A Sad Goodbye

Back in April of 1987, I lost my grandfather (my mom's dad) to cancer. My grandfather and I were extremely close and he was the male figure in my life that I would do most things with. Don't get me wrong, I have a dad, but my dad's personality was/is very low key. My dad would go to work each day and provide for the family and contribute his share in the house, but he didn't get too involved in the process of raising my siblings and me. My mom shouldered most of the day to day issues and got involved with what we were doing along with my grandparents.

About a year after my grandfather passed away, in July of 1988, I met Mr. Farley. I had been working at Herman's World of Sporting Goods for almost a year. It was my first job. Mr. Farley was transfered to our store in Bay Shore from one of the Queens stores. He made an immediate impact on me and most of the other employees. He was more than just a "boss". He was someone who took an interest in your life, what was going on in school, at home, and took an interest in what you were interested in. We immediately bonded over music. He had a passion for music unlike anyone I had ever seen except for maybe my mom. Mr. Farley and I would talk music all the time and make each other "mix tapes" of our favorite bands. He introduced me to many of the artists and bands that I love so much today. We saw a few concerts at Jones Beach together as well and just enjoyed the music.

We also shared a passion for baseball and sports. Although he was a Mets and Red Sox fan, and me a Yankee fan, we talked baseball all the time. It wasn't one of those situations where we taunted each other about our teams, we both loved the game so much, that we'd just enjoy talking about the game itself. We made an overnight trip to the Hall of Fame in 1999 and had such a blast.

As a St. John's University graduate, Mr. Farley loved their basketball program and we went to a lot of St. John's games together. We even got season tickets a couple of years together and I really got into the sport.

The "trademark" of Mr. Farley was Coca-Cola. He drank about 10 cans a day....from morning until night...he always had a can by his side. He would pull up for work in the morning drinking a can, and carrying a few more.....he couldn't get enough.

Sports, music, and coca-cola aside...what I loved the most about him were his stories. His stories about his summers in the Hamptons, about past jobs, and about life. His stories reminded me of Bruce Springsteen songs. They always had a cast of characters, were very descriptive, and you always walked away taking something from those stories. I enjoyed our talks very much as well. He'd always have sound advice, but he'd never talk to you like he was talking down to you. With almost a 20 year age difference, he never made me feel like my views or experiences were insignificant.

We kept in touch over the years. I went to his wedding in 1991 and was there for him in 2000 when he divorced. In between, we shared so many good times, laughs, stories, and talks. He helped me through many tough times with his advice, and he was also there for the happy times. After his divorce in 2000, he met someone new and remarried in 2002. I had helped him move after he sold his house and moved in with his new wife and saw him once more after that. Since 2002, we would email occasionally and touch base. I last heard from him in July. I told him that Jen and I were engaged and about to move into our new home. He was happy for me. He would always ask about my parents who he knew very well....and I'd always give him an update on how they were. My mom worked for him at TJ Maxx from 1993-2006....so my mom had the pleasure of knowing him as well as I did.

Yesterday morning at 10am, our phone rang. It was my mom. She said she had bad news. I thought she was going to tell me that she could not make it up from NC for Thanksgiving on Thursday because of the pain she has been in with her back. Instead, she said "Mr. Farley died." I said, "What?" in disbelief. She said that my godmother called her right before she called me and told her the news. My Godmother also used to work with Mr. Farley at TJ Maxx. Apparently he died of a massive heart attack last Monday. Unfortunately the wake was on Thursday and the funeral was Friday...so I missed both which devastated me. Needless to say, I am absolutely stunned and very sad. He was a big part of my life for a long time.

The strange part.....Mr. Farley was now working for an arts and crafts store not too far from our house. Jen and I needed frames for pictures we wanted to hang on the walls. We went into his store about three weeks ago and looked for him. We asked his employees if he was working that day and they said he was off. I had every intention on going back in to see him, but just got busy......assuming time was not an issue.

It's funny...I always called him Mr. Farley when his name was Kevin. It was a respect thing, sort of like how Derek Jeter still calls Joe Torre, "Mr. Torre" even after years of knowing each other.

If there is a "heaven" or some other "paradise" we go to after we pass...I know he'll be there. So, today....a week after his passing...I hope he's sipping a cold Coke, and has "Dr. Wu" by Steely Dan blasting on a radio somewhere on a beautiful beach. I know he wouldn't have it any other way.......