Just My Luck......

  

So, I am running on the treadmill tonight next to this really cute, in shape girl. She kept looking over and smiling making eye contact with me. I would glance back and smile and this went on for like 20 minutes. I was hoping we'd finish around the same time so I could talk to her.....

Then all of a sudden this guy to my right (she was on my left) farts and stinks up the place. The cute girl's face turns green with disguist, she looks like she is going to be ill, and hops off the treadmill and leaves.

So, I am hoping she didn't think it was me......that fuck had to go and fart......

Happy Birthday! :)

To a special friend: Enjoy your day tomorrow!

Speed Dial

  

I spend a good portion of my work day on the phone. My job involves contacting companies to negotiate prices, place orders, follow up on lead times, etc. On a daily basis I come across dozens of phone messages/menus. The one I heard today cracked me up.

It said "If you are calling from a touch tone phone press one now, rotary phone customers please stay on the line or visit our website at www.________.com

Now first of all, who still has a rotary phone as their primary phone? Some dude in a trailer park in Arkansas who also still has a 13" black and white TV with rabbit ears? Does the one person in maybe 500,000 people who call from a rotary phone warrant a special instructional message?

The thing that made me laugh the most was the fact that this company actually thinks the person calling from the rotary phone also has a computer and internet access to visit their website!!!!! I doubt they are out of the ATARI 2600 stage! I just had to share this......

Just Put It In The Bag!

  

So there is this 7-11 convenience store right on the corner where my office is. Many of the employees make trips there throughout the day for drinks, snacks, etc. Every so often I will stop in there in the morning for something to eat or drink. Each time I do, this tall, lanky guy in a shirt and tie who wears glasses is behind the counter ringing people up on the register. Apparently he is the manager, or at least his name tag says he is.

Anyway, this nerdy guy has a habit of commenting on EVERYTHING each person buys. For example, if you buy a banana he will say something like "Oh a banana, someone is eating healthy. Plenty of potassium!" If you buy a pack of cookies he will say something like "Someone is eating bad today, but these are gooooood!" It is the wackiest thing I have ever seen or heard. I thought perhaps it was just done to me, but others at work recently told me this guy does the same thing to them. This makes me want to screw with this guy.

I want to go up to the counter with some Preparation-H and see what he says. "Oooh, someone's ass is hurting!" Or how about a box of condoms? "Ooooh, someone is gonna get laid tonight!" Or perhaps a Massegil. "OOOOH, someone is not feeling so fresh!" I mean this guy is in the habit of commenting on everything, I doubt he will stop at a douche.

I never see anyone stocking the store shelves at a 7-11. How the hell does the stuff get on the shelves???? Does a pack of gum automatically restock itself when you take one off the shelf?

Also, these stores are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, on holidays...yet there are locks on the doors....why?

The thing I like most about the convenience store is the handy height measurer/ruler on the front doors. This is to get an accurate height of someone who robbed the store as he runs out..... in case you are a witness. I don't know about you, but if I just had a gun pointed at my head at 3am when I am on line for a little debbie snack cake, the last thing I am going to be thinking is "wow, that dude is 5'11, about 175lbs, and was in excellent shape....and where can I get a ski mask like that" The first thing I will be thinking when he leaves is "where is the closest bathroom, I need take off the underwear that I just shit in?"

A New Year Is Upon Us

  

Happy New Year to all! It is only a couple of days into 2007 and I am tired of hearing "Happy New Year" from people already. Ok, fuckers, we get it...it is a New Year!

Anyway, the weekend was amazing, actually last week was amazing. For starters, DON'T see the "new" Rocky movie. It was pretty bad. Caren and I saw it last Wednesday. It was pitiful in many ways.

Thursday Night Caren brought over a great Christmas gift for me. She got ma a really cool karaoke machine. It is not your ordinary karaoke machine. This thing has a camera on it and plugs into the tv where you can video and tape your "performances." We had dinner with Joe and Christina, drank wine and sang all night on Thursday.

Friday night was my "take down the Christmas tree" night and get the house cleaned. Shortly after Saddam hanging and the tree going back in the attic, I passed out for the night. By that night, I knew New Years was being relocated to my house, aka, "club 69" rather than the Sugar V's place. We had a bunch of people coming, so my place would be a bit more roomy.

Saturday I food shopped and got all the New Years decorations and stuff. I hopped a 4pm train to NYC and met up with Caren for our Saturday Night adventure. It has become such a great ritual for us. I think we have gone in like 8 out of the last 9 weeks. We dined at a great little Italian place on 33rd and 3rd. The food, the wine, and the atmosphere was amazing. We then ventured down to Union Square to find an additional microphone and some karaoke cd's for the machine for New Years Eve. We then walked up to Times Square where the New Years ball was being tested. We mowed our way through the crowd to catch a glimpse. After 20 minutes of being caught in a stampede, we hooked a left onto 46th and then another left on 8th. We walked 8th until we found a little dive bar called "Walter's" We had a few drinks and relaxed until we caught our train. There was definitely a colorful character or two in that bar......

Sunday, New Years Eve day, I cleaned and decorated the house and got ready for the night ahead. Sugar V and Mrs. Sugar V were coming, along with Joe and Christina, Caren, Christine, Rich, and our buddy Mario from across the street. Everyone arrived around 7pm. We ate some great food, chatted, and started drinking. By 8:30 karaoke was in full swing.

We had a spotlight, a disco ball, a ton of music, and that karaoke machine. We sang all night. It was insane. Sugar V cracked us up with his singing, Mario sang Italian songs, we all took turns and laughed our asses off. The booze was flowing, and the house was a looney bin. I even rolled on the ground and sang "Like a Virgin."

We had a nice toast and made our rounds when the ball dropped and wished each other a happy new year. It was great to be in the company of people I cherish so much. Shortly after 12, the karaooke machine was back on and in full swing. By 2am, people were dropping like flies. Rumor has it (and shoe scuff marks) that Christina was sleeping, or napping in my bathtub. Rich passed out on the couch, Christine was getting drowsy, and I was throwing up after 4 bottles of champagne. My house was pretty much a complete mess......

Christine stayed over in the guest room, Rich on the couch, and Caren with me. Everyone else ventured home after a while. I woke up with a bad hangover and a messy house, throw up (from Rich) on my bathroom rug, and so many other wacky things all over the house. We finally got up at 1pm. Rich was gone. Caren, Christine, and I met up with Sugar V and the Mrs. at the diner. We had lunch and headed back to my house. We hung out until 7pm or so. I had such a great time.....

It is Tuesday Night and I finally got my house back to normal. Everything is mopped, washed, cleaned, sanitized, etc. All my holiday decor is down, and I am ready for summer! :)

That's my New Years in a nutshell. I am glad 2007 got off to such a great start. I have a few "resolutions" but they are more like things I need to do to make life better, so they will be done. I am just so thankful for the great friends I have. I am lucky. I am thankful for Caren. She really balances me out. When I get nuts about silly things, she has a way to calm me down and be a voice of reason. I have learned a lot from her and love our experiences together. I feel as though we have built a great foundation over the last few months and she is just so great.

How was YOUR New Years???????