There are quite a few things that a guy will NEVER hear his girlfriend say under any circumstance. Here are some of these things. Be sure to add yours!!!!
Don't buy me anything this Valentine's Day, spend the money at the strip club.
While I am on my business trip, feel free to bang my roommate, or my sister, whoever is around.
Don't forget to send your ex a birthday card!
Stay home and watch football, I'll go to my friend's wedding alone.
I really don't need anymore shoes.
I hate when you bring me flowers for no fuckin' reason!
Forget the mall, let's go to Best Buy.
So we've dated 5 years, I'm in no hurry to get married.
That's a great shade of lipstick on your dick, who's is it, great color!
Stop talking while the game is on!
Does this dress make me look too skinny?
You should have stared at that chick's ass a bit longer, it was nice!
Relax, I already took out the trash.
Kissing isn't important, just bang me.
Hang with your buddies today, I'll mow the lawn and patch the roof.
Ok, I am silly enough, let's hear yours.....
Here's one:
ReplyDeleteDamn! Check out her rack!
"I don't like Jewelry, please don't ever buy me any."
ReplyDeleteSuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure you can bang those 3 girls you told me about!! In fact, why don't we just have a foursome? Or if you prefer, I can just watch and comment on how manly you look hahahahahahha!
ReplyDelete"Clothes? I have enough. Please don't buy me any more."
ReplyDelete"The card game is much more important than our rehearsal dinner."
Cmac, darling, I would like to point out 2 flaws in that listing, as I have said the following, while I was in my last relationship:
ReplyDeleteStay home and [play video games], I'll go to my friend's wedding alone. And no, I wasn't been mean in that "I'm only saying this and you'll pay for it later."
Stop talking while the game is on! I love my college football Saturdays. He didn't like football all that much at all. We're no longer dating. Coincidence? Maybe.
And something along the lines of "Kissing isn't important, just bang me." Sometimes that much foreplay is overrated.
"Can I blow you while you watch the super bowl?"
ReplyDeleteOh wait......someone did say that to me :)
I don't know what kind of girls you hang out with but I would say some of those things. Seven to be exact. I guess I'm just not a normal chick. LOL.
ReplyDeleteKate I would say some of those things too! I wonder what that means.....
ReplyDeleteHmmm Charlie. I just don't know what to say. Well accept that its wierd to refer to you as Charlie and hear it in my head cause thats what I call my daughter. different spelling though.
I too have said one of those lines...
ReplyDeleteok Kate, Muse, and Cendrine...this was designed to be a JOKE!!!
ReplyDeleteI have said a few myself and you can spend all you want at a strip club as long as you buy me a lap dance too :D
ReplyDeleteI only said one. I love Best Buy!!!
ReplyDeleteI know it was meant to be a joke, you goof.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh this morning, I needed it.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! Things your boyfriend would never say:
ReplyDeleteWhat time is Sex and the City on i want to watch it with you?
I'll cook and clean up you go relax.
I bought you this just because.
I was thinking of you one hundred times today.
Let's just cuddle all night and watch t.v.
Let's go away for the weekend.
Anyway.....since i'm a girl what is up with those men idiots who think white socks with flip flops is cool?....that is the most stupid looking fashion statement ever. I think lazy slob.
I agree cmac girls who tie their coats around the waste just make them look bigger.
Gas in the midwest is $2.50/gal.
Hey honey I have the perfect girl to bring home for us tonite!
ReplyDeletegreat comments everyone, anonymous I've said these:
ReplyDeleteI'll cook and clean up you go relax. (i love cooking and cleaning, for real)
I bought you this just because.
Let's go away for the weekend.
Hilarious! The only one I would say is the Best Buy comment because I dread going to the mall unless I really HAVE to. ;-)
ReplyDeleteHow about "Ya know, you've always had the hots for my sister, so why don't you bang her *really* good so you can just get it out of your system??"
hi anonymous here......i've said most of the ones you listed too (we won't discuss which ones).....i love to cook too....thinking of going to culinary school for fun.....anyway i think it's just all of our "dating" experiences that form our opinions. YOu have to admit all the jerks ruin it for the good ones (guys and girls) some guys are just plastic and some girls are just b*****es. Wish we could put all the goods ones in a room together and fix them up.!
ReplyDeleteHere's some others:
Honey, here, you take the remote!
Let's listen to some Janet Jackson.
Wanna watch Oprah?
Keep up the great site....very funny!
sure I'd love to hold your purse for you while you shop.
ReplyDeleteI have said a few things on that list too. I'm the first one to admit when some chick has a nice rack...
ReplyDeleteBut, I understand it was all in fun for Charlie...
I don't care about someone else doing ALL the cooking and cleaning. So long as someone helps me, we're in business. Much more fun to do together--like looking at other chicks racks.
"I know it's tight back there, but can you try sticking in again?"
ReplyDeleteWhen you get to be MY age:
ReplyDelete"I don't need to finish tonite, just nut all over me when you're done."
I agree with the Muse, who must be close to my age, kissing isn't always so important!
ReplyDelete"No really you don't have to put the seat down when you're done peeing hunny...I love my ass falling in the icky water when I stumble in, in the middle of the night."
ReplyDeleteOne more...
ReplyDelete"Oh yes hunny...let me give you a nice BJ, because I know it would make ME feel better."