-2006 school year. These kids all came off the bus with these manila envelopes in hand which I assume are their final report cards. As they stepped off the bus, each one of them did some kind of cheer, pumped their fist, did a dance, one kid even flipped the bus the middle finger as it drove off. It brought back memories of that last day of school feeling we all used to get, a feeling of liberation and enthusiasm each second to last Friday in June growing up would bring.

The last day of school always gave me mixed emotions as a kid. I did enjoy school and I was always sad when it would end because it meant not getting together with the class each day, it meant a new teacher the following year, and it meant change on the horizon. However, the immediate pleasure the last day of school brought outweighed any melancholy feelings. The start of a 10 week hiatus complete with spending all day at the baseball field, in the pool, playing manhunt in the woods, bbq's, the beach, trips, staying up late, and all the other amazing things summer always brought with it.

As I was stopped behind the flashing red lights of the school bus today, I hoped that the kids who were pumping their fists and celebrating would savor this and the many childhood summers they have ahead of them. Although I wouldn't want to be 8 years old again, there is something to be said about the innocence of summertime and the memories it brings.

Summer is here indeed, I hope everyone savors and enjoys it whether you are 8 or 80!

Overheard At The Beach

I hope you all had an amazing weekend. Mine was nice and enjoyable. Since the beginning of May, the weather here in NY hasn't been so nice. It was rainy and not to warm there for a while. About a week ago, summer arrived and my town of Long Beach, NY really came alive.

This weekend I finally got "on" the beach, as in bringing the chair, the towel, and all the other stuff and actually sitting/laying out for a while. When I first got there, it was pretty empty. I say got there like it was an hour drive instead of the 45 seconds it actually takes to get to the beach from my house on foot. Anyway, I closed my eyes for about 20 minutes and soaked up the sun. When I opened my eyes, the beach suddenly became packed and there were people all around me laying out and enjoying the summer weather as well.

As I rested, cell phones started ringing within an ear shot of where I was sitting. First this early 20-something girl answered her phone and bitched about her phone reception. It was her friend "Steph." She rambled on about her Friday Night with her boyfriend. How they went for dinner and ice cream then went back to his house and that she was bored as he watched some motorcycle racing show on TV. She then proceeded to talk about her having sex with him and mentioned that the dog always tries to get in the bed with them while they are fucking. She told her friend that he has no bedroom door so they can't keep the dog out. She also mentioned that when she was riding him, the dog was sniffing her ass and that it killed the mood. She said she got poff of him and went in the bathroom all upset. At that point, I had to cover my mouth with the towel so she couldn't see or hear me laugh. What is wrong with people? I don't have any problem with what she said, but how could she have no shame?

About 20 minutes later some dude's cell phone rang a couple of chairs over from where I was laying. He starts telling whoever was on the line that he picked up some fat chick at a bar on Friday Night and that when he took her home he was to drunk to get hard and fuck her. He went into graphic detail about her trying to get him hard for an hour and how it wouldn't move. He then proceeds to say that he went down on her and that it was nasty. Do we need to hear this on a relaxing day at the beach??????

To cap it off, another phone rang right next to me. This time it was a married woman talking to some dude she is apparently having an affair with. She told him she can't call him from her cell anymore because her husband saw the cell phone bill and was questioning all the numbers he did not recognize. In the same breath she asks him when they were getting together this upcoming week. "No, Monday is no good, I have to take Jonathan (I assume her son) to practice." Then he did most of the talking as she just agreed with whatever he was saying. She finally says, "oh ok, Wednesday is good, I will tell him I am going to the mall for a few hours, that should give us time." Again, I don't care what this woman does, but whatever happened to discretion? Does this woman WANT to get caught?

A few years ago, I never would have heard any of these conversations. With the advancement of technology comes some good little beach tales to discuss here on my blog. What's the wackiest phone conversation you ever overheard?

Where Have You Gone, CMAC??????

That is the question I’ve been asked by people in the blog and non-blog world. I am still here. My nights, which used to include my daily postings here at the Beach, now consist of running, enjoying the summer weather and the town. In addition, work has been crazy and really draining my thoughts and creativity. I suppose I needed the break, but I am definitely going to get back to daily posts on here. How are you all doing?

