Although I am lucky enough to get plenty of sex whenever I want it, I am still one to "spank the monkey" whenever possible. I wonder where the term "spank the monkey" came from. What does pleasuring myself have to do with a monkey? Anyway, that's not the point.
The point is, masturbation for me is as much of a daily routine as brushing my teeth, going to the bathroom, or eating. It is something that has to be done at least once, usually twice daily. Even if I have sex once or multiple times in a day, I still muster up the energy and enthusiasm to "rub one out." Some may think I have issues or I am "sick in the head." Well if jerking off whenever I can is "sick" then lock me in a padded room now! After all, there are two types of people in this world; people who masturbate and admit it and people who masturbate and deny it.
Anyway, the point of this post is to let you all know that after 18 years or so of jerking off, I need to come up with some new and creative ways to do it. I mean, what can a guy really do to get creative, switch hands? Then it just feels like a new "date" and you'll get used to that as well. I am talking something really creative. Women have it easy in the masturbation department. There are a million toys and gadgets you all use to assist in the activity. We have nothing. I am too lazy to get up and pop in a porn to jerk off, and my imagination is vivid enough anyway. I have a "rotation", sort of like a pitching staff in baseball, of women I jerk off about. Every so often someone gets dropped from the rotation and a new woman gets added....just to keep it interesting.
When you are in a relationship with someone, do you fantasize about them while masturbating? I do occasionally, but why spend a nice jerk-off on someone you can have sex with anytime? I say save the fantasy for celebrities, porn stars, some bitch at work, or anyone else you can't have. I have my rotation, some participate in the lesbian scenes, some don't.
Jerking off has kept me out of trouble over the years. If it wasn't for masturbation my number of sexual partners would be at least 4x what it is today. I can't tell you how many times "back in the day" a really annoying casual female "friend" wanted to fuck and I would speak to her on the phone and agree to meet up with her for sex at her place. But then, I would think about the calls after, the annoyance, the hassle, the long ride to her house, so I'd jerk off to relieve my tension, then call her back with an excuse as to why I could not make it over. AAAAAHHHHHHH, how nice, I can put on the Yankee game now, shut off my phone, even make a sandwich if I wanted, then just roll over and go to sleep without any excuses.
Is there anything worse then the feeling AFTER you have sex with someone you really aren't into? The bullshit excuses of why you have to leave after you both get off are great. Suddenly I was a farmer that had to be up at 4am to harvest crops. In some cases, I'd be making excuses BEFORE my pants even came off. I'd be talking about leaving, projects at work, you name it, before the sex even started. I hated that feeling. Sex with meaning and with someone you are into is so much better isn't it?
That's why, whether you are in love, getting sex every day, having casual sex, or getting no sex at all, masturbation was, is, and always will be king. Now, if I could just find some new ways to do it..............
11 comments:
Talk about "Putting on the Gloves" Speaking of gloves maybe you can find a pair that have little bumps on them or something.
Wow. Twice a day? Really? Hmmmm...
Really?
Supply - Y'know, I was going to mention that, but then I got horrid flashbacks of this "massage glove" that a friend of mine had. He bought it at a sex shop, and while I car full of us were heading back to the party we were going to, he decided to slip it on and grab me in the passenger seat. I almost threw him into traffic.
A Cmac, you reminded me of a joke I heard many, many years ago:
Did you know that 99% of the male population masturbates? Yeah, the other 1% don't have arms.
Wow! I'm not sure I needed to know that much about you...but now that I do....perhaps I will add your "masterbating daily" to MY rotation...Then again...maybe not.
My thoughts are Casual sex is so not worth it..I'd rather be in a relationship. It's sooo much better. :)
Listen, I agree with you. Masturbation is part of my daily routine as well. I think you should check out some sex toys websites. You just might be suprised at what you find that will help you in that, ummm department. Love your blog.
It's relaxing! They make loads of cool stuff for guys have you looked lately? Most of it is pretty discreet too!
Fantasies are better for me if I have been party to the action. I have a better time picturing that, not necessarily my current, but you get the picture!
Just twice a day? I know you can go more than that. ;)
All hail masturbation! National Masturbation Month (May) but as another blogger so brilliantly put it "It will always be May in my pants!". It's the story of my life!
Can't you just add someone new to the lineup? Or bring back an oldie but a goodie?
You forgot about the type of people that are HORRIFIED even CONSIDERING masturbation but would REALLY BENEFIT from it! That's how come I think some women don't know how to 'get off' or bitch because a man can NEVER please them....it's because they don't know how to please themselves.....
anyhooch, I know there are so much more women's toys than men's, and I hear a lot are just stupid, but I peruse www.erosboutique.com on occasion, although I don't look specifically for men items. Many are for couples. I can't really say how to spice it up, since I don't own 'boy parts'. Besides the rings and beads, I'm not sure what else they have, besides dolls and 'vinyl vaginas'. O well, that's my 2 cents. Now I have something to ask my 'male friends'. haha, great post!
If you enjoy the orgasm it’s not a waste of a nice jerk-off if you think of someone you have sex with. Personally, thinking of sex I’ve had is one of my common masturbation fantasies. You could focus on some special aspect of sex (like clit licking, if you’re into that- how it tastes and feels, etc). Or perhaps you can think about what you’re going to do with her the next time you get a chance.
As far as something new, do you masturbate to Internet porn? If so, there are quite a few varieties for the adventurous masturbator who is willing to search them out. Try one variety for a while, then switch to another. You can find a few masturbation grade porn links at http://masturbation-links.blogspot.com/ .
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