The Verdict Is In!!!!

There are way too many "Judge" shows on daytime television. Over the course of the past three weeks, I've had some time off in between jobs, and I was ill with a touch of the flu last week. While home, I journeyed from channel to channel looking for something on television during the day. All I found, TV judge after TV judge.....morning until the five o'clock news!

One could seriously skip the cost of law school and just watch this stuff for 10 hours a day. I seriously can't believe the amount of these shows that air daily here in the NY area:

9am-10am The People's Court
10am-10:30am Divorce Court
10:30am-11am another Divorce Court
11am-11:30am Judge David Young
They spare you an hour for lunch
12:30pm-1pm Divorce Court
1pm-1:30pm Cristina's Court AND Judge Maria Lopez
1:30pm-2pm Cristina's Court AND Judge Maria Lopez
2pm-2:30pm Judge Alex AND Judge Mathis
2:30pm-3pm Judge Alex AND Judge Mathis
3pm-3:30pm Judge Hatchett AND Judge Joe Brown
3:30pm-4pm Judge Hatchett AND Judge Joe Brown
4pm-4:30pm Judge Judy AND The People's Court
4:30pm-5pm Judge Judy AND The People's Court

This is seriously absurd. Who watches all these? In essence they are all the same, they teach you the same basic lessons...which are:

1) If you do lend money, never expect to be paid back. Especially not by family members (even Mom), because they will screw you in the end and call you a liar, while twisting the knife in your back. They will also reveal to the world everything bad you have ever done.

2) If you're too dense to believe lesson one and lend money to someone, get a promissory note of the money owed to you, actually signed by the lendee, AND make sure there are payment guidelines included. It also helps if you can get it notarized. If you write a check, in the memo portion on the check, write loan with payment due on such and such a date and have lendee initial. This advice includes using credit cards to pay someone else's bills, and buying something for someone until they can pay you back.

3) If you are given expensive "gifts" of money, or objects such as cars, jewelry, furniture, etc, keep all letters, emails, and tape phone conversations where the person giving the gifts is actually saying those items are gifts. Keep forever, because if you are a woman and you stop "putting out" he will want all that stuff back and claim it was a loan.

4) If you are the jackass giving the expensive items to the money grubbing whore in Lesson Three, on condition they will pay you back, get it in writing. See Lesson Two above.

5) Verbal agreements are worthless pieces of shit. If you are a business person, self-employed or otherwise, use contracts for all your transactions and keep every single receipt, written or emailed communication, and document every phone conversation in a phone log. Keep a log of every visit with dates and times to the person's home and have them initial or better yet sign the log before you leave the premises (to prove you were there). (Of course, that won't work if you're a prostitute or sell crack but see Lesson Eight for some "special advice".)

6) Once again, the verbal agreement is crap. If you are a person contracting with someone to do work for you, see Lesson Five, only reverse to protect yourself. Actually read the contract(s) line by line. Ignorance of what you are signing is no excuse. Put everything in writing, especially if anything changes from the original contract. Keep any and all written communication including emails to and from the person(s), and keep any receipts for expenses or for items that you purchased that were necessary to get the job done. Keep a log of when they arrived and when they left. Make sure all fees and monies to be owed is spelled out in advance so there are no surprises.

7) If you have a police report about the incident for which you are suing, be sure and bring it to court. Make sure your version matches the police report's version or pretty damn close, or forget about suing in the first place. Always call the police and get a police report at the scene of an accident otherwise it will be your word against theirs.

8) If you have done something in the course of business or pleasure that is illegal DO NOT SUE the person you were doing it with for the money they owe you DUMB ASS!. The civil court will turn you in to the criminal authorities if they believe a crime was committed. The court proceedings in small claims or civil courts will be used against you in a criminal trial.