I think most of us enjoy dining out. Not having to cook, getting served, and relaxing is a nice change of pace from having to cook and clean yourself. There are, however, many pitfalls to dining out. We all know we are at the mercy of those fuckers cooking in the back. We all can just hope they washed their hands after that 20 minute shit earlier in the night. We can also just hope and pray the roach problem back there isn’t too bad and that our steak wasn’t dragged across the floor before making its way to our plate. Those are the obvious pitfalls though. There are a bunch of smaller, very annoying things that I hate when dining out.

A nice cold salad on a hot plate that just came out of the dishwasher. Really, there is nothing like lettuce and tomato and a toasty 120 degrees and a mayonnaise based dressing at the same temperature. Would it kill them to cool down the plates before loading up my greens?

Rationing of napkins. I can’t stand being given one paper napkin for a 3 course meal. How is that supposed to survive even the messy appetizer course? Drop a pile of napkins on the table fucker!

Speaking of appetizers, please give me a chance to take a fucking bite out of them before bringing the main course!

I want my drink cold, but I also want some liquid to drink. Easy on the ice asshole. One suck of the straw and the beverage is gone.

DRY off the table after wiping it down BEFORE you seat me. Is that too much to ask?

Don’t bring me my check while I am eating dinner. Who are you, Miss fucking Cleo that you know I am not going to want another drink or dessert?

Don’t try to rush me out after my meal. I will sit and talk nonsense, just like I do here on “Bored at the Beach” until the fuckin’ place closes if you piss me off.

What pisses you off at restaurants?

Just Like Poison

  

Is there someone or something in your life that is like poison? Something or someone that you know is bad, really bad for you, yet you still take it in small, medium, or large doses?

What is it with all of us? We all have weaknesses for food, drugs, alcohol, sex, tobacco, and a ton of other things. The funniest part to me is when we are doing this "bad" thing or taking this "poison" we are well aware of what it is doing to us either physically or emotionally, yet we continue on and live for that very moment...only to regret our action or decision moments after doing it.

Have you ever dated someone that you KNEW was so wrong for you yet you continued on because either the sex was good, you were lonely, or for some other foolish reason? You'd be hooked on seeing them, yet when you were with them it completely sucked, yet you kept going back, why?

There are warning labels on cigarettes, alcohol, and prescription drugs. There are "nutrition labels" on foods that clearly state how bad they are for us, yet we continue to consume them, why? Do we all have the mentality that "it won't happen to me" or that "I won't get sick or hooked on this stuff"?

We all have a "poison" whether it be a person, a substance, an action....what's yours?

Another Amendment?

  

So, now that gas prices are $3.50 a gallon, Iraq is in total chaos, our soldiers are perishing by the dozen, Osama is still on the loose, the gap between the rich and the poor is growing, and about 20 other things that really need the attention of our government, the President is back on his No Gay Marriage Amendment crusade. What the fuck is wrong with him and these religious nuts?

I say if you are a man and you don't like to suck cock, then don't. If you are a woman that does not like the taste of another woman's pussy, then don't lick one. But for God's sake, go about your own business and let others do what they want to do. Do we really need a CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT that bans gay marriage? I don't think so.

I am sure our founding fathers would be proud. Can you picture this fine document with something so foolish added to it? Amendments that abolished slavery, gave women the right to vote, gave us the right to free speech, voting ages set, etc...then all of a sudden you scroll down and read "No man shall suck another man's cock and be married to him nor shall two women bang each other with toys in the privacy of their own home." Come on already. The country is beyond fucked with all the real problems, let's worry about fixing our fuck-ups rather than worrying about who's fucking who.

You want some new amendments? Start with limiting campaign contributions. Stop these corporations from buying our Presidents into office. Want another Amendment? Require an IQ test for every Presidential candidate. Lord knows we needed an IQ test back in 2000. Want another one? Make English the official language of our country and spare me the 20 menu choices when I make a phone call or go to take a $20 out of an ATM. I could go on and on, and I'd love to hear your proposed Amendments, but the gay marriage issue needs to stop....today!

Spanking the Monkey

  

Although I am lucky enough to get plenty of sex whenever I want it, I am still one to "spank the monkey" whenever possible. I wonder where the term "spank the monkey" came from. What does pleasuring myself have to do with a monkey? Anyway, that's not the point.

