If there's one thing I really hate, it is small talk. I hate running into someone at the store that maybe I know...or in some cases someone that I have never met before and small talking. Or as Larry David calls it "The stop and chat."
It usually consists of the same talking points:
1) The weather. Suddenly everyone is a fucking meteorologist. Or they say something obvious like, "It's cold out there!!!!" Or even better "Is it cold enough for you???" Fuck off Al Roker, I just want to check out and get my groceries home. If I want the 5 day forecast, I will put on the Weather Channel....and get the local forecast on the 8's.
2) The family. The concern people all of a sudden have."How's Mom???" If you want to know how Mom is, fucking call her you cheap minute rationing fuck. "How's Mom???" And it is always the generic "She is good" or "Fine" answer. Never "She is still a crazy ass who is driving us all into alcoholism." No, we give the generic answer...so what's the point??????
3) Work. "How's work/your job going????" Like what am I supposed to say...that it blows...that I am underpaid, work too many hours, get no lunch break, and work with a bunch of fucking idiots????? Or they ask..."Still at the same job?????" No asshole, didn't you see me on the news, I cured cancer last week, right after I got all of the Jerry's kids to walk.
4) Inquiring about a mutual friend/neighbor. "Have you seen/talked to Joe lately??" No, and there is a reason, he is a douche bag.....same reason I haven't talked to you in 2 years fucko.
5) Where you are living. "Still living in (enter town name here)?????" No asshole, I live in Memphis now, but the produce here is so good, I make the trip on Saturday afternoons and knock out my weekly shopping...then turn around and head back.
So, if you spot me in a store, or anywhere...you better have something interesting to talk about or ask!!!!!
5 comments:
I hate small talk too...especially with people you have just been introduced to. It's not like you are going to get to know someone by discussing the weather or the news. It's a waste of time. The only small talk I like is when you see someone you haven't seen in a while and they say "wow, you look great!" :)
Local on the 8888888's.
The only tolerable small talk is about sports...but not Mets and Jets, rather Yanks and Giants. :)
Ok so no small talk. :)
Rather, I'll just say Happy New Year!
xoxo
Christie
Totally agree...it's the absolute worst! I try to just say 'hi, nice to see you' and then move on. It may seem rude, but trust me, it's much more polite than what's really going through my head.
Happy New Year!
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