The point is, masturbation for me is as much of a daily routine as brushing my teeth, going to the bathroom, or eating. It is something that has to be done at least once, usually twice daily. Even if I have sex once or multiple times in a day, I still muster up the energy and enthusiasm to "rub one out." Some may think I have issues or I am "sick in the head." Well if jerking off whenever I can is "sick" then lock me in a padded room now! After all, there are two types of people in this world; people who masturbate and admit it and people who masturbate and deny it.

Anyway, the point of this post is to let you all know that after 18 years or so of jerking off, I need to come up with some new and creative ways to do it. I mean, what can a guy really do to get creative, switch hands? Then it just feels like a new "date" and you'll get used to that as well. I am talking something really creative. Women have it easy in the masturbation department. There are a million toys and gadgets you all use to assist in the activity. We have nothing. I am too lazy to get up and pop in a porn to jerk off, and my imagination is vivid enough anyway. I have a "rotation", sort of like a pitching staff in baseball, of women I jerk off about. Every so often someone gets dropped from the rotation and a new woman gets added....just to keep it interesting.

When you are in a relationship with someone, do you fantasize about them while masturbating? I do occasionally, but why spend a nice jerk-off on someone you can have sex with anytime? I say save the fantasy for celebrities, porn stars, some bitch at work, or anyone else you can't have. I have my rotation, some participate in the lesbian scenes, some don't.

Jerking off has kept me out of trouble over the years. If it wasn't for masturbation my number of sexual partners would be at least 4x what it is today. I can't tell you how many times "back in the day" a really annoying casual female "friend" wanted to fuck and I would speak to her on the phone and agree to meet up with her for sex at her place. But then, I would think about the calls after, the annoyance, the hassle, the long ride to her house, so I'd jerk off to relieve my tension, then call her back with an excuse as to why I could not make it over. AAAAAHHHHHHH, how nice, I can put on the Yankee game now, shut off my phone, even make a sandwich if I wanted, then just roll over and go to sleep without any excuses.

Is there anything worse then the feeling AFTER you have sex with someone you really aren't into? The bullshit excuses of why you have to leave after you both get off are great. Suddenly I was a farmer that had to be up at 4am to harvest crops. In some cases, I'd be making excuses BEFORE my pants even came off. I'd be talking about leaving, projects at work, you name it, before the sex even started. I hated that feeling. Sex with meaning and with someone you are into is so much better isn't it?

That's why, whether you are in love, getting sex every day, having casual sex, or getting no sex at all, masturbation was, is, and always will be king. Now, if I could just find some new ways to do it..............

Time To Put on the Gloves

  

For the last week or so, I have not written much on here. I've been a daily writer on here for the last 18 months and have enjoyed it quite a bit. Lately, I have felt uninspired about writing and about this blog. It has not been because I am out of ideas or things to say, that will never happen. The reason I have not written is because I felt I could not be "myself" on here. I thought about shutting this site down and starting anonymously on another site where nobody knows me. Upon further review, I decided to stay. I also decided to get back to saying what I want to say like in the early days of this blog. For the last few months, I've felt like I had to censor what I say on here as not to offend certain people. That ends today. If I offend you, too bad, then don't do anything to piss me off.

For the last 2.5 years I lived with someone who was a terrific person but who eroded away the real Charlie. Sure there was bitterness towards me when I left, but I was okay with that. For the first time in 2.5 years I did what I wanted to do and I wasn't "along for the ride" making someone or some people happy. I made myself happy by leaving the situation. Perhaps it was something I should have done sooner and perhaps I should have been more candid about my true feelings, but for 2.5 years I did what was best for everyone else and not for me until I woke up one day. It wasn't until the new year 2006 when I woke up and acted on my feelings.

My point, I am tired of being who everyone else wants me to be. I want to be me. I want to write what I feel, say what I feel, act upon my feelings, and do what makes ME happy. If you want eloquent writing, this isn't the place for you. If you want book reviews, recipes, cute stuff, movie reviews, and a ton of other fluff, this place isn't for you. I have had a loyal following for the last 18 months and I hope those people stick around.

If you want raw opinions, venting of frustrations, comedy, calling assholes out when they need to be called out, stuff that actually makes you think and feel, then this is your place. Although I have always been as honest as I could on here, I wrote with concern for what others will think and feel. I won't do that anymore. There's a next blog and a delete button on your computer, use them if you have any issues pertaining to what I say. I know most of you understand exactly what I mean and probably sugar coat a lot of what you say on your blogs as well, silly isn't it?

So starting with my next post, I will air out what I feel the way I want to air it